B Side, The Groupie Outtakes
by JustForkIt
Summary: Outtakes from The Groupie.
1. Cold Desert

**"T****old me you love me, that I'd never die alone. Hand over your heart let's go on." Cold Desert, Kings of Leon**

_"She's gone Edward..."_

_I stared at Angela and shook my head. "No... she... its like six o'clock in the morning."_

_"Bella left last night. She came back from... the party and we packed up her things and she left," Angela explained. _

_I looked at her, saw her mouth moving and heard words coming from her lips, but I didn't understand anything she was saying. Bella couldn't... wouldn't leave me. I pushed past Angela and walked straight through their house and into Bella's bedroom. It wasn't completely empty, there was still furniture and a few other items... but it was true. She was gone. I stumbled to her bed and slowly sat down. I leaned forward and pulled at my hair while slowly rocking back and forth. I noticed Angela in the doorway and I reluctantly looked up at her._

_"Where?" I asked quietly._

_Angela shook her head and lifted one of her shoulders. "All I know is that she's at a hotel somewhere. She sent me a text message about an hour ago letting me know she was stopping to sleep."_

_She's really gone... Bella was gone._

** *** **

If there was such a thing as Hell on Earth, then I was in it. It had been six days since Bella left. Six days of her ignoring my calls and text messages. Six days of hell. I didn't know where she was or if she was even okay. All I knew was that she had been texting Angela every couple of days, and thankfully Angela felt enough pity to at least let me know she was checking in. I felt useless and helpless, only being able to sit and hope that she was okay and that she would eventually come back. The worst part was that I didn't have anyone to blame for all of this but myself. I had been the one to lie to myself and to Bella. All she had done was try to help me... love me... and I had fucked it all up.

I was sitting in my parent's living room, just staring at nothing and waiting for the phone to ring, when Jasper basically burst through the front door. I heard him yell for me, and closed my eyes. I had been expecting this, waiting for it even. I stood up and turned around to face him as he stalked through the doorway, Alice and Emmett following behind him.

"You selfish son of a bitch!" He yelled before his fist collided with my jaw. It hurt, and I won't lie and say it didn't, but I welcomed the pain. I didn't fight with him as he pulled me up by the front of my shirt and shoved me against the wall. "Do you even know what you've done?! We have no idea where she is!"

I just looked at him, ignoring Emmett trying to make Jasper let go.

"J, come on, this won't help anything," Emmett said calmly. His hand was holding onto Jasper's shoulder.

He shoved me against the wall again, but let go of my shirt and took a step backwards. I looked down at the floor and nodded while Jasper continued to yell at me.

"She just left! She won't answer any of our phone calls! I don't even know if her parents know where the fuck she is, Edward!"

"I've tried..." I said slowly and shook my head. "I've tried to call and apologize. She won't talk to me. I know she's okay though, she's been texting Angela. The last one she got was this morning, about three hours ago."

"We want to know what happened," Alice snapped from the doorway. I looked up at the sound of her voice and watched as she sat a box on the couch. When she looked back at me, I had look away. I couldn't handle the look of disappointment and anger in her eyes. "Tell me the truth Edward. All of it."

"I... fucked everything up," I explained. I looked up at the three sets of eyes that were looking at me. "I lied to everyone, especially Bella."

"Lied how?" Alice asked and took a step towards me.

I just shook my head and looked back at the floor. It didn't matter anymore. I had messed things up well beyond repair.

"Edward you need to tell them," Emmett said quietly. I looked up at him as he gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, but I just shook my head again.

"Either you tell them, or I will," Rosalie said from the back door. I glared at her, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. "Edward, I told you the night that all this shit started! You either start telling people the truth or I was going to do it for you!"

"Rosalie..." Emmett groaned.

"Emmett!" She warned. He shook his head and sat on the couch.

"I don't give a shit who says what!" Alice yelled and all of us looked at her. "Someone tell us what the fuck happened while we were gone!"

Jasper nodded and crossed his arms across his chest and looked at me.

"I lied to Bella," I said quietly and leaned back against the wall.

"We gathered that much," Jasper muttered and looked back at Rosalie. "Lied to her about what?"

Rosalie looked at me and I shrugged. It didn't matter who told the story, the end result was the same.

"Edward came back from Nashville and... well look at him! You can see a difference," She waved her hand at me. "Emmett asked if he was... you know..."

"Snorting coke," I finished for her. I slid down the wall till I was sitting on the floor and rested my arms on my knees.

Alice looked down at me. "So it's true?" she asked quietly.

I reluctantly nodded. "Only a few weeks," I muttered, answering her unasked question.

"Bella said you were doing it in New York," Jasper said. I watched as he pulled a folded piece of paper out of his back pocket and held it up. "She left me a letter explaining everything."

"Everything?" I asked.

"Since... your stupid..." he sighed and looked at me."Since the two of you came up with your little arrangement. She explained New York... Katie... what happened at the Christmas party."

I looked at Rosalie and then back down to the floor. So they knew.

"Tell them Edward!" She yelled and my head shot up again.

"What's the fucking point?!" I yelled back at her. "It isn't going to change a fucking thing, Rosalie! She fucking left!"

"Tell us what?" Alice moved in front of Jasper and looked down at me. "Edward, don't lie to me."

I shook my head as it leaned forward. My hands ran through my hair and pulled against it. I didn't even want to admit this to myself, let alone to anyone else! I had been forced to tell my parents, Emmett and Rosalie, why did anyone else need to know? What fucking good would it do?

"Edward loves Bella!" Emmett blurted out. All of us looked at him, and then everyone looked back at me.

I took a deep breath and rubbed my forehead. Hands down, this is the worst Christmas ever. First I come home to the fucking Spanish inquisition about what I had been doing in Nashville, and then I get a five hour long lecture from my brother and his girlfriend about my lack of feelings and consideration for Bella. That's when I lost it and blurted out everything. Every repressed feeling, every God damn mistake that I had made since all of this started.

"You love her?" Jasper asked quietly. I kept looking at the floor and slowly nodded. "I'm no master of emotions Edward, but if you loved her why the fuck did you sleep with someone else?"

"I didn't," I muttered slowly.

"Wait, I'm confused," Alice shook her head and walked in a small circle around Jasper. "So number one, you love Bella. Number two, you tell her that you slept with Katie but you didn't. Is all of that correct?"

I nodded.

"You are the dumbest asshole I know," she said with a dull laugh.

"Explain," Jasper demanded.

Laughing quietly, I shook my head. How the hell am I supposed to explain this? How do I explain something that I don't even fully understand?

"How long have you loved Bella?" Alice asked.

I looked up at her. "I don't really know… probably forever. I just didn't realize it until…"

"Okay let me rephrase. When and why did you decide to lie to her about Katie?" Alice sighed.

"In Orlando," I said quietly. "We… Bella thought that I was asleep but I wasn't. I heard her say that she loved me. I guess that's when I started pulling away…"

"You didn't realize it before then?" Jasper asked me. "Edward every one of us realized she loved you years ago. You're telling me that you didn't see any of this before Orlando?"

I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at him. "I didn't…I mean I guess I knew she loved me. She was my best friend. I didn't realize that she really loved me until that night."

"So you find out she loves you and you realize you love her," Alice stared at me. "Why not try to have a real relationship? Why lie about Katie?"

"Because Bella can do a hell of a lot better than me," I answered quietly.

"Stop with the self deprecating bullshit, Edward," Jasper yelled. "Tell me the fucking truth!"

I looked up at my friend, trying to fight back the anger that was burning my chest.

"The truth Jasper? That is the fucking truth! I'm a fucking druggie! I can't even take care of myself, how the fuck can I take care of her?!" I yelled back. "The fucking truth is that I watched my best friend fall in love with me and I had to turn her away! I had to stand there and break her God damn heart so that she would leave me!"

"Edward…"

I pushed myself up off the floor and interrupted Jasper trying to talk to me.

"I acted like I forgot her birthday; and like it meant absolutely nothing to me that she was there! I walked into that hotel room and saw her on the verge of walking away, so I did what I had to do. I lied and told her that I slept with Katie because Bella could do a hell of a lot better than loving someone like me!"

The room got quiet, eerily quiet. My chest hurt, not from yelling, but because my heart was broken. I was empty, and worthless. Because of my inadequacies, I had lost my best friend and the one person who had loved me… unconditionally.

"Is that why..." Alice said quietly. "The drugs?"

I nodded and looked back down at the floor. "She accused me of it in New York. When she left I started again. I just… wanted to forget. I didn't want to feel anything…"

"When Edward got back from Nashville and he explained all of this, we tried to convince him to tell Bella. Even mom and dad did," Emmett explained quietly. "I didn't even know Edward was at the party until I heard the two of them arguing up stairs."

"You didn't tell Bella any of this?" Jasper asked.

I shook my head and sighed. "I knew when Bella walked in that room that she… She would have done anything for me. She would have stayed and held my hand the entire way, just like last time. I couldn't… I didn't want her to have to do that. She deserves a hell of a lot more than anything I can offer her. So I said the one thing that I knew would make her leave… forever."

"He told her that he didn't need her," Rosalie explained quietly.

"Edward," Alice sighed. "Why… How could you do that?"

"Because sometimes you love someone so much that you have to make them leave," I explained quietly.

** *** **

"We need to leave in the morning by six," Alice said quietly. I nodded my head as she slid a piece of paper across the table. "That's a list of things you're allowed to bring. If you want, I can hold on to your cell phone until you get back. In case anyone calls you."

I sighed and read over the list she had given me. "Yeah, remind me to give it to you tomorrow."

"How long will he be… gone?" My mother asked.

"It just depends," my father answered. "No one person is the same. I think that if Edward is as determined as he seems, then he will make a world of difference in his recovery."

I looked up, immediately feeling guilty when he gave me a kind smile. I didn't deserve their support… or love. The only thing I had been to my family was a constant headache. But here they were, being supportive. Through all of my life's fuck ups, they had stood beside me. It had to be embarrassing for my father to call his colleagues and find out what the best rehab facility was. It couldn't be easy for my mother to watch me make the same mistakes she did, especially when I just ignored her advice or help.

"What about the studio?" I quietly asked Alice.

"They know what's happening, but as far as everyone else is concerned, you're working on your next album. You've rented some random cabin somewhere and holed yourself up," she explained.

"Okay," I sighed and looked around the table. "Is that it?"

Alice nodded and I pushed myself away from the table. I promised my mother that I just needed to go pack and excused myself. The truth was that I didn't give a shit about packing; I just wanted to be alone.

After shutting the door to my bedroom I took a deep breath. I checked my phone even though I knew there wouldn't be anything there from Bella. Jasper had told me he talked to her, and that she seemed okay. It made me feel better to know that she wasn't sleeping in her car on the side of the road somewhere.

Like I had done the past two days, I started going through the box of CDs that Bella had given back to me. I guess it shouldn't have surprised me that she would keep all of them; she was such a pack rat. But it hurt like hell when Alice gave me the box and I realized what they were. I read the titles I had scribbled across the tops of the CDs and rolled my eyes at some of the lamer ones. I picked one of them out of the box and put into the stereo, listening to the songs that had become the soundtrack to our lives. I stared at the ceiling of my bedroom, letting the music and lyrics wash over me.

If I wanted Bella to leave, if I wanted to push her away from me… then why did I feel so bad about it? Why didn't it make me feel better that she was somewhere else, probably far better off than she ever was with me? If this was what I wanted, why didn't I feel like I had accomplished anything?

It should have comforted me to think that she would move on. She would find someone else, someone who was good enough for her. But instead of providing any sort of comfort, it just made me mad. It made me mad at myself, mad at the situation… mad at whoever was lucky enough to have Bella love them.

There was a slight knock on the door, and I lifted my head as my mother slowly opened it. "Do you need any help?" She asked quietly. I shook my head, but she walked in the room and shut the door behind her.

Making room for her to sit down, I sat up and leaned back against the headboard. She gently patted my arm and I had to fight to not pull away from her. It felt wrong to have someone comfort me. I didn't deserve it.

"Honey, I know you can't see it now… but everything will work out." She encouraged. I nodded my head even though I didn't believe her. "Please talk to me, Edward," she whispered quietly.

"I just…" I tried to explain. My voice cracked from emotion and I shook my head. "I don't know Mom… I just…"

"You just what?" My mother asked.

"I…I miss her so… so much," I quietly admitted. "I always missed her when she wasn't there… but now it's like this hollow… aching. I can't see how I am going to do this… any of this… without her. I don't know how…"

I looked up when my mother reached over to wipe tears off of my cheeks.

"Edward you are stronger than you give yourself credit for," she said softly. "But you have to understand that before you can fix anything with Bella, you have to fix yourself first. You have to show yourself that you can do this."

"I don't know how," I cried quietly.

She smiled and held one of my hands in both of hers. "You will, Edward. It won't be easy, but very few things in life are. I believe in you, and so does your father and brother. We love you Edward. But you have to want to do this for yourself. If you don't… then it won't ever work."

I nodded and hugged her back when she wrapped her arms around my shoulders. We sat there for a few more minutes, just talking. I realized that it had been months since I had actually had a conversation with either one of my parents. Lately all I had done was try to push people away from me. It felt weird to let someone inside of the wall I had built.

"We should all get to sleep soon," my mother said. She stood up and gently ruffled the top of my head. "It's almost midnight, you should finish packing."

Reluctantly, I smiled and told her goodnight. When she shut the door I nervously looked around the room, trying to decide what to take and what to leave here. I couldn't take my cell phone or computer, and to be honest I was a little surprised that I was allowed an iPod. The list hadn't mentioned anything about musical instruments. I wondered if I could at least bring a guitar.

Almost everything was packed when I looked at the clock and realized that it was past midnight now. It was a new year, a new beginning and a chance to learn from past mistakes. I dropped the clothes I had been holding and picked my phone up. I typed the message quickly, and stared at what I had written.

_I love you Bella._

I shook my head and deleted it. I might be an idiot, but I knew that the first time I told her that I loved her definitely shouldn't be through a text message. I took a deep breath and started over.

_I miss you… and I'm sorry_

Even after the message was sent, I kept staring at the screen. It was foolish to think she would send a message back. I put my phone down and nodded. I had no idea where she was or if she would even get the message tonight, but I needed her to know.

"I'm going to fix this," I said quietly. I walked over to one of the guitar cases sitting in the corner, and flipped it open. I pulled out the letter Bella had written me, along with the couple of pictures that I kept with it. I slipped it into my bag and closed my eyes. "I have to fix this."

**A/N: Well… does this answer some questions? Bring up new questions? I hope so! There will be some other EPOV outtakes, and maybe even a few Bella ones. We will just have to see. There is a very specific reason why I chose this song. My friend Christina told me that I had to use Cold Desert and I didn't really agree with her, until I saw a video of Caleb from KOL explaining the song. I am going to post a link for it on my profile (I'll also post it on the Twilighted thread), and I think everyone should check it out.**


	2. Stupid Boy

"**A perfect prayer in a desperate hour, she was everything beautiful and different…" "I'm the same ole' same ole' stupid boy." Stupid Boy, Keith Urban**

**[EPOV] **

Nine months. It had been nine months and six days since I walked through the doors of the Oakridge Rehabilitation facility. The first month was spent in a self induced isolation. I went to the classes and therapy sessions that were mandatory, but the second they were finished I went back to my room. I didn't want to think or listen. I wanted to slowly fade away from everything and everyone that I had known.

After the numbness of the isolation wore off, I got mad. Anger, rage, fury… whatever you wanted to call it, it was all I could feel. I was mad at myself, for what I had done with the life that God had given me. I had become a selfish asshole. I lived a life that the majority of society would call "ideal". I had a loving and supportive family. I had a group of friends that would be there for me, no matter what. I was lucky enough to be able to do what I loved and got paid for it. I could have done a million different things with the opportunities that God had given me, instead I wasted them. I threw money away when I could have given it to people far less fortunate than me. I pushed away my family and friends, even though I knew there were people in the world who were truly alone. I took my music for granted and complained about the pressure I felt, even though there were people stuck in jobs they absolutely hated. And the worst offense yet was that I had someone who truly loved me. She would have done anything to make me happy, asking for nothing in return. In the middle of a rage, that my therapist had been unfortunate enough to witness, it all suddenly made sense to me. Bella hadn't left me, I left her. That was the day that everything changed for me. That was the day that I actually started my twelve step program and started trying to get better.

Step one was to admit I was powerless over my addiction and that my life had become unmanageable. That was easy. There was nothing in my life that I could manage alone, and it had been that way for a while. First I relied on my parents, then on Bella and Alice, and finally on drugs. I was so used to having someone else willing to take care of everything, that when the responsibility fell on me I couldn't deal with it. Or the only way I could deal with it was by getting drunk or high. I stood in front of the small therapy group and said the eleven words that I never thought I would have to. "Hello, my name is Edward Cullen. And I am an addict."

Coming to a belief that a power greater than myself would restore my sanity was step two. It was followed by five other steps that centered on the same theme. Step three was making a personal decision to turn our free will and lives over to the care of whatever god we worshiped. Surprisingly, this wasn't as difficult as I had thought it would be. It seemed to be a comfort, to believe that someone… something was there that I could rely on. I wouldn't be a burden or cause shame or humiliation to this entity. I could just offer up everything that I had and leave my soul bare and empty… waiting and hoping for forgiveness or absolution.

That feeling of comfort only lasted until I got to step four, to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself. This wasn't difficult; I knew what my short comings were. I knew what I had done… what I had caused. I could still see the defeat and anger in Bella's eyes as she stared at me when I told her I didn't need her anymore. I could hear the hurt and devastation in my mother's voice when she begged me to get help. I saw the disappointment in Jasper and Emmett's eyes… I knew I was a failure. It was my father that pointed out that my self deprecation was also one of my many down falls.

"You don't see yourself clearly, Edward," he quietly explained. "You think that this situation will define who you are, but it won't. How you handle this, how you move past it, what you learn from it. That is what will define who you are."

It was after that discussion that I went back to the small room that I was assigned to and began my real self inventory. I needed to be honest… fearless. For five hours I stared at the wall in front of me and realized that my biggest problem wasn't that I had a drug habit. My biggest problem was that I was scared. I was scared to let myself be happy, to let myself be loved. I was scared to let myself love someone. I always thought that I would be better off alone, because honestly who could ever love someone like me? But being alone is what drove those insecurities. I had to find a way to let myself need and love someone, but not take the love and encouragement that they give me and waste it. I needed to learn to rely on myself, but allow other people to see my weaknesses and give them the chance to make their own choice of weather or not they could handle it.

Step five, to admit to God, ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of my wrong doings. That night I admitted it to myself and to God. I waited until my parents came back for a joined therapy session to admit it to another person. Logically, I guess I should have just told my therapist in one of our private sessions. But I wanted to share this with my family. Who better to understand than my mother, a former addict herself? Who would have better advice than my father, who knew how hard it was to love someone who didn't feel worthy?

I looked directly at my parents and didn't try to stop the tears that slid down my face when I told them everything. I started at the beginning, telling them about the weed that I had started smoking in high school and the entire situation with Jane. I told them about everything that happened with Bella, explained why I felt like I didn't deserve to be loved by her. Why I felt like she could do better. I told them that I felt like I didn't deserve their love and support, that I constantly felt like I would just be better off on my own. I laid my entire heart and soul on the table in front of me, and waited for their reaction.

"You will never be alone," my mother had said fiercely. "Nothing you do or say will ever be able to stop me from loving you Edward."

I nodded and squeezed her hands when she held onto mine.

"I've been where you are, Edward. If I could trade places with you and take the shame and guilt that you feel… I would. I would gladly take all of it... if I didn't know that you will become a better man because of this. You will learn from this. I can promise you, Edward, that when you reach the end… it will all make sense. You will see that all of this had to happen for a reason."

"I'm….terrified," I slowly admitted to both of them.

"I would be worried if you weren't, son," my father said quietly.

My mother nodded and looked back at me. "Whatever happens, Edward… we can face it together."

The next day, in the small chapel that the facility had, I completed steps six and seven. I was entirely ready to have God remove all the defects and shortcomings of my character. The minister called it becoming a born again Christian. I called it asking and pleading for help. I knelt down in front of the small alter and humbly turned my heart and soul over to God. I prayed for him to make me a better man, to make me the type of person that I had the potential to be. I prayed for forgiveness, for love… for hope. And lastly I prayed for my family and friends, because I knew none of this had been easy for any of them.

Those were the first seven steps that lead to my last meeting with my therapist. I would be going home tomorrow. I would be going back to a life that I was going to have to piece back together. Thankfully I knew that my family, and what friends I had left, would be there to help.

"Your recovery is remarkable, Edward," Dr. Hayes said encouragingly. "You've shown a lot of determination."

I nodded and picked at the arm of the chair I was sitting in. "Thank you."

"Do you mind if I ask…" he started hesitantly. "We've discussed this before, but I wanted to make sure you were still aware…"

"What?" I looked up at him.

"Is this determination for you? Or is it for… someone else?" Dr. Hayes asked quietly.

"You mean, Bella," I said bluntly. He nodded and I shook my head. "I can't say that all of this is me… because it isn't. It's for my family and my friends. I want to get better for myself, but I also want to be better for them."

He nodded his head and flipped through the list that he had made me write. Step number eight, make a list of all people I have wronged and be willing to make amends to all of them. Bella was number one on that list.

"Edward, do you love her?" He asked after a moment.

"Yes," I said without hesitation.

"Why do you love her?" Dr. Hayes questioned. He sat his notepad in his lap and looked at me.

"Because she's Bella," I said quietly. It wasn't much of an explanation, but it was the truth.

"Can you elaborate?" He asked with a laugh. "What is the main reason why you love her?"

"Because when she looks at me... she doesn't see a drug addict or a famous musician. She sees me. She accepts me for who and what I am. She makes me want to be a better person… for her and for myself," I tried to explain.

Dr. Hayes nodded and shifted in his chair. "We don't encourage people in recovery to immediately fall into relationships when they leave."

"I don't…" I sighed. "Bella won't want to be with me…especially after I tell her what I did."

"Well let's say she does Edward. Let's say she is fine with what has happened and is ready to forgive you and fall back into the way you were before… how will you handle that?" He pressed.

"It wouldn't be like it was before. I love her too much to do that again. She deserves more from me. But, if by some damn miracle she does still feel that way… I would have to tell her no. Not yet anyway…"

"Not yet?" Dr. Hayes asked quietly.

"I can honestly say that I will never love anyone else like I love her."

"Edward that is a lot of pressure to put on someone," he warned.

I shook my head. "I'm not going to tell her that. Not until she's ready to hear it."

"So you understand that she might not accept your apology? You might not get forgiveness. She might be angry with you."

"Oh she will definitely be angry," I said with a humorless laugh. "And I can understand that. She has a right to be mad at me. But as long as she lets me apologize, then I can't ask for anything else. But just because she might not forgive me doesn't mean that I can just stop loving her."

Dr. Hayes stared at me. "Edward you are very… aware… of what all of this could mean. It takes most people years to come to this sort of understanding."

"I don't have years…" I said quietly. "I've wasted so much of my life being unhappy... I'm ready to be happy."

**** *** ****

"Lets um…" I sighed and rubbed my forehead. "Let's redo that one."

The speaker in the studio crackled as Tyler spoke into it. "You sure? You've done this song eight times. That last one sounded amazing."

I looked into the small room where the soundboard was and saw Alice nodding.

"I just… I feel like I can get it better. One more and then we can stop…"

"Alright," Tyler said. "Give me a minute to reset."

While they reset everything, I rubbed my eyes and took a deep breath. I rolled my neck a few times to make myself relax.

"What's the deal?" Alice quietly asked. I looked up at the sound of her voice and shook my head as she walked into the room.

"It's just not… right yet."

"Edward this isn't even for the new album. These songs…" she picked up the sheet music and looked at it. "These are personal. So that means that you are recording a demo CD for someone. Who?"

I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. "I missed Bella's birthday…again."

If Alice was surprised, she hid it well. She nodded her head and sat the music back on the piano. "You're making a CD for Bella's birthday?"

"Well… not just for her birthday. I… this is…me," I explained slowly. "This is all I can give her right now…"

"You know she probably won't listen to it?" Alice asked quietly.

"She will, when she's ready." I kept telling myself that anyway. If she didn't, then I just wasted a hell of a lot of money and time on a twelve song CD that wouldn't ever be heard by anyone.

Alice nodded and picked up the folder of music that was sitting on top of the piano. I watched as she flipped through a few of the pages. "You wrote all of these?" She finally asked.

"Yeah…"

"You wrote these for Bella?" She looked at me and I nodded. "You wrote Bella a CD full of personalized love songs? And you're recording it and giving it to her, just on the off chance that at some point in time she _might_ be willing to listen to it? No one else will ever hear these?"

"Yes, they are all for her. No one else will ever hear these."

Alice smiled. "I like it."

I nodded and released the breath that I was holding. If Alice didn't think that this was pushy or overbearing then I might actually be doing something right.

"Okay, Edward," Tyler called into the room. "We're ready."

Alice gave me another smile and I watched her leave the room. I picked my guitar back up and pulled it over my shoulder, and after my earphones were in place I nodded to Tyler. "Give me a thirty count before starting."

He nodded and I took a deep breath. _God please… just… let this eventually work_, I prayed silently. When I heard the music coming through the headphones I nodded my head and started playing.

**** *** ****

**[JPOV]**

I walked into the studio that Edward was renting and smiled when Alice saw me. "How's it going?"

"He's being picky," she said quietly. I rolled my eyes, because really, when was Edward not picky? "He's recorded this song at least fifty times. He keeps saying it isn't good enough."

"Are these for the new album?" I asked her.

She turned around in her chair and looked at me. "No," she said quietly. "He wrote these… for Bella."

"For Bella?" I repeated. Alice nodded and I looked through the glass window and watched Edward singing and playing. It made my chest ache to see the obvious hurt and desperation that covered his face. "He's putting songs that he wrote for Bella on the new album?"

"No," Alice shook her head. "He's making this CD just for her. He wrote her a dozen songs and he's recording them just for her… for her birthday. He's going to give it to her when you guys go to Texas next week. I told him she probably wouldn't listen to it…"

"She wont," I said with certainty. Bella still couldn't listen to the radio or certain CDs. In fact, I'm pretty sure she was still just listening to Michelle Branch.

"Jasper," Alice said quietly and pulled on the front of my shirt. I looked down at her and immediately hated the pouting look that she had on her face. "I know that Bella is family to you, but Edward is trying. He is really trying to fix things."

I didn't want to admit that I agreed with her even though I did. I wanted to hate Edward for what he had pulled, but it was hard to hate someone that was laying his heart on the line and not expecting anything in return. Kind of like it would have been hard to be mad at Bella for trusting Edward enough to enter into that fucking arrangement in the first place. It annoyed the shit out of me, but you had to admire that kind of trust.

"Alice…" I started but stopped. Both of us looked back into the recording booth as Edward started improvising on the song he was singing. The look on his face was nothing but pure heartache and remorse.

"God please just let her know… I'm sorry… I'm sorry, baby…" he sang forcefully. "God please… I know she's never gonna come back to me…"

"Whoa…" Tyler said quietly.

Alice shook her head and let a slow breath out of her mouth. "Jasper…" she looked up at me.

"I know," I nodded.

It would figure that two of the most stubborn people on the planet would be so oblivious to what was right in front of them. First, Edward couldn't see that Bella was in love with him. Now, Bella would be too mad to see that Edward loved her. I couldn't blame her though; she had a right to be mad. On the other hand, if the situation was reversed and I was Edward and Alice was Bella. I would give everything in my being to show her how much I loved her. I could see both sides of it, but that didn't make it any easier to fix.

When Edward had asked me to talk to Bella about letting him apologize, I had been against it. It was mainly because I didn't want him to hurt her again and secondly because I didn't know if he really was sorry. Edward had been a selfish asshole for as long as I had known him, he was selfish by nature and half the time I doubt he even realized he was doing it. The last thing that I wanted was for him to go and find Bella, pretend to apologize, and then somehow convince her to go back to how it had been before. She deserved better than that.

It wasn't until I told Edward that she had agreed that I saw how remorseful he actually was. The second the words left my mouth, he fell into a heap on the floor and just cried. It was then that I realized that he didn't expect her to talk to him again… let alone forgive him. To be honest I didn't know if she would forgive him, especially when he told her the truth about what he had done. But, if no other good came from this situation at least the truth would finally be out there.

Two hours later we had finally convinced Edward that the CD was good enough. Alice was waiting for me by the door, but I told her to go ahead without me. "I um… need to talk to Edward," I nodded towards the studio.

"Jasper Whitlock," Alice warned.

"Just talking," I laughed and held my hands up. "I promise."

She gave me a stern look before pulling me down to her for a kiss and leaving. I smiled as I watched her leave and then looked back at Edward through the glass. He was packing up the rest of his things, and had a look on his face that screamed doubt. I pushed the door open and nodded when he looked up at me.

"Hey," I said quietly.

"Hi," he muttered nervously. I sighed and tried to ignore the awkward vibes radiating off of him.

"So I got the plane tickets, and um… talked to Bella," I explained quietly. "She has to work Thursday afternoon, but by the time we get there she should be almost done."

"I can…wait. If she has to work then… you know…"

"That's what I told her," I nodded. "She said to come by and get lunch or whatever…"

Edward sat on the piano bench and rubbed his forehead. It was so fucking hard to not feel sorry for the guy.

"Listen, Edward," I said louder than I meant to. He looked up at me, a look of panic on his face. "I'm going to be honest with you. If I had my way, I honestly don't know if I would let you see her. But this is Bella's choice and I am going to respect it. I will tell you, though, if you fuck this up and lie to her again, I will hurt you."

"I… won't lie to her again…" he said quietly.

"Edward, she…" I sighed. "Bella loves you but she's trying make sense of the life that she has now. I get that you love her, and honestly I am happy for you. But you can't expect her to come running back to Seattle for you. You can't let her go back to how it was…"

He nodded. "Jasper, I don't want to hurt her, but I'm going to when I tell her the truth."

"I know," I admitted.

Edward stood up and I watched as he took a slow but determined step towards me.

"I love her," he said slowly. "Jasper, I love her so much that it… I can't even… I just…" He shook his head and stared at me.

"I know…" I said quietly. I did know, because I loved Alice the same way. "Edward, just promise me that you will love her the right way. That you won't take advantage of any opportunity she gives you."

He took another step towards me and looked me in the eyes. "I promise."

I looked at him, searching for any sign of doubt on his face, but I didn't find anything but pure determination mixed with heartache and remorse. "Alright," I said finally. "I will always side with Bella first, Edward, but I believe in you. And I trust you to do the right thing."

He nodded and watched as I walked back towards the door. As I pulled it open he called my name and I turned back around to look at him.

"Thank you…" he said quietly. "For trusting me."

"You're welcome," I smiled and left him standing there looking a little more hopeful.

**AN: I'm proud of our semi-not-so-selfish-anymore-selfishward.**


	3. Forgive Me

"**And I was on shakey land. Lost and unsure I opened my hand and she held it like sinking sand. And all, all, all of my light is for you. And home, home's anywhere you are too. So take this one fallen man on his knees, begging please… forgive me." Forgive Me, Missy Higgins**

The second that I saw her standing there I knew that she was everything I could ever need or want. It took every ounce of restraint that I had to not get out of the truck and run over to her. I wanted to touch her, kiss her, hold her… I wanted her. But that was selfish. I had been selfish with her, for the past eleven years. I couldn't be that guy anymore, I didn't want to be.

So I calmly waited while Jasper got out of the car. I waited, giving her a chance to change her mind if she wanted to. When Jasper waved for me, I slowly got out and walked towards them. I reminded myself that this wasn't for me. This was for Bella. This was a chance for her to hear the truth, and to be mad if she wanted to. My hands ached to reach out for her but I kept them shoved in my pockets, reminding myself to not be selfish.

But, even with the best of intentions, the second that I looked up and saw her watching me, I greedily took in every aspect of her. Her eyes that were normally soft and kind were hard and determined now. But that didn't stop them from being soulful. Bella's hair was shorter than it had been the last time I saw her. Her lips were still full… beautiful. I wished that I could see her smile. I wanted to see her eyes light up, like they always did when she was happy or excited. I wanted to make her happy… I wanted to hear her laugh and joke around… I wanted…

"No!" She said angrily. "I am not the same old Bella."

The instant those words left her mouth, my heart failed. She wasn't. The woman standing before me wasn't the Bella that I had seen in Seattle. She wasn't _my_ Bella anymore. I should have known that she wouldn't be the same. How could she be?

I followed her into the restaurant and tried not to look disappointed when her friend recognized me. I didn't want to be _that_ Edward today. I wanted to be the Edward that she had become friends with, before Jane, before the record deal… before all of it. I smiled and thanked him for his support, but I was extremely relieved that we weren't going to stay at the restaurant.

"This is going better than I expected," Jasper muttered. I nodded, watching the back of Bella's car as we followed her to her parents' house. "You've just got to remember to stay calm. Be honest and hope for the best."

Again I nodded. I wasn't worried about what I would say to her, I knew I had to tell her the truth. What concerned me was how she would react to the truth. Over the past few months I had tried to reason with myself, deciding what the best and worst scenarios would be. I still didn't have an answer.

The selfish part of me knew that the best scenario would be for her to tell me she forgave me, that she loved me. The two of us would forget the past and move forward. The worst scenario would be that she refused to even talk to me. That I would tell her about Katie, and she would refuse to listen to the rest. But, then I realized that that was only the best and worst scenarios for me. Bella forgiving me and loving me was perfect for me. But it wouldn't be perfect for her.

I didn't want that aspect of _my_ Bella back. I didn't want her to make choices for her life, based off what she thought would make me happiest. I wanted her to be happy with the choice she made, because it was just that… her choice.

"Are you going to tell her that you love her?" Jasper quietly asked.

"I… don't know," I answered honestly. He nodded but didn't press the matter.

That was the only aspect of the truth that I wasn't sure if I should tell her or not. If I told her, would she think that I was trying to persuade her? Would she hear me, and decide to leave everything to go back to Seattle with me? Did she even want to hear it? Would she believe me?

Jasper sighed as we pulled into the Swans' driveway. "I'm not coming inside," he said slowly. "I don't… honestly I can't hear this explanation again."

That was understandable. Jasper was Bella's lifelong friend; they were practically family to each other. I knew it was difficult for him to hear me talk about it. I knew it was hard for him to forgive me for what I had done to her.

"I'll park up the street. When you're done just look for the truck," he muttered. I nodded and got out, shutting the door behind me.

I silently watched as Bella talked to Jasper. I couldn't miss the look of hesitation on her face, and wished that there was something I could do to make this easier for her. I didn't want to hurt her anymore, but I knew it was inevitable. She was going to be hurt. When she asked me if I wanted to go inside, I let her make the decision. It was the least I could do.

Following behind her, I kept a distance. I wish I could say it was for her benefit, but it was more for mine. The urge to hold on to her, to pull her to me and burry my face in her neck was almost more than I could bear. She offered me a drink, and something to eat and it bothered me that she was already trying to make me more comfortable.

"Can we just sit down and talk?" I asked her. She agreed and I sat across the room.

I watched her as the two of us sat there in silence. I smiled at her mannerisms that hadn't changed. She still fidgeted with her clothes or anything that her hands could reach. Her leg bounced slightly, and she brought her bottom lip into her mouth between her teeth. It was oddly comforting to see that those things hadn't changed.

"Bella, there isn't an easy way to do this…" I quietly warned her. "The only way that I know how to do this is to just… tell you."

She nodded and I knew that it was a matter of minutes… seconds before I hurt her again. The thought made me nauseous.

I moved so that I was sitting on the edge of the couch and reminded myself to breathe. This was what I had waited for, the moment to explain to her. Tell the truth, to ask for her forgiveness. I warned her again, that this wouldn't be easy. She nodded and I asked her to promise me to at least listen and to tell me the truth.

"Okay," she said quietly.

I reluctantly looked up. "Say it…please." I needed to hear her say it.

"I promise…" Bella vowed.

Mentally I tried to organize my thoughts. I knew what I wanted to tell her, how I needed to tell her, but now that she was actually sitting in front of me… I couldn't. I couldn't think about anything but the fact that I was about to hurt her again.

Pushing away from the couch, I paced back and forth around the room. I was trying to build up the courage to tell her what I needed to. What I had to.

"I just… Okay," I turned so that I was looking at her. "I have lied to you, about… a lot of things."

Her face fell, and immediately I wanted to take all of it back. I wanted to go back to that night she kissed me for the first time and make both of us stop. I wanted to not be the selfish jackass that I was and tell her how much I loved her when I first realized it.

"The um…" I stuttered. My hands pulled at my hair in frustration. "Fuck! This is so…"

Bella's hand reached out and grabbed on to mine. The second her skin touched mine, I felt calmer. I felt… at home. I watched as she begged me to tell her, and I knew that this was the moment I had been waiting for and dreading.

"Bella," I whispered. "I… didn't sleep with Katie."

Her grip tightened for a second while she looked up at me. I watched as she tried to figure out what I had just said.

"What?" she asked and stood up from the chair. "I don't understand. You didn't sleep with Katie?"

"I lied," I explained. "So you would leave New York."

Bella fell back into the chair and I took a step closer to her. I watched as a panicked expression covered her face while she shook her head.

"Why…"she asked quietly. When she looked up at me, her voice was louder. "Why would you lie to me about that?"

This was it. This would be what hurt the most, the secret that she had been carrying so carefully for years that I dismissed without even considering her. I kneeled down in front of her, ready to literally beg for her forgiveness.

"I… knew that you loved me. I heard you tell me… when… in Orlando. You thought I was asleep…" I slowly explained. I watched as tears filled her eyes while she watched me. I tried to explain why I had done what I did… why I felt like I didn't deserve her love, but I knew it didn't make a difference.

Her eyes closed as she shook her head. I wanted to hold her, and promise her that I wouldn't ever hurt her again. But I knew it wouldn't help. So I did the only thing that I could. I apologized for everything. I told her how sorry I was for using her and making her feel like I didn't need her.

Bella looked away from me, and on instinct I turned her face back to me.

"I shouldn't have ever told James or lied about Katie. I shouldn't have lied and told you that I didn't need you… because I…" I whispered. My throat constricted as my heart beat faster in my chest. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her that I loved her.

The words were right on the tip of my tongue. But when her eyes closed and a look of utter desperation and heartache covered her face, I knew I couldn't. It wasn't the right time. My thumb slowly wiped the tears off of her cheek; it was the only comfort I could give her as I whispered another apology.

I watched as her face contorted from the emotions running through her, and wished that I could know what she was thinking. I wished that I could know what to say to make this better, to make her better. But I was clueless… lost.

"No," she said quietly. I repeated her in confusion.

Bella looked at me, her eyes full of raw determination. "No," she said louder.

I tried to swallow around the large knot in my throat. "You… don't accept my apology?" I asked quietly. She stood up, and I watched as she paced around the room.

My heart felt like it was broken into a thousand pieces. I knew that this was a possibility, and honestly I didn't blame her. What I had done was deplorable. I had used her in a way that made me hate myself, so why shouldn't she?

She turned around, telling me everything that I already knew. That I had hurt her and caused her more pain than anyone else ever had. I nodded in agreement.

"You purposefully hurt me… because you thought that was what was best for me?" She asked slowly.

I gave her the only explanation I had. "You deserved better, Bella."

"Why do you get to make that decision?" She yelled. "I thought you could do a whole lot better than Jane, but I let you make your own mistake…"

"And look at how that ended… look at what it caused!" I explained loudly. Didn't she see that this is exactly why she shouldn't have loved me? God, she saw it first hand! How could she not understand! "You deserve better than that…"

"You aren't Jane!" Bella screamed at me. I watched as she threw her hands up in frustration. "God, Edward! Why couldn't you see that I didn't care! Do you think that I didn't know who you really were? I know you better than anyone else on this planet. I saw you at your absolute worst and instead of seeing what you had become I saw what you could be… would be!"

My eyes dropped to the floor. She was right, I knew that now. She did know me better than anyone else, probably better than I knew myself. That was the reason why I had called her the night that Jane left, instead of Jasper or Emmett. I knew that Bella wouldn't judge me or think less of me. She would help me… just like she always had.

I wished that I had a better excuse to give her, but I didn't. "I thought I was saving you from heartache…"

"What?"

Looking back up at her, I tried again to explain, but before I could finish my sentence she was dragging me up the stairs behind her. I followed, mainly because I didn't want her to let go of my arm. But also because I had no idea what she was doing.

I stopped in the door way to her bedroom and watched as she grabbed a stack of spiral notebooks off of her desk. She shoved them at me and I took them, trying to understand what she was talking about.

"What…"

"That's my heartache, Edward," she said in a low voice. "I'm giving it back to you."

I dropped the notebooks on the bed and randomly picked one of them up. I opened it and saw page after page filled with her hand writing. My eyes scanned the first couple of pages as I flipped through them. I stopped when I saw my name.

_The inadequacy that I felt around Edward had been there since the day I met him. It was like I always knew that I wouldn't ever be good enough for him, it was always there in the back of my mind. I wouldn't ever be special enough, pretty enough, smart enough… I wouldn't ever be enough._

My breath was coming out in short erratic patterns as I read what she had written. For ten years I had an opportunity make her realize how perfect she was for me. If I had just opened my eyes sooner, if I could just go back and change… everything.

"Bella…" I didn't even know what to say, but I had to say something. "I didn't…"

"My heart was broken… is still broken," she whispered. "Those books are what put it back together."

Tears fell down my face and onto the pages that held all of her thoughts. Why couldn't I have seen what was right in front of me? I could have had everything. I could have a career that I loved, and have Bella. We would be perfect together… if only I had seen it sooner.

"Bella… I am so sorry that I did this," I said quietly. I looked at her and hated the tears falling down her face.

"I just want peace for both of us. I want to remember how great we were before any of this started. I forgive you, and I will always love you… but I can't keep holding on to this. I can't keep holding on to you…"

The relief of forgiveness should have lessened the guilt that sat in my chest, but it didn't. Her telling me that she would always love me should have given me hope, but it didn't. I had squandered so many chances in my life, ignore so many opportunities that I had been given.

I stood there and watched my best friend, and the only woman that I had ever truly loved, cry silently while watching me. That was when I knew, that even if it didn't mean anything to her now… even if I should have said it the second that I realized it… I had to say it now.

"Bella," I whispered her name. I dropped the notebook I was holding and carefully stepped towards her. "That night in Orlando... when you walked in to the hotel room and you saw me playing. Do you remember that?"

I was close enough that I could feel the warmth radiating off of her body. She nodded her head and looked up at me.

"I didn't know it then… but that was when I knew that I loved you. When I saw you standing there… smiling and just being you… I fell in love with you," I told her. I wanted to tell her again and again. I wanted to hold on to her and make her understand that I loved her, and that I knew I wouldn't ever love anyone else but her.

A soft whimper left her mouth as her head fell forward against my chest. I held on to her, and as much as I tried to comfort her, I was also comforting myself. I explained to her that I didn't tell her any of this to make her leave with me, to go back to Seattle. I wanted her to understand that I just needed her to know. I needed her to see that I would always need and want her.

"I love you, Bella, and I thank God every single day that he put you in my life," I whispered against the top of her head. She cried softly and I held her against me, trying to pour every single ounce of love that I had into that embrace.

"Edward, I will always consider you my best friend. I will always be proud of you… and I will always love you," Bella whispered against my shoulder.

"Then I will always consider myself a lucky man," I told her. I had pulled away from her, making sure that she saw the truth of what I was saying in my eyes.

Her hands slipped into mine, and as if it was the most natural thing in the world, I leaned forward and kissed her. It would have been easy to let ourselves get carried away, but as I leaned my forehead against hers I finally understood.

Bella wasn't mine. I prayed that someday she would be, because I wanted nothing more than to belong to her. I wanted to give myself to her, body and soul. I was willing to offer up every imperfection and flaw that I had and let her decide if she wanted to love me back. But as much as I wanted that, as much as I needed that, it wasn't time yet.

We were both discovering who we really were and learning how to adjust to the lives that we had to live. Until we both knew who we were individually, how could we ever figure out who we were together?

The good news, if there was any in this situation, was that we still had an opportunity for an _us_. We could move forward after today, hoping that someday God would reconnect the two of us when we were ready. He would wait till we could love each other equally, instead of her giving in to me and me using her. At least that's all I could pray for.

I slowly pulled away from her, and reached in to my pocket for the only thing I could give Bella. She already had my heart, even if she didn't realize it. All that I had left was my music, my words.

Bella took the CD and gave it a brief glance before looking back up at me. Would she ever listen to it? I honestly didn't know. I could hope that maybe one day, when she needed it most then she would. Maybe one day she would see that all of our heartaches and mistakes were a part of the epic love story that she thought we deserved. We weren't at the beginning, and I refused to believe that this was our ending.

I picked up the notebooks she had given me, and stopped to kiss her cheek before I left.

"Thank you for always believing in me," I whispered softly. My eyes closed when I felt her hand holding onto my arm.

"Edward, promise me you'll be great." That was all she asked of me. And even though I wanted to tell her that _we_ would be great, I smiled and promised her what she wanted.

"I promise," I said honestly.

Taking one last look at her, I nodded and made myself leave. With each step that I took, I knew that I was leaving a piece of my soul behind with her. I also knew that I wouldn't ever be complete again until Bella was back with me. I shut the door to her parent's house and leaned back against it. This wasn't going to be easy, but like my mom had said, very few things in life are.

Dr. Hayes had once asked me if I thought that the struggle was worth it. If my answer was yes, then I could know that I was making the right choice. As I got into Jasper's truck, I looked back at the house I had just left. Without a doubt, I knew that Bella was worth it. She was worth this and a hell of a lot more.

**AN: If you haven't ever heard this song, then I highly suggest you do. It is so beautiful and haunting… just perfect. Thanks a million for all of the reviews and recommendations! It really does mean a lot to me! If you're wondering, I would say that we are at the halfway point now. Everyone hold on tight and we will try to get through it together!**


	4. Sad October

**I don't own Twilight. I do own purple nail polish that just spilled all over my desk. SWEET!**

"**Somewhere in this confusion is a thought from long ago. Wondering about this road I'm choosing. But I need for you to know that... I'll be waiting. If you ever need to reach me, I'll wipe your tears away. Hear what I'm saying, for once I'm not mistaken. I'll be waiting on the road not taken." Sad October, Five Way Friday**

"Are you ready for this?" Alice asked excitedly.

I nodded, trying to appear calm, and followed her and Jasper into the record executive's office. I had spent nearly an entire year creating an album that was by far the best thing I had ever worked on. It was honest and straight from the heart, every lyric and melody created from the experiences of the past two years. It was my redemption song to my family, friends and especially Bella. I tried to act calm, but the truth was that I was scared to death. There was a lot riding on this album and not just professionally.

Jasper seemed just as nervous as I was, and I couldn't blame him. Not only had he co-written a couple of the songs, he had also helped Felix produce it. If this album got as big as we all thought it would, it could mean a lot for Jasper's career.

Alice reached up on her toes to whisper something to Jasper. He smiled and nodded before leaning down and kissing her. It made me wish for the millionth time that Bella was here with me.

The three of us sat on the oversized leather couch, Alice sitting in-between Jasper and me. She had one of our hands held in each of hers and she seemed far more confidant about everything than either one of us did.

"Final listen?" Felix asked us. I looked at Jasper, while he looked at me. Both of us nodded after a second and as the CD started playing, Alice squeezed my hand. I closed my eyes as I listened, letting the last year replay in my mind with the new album as its soundtrack.

I had spent days pouring over every word that Bella had written in those journals, losing myself in her words and wishing that I could erase the pain I had caused her. It hurt to read about a love that was so utterly undeserved, yet given freely. I had left Texas, promising myself and Bella that I would wait. I would wait however long she needed; praying and hoping that she would eventually come back to me. She needed time to heal, and I knew that. I didn't want to rush her or push her into making a decision that she wasn't ready to make. Waiting wasn't easy, but it helped me created the songs for the new album.

Christmas, although much better than the last year, was still difficult. I knew Alice and Jasper were in Texas, and it took everything I had to not call and ask how Bella was. For New Years I celebrated with my parents, Emmett and Rosalie. We toasted to new beginnings and past accomplishments. The fact that we all drank sparkling cider instead of champagne didn't diminish the event, if anything it made it more memorable, considering last New Year's Eve, I was on the verge of going to rehab. At midnight I made a resolution to live up to the promise I had made Bella. I would be great, even if I didn't feel I could be. I would live my life to the fullest, give more than I took, and make the best of every opportunity God had given me.

After the holidays, Jasper and I worked tirelessly on the new album. I put more of myself into that project that I had ever thought I could. I pushed myself, pushed the people I worked with, and made it into something I could be proud of. I needed it to be perfect, not because I needed the recognition, but because I had to prove something to my family and friends. I had to prove that I was better than the drugs and lies. I had to prove to myself that I was capable of doing something myself instead of relying on someone else. I needed to be great, for Bella.

But, there is no such thing as perfect. Nothing in this world is perfect, even if you wish it could be. So after arguing with Jasper for two days, I finally understood what he had meant when he told me that it needed to be flawed. It had to be, because the story the music told was about overcoming the flaws that had made me who I was. The music was about finding redemption for mistakes and learning from them. I wasn't perfect, and there was no way that the CD could be perfect either.

The first three tracks were exactly what they needed to be, which made me relax slightly. That was until the one song that had meant more than all of the others started playing. Alice's grip tightened on my hand, and I listened to the song I had created specifically for Bella. It was her words, mixed with mine. Our story, spread out between soft harmonies and honest lyrics. When it ended, I took a deep breath and told him to replay it. We listened to that song five more times before I nodded and told him we could listen to the rest of the CD. When the last song finished playing, the only thing you could hear was people breathing. I looked at Alice and then at Jasper, not even trying to hide the few tears that were gliding down my face.

"Edward," Alice's tiny voice broke through the silence. "That is one of the best things I have ever heard. It's… you."

I smiled and nodded, leaning down to her so that she could hug me. My arms wrapped around her tiny frame while I tried to put as much appreciation into that hug as I could. When I let her go, Jasper smiled and we both stood up. We started out shaking hands, but eventually gave in and hugged each other.

"Thank you for not giving up on me, Jasper," I said quietly.

He nodded and gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze, saying, "Thank you, for giving me a reason not to."

"So I guess we're ready? Final cut is okay with everyone?" Alec, the studio rep, asked us.

I looked at Jasper then back at Felix. All of us nodded and Alice clapped excitedly.

I ignored the bottle of champagne they had opened, grabbing a bottle of water instead. It didn't skip my attention that Alice and Jasper only drank water too. I smiled, signing an assload of paperwork and nodding while they explained the release dates they had arranged.

"I'll send over the demo for 'Long Walk' to the stations. I think that will be a good first single, it really showcases…" Alec started explaining and I shook my head.

"No," I interrupted him. "The first single is 'Our Love Song'."

He smiled and looked at Felix before looking back to me. "Edward, love songs are a dime a dozen. I think that Long…"

"This is my album," I said louder. "And 'Our Love Song' is first single. The first show of the tour is in Austin on September thirteenth. I'm not changing that."

Alice immediately started pulling out negotiation paperwork that had taken place before the album was even in producing stages. She handed him the contracts and started explaining all of the promises the studio had made. I smiled and looked at Jasper; she really could be terrifying if she had to be. I watched as she basically ripped him a new one, and had to fight back a laugh when he nodded and signed off on the original agreements.

After a celebratory dinner that night, I sat with my family, Alice, and Jasper. I watched all of their faces as they listened to the new CD, gauging their reactions by their facial expressions. My mother was no help, because she always cried when she heard my new music. Rosalie was also difficult to crack; she sat there like a stone with her arms crossed and her face void of all emotion. Emmett and my father were supportive, as always, offering up their opinions and telling me what they thought was the best parts of each song. It was afterwards that Rosalie grabbed my arm and pulled me aside.

"You know she doesn't listen to the radio," she said quietly. I didn't have to guess who she was talking about.

"I know," I nodded. "It isn't about that Rosalie, I just… this whole thing is for her. She made me promise her."

Rosalie nodded in understanding but didn't let go of my arm. "Edward, I love you like a brother, you know that. But have you thought this through? How long are you going to wait? What if Bella never comes back?"

She didn't say it to hurt me, I knew that. But that didn't stop my heart from aching. She looked apologetic and I shook my head.

"If…" Sighing, I took a deep breath and started again. "If Bella never comes back, then at least I kept my promise to her. But I'm not giving up on this, on her."

Rosalie nodded and let go of my arm. After my parents finally went to bed and everyone else went home, I made my way back to my old bedroom. There were still things in boxes and clothes in suitcases, effectively making the room a huge mess. I knew I needed to decide if I was going to stay here, or if I should get another apartment. It was so weird having the finality of the album being finished, while the rest of my life still felt like it was in limbo.

There wasn't really a point in finding an apartment, especially if the tour was going to be starting in three months. I would be in constant rehearsals, then leaving for another six to seven months. More if they decided to add European dates. I used to love living this nomadic lifestyle, answering to no one and doing whatever I wanted to. But I wasn't eighteen anymore. Alice and Jasper were married; I knew it was only a matter of time before they would want to start a family. Rosalie and Emmett would probably be heading in that same direction sometime soon. Emmett was going back to school, trying to finish the degree he had started four years ago and never finished, talking about opening up his own business. Everyone was growing up, moving on… except me. I didn't want to move on…not without Bella anyway.

I knew from Alice that Bella wasn't exactly handling things well. She was struggling, and that made me hate myself even more. I wanted to go back to Texas and tell her that she could trust me. I would promise I could take care of her, give her everything she had ever wanted. But then I remembered the words she had written. She wanted and needed to figure out who she was. If I went back to Texas and really begged her to come back with me, she would. That scared the shit out of me.

My dad always said that loving someone meant putting their needs first, and that's what I was hopefully accomplishing. I needed Bella with me. I wanted her with me. But, I also knew that she needed and wanted to figure out her own life. She needed to do it alone and under her own conditions, and I had to respect that. So I did the same thing I always did. I went to bed and prayed for forgiveness and strength. I also prayed for my friends and family, and that whatever Bella was doing, that she was at least happy.

Weeks passed and turned into months, and I was glad that rehearsals took up most of my time. It was easier this time around, because I knew what to expect. But I also took this tour a hell of a lot more seriously than I did the other. I knew people were getting annoyed and frustrated with my sudden perfectionism, but I was determined to make this the best that it could be.

"Hey," Alice said. Her head was poked into the small dressing room and she smiled. "Do you have a second?"

I nodded and continued restringing one of my guitars. We had been here for over ten hours today, and like everyone else I was exhausted. Alice shut the door behind her and sat on the chair next to mine. She had a stack of papers in her lap that made me want to groan.

"So, the cover art for the album is finished. I just need you to sign off on it. Did you finish looking at the CD credits?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "They're in my bag."

"Did we miss anyone?" She asked me. Her fingers flipped through the pages she was looking at.

"Bella wasn't listed as part of the song writers," I said quietly. "I added her to the list, and I finished my liner notes too."

Alice smiled and nodded her head. "Are you dedicating the CD to 'your little cricket'?"

I smiled and shook my head. "No, I am not."

We covered the last few details of the CD and I signed off on the album cover before she left. I was almost finished restringing the guitar when my phone started beeping. I picked it up, expecting a message from Emmett or Jasper, and nearly dropped it when I saw that it was from Bella.

I read and then re-read her message, smiling. She was playing the guitar? Better yet, she had written her own song and actually played it in front of people? My heart swelled with pride. She always thought that she was a horrible singer and that she couldn't ever learn to play anything, but I always knew she had it in her. I sent her a reply, saying what I needed to but wishing I could say more. I missed her more than I could ever explain in a hundred and sixty characters. I was proud of her moving forward, and wished like hell that I could have been there to see her first performance. More than anything, I just wanted her to be happy.

My phone beeped again and I quickly opened the message she had sent back. A reminder of the promise I had made her. My eyes closed and I wanted nothing more than to just have her here with me. I wanted to touch her and kiss her. I wanted to smell her and hear her laughing.

"I promise," I whispered softly. "I promise to be great. I promise I will fix this."

**A/N: As much I hate to say this, there won't be many Edward POV's coming up. We are getting to the point that I have to just show Bella. He will be back though, I promise.**


	5. Untitled

**I don't own Twilight… *sigh***

**Hey yo… same song through the whole story. Thanks to little miss PKitten for suggesting this song. I LOVE IT.**

"**My heart feels empty, soul shaking pain. I wish I could hold her, man I lose but I gain, and I'm telling you that I am in love…" Untitled, Domestic Problems**

**EPOV**

"Fuck this suit! Fuck this tie… just… FUCK!" I yelled in frustration, not only because I couldn't get the fucking cufflinks fastened, but because this just… wasn't right. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen! I wasn't supposed to feel empty and worthless, especially today!

The years of hard work and dedication had paid off. Even if I didn't win an actual award, I had been nominated. That was an honor all on its own. So I should have been ecstatic and proud of myself. Excitement, not regret, should have been coursing through my body. But, real life never works out like that. It isn't, and never will be, easy. My cell phone interrupted my self loathing, and I threw the cufflinks back in their box.

"What?" I growled in the phone.

"Hey, you need to come to Alice and Jasper's room," Emmett told me.

"Why?"

"Fuck, Edward, I don't know. Just get your ass down here and hurry the fuck up," he snapped in response and hung up.

I rolled my eyes and threw the phone back on the dresser. Emmett was seriously grating on my nerves today. He kept talking about Bella, last night and all day today. Did he think that shit helped? It hurt to even think about her, much less talk about her.

The door to my room slammed behind me and I stalked to the elevator. It took for-fucking-ever and I sighed several times while I waited. When it finally made an appearance, I got in and punched the button for the floor below me. I huffed and sighed impatiently as it crept along at a snails pace, then stomped to Alice and Jasper's hotel room.

Their door was cracked, and the closer I got, I could make out the sound of several people talking. I shook my head before pushing it open.

"Emmett, why did…" I stopped completely.

I stopped walking, stopped talking, stopped breathing. Brown hair… long and curling and… fucking beautiful. I stared at her back, ignoring everyone looking between the two of us. She turned around slowly, and I tried to figure out if I was dreaming.

People moved, and voices spoke. I felt someone touching my shoulder and squeezing my hand, but I couldn't stop looking at her. _Was she really here?_ My heart hoped and prayed that she was. That this wasn't some hallucination I was having. My mind was reeling, and I tried to take in as much of her as I could. Just in case she disappeared.

Her cheeks were flushed and tinted with the same familiar blush. Her lips were full and coated in a soft red color. Brown hair, shiny and curly, fell around her shoulders. And her eyes…God, I wanted to get lost in them. I wanted to sit there and stare into them for as long as she would let me. Maybe they would tell me how I could finally show her… convince her… that I needed her more than anything else.

Then, just as I was seeing past the hurt and fear that sat in the forefront of her eyes, she shut them. They closed and her head fell forward, cutting me off.

"Bella…" I whispered, pleading and begging for her to just look at me again. "What…" I shook my head, taking a slow step towards her. I wanted to ask her what I needed to do, what she needed from me… but I couldn't get my mind and mouth to work correctly.

She flew towards me, closing the gap and my arms immediately closed around her. Bella started apologizing; her voice was hurried and frantic.

"I… You…" I stammered, trying to work things out in my head. If I could hold her, touch her, feel her, see her, and hear her… _was she real?_

"You're really here." I finally managed to say.

Bella nodded and my dormant and defeated heart leapt to life. I pulled away, looking down at her face, and frowned at the tears that were running down her cheeks. I didn't want her to cry. I didn't want her to be sad anymore.

"Bella, I…"

A knocking interrupted me, and I wanted to kill Alice. It was her job, and I knew that, but nothing else on the planet was as important as Bella at this moment. My family filtered back into the room, but all I could see was her. She whispered something about talking later, and I shook my head.

"I'm not going," I said firmly. If I couldn't go with her, then I didn't want to go at all.

Objections and questions erupted around me, but I ignored them. Their voices turned into a muffled noise that I blocked out, concentrating only on the woman standing next to me.

"Edward, you have to go," she told me.

Again, I told her no. Alice hit me in frustration while Emmett and Jasper's voices yelled in urgency. Bella's hand wrapped around mine and the feeling of her skin made me cling to her. She whispered that I had to go, pleaded that I go.

I wouldn't leave her alone again. Not only because I knew how out of place she felt at things like this, but because I needed her with me. I was scared that if I let her out of my sight, that she would disappear again. Bella's voice and smell…her touch, all of it calmed me. I needed her.

**** *** ****

"**I know what I feel inside; please see the beauty in me…"**

_"I'm not going anywhere…"_

Bella's words from earlier kept repeating through my mind. Through the show I would look at her and squeeze her hand, just to make sure that she was really there. She would give me reassuring smiles in return, and my body would relax again.

There was an odd sense of familiarity between the two of us, and it was both comforting and confusing at the same time. She was still Bella, my Bella, with her blushing cheeks and adorable nervous habit of fidgeting constantly. But she was a different Bella also, physically and mentally. Her fingertips were rough with calluses from guitar playing. I envied whoever had been able to teach her how to play. She had a tattoo on the inside of her wrist, simple and small with a peace sign, heart and music note sitting side by side. I wanted to know the story behind it, and again envied whoever had gone with her to get it. Three years had passed between us, and I had missed so much of her life. She seemed like she was surer of herself, but still cowered behind the familiar uncertainty and self-doubt. I wondered if that was completely my fault.

It wasn't until Bella leaned into me and asked if I was okay that I realized I had been twirling the ring around her finger. For a second I wondered why she was wearing a plastic ring, but then focused on what she had asked me. I nodded, but kept playing with her fingers.

"You've never heard the CD," I said quietly.

Bella shook her head, telling me that she wanted to. She didn't need to finish her sentence for me to figure out that she was going to say "but I couldn't". It was the same as what she had said in the car about the concert on her birthday. It bothered me that I had instilled such a deep rooted fear into her mind. Like, if she saw me or heard me, she would fall apart. It made me feel like some sort of monster.

I had written those songs, using her words for lyrics because I wanted it to be something beautiful. The words could be heartbreaking and gut wrenching, but through the music, you could see the beauty of all of it. I had woven melodies and lyrics together to show how we had been beautifully broken, and could now be pieced back together, making something new. The problem with this was that she hadn't ever heard the songs, until tonight. Tonight, I would show her.

Bella looked panicked when Alice said that it was time for us to head backstage. I reassured her that I would be back, but I'm sure my unease mirrored hers. I didn't want to leave either.

I walked next to Alice, moving in a fog of emotions. I went through the routine of warming up, and even though I had sung this song thousands of times to thousands of people, tonight was the first time I was nervous about it. I didn't normally get nervous before shows, although Jasper and Emmett would tell you the opposite. Music was easy to me; it spoke when I couldn't and told stories that people could relate to. Music was my therapy, and I enjoyed sharing it. Tonight just felt different, like my entire future was hanging in the balance. My world would shift, tilt or stop spinning… based on Bella's opinion of this song.

"She loves you, Edward," Alice said quietly as we waited in the wings of the stage.

"What if I… Alice, I can't hurt her again," I whispered back to her. "If she trusts me again, and I screw up… it would kill her."

Alice shook her head and gave my arm a reassuring squeeze. "Both of you are stronger than you realize. You're meant to be great… together."

She leaned forward and kissed my cheek, and I nodded nervously.

The stage manager was telling me to go, but I stood there looking at the tiny girl standing next to me. I had known Alice since seventh grade, watched as she went from a skittish wallflower to the outspoken whirlwind she was now. I had introduced her to Jasper and watched the two of them fall in love. Alice was practically the sister Emmett and I never had. She was a good friend, and an even better manager.

I smiled and kissed Alice's forehead. "I love you Alice, and thank you. For everything."

Even in the semi-darkness that we were standing in, I saw her eyes shining with tears. She said something under her breath and laughed before pushing me onto the darkened stage.

Carefully, I walked to the microphone and looked through the darkness to find Bella. She looked…sad. Her head was bowed towards her lap, her lips pulled down in the corners. I wanted to yell her name to make her look at me. I needed to see her eyes, just to make sure that she was still with me. They introduced me, and Jasper nudged Bella's arm. A few seconds before bright lights flooded the stage, her eyes looked in my direction. She was searching for me, just like I was her. My fingers started playing, and my heart started pounding. It was time.

***** ** *****

"**And I'm telling you that I am in love. Yes, I am in love with a girl that holds me with her eyes…"**

There was nobody else here. It was just the two of us. Her eyes held mine through the entire song, and I couldn't…wouldn't look away. Not until the last line, where I sang about loving and needing someone so much that it was all consuming. It was about letting go of past mistakes and moving forward, knowing that it was certain. It was the two of us, blended together in music and lyrics. Just like our lives were supposed to be. Bella was supposed to be mine, and I was supposed to be hers. There wasn't anyone else, and there never would be.

It ended and my eyes were drawn back to Bella's. I breathed, really breathed, for the first time since Bella had walked out of my life. The stage went black, and my eyes closed at the overwhelming sense of need. I needed her, I always would. I just prayed that she felt the same way.

Alice was talking to me, and I nodded in response, even though I hadn't really heard a word she was saying. My mind was focused on taking one step at time; walking back to the one place I would be comfortable, with Bella. I wanted to be anywhere with her, anywhere but here. I wanted us to be alone. I wanted to tell Bella everything I couldn't and love her the way that I should have done years ago.

"What the…" Alice's confused voice broke though my numbness.

I looked up to see a small crowd of people watching Jasper arguing with a security guard, while Bella was trying to open a locked door. Immediately I panicked. Was she trying to leave?

"Bella?" I called to her from across the room.

She looked up and her eyes were confused and worried until they focused on me. I opened my mouth to ask her what was going on, but she started running towards me. Her arms wrapped around my neck the second her body slammed into mine. I caught her, stumbling back a few steps, but held her closely to me.

"I love you," she cried softly. "I never stopped, Edward."

My face buried against the side of her neck as I listened to her. The words she spoke smoothed the rough edges of my still healing heart, easing the ache that had been in my chest since we were in New York together.

"Please tell me I'm not too late," she begged in a strangled whisper.

I pulled away from her, still leaving one of my arms around her back to keep her close to me. I shook my head at the tears on her cheeks and carefully brushed them away.

"I would have waited forever, Bella." Her eyes closed, and I quietly asked her to look at me. My thumb carefully slid over her cheek when they opened. "I love you. This… all of this… is our epic love story."

Bella nodded while her hands moved up my neck into the back of my hair. The feeling was so… right, that my entire body relaxed and I leaned into her. My forehead rested gently against hers, and I let myself get lost in her eyes as she held me.

***** ** *****

The night had passed in a blur of excitement. I found it funny that I had been working towards a Grammy since I was ten, and all of it was overshadowed by the fact that Bella had come back to me. She was what made the night so perfect. The Grammys were just a bonus.

Our honesty with each other had healed a lot of wounds. Her words of forgiveness and love dissolved the toxic stitches that had temporarily been holding me together. I tried to reassure her and show her how much I wanted to love her the right way. It would have been easy to give into her, and let her hands remove my clothes. We both would have fallen together, tumbling over the same line that would complicate things again.

I would have given Bella what she wanted, again and again… but that wasn't what it was about. I needed her to trust me, and she needed to be patient. We both had to learn to take our time with this, because even if she was the one person who really knew me, we were both strangers to each other in a lot of ways. I wanted to be careful, and make sure that we did things the right way. I wanted to rediscover her, slowly.

I fell asleep wrapped around Bella, lulled to sleep by a lullaby of her soft breathing against my neck.

***** ** *****

"Well?" Alice quietly asked me. She was sitting in the chair next to mine, smiling from ear to ear.

I shook my head as I drank from the bottle of water she had given me. It was too early for her to be this excited, and way too early for her to be asking me questions about last night. She frowned, but was thankfully interrupted by the phone ringing.

After a quick introduction to the DJs interviewing me, I was placed on hold. Alice walked to the couch across the room and picked up the extra phone, muting it.

"They're going to ask about her," she said quietly.

I nodded because it was inevitable. Last night I had made a very public open statement about my feelings for Bella. I knew there would be questions and comments; I just didn't know how I would handle it.

"Are you going to tell them?" Alice asked me.

"If they ask," I answered. She raised an eyebrow at me and I smiled.

I wasn't going to lie. If I did, it would only make things worse. Plus, Bella was my girlfriend. She would be a permanent fixture in my life, and I wasn't going to pretend like she wasn't important to me.

"Just tell me you'll be careful. I don't want either one of you to get hurt," Alice said after a few seconds.

"I'm not going to let her get hurt, Alice."

She nodded, but was stopped from saying anything by the phone being picked up.

"Mr. Cullen?" an obnoxiously cheerful voice said.

"Yeah," I muttered.

"Okay, I'll be putting you through now. We are live, so please try and keep it PG-13 appropriate."

I smiled and shook my head when Alice rolled her eyes.

"We're KPTT 98.6, The Beat, and we are live with Grammy award winning Edward Cullen! Thanks for joining us this morning; I know you've got to be exhausted."

I winced at the loudness of the guy's voice, but made my own sound more awake than I actually was. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks for inviting me!"

"Did you even go to bed last night? I would have stayed out all night celebrating if I had just won two Grammys."

"No, I got a few hours of sleep. I just… you know celebrated with my family and friends. It was a good night," I said casually. By the grace of God, the whole rehab thing had remained a secret. Anytime partying was brought up, I tried to give the most generic answers that I could.

They asked me a few questions about the album and about my life since the last time I had been on their show, when the album had first come out. Alice gave me the signal that time was almost up, and I stupidly thought that I had made it out of this without them bringing up Bella.

"Okay," The female DJ started. "I have to ask the one question that is on every females mind this morning. Who is Bella Swan, and are the two of you dating?"

Mentally I wanted to tell her to fuck off, that it wasn't any of her business. But, I couldn't do that. This was part of the cost of being a celebrity.

"Bella is… well she co-wrote a lot of the songs on the album. She's been my best friend since I was nineteen, so I've known her a long time," I explained.

"Are the two of you dating?" She asked again.

Alice was watching me, and I looked back at her. She nodded slowly.

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend," I said proudly.

"And that ladies and gentlemen, is the sound of a million hearts breaking."

They all laughed and I joined them, even though I didn't find it amusing at all.

"Well Edward, thank you so much for joining us and congratulations on the awards," one of the DJs said.

"Thank you," I replied back and hung up the phone.

"You'll need to talk to Bella about this. She… some people aren't going to be nice about this, you know that. They won't see her the same way we do," Alice warned me.

I nodded and rubbed my eyes. "I'll talk to her."

"Go back to sleep. I'll try to get a feel of what people are saying and let you know what I find," Alice said. She stood up and patted the top of my head. "I'll see you later tonight, dinner with the family."

"Bye," I said and waved as she walked out.

Sighing, I quietly walked back into the bedroom. Bella was still asleep, curled around a pillow. I smiled and carefully crawled back into the bed next to her. She was beautiful, even asleep. Her cheeks still held a soft pink color, and her full lips were slightly opened. The darkness of her hair framed her face, making her skin seem paler. She was perfect… for me.

"I'll take care of you," I whispered softly. "I promise."

My arm wrapped around her side, holding her closely to me. I wasn't letting her go again.

**Hope you liked it!- JFI**


	6. She is Love

"**I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around, but she takes it all for me. ****And I lost my faith, in my darkest days, but she makes me want to believe. ****They call her love, love, love, love, love. ****She is love, and she is all I need. ****Well I had my ways, they were all in vain, ****but she waited patiently. ****It was all the same, all my pride and shame, ****and she put me on my feet. ****They call her love, love, love, love, love." She is Love, Parachute**

*******

There were several times during the last decade of my life when I have been immensely grateful for the fact that I didn't pull the trigger the night Jane left. I would have missed out on so many things, some large and others microscopic in retrospect. There never would have been a record contract. I would have missed seeing the sun set over the desert. I wouldn't have found out I was going to be an uncle, or known what it was like to win a Grammy award. But the most important thing I would have missed was tonight.

I wouldn't have seen Bella standing on a stage, singing a song she had written about us. The way she swayed slowly, fingers carefully strumming the melody she had crated, was probably one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen in my life. She was free and uninhibited, lost in a world she had created. The lights made her hair seem darker while it seemed to pale her skin, making her lips look enticingly red and full.

It took everything I had not to walk closer to the stage. Several times Alice had to hold onto my arm, reminding me that if someone recognized me it probably wouldn't go over well. I didn't want to interrupt Bella's performance; I just wanted to be closer to her. We had wasted so much time away from each other that I physically couldn't handle being away from her any more. That's the excuse I was using for the way I acted tonight, anyway. I had no right to basically maul her in the alley, and I sure as hell shouldn't have felt her up in the back of the car with Jasper and Alice in the front seat. I shouldn't have, but I did. Bella shouldn't have encouraged me to keep going, but she did.

It had started out as a joke, teasing her the way she had done with me in the alley, biting my neck and ear when I had told her we needed to stop. I never expected it to go as far as it did, but even if it was a little fucked up, it was still hot. To watch her lose control and unwind like that, without inhibition was… really fucking hot and really fucking wrong. It reminded me of how I had treated her before, pushing her limits and not taking my time to actually be with her, making sex into a game. I didn't want to make that mistake again. I wanted to love her, slowly. I wanted to watch Bella fall deeper and deeper, until we were both so far gone that we couldn't ever come back. I wanted to get lost in her.

Bella was determined to move quickly and I had to keep reminding her to slow down. It wasn't until I actually told her what I wanted that she finally stopped and let me take over. She stood still, letting me peel her clothes away from her, making me think we were finally making progress in the right direction. At least that's what I thought until Bella started to pull away from me when I tried to remove the last piece of clothing between us. I knew she had issues with her self esteem; she had been like that for as long as I had known her, but I didn't expect it to still be an issue after everything we had been through. The fear and anxiety that filled her eyes when I tried to take her bra off absolutely broke my heart. I wasn't blind; I saw what everyone else did when they looked at Bella, but I also saw beyond it. I saw her, not her weight. I will admit that the first time I met her I was thrown off by it, but once I got to know her it didn't matter. It never had and never would. When she agreed that I could remove the last piece of clothing, I whispered the only thing that I knew would reassure her; I loved her. Bella slowly let go of her insecurities and let me lay her against the bed. She lay there, watching and trusting me, and I silently prayed I wouldn't fuck this up again.

I wish I could have said I was perfectly fine, that I wasn't scared to death of what was about to happen. But I was. I was unsure and scared. I was nervous and fumbling, even though I knew this was what I wanted; what we both wanted. I hadn't ever made love to someone and I wasn't sure I really knew how to. This wasn't just fucking around anymore, and I needed to show myself and Bella that all of this was different. She watched me as I moved above her and tried to appear calm and collected, even though I wasn't. I leaned into her and all of my fears broke through the surface.

"Tell me," I begged her. "Please tell me…"

Bella's voice whispering that she loved me was the only confirmation I needed. She told me over and over as our bodies moved together, and suddenly it all made sense. Making love to Bella wasn't something I had to be unsure about. It was… right. I didn't feel like I had to prove something or push either one of us. It wasn't about losing inhibitions or trying to be something we weren't. It was about the two of us together, finally loving each other equally, and being where we were supposed to be.

Our eyes stayed connected the entire time and it felt like I was able to see into a part of Bella's mind and soul I hadn't ever seen before. There was the trust and love that I could always find, but there was something else… something…hidden. That's when I noticed the small trail of tears sliding down her face. I panicked immediately, worried I had hurt her. I tried to pull away, but she immediately held on tighter. When I begged for her to stop crying and she whispered a strained "I love you" in response, I finally understood. Bella was scared.

She was scared that all of this would end, the night… the love making… us. Bella was terrified to let go and begging me for the one thing she needed. "Forever? Promise me forever, Edward," her voice whispered.

I promised her what she wanted, because it was the truth. I would love her and want her forever. She was the other half that made me whole. Bella was the balance my life needed and even though we had only been dating a little more than a month, she had been my best friend for over ten years, and I knew Bella was my forever.

Had it been any other night or under any other circumstances, I would have been embarrassed about the fact that it hadn't lasted longer. But the reality was that it had been over three years since I had been with anyone and the second I saw Bella falling… I let her pull me with her. Our actions stopped and my body rested against hers as we tried to catch our breath.

"You love me," Bella said. Her voice was hushed and tentative, like she had just figured everything out. Like the fact that I loved her was the last piece to the puzzle. I saw the hope she had for the two of us swimming in the deep chocolate of her eyes.

My own eyes closed, trying to memorize the way she was looking at me, and I said the only thing I could. "Forever."

We were both quiet and I tried to take in everything around me, letting the content feeling fill my body. Bella's breathing had evened out and sounded relaxed and peaceful. Her fingers still played through the back of my hair as her thighs released me enough to move out of her, but tightened back around my hips the second I did. Her chest pushed up against mine with every breath she took and I matched my breathing with hers.

"Tell me what you're thinking," her voice whispered.

I opened my eyes and smiled before kissing her tenderly. "How happy I want to make you. How beautiful you are…"

Bella's eyes rolled as she interrupted me. "You don't have to suck up to me, Edward." Her voice was sarcastic, and that annoyed me. She hid behind sarcasm hoping that no one would ever notice, and I hardly ever did, until recently.

"You don't see yourself clearly. You are beautiful, and me saying that isn't sucking up to you. I say it because I mean it," I explained to her. My voice was probably a little harder than I meant for it to be, but I wanted to make sure she understood me.

Bella's cheeks flushed and I knew I was making her uncomfortable. When she started squirming underneath me, I sat up and let her roll away from me and stand up. She fumbled around and I watched as she pulled her shirt back on and then her underwear.

"Don't be upset, please, Bella."

She shook her head and pulled her up into a messy knot at the back of her head. "I'm just using the bathroom. I'm not upset."

I watched as she gave me a quick and half hearted smile and disappeared into the bathroom. _Had I really already fucked his up?_ I shook my head and got off the bed, dug through the pile of clothes on the floor and found my boxers. After pulling them on, I followed Bella's trail to the bathroom and carefully pushed the door open. As I expected, she wasn't using the bathroom. Instead, she was just standing there staring at her reflection in the mirror. Her cheeks blushed a deep shade of red as she looked down at the marble counter top.

"You don't see it?" I asked her. She shook her head, telling me no, and I sighed.

"I… I'm not…what people expect for you," Bella's voice whispered.

"Fuck what people expect," I said bluntly. "People don't expect me to be a recovering drug addict, but I am. They don't expect Alice to be as normal as she is once they hear about her childhood, but she's pretty damn normal. People don't expect Emmett to be anything other than a dumb jock, but he graduated last May from the University of Washington in the top ten percent of his class."

I smiled when Bella gave me a small laugh, but the conversation went back to being serious.

"You told me you don't want me to look at you and see some famous musician, right?" She asked me and I nodded. "Well, I don't want you to look at me and see… all of the imperfections that I have. I'm not like Jane or Katie-"

"No. You're not," I interrupted her. "You're nothing like either one of them, and I thank God everything single day for that. I don't see imperfections when I look at you, Bella. I see you. I see someone that knows me - the real me - but loves me anyway. I look at you and I see… everything I'm not and wish I could be. You are a good person."

"So are you!" Bella said stubbornly. I smiled at her but kept going.

"You are beautiful, Bella. I have no idea what imperfections you're talking about, because I definitely don't see any when I look at you."

"Oh please, Edward!" She groaned and pulled her shirt off. I blinked in shock when she threw it at me. "Tell me you don't see this! Tell me you don't see the marks that cover my stomach and hips! I know this isn't attractive to look at! If I don't want to look at it then why would anyone else want to?"

I held my arms out to her, showing her the pale skin that covered underside of my arm. "Do you see those marks? They're needle marks, Bella. Now that you've seen them, does it make you love me less? Does it make me less of a person in your eyes? Because I'm really fucking self-conscious that someone will see them… someone that I don't want to know what my life was like! We all have marks on our bodies that we aren't proud of!"

"Those don't make you who you are!" Bella yelled back at me. It amazed me that she could be this fucking blind.

"Exactly!" I said, shrugging my shoulders. "Just like yours don't either! I can tell you every day that I think you're beautiful, but it isn't going to mean anything until you finally believe that I'm telling you the truth. I don't give a fuck what people think when they look at us, because they aren't us! I don't care if some chick that's a size three with huge tits comes and offers me a blowjob because she won't be you!"

Bella's head shook as she laughed quietly. "Edward…"

Quickly, I threw her shirt on the counter and turned her so that she was looking into the mirror. I moved to stand behind her, turning her head so that she would look forward at our reflection.

"This scar," I said, running my finger across her left forearm. "You got this when Jasper accidently tripped you and you fell into a cactus in Scottsdale. I can remember that because I knew it had to hurt, but you laughed it off and were more concerned about Jasper feeling guilty, than the fact that you had to get stitches."

Bella's eyes watched me as I leaned back and found another scar on the back of her shoulder.

"I wasn't there when you got this one, but I know it's from when you tried to sneak out of your parent's house when you were sixteen. You were going to drive to Austin to get concert tickets for Jasper's birthday," I said quietly.

Goose bumps covered Bella's right arm when I picked it up and showed her the faint scar that covered the inside of her wrist.

"You got this from a cookie sheet. You made me chocolate chip cookies to try and make me feel better when my Grandfather died and burned your arm…"

"How do you remember all of that?" Bella quietly asked me.

I kissed the top of her shoulder and shrugged. "Because when I look at you and see marks on your body, that's what I see. I see the compassion you have for the people you care about. I see your good intentions and giving nature."

My hands traveled down her body, over her breasts and onto her stomach. I watched her eyes in the mirror's reflection as my fingers traced over the "imperfections" that she was so sure I would focus on. I could feel the puckered skin underneath my fingertips, but that wasn't what I really _felt_ when I touched her.

"When I touch you like this," I whispered against her neck. "I think about how soft your skin is. I think about the fact that I'm the only person who gets to see you like this because you're _my_ girlfriend."

A nervous and shaky breath left Bella's lips. I kept my eyes on hers as my lips traveled down her neck to her shoulder and then back again. One hand stayed against her stomach as the other slowly made its way down her body to her hip. My fingers slipped into the top of her panties and I smiled when she shivered.

"Do you want me to stop?" I whispered.

Bella shook her head slowly. "You promised me that you wouldn't…"

That was the only thing I needed to hear before continuing. Her soft moans quickly filled the bathroom we were standing in, covering but not erasing the issues we still had to deal with. I held Bella in my arms and watched as she slowly unraveled again. She was beautiful and eventually I would make her see what I did.

***** ** *****

Staying true to my word, I didn't stop until Bella had literally passed out. She was lying on her stomach with her hands curled under the pillow her head was resting on. She was snoring slightly, although I wouldn't ever tell her that. I was on my side next to her, watching as her back rose and fell with each breath that she took. I kept asking myself how I had gotten so lucky. With all of my major fuck ups and disappointments, how had I managed to be lucky enough to have her?

A quiet buzzing noise broke through the silence of our hotel room. I slowly sat up and slid out of the bed, being careful not to wake Bella up. After digging through the pile of clothes on the floor, I found my vibrating phone in the pocket of my jeans. I quietly snuck into the living area of the suite and shut the door to the bedroom behind me.

"Do you ever sleep?" I playfully asked Alice.

"Do you?" she retorted back.

"Good point," I conceded and sat down. "What's going on?"

"You have to promise me you won't freak out when I tell you this."

That was definitely never a good way to start a conversation. "What happened?" I asked her. My voice was harsh and a lot more demanding than I meant it to be.

Alice sighed on the other end of the phone. "TMZ got video footage of Bella singing tonight."

My vision became tinted with red and I ground my teeth together to keep from yelling the profanities I was already screaming mentally. Alice waited a second before continuing.

"Someone must have recognized her and sent in the video. The article with the video isn't bad, but you know Bella will freak out when she finds out about this. I just… what do you want me to do? Do we comment? Do we ignore-"

"I'm not going to pretend like we aren't together, Alice!" I snapped at her. Instantly regretting it because I knew that wasn't what she was suggesting. I lowered my voice and tried to calm down. "What do you think is best?"

"I think we should ignore it. If we comment on it, it will blow up into something it isn't. They will try to spin it that she's using you to advance her music career or something equally stupid," Alice suggested.

I groaned and leaned back against the couch. Why couldn't our lives just be simple? If they wanted to dig up shit about me, fine. But Bella wasn't a celebrity and she didn't deserve this.

"What does the article say?" I asked.

"Bella Swan, Edward Cullen's girlfriend, was spotted at an open mic night this evening in Austin, Texas. Sources say that Swan seemed skittish at first, but loosened up by the time the song was finished. They also report to TMZ that the song she sang was an original of her own. Has America's favorite bachelor been snagged by an unlikely song bird? Bella was cited as co-writing several of the songs on Cullen's latest CD, and the two of them broke millions of hearts when he announced their relationship at this year's Grammy awards. Our sources also reveal that Edward has moved to the Lone Star State to be closer to Bella and that he was, in fact, in attendance for tonight's performance…" Alice read. It went on to talk about the band she had performed with, as well as what little facts there were about Bella. I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Do you want me to tell Bella?" Alice asked after a few moments of silence.

"No," I answered, shaking my head. "No, I should be the one to tell her."

"I know you don't want to pressure her into working with Jasper, but the faster they do this, the easier it will be. If they're working together, people won't see it that she's trying to mooch off of your career. Plus I have a feeling that…"

Alice's voice trailed off, but I knew what she was thinking. "People are going to start offering things to her. If they're in business together then at least we know she's safe."

"Bella isn't stupid. I know she can handle herself, but this is different. She isn't used to people like this, Edward. I just… I don't want her to end up getting hurt," Alice whispered.

"I won't let her get hurt," I said fiercely.

"I know."

After a few more minutes Alice and I hung up. I sighed before making my way back into the bedroom. As I crawled into the bed, I wondered if it would be best to tell Bella now, or if I should wait until tomorrow. Tonight had been… close to perfect. I didn't want to ruin it. I leaned over her body and gently kissed the back of her shoulder before pulling the blankets higher up on her body.

"Mmm," Bella's sleepy voice muttered. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head and covered half of her body with mine. "Nothing, I just don't want you to get cold," I whispered.

"Love you," she muttered and squirmed back against me.

Kissing the back of her head, I pulled her closer to me. "I love you too."

I didn't sleep at all that night. Instead I held Bella as close to me as I could, listening to her breathing and praying that I would be able to protect her. If I ever found out who had leaked all of this to TMZ, I would definitely make them regret it. Twelve step program or not, you didn't fuck with my family and you most certainly didn't fuck with my girl.

**A/N: Maggie and Trin… I luff you! Just a quick note… this story is mine. I understand that copying me or my shit might be considered a "sincere form of flattery" but it really REALLY pisses me off. I won't name names because I believe that she already knows I am talking about her. If it keeps happening through, I will be forced to deal with it. You wouldn't like me angry…**


	7. Something Pretty

**I don't own Twilight. I do own a white chocolate bunny that will be losing its ears on Sunday.**

"**I've known ugliness, now show me something pretty." Something Pretty, Patrick Park**

"Oh my God!" Bella groaned.

I smiled at her satisfaction and quickened my movements. She curled into herself, pushing pack against me.

"Do you have any idea how fucking tight you are?" I asked her.

"Do. Not. Stop. What. You're. Doing," she basically growled, ignoring my question and the sexual innuendo along with it.

My fingers dug into her back, working out the muscles that were knotted just below her shoulder blades. When they finally started loosening, her posture relaxed and she leaned back against me.

"Better?" I asked. Bella nodded and leaned against my side.

I kissed the top of her head, leaving my nose buried in her hair. We sat there watching the TV without really watching it. Its sound filled the room while the light from it flickered around us, leaving strange shadows on everything. It wasn't long before Bella sighed and sunk further down onto the couch, laying her head against my leg while her legs stretched out.

"Thank you," she muttered with a voice thick from exhaustion.

"Welcome."

Bella smiled when my fingers started working through her hair and it wasn't a minute later that she was passed out. I laughed quietly but kept twirling her hair around my fingers, watching her sleep. It had been like this for the past few days, we would sit down to watch a movie or talk and five minutes later she was passed out. I couldn't blame her; the past few weeks had been incredibly stressful and neither one of us were really sleeping well. Bella didn't sleep because she was anxious about moving into the new place, working with Jasper, and all the shit that had happened with the paparazzi. I didn't sleep because I was fucking pissed.

I wanted to know who was leaking our shit to the media, and I wanted to know now. Alice and Jasper's theory was that someone from the courthouse had recognized Bella's name on all of the shit they had filed for their business, then called someone and gave them the information. My theory was that someone from one of our pasts was trying to settle a score or make a little money off of our situation. It was a jacked up way to look at the world, but I'd been down this road before. I didn't trust a lot of people which is why I had only kept in touch with a few people I'd been friends with before everything had gone big.

Alice had lived with us since our freshman year of high school and was practically like family. Jasper was the same way. We had randomly met at a dive coffee shop a few weeks after he'd moved to Seattle. I saw him playing and struck up a conversation. Not too long after that, Alice had basically attached herself to him and he became a permanent fixture in all of our lives. Then there was Bella.

She had literally fallen into my life when Alice shoved her in my general direction at that Halloween party. She'd been wearing those ridiculous fairy wings and looked absolutely miserable. At first I'd wondered what the hell Alice was thinking, trying to pair me up her, but it didn't take long for me to understand. After that night, Bella and I were pretty much inseparable. Now that I was actually in a relationship with her, it was so much easier for me to see that I'd loved her a hell of a lot longer than I had realized. If only I had been paying attention… I shook my head, refusing to think about what could have been. I couldn't change the past so decided to focus on the future. And my future was currently sleeping on the couch next to me, snoring.

"Cricket," I said softly, shaking her shoulder.

She groaned and turned her head away from me. I smiled when she muttered something that sounded like "don't".

"You don't want to go to bed?"

Bella sat up, glaring at the TV and then at me. I had to resist the urge to laugh at how ridiculous she looked, with one eye open and an adorable little pout set on her lips. She huffed before getting off of the couch and began stumbling towards the bedroom. I turned off the TV and followed. Bella grumbled while peeling her clothes off, but it wasn't until she actually got in the bed that she started making sense.

"I still hate that nickname."

I laughed before shedding my own clothes and following her into the bed.

"Well, old habits die hard," I said softly. She groaned but I ignored it and kissed the back of her shoulder.

We settled into the bed, me wrapped around her while she held onto my arms, and tried to fall asleep. We laid in the near silence, listening to the muted sound of the traffic outside the building, the hum of the fan, and our own breathing. When Bella's thumbs stopped rubbing circles on my arms I thought that she had finally fallen asleep. But it wasn't thirty seconds after that that she jumped out of the bed and ran to the front door of the hotel room. I heard her doubled checking the locks and got out of bed. She saw me standing in the doorway when she turned around and gave me a nervous shrug.

"I was just making sure." Her voice was quiet and timid, making my chest hurt.

Nodding, I watched as she walked back towards me. When Bella got close enough, I wrapped my arms around her, holding her against me. I hated her feeling anxious all the time. It was almost like she was in a constant state of panic, constantly looking over her shoulders and jumping at the slightest noises. She hadn't gone back to the record store or her apartment since the ordeal with the paparazzi, and I was getting really worried that she was becoming reclusive.

"The hotel won't let them in," I said against the top of her head. Bella nodded, but we both knew the truth. If they wanted in, they could probably find a way to get inside.

Her arms tightened around my sides and I kissed her forehead.

"We'll be out of here in a few days and no one knows where the new place is," I quietly reassured her. She nodded and the two of us got back in bed, but I was pretty sure neither one of us got more than a few hours of sleep. Again.

** *** **

I followed Jasper through my – our—empty living room and watched as he looked around, nodding in approval. I'd tried to talk Bella into getting an actual house, like Alice and Jasper, but she was sold on the condo. It was downtown, brand new, and met both of our requirements. Bella's had more to do with functionality, like separate bathrooms and something semi-permanent since we wouldn't be living in Austin that long, only a few years at the most. My requirements were more frivolous, like a room that I could turn into a private studio and a gym. We both liked the security that the building offered, and if it was safe enough for visiting diplomats it would be safe enough for us. Their security detail consisted of ex-marines and MP's and there were four of them stationed through out the building twenty-four hours a day. They offered a secured parking garage, as well as a top of the line in home security system.

"Is Alice okay staying?" I asked Jasper.

"Yeah," he nodded and kept walking through the empty space. "She kind of freaked at first and I told her we could go back to Seattle, but then she said she didn't want to. She wants to stay in Austin."

I leaned against the kitchen counter and watched him, noticing the worry that flashed through his eyes before it was replaced with the usual calming front he put up. We were all a little worried about Alice, not because she wouldn't fit in here or anything trivial like that, but because of what she was leaving behind.

When Alice was ten her father had lost his job, leaving their family pretty much destitute. Her mother was a little on the "crazy" side, and after a few months of living in their car, they had decided to put Alice up for adoption. They told her it was because they couldn't provide for her anymore and maybe that was the truth, but in the end it boiled down to abandonment. She was shuffled between foster parents and was in one hell of a shit hole when I met her. Alice put up a strong façade, never letting people see how hurt she really was, but eventually her mask started slipping.

She was at our house, working on a biology assignment, when my mother noticed a bruise on the small of her neck. It only took a few minutes of careful questioning before Alice was sitting on our couch sobbing and telling my mother about the absolutely horrid living conditions she was stuck in. It turned out that her foster brother was using Alice as a punching bag, making sure to keep the bruises where people wouldn't see them. That night Alice moved in, and a few weeks later my parents became her foster parents.

Despite what had happened, Alice always held on to the hope that her parents would try to find her again. She never legally changed her last name to Whitlock after she married Jasper, thinking that someday her family might try to locate her. It was for that reason alone that Jasper and Alice weren't selling their house in Seattle. She had to keep herself tied there in some way, just in case someone came looking for her.

"That's why I put the two year limit on staying here," Jasper muttered, stopping his wandering and looking at me. "I think she wants to move past what happened but she isn't ready. She's trying to make herself ready, show everyone she's ready, but I can tell that she isn't."

"We would have moved back to Seattle, Jasper. Bella and I wouldn't have been upset or—"

He interrupted me. "I know. I told her that. But she likes having my parents here. She's gotten really close with my mom lately and if I didn't think it would make things worse, I would have told her we were going back to Seattle. As it is I think she just needs a break, ya know?"

I nodded and knew exactly what he was telling me. Alice needed a break from everything, including work. Honestly, I think we all did.

"I'm not planning on rushing anything regarding the next album. I want to just… enjoy this. Enjoy being with Bella and not having to live in a hotel room or sit on a bus for twelve hours. I want to be able to enjoy being home," I told him.

Jasper smiled and shook his head. "Look at you getting all domestic. I never thought I'd live to see it happen."

I rolled my eyes at his sarcasm. "I just had to find someone that made me want to stop and settle down."

"And who would have thought that that 'someone' had been your best friend since you were nineteen?" Jasper asked me. He smiled before leaning into me and hitting my shoulder. "Even if it did take forever, at least it happened, right?"

Nodding, I smiled and looked down at my feet. "It's so weird though, looking back at how I felt then and how I feel now."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I've always loved Bella. But now I look back and see that I was _in love _with her a long time before I even realized it. Maybe before she even realized she felt the same way about me. And it's like I can't imagine not feeling that way. I've always been protective of her, but it's this whole new… thing now," I explained lamely.

Jasper smiled and stood there watching me. I got self-conscious and shrugged, but before the awkwardness could ensue, we were interrupted by the intercom by the front door buzzing. Jasper was still smirking when I walked past him to answer it.

"Yeah?" I yelled into the speaker.

"Mr. Cullen, we have a delivery for you. They're asking permission to come up stairs to deliver your boxes."

I smiled and nodded. "Great, send them up."

"We'll send them through the service elevators."

I muttered a thank you and unlocked the front door. Finally all of my shit from Seattle was here, just in time for us to start moving in this weekend. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and I let them inside.

Jasper and I stood in the kitchen, watching as they brought in box after box and trying to direct them where they went. This was way better than actually having to move my own shit like I'd had to do the last time I'd moved. Everything was being delivered, including all the new furniture Bella and Alice had picked out. They had tried to get me to help them, but spending all day in an IKEA, Pottery Barn or Crate and Barrel was not my idea of a good time.

"Is Bella packed?" Jasper asked me.

I shook my head and moved out of the way for the guy to put my one "kitchen box" on the counter before leaving and shutting the door behind them. "She's been too freaked out to go back to the apartment. We're going tonight and then going to her parents to get the rest of her stuff tomorrow."

Jasper started reassuring me that Bella would be fine, that she was stronger than I thought she was. I nodded even though that wasn't really my concern. I knew Bella could handle it, knew she was stronger than a lot of people gave her credit for, but I didn't want her to have to deal with all of this shit. It was impossible to keep things from affecting her, I knew that, but that didn't mean I couldn't try to keep her away from as much of it as I could.

"You'll be careful with her, right?" I asked Jasper.

He stared at me for a second before shaking his head. "What are you talking about?"

"I mean with this business and all the shit that's going to come with it, you'll make sure she's okay? Make sure that she doesn't have to deal with people who will try to take advantage of her, right?"

Jasper nodded and started to say something, but I wasn't finished.

"She won't let me help her because she thinks people will be influenced by my opinion. I just need you to make sure that she doesn't get hurt or taken advantage of. She can't—"

"Edward!" Jasper said loudly. I stopped talking and looked at him. "Bella is like a sister to me. I'm not going to let people fuck with her. I get that you're trying to protect her, but you can't smother her. Bella will be fine. Give her a little space to make her own choices and mistakes."

"But I've been there, Jasper! I made those mistakes and I don't want her to—"

I was interrupted by the front door opening and Bella and Alice's laughter. Their arms were full of shopping bags, and I was extremely happy to see a genuine smile on Bella's face. They dropped the bags in the corner of the living room before Bella started looking at the few boxes that were stacked around the room.

"Who knew you had so much shit?" She looked at me and laughed.

I watched as she started digging through the bags before gathering a few of them and heading towards the bedroom. She smiled and leaned over the bar, puckering her lips, silently requesting a kiss.

"What all did you buy?" I asked after giving her what she wanted.

"Stuff," Bella said before winking and walking down the hallway.

Alice and Jasper were wrapped up in each other, so I followed her to the bedroom. She was emptying bags in the bathroom, sitting stuff on the counters and humming to herself. I leaned against the door frame, watching her. It didn't take long for Bella to notice me standing there.

She sat a stack of towels on the counter and smiled. "What?"

"Nothing," I shook my head. "Just happy to see you so happy."

When Bella stood in front of me and wrapped her arms around my waist, I immediately kissed the top of her head before pulling her closer to me.

"You're sure this is what you want? Living together, I mean." Her voice was quiet and unsure.

She'd been asking me this a lot lately and I hated it. The uncertainty in her tone of voice made me hate the fact that I'd ever given her a reason to not trust me. I nodded against the top of her head before leaning back. My hands held the sides of her face, moving her head so that she was looking at me.

"My answer isn't going to change, Bella. I want to live with you, fall asleep with you, and wake up with you… all of it. You don't have to worry that I'm going to change my mind. Okay?"

Her eyes looked over my face and I smiled when they seemed to find what they were looking for. She relaxed back into my arms and nodded her head. I pulled her closer to me, tucking her head under my chin and began swaying us back and forth.

"We need to go to the apartment," she muttered against my chest.

I nodded. "Do you want to go now?"

She sighed and slowly let me go. "I guess."

"Bella, I can go over there and pack your stuff up. Or we can hire someone to do it. You don't have to go back there if you don't want to."

She shook her head and smiled. "I want to get it over with. I'm ready to move and just… start over with you."

Her façade of calm happiness didn't fool me. I stepped away from her, putting my hands on her shoulder and looking down at her. She gave me another fake smile and I shook my head.

"I'll take care of you, Bella. You don't have to worry about anything," I promised her.

"I know."

Leaning forward, I gently kissed her. She smiled and held my face close to hers, placing small kisses on my lips one right after the other.

"I want to write a song with you. Something that's just for the two of us," I said quietly.

It was something I'd been thinking about lately, but hadn't really meant to just blurt it out like that. Bella was hyper-sensitive about her music, especially when it came to me, and I didn't want her to freak out or be more stressed than she already was.

Bella nodded after a minute, giving me a hesitant smile. "Okay… as long as you promise that it's just for us."

"I promise."

"Okay," she agreed.

We walked out of the bedroom hand in hand, knowing that both of us were more than ready to start sharing our lives with each other. There wouldn't be anymore long distance phone calls. No more falling asleep without each other and waking up disappointed that we had dreamed we were together. We were starting over, and I knew that this was the beginning of our forever.

**A/N: Mels, Maggie, Cheri, Trin, Katie... anyone else I'm forgetting… thank you!! For those who celebrate Easter, happy Easter!! For those who don't… well… happy weekend!**


	8. Thistle and Weeds

**Don't own Twilight.**

"**It's getting dark darling, too dark to see. And I'm on my knees, and your faiths in shreds, it seems. But I will hold on. I will hold on hope." Thistle & Weeds, Mumford & Sons**

"You smell." Bella laughed as I ignored her insult and pulled her closer to me.

I'm sure I did smell, running five miles left me sweaty and disgusting, but that didn't mean that I would just let her leave for the day without kissing her goodbye. Her hands cupped the side of face when my lips met hers and I smiled when she wiped her sweat covered hands on my shirt.

"I'll be back later." Bella leaned up on her toes and gave me another quick kiss.

"Love you." I kissed her hand and let her go.

She smiled before walking out of the door. "Love you more."

The door shut behind her and the fake smile that I'd been holding in place for the past week fell off of my face. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the refrigerator and stomped off to the bathroom. A shower didn't help relieve the anxiety and anger that sat in my chest, just like the five miles hadn't.

It wasn't supposed to be like this with us. It wasn't supposed to be this hard. Bella and I had been through so much, both together and apart, and we were finally together. This was supposed to be the happily ever after part. There shouldn't have been fighting. There shouldn't have been fear. But, there was.

I trusted Bella, implicitly. I trusted her with my heart and soul and wouldn't ever doubt that choices that she made, until now. She was so blinded by whatever sort of gratitude that she had for Garrett that she couldn't see past anything else. She couldn't understand my mistrust of him and instead brushed everything off as jealousy.

There was jealousy, I won't lie. How could there not be? For three years he had stepped in and filled the void I had left in Bella's life. He made her laugh and smile, taught her how to express herself when she didn't know how. He became the person in her life that I had always been and it made me jealous and possessive.

But there was more. I hadn't written Garrett off in the beginning, in fact I had tried to give him a chance. Right after moving to Austin, I had hung out with Bella's new friends. I had gone into it with an open mind and been thankful that they had all been there for her when I wasn't. I liked Jessica and didn't mind Sam or Emily much. But there was always something about Garrett that rubbed me the wrong way. It set off something inside of me that screamed "protect what is yours" and I tried. God knows I tried.

Bella would see what she wanted to see. She saw a friend who had helped her and wouldn't ever purposefully hurt her. She saw the simple explanations that were always given, maybe a little too freely. She didn't see the looks that he gave her or the way his eyes watched her. She didn't really _see_ him.

She always asked for proof. She wanted to know why I didn't trust him. Why I didn't believe anything he said. My reasoning of just not liking the guy wasn't enough. She wanted proof and I didn't have any. Yet.

Too many things had happened since I'd moved here. The tape of her singing that had been sent to TMZ, the paparazzi finding out where she lived, and the CD that we had made in LA, all of it was too coincidental. Garrett had made sure that Bella sang that night, he had guilt tripped her into it. Garrett had called her and asked us to take Jessica back home the day that photographers found out where she lived. I saw the pieces fitting together but Bella took his apology and condolences and never looked back. She was fucking blind. And now she was signed up to play with them in that damn festival.

She was trying to move past her fears; I understood that and actually congratulated it. It made me proud of her. But the fact that she had signed a contract that tied herself and her music to _him_ made me extremely anxious. Bella's blind naivety was going to come back to bite her in the ass someday; I knew it. But, here and now, what could I do? I could argue and fight with her to try and make her understand why I didn't trust him. Or I could let her do this, let her overcome her insecurities, and stand by her side watching and waiting for Garrett's true colors to show. Choice number two it was.

So I smiled my fake smile, I watched as my girlfriend worked tirelessly with a man I didn't trust, and I waited for him to make his next move. He would make it. That wasn't a doubt, I knew it was coming. I just didn't know what it would be.

xXxXxXx

The level of self restraint that I had to show during their fucking rehearsals was ridiculous. I thought about just staying home or hanging out with Jasper while they worked, but the idea of leaving her alone with him made me endure it.

I made myself pay attention to Bella. I focused on her nervous smiles and shy glances in my direction and tried to put aside the jealous boyfriend issues and just be proud of her. She deserved it. But low and behold, the second that I found myself lost in Bella's efforts, Garrett would do something to set off the green monster that sat in my chest.

It started out with his moronic ideas about changing keys or adding things that didn't need to be added that annoyed me the most. This was Bella's song, she had written the words and the music and I didn't like the fact that she let him change it without even consulting her first.

When she was having problems with a few of the chords and he leaned over her body to show her what her hands needed to be doing, I nearly ripped the arm off of the chair. His body didn't need to be that close to hers. His hands didn't need to touch hers for that long. When he looked over in my direction and smiled, it took every ounce of strength that I had to keep myself from going over there and ripping his hands off of his arms. Really, the only thing that stopped me was Bella elbowing him in his stomach and telling him to get off of her back.

By the time it got to the point for them to take a break, my chest was heaving with barely controlled anger. The second that Bella got within arm's reach, I grabbed her and pulled her towards me. She fell onto my lap and smiled when my fingers twisted themselves through the back of her hair. The tension in my body alleviated.

Bella ignored the praises I gave her between kisses and focused only on the fact that she couldn't get through the second verse without tripping over a few of the chords.

"It isn't like I don't know what they are," she quietly complained. "I wrote the damn song."

"It's all in here." I tapped her forehead lightly. "You think you can't get it, so you won't. Just relax and don't think so much."

She nodded before looking up at me. "Will you help me with it? At home?"

I couldn't help but smile at how adorably shy was being. "Absolutely, whenever you want."

The two of us sat there, lost in a world that no one else could ever understand, and I tried to focus on _that_ instead of the asshole talking loudly in front of us. It didn't work.

"The vocals aren't very strong."

I watched over the top of Bella's head as Jessica rolled her eyes at Garrett. "Well, I don't know what else you want me to do. I'm singing how I always sing."

"It isn't you," he shook his head and thumbed through the sheet music in his hands. "I just think it needs something else added to it"

"Why can't Bella sing back up?" Sam asked. "Just a suggestion."

The feeling of her entire body tensing was instantaneous. My fingers curled around her leg and I held her closer to me instead of telling everyone in the room to fuck off.

Bella shook her head but it was Jessica who spoke. "I actually think this song would be really good with a male lead vocal. Then Bella and I both could do back up. Your voice is stronger, Garrett. It would make more sense."

Okay, so Jessica didn't have to fuck off. In fact, I actually agreed with her. Having two female back up vocals would make it more distinctive but not take away from the lead.

"I really only saw this as a female vocal song." Garrett shook his head. "I don't think that-"

"Well since Bella is the one that wrote the song then maybe she should be the one to tell you what _she_ thought when she wrote it?" Jessica snapped at him.

I had to fight to keep the muscles in my face from smiling.

When everyone looked at Bella she sighed loudly. "It's good either way."

_Wrong_, I mentally said argued. I knew Bella well enough to know that she didn't really believe that. She was trying to placate everyone instead of "picking sides."

"Well how did you hear it when you wrote it?" Garrett asked. His tone of voice made me want to break his jaw, especially since it was directed at Bella.

She squirmed in my lap, giving noncommittal answers, until she finally stood up.

"Who did you hear singing it when you heard it in your head?" Jessica asked this time, her tone more calming.

Bella shrugged and then looked back at me. "Edward, actually."

Jessica smiled smugly at Garrett. "Male vocal."

He made some smart ass remark but I ignored it because Bella was sitting in the chair next to mine, smiling.

"You wrote a song for me, huh?" I laughed at the blush that covered her face. "When did you write this?"

"A while ago," she answered evasively.

"Mmm." I watched as she kissed my cheek and stood up. I held her hand before she walked away and gently kissed her fingertips. They were red and calloused. "We'll ice these when we get home."

I got another shy smile before she walked back to Jessica and got ready to finish their rehearsal.

I sat there for another two hours, observing and keeping my opinions to myself, while Garrett took over the lead vocals and Bella and Jessica shared back up. She could have done them alone, her voice was strong enough, but I knew there was no way that would happen. Mentally, she couldn't handle it despite the fact that we all knew she could.

After they had finished, I was putting Bella's guitar back into its case while she helped Jessica close the store up front. As I was shutting the lid, I saw Garrett watching me from the corner of my eye. I straightened up and looked at him.

"Did you need something?" I tried to make my voice semi-polite but I'm pretty sure that didn't happen.

"Look man," he shook his head. "I don't want to fight with you about shit, alright? I just wanted to talk to you about something and I-"

"What do you want, Garrett?"

His shoulders squared towards me before he said, "I don't want you coming to rehearsals anymore."

I shook my head and smiled. "Well unfortunately for you I don't give a shit what you want."

"Don't turn this into something more than it is," he came closer to me. "Bella can't focus when you're here and I need her to-"

Leaving Bella's guitar where it was, I stalked towards Garrett. "Let me make something clear to you. I don't give a shit what you want or need. Bella wants me here and there is no way I am leaving her alone with you."

He glared at me. "I'm sure your possessive tendencies are appreciated. What girl doesn't want to feel like she's being babysat by her boyfriend?"

"Alright listen," I crossed my arms across my chest. "Bella might buy this good guy routine that you're pulling but I don't. I can see it on your face and in your eyes. I don't trust you and I sure as fuck don't like you."

"Like I give a shit what you think about me, Edward. You may think that because you're a quote unquote celebrity-"

I ignored him and kept talking. "I don't know what your game is but the bottom line is that you need to keep your hands and your eyes off of my girlfriend. You better watch the way you talk to her and if you do anything to screw her over in this music festival, I will make you regret it."

I walked back to the table to get Bella's guitar case and turned around to find Garrett blocking the doorway. I wanted to laugh at his stupidity while another part of me was really hoping that he would try to start something. The sound of Bella and Jessica's voices carried down the hallway to the back practice room we were standing in. Garrett looked down the hallway then back to me.

"You might want to be more careful with threatening people," he said quietly before a twisted smile formed across his face.

"Get the fuck out of my way," I practically growled.

Garrett's eyes narrowed slightly before he took a step back out into the hallway. I walked past him just as Bella reached us.

"Hey, I was thinking about seeing if everyone wanted to go to din-"

I shook my head and held on to her hand. "We're having dinner with Alice and Jasper."

Bella looked confused for a second before turning to walk back towards the front door. I walked behind her, keeping her hand held in mine, only to stop when she suddenly turned around.

"Bye Garrett," she called over my shoulder.

I turned in time to see him smiling and waving at her. "See ya tomorrow, Bella."

She turned back around in time to miss his eyes staring at her ass and then back up to me. His face was smug when he leaned against the wall.

"Yeah Garrett," I said through clinched teeth. "I'll see you tomorrow, too."

**AN: Well hello Eduardo we have missed you. Thanks as always, especially baby JB who is my homie even in the womb.**


	9. Not an Addict

**Nope, still don't own Twilight.**

"**It's over now, I'm cold, alone. I'm just a person on my own. Nothing means a thing to me. It's not a habit, it's cool-I feel alive. If you don't have it you're on the other side. I'm not an addict, maybe that's a lie. Free me, leave me. Watch me as I'm going down. Free me, see me. Look at me, I'm falling." Not an Addict, K's Choice**

I could stand in front of thirty thousand people, play a song, and not even break a sweat. I could write a song with lyrics that were so personal that it was like leaving my heart on the page with the music notes and scribbled words; that didn't faze me. But sit me down in front of Bella's father and I turned into a bumbling idiot. My hands were shaking and sweaty, my stomach felt like it was trying to escape my body by crawling up my throat. Fuck, this was harder than I thought it would be.

"So," Charlie Swan drawled. "You wanted to come by and talk to me?"

I nodded and ran my sweaty palms over my thighs while my legs bounced up and down. "Ye-yes, sir."

He smiled and leaned back in his chair. It wasn't until he moved his arms that I noticed he hadn't taken his damn gun off. Freaking awesome.

"I've known Bella for a really long time," I stammered.

Her father nodded.

"And uh," I stood up and started pacing around their living room. "I, um, well you know… we've been uh… living together."

_Great Cullen, way to bring up the fact that you're shacking up with his only daughter, idiot_- I looked up to see Charlie watching me with his eyes narrowed. _Time to back track._

"What I mean is that, well, Bella and I… we're pretty serious. You know? So I was thinking that… well-"

He let out a deep sigh and leaned forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees. "Are you going to ask my daughter to marry you?"

I stopped pacing and looked at Bella's father. He raised an eyebrow while he waited for me to answer. I slowly nodded my head.

"I want to ask for your permission to ask Bella to marry me," I answered. "I love her, Charlie. And I don't want to waste anymore time."

"So you're saying that the past four or five months that you've been living with her have been wasted?"

"No!" I yelled immediately. I lowered my voice and shook my head. "I mean, no sir. That isn't what I mean at all. I'm just saying that we both know that this is what we want. We want a life together, so why wait?"

Charlie Swan leaned back in his chair and motioned for me to sit back down. I did. He stared at me for a good while which made me completely nervous and paranoid. I decided to try and reassure him that I wouldn't screw his daughter over.

"I can take care of Bella. I can… she'll never want for anything. And-"

"Money isn't everything, Edward." He interrupted me. "Let me ask you something."

I nodded and waited for his question.

Charlie evened his eyes with mine. "What the hell happened between the two of you when she left Seattle and came back here a complete wreck?"

Well fuck. I ran my hands over my face and thought about what to say, how to answer. On one hand I didn't want to tell my girlfriend's father that I was a recovering drug addict that had been screwing around with his only daughter and then lied to get her to leave me. But I also didn't want to lie to him. The truth would probably piss him off but at least he would know I wasn't a liar.

"I was on…" I began and then shook my head. "I was addicted to some heavy shit, Charlie. I'm not going to lie or sugar coat this because I respect you and Bella more than that. I was popping pills and snorting up. I never physically hurt Bella but emotionally I… "

My voice trailed off as I remembered that night in Rosalie's office. I took a deep breath and continued.

"I made Bella believe that she didn't mean anything to me. I lied to her so that she would leave me. You see, I didn't think I deserved her then. I still don't, actually. So I pushed her away and she came here."

"Are you clean?" Charlie asked me.

I nodded. "The night she left was the last time I used anything. I don't even smoke cigarettes."

He drummed his fingers against the arm of the chair. "Do you love my daughter?"

I didn't hesitate to answer. "Yes, sir. With my whole heart."

"And you'll support her? Take care of her?"

I nodded my head quickly. "Yes, sir."

Everything was quiet. Way, way too quiet. I was about to get up and start pacing again when Charlie cleared his throat.

"Alright, Edward." He sat up in his chair and looked at me. "I'm going to lay it all down right now. I like you, Renee and I have always liked you. I respect the fact that you told me the truth about what happened and I admire you for changing your life."

"Thank you, sir."

"If you can sit here, right now, look me in the eye and swear to me that you'll take care of Bella. That you'll protect her, love her and treat her the way she deserves to be treated… then I'll give you my blessing. But if you have one single doubt in your mind that you can't live up to those promises then you better tell me. Cause' if I ever get another phone call from my daughter when she is a complete mess, telling me that she's coming back home, I will come find you. And the fact that I wear this badge won't make a damn bit of difference. You understand me?"

"I promise you, I will take care of Bella. I will love her."

He nodded his head and heaved himself out of his chair. I clumsily stood up in time to shake his hand when he held it out to me.

"Welcome to the family, son."

xXxXxXx

"Something like this, perhaps?"

I pulled the small velvet covered tray towards me and looked down at the ring he was showing me. Dean Fredrick was one of the most exclusive jewelers in Austin, or so said my mother. I hadn't ever bought jewelry for Bella or anyone else and had been forced to ask my mom for advice. She told me that going to Tiffany & Co was "so unoriginal" and set out to find a private jeweler. That lead to me sitting here looking at rings that were way too pretentious and not at all Bella.

"They all look too big," I muttered. "She's a musician and I would hate for her to hit it on something."

"We can design something specific," He pulled open a desk drawer and pulled out a sketch pad. "Do you have any idea what she would like?"

I scratched my head and wished that I would have just invited Alice or taken my mom up on her offer to come help me. But this was something I really wanted to do on my own. I'd known Bella for over a decade, I should be able to pick out something she would like.

Dean gave me a sympathetic smile and tapped his temple. "Maybe a different approach? Tell me about her, about the girl you want to marry."

I smiled. "Her name's Bella."

He nodded. "Does she wear a lot of jewelry on a daily basis?"

"No," I shook my head. "She wears a necklace my parents have her but that's pretty much it. She'll wear earrings if were going out somewhere."

"So she is simplistic. Does she keep up with the latest fashion designs?"

Again, I shook my head and laughed. "She's pretty much a jeans and t-shirt kind of girl."

"What are her favorite shoes? You can tell a lot about a woman by her shoes." Dean was sketching on the pad now.

"Flip flops, even in the winter."

The man sitting across from me laughed. "In Texas that isn't so unusual."

I shifted in my chair. "In Seattle it is."

Thirty minutes later I was staring at a picture of a ring that was perfect. It was simple and classic, exactly like Bella. I really liked the idea that this was a one of a kind piece of jewelry, especially since it was made for a one of a kind woman.

"So you will have an engagement ring," Dean pointed to the picture. "And then a separate wedding band that she can wear by its self when she's performing."

"It's exactly what I want." I smiled and nodded my head.

I didn't care about the price or that it would take a few weeks for him to make it. You couldn't rush perfection and I still had some things to finish before the proposal would be ready. I smiled like a damn fool the whole way back home.

When I got home and opened the front door, I found two visitors sitting in our living room. It wasn't unusual for Alice or Jasper to stop by, but seeing the two of them sitting there looking like someone had died, made me incredibly nervous. Fear ripped through my chest and I immediately worried about Bella.

I dropped my keys onto the floor and stared at Jasper. "What happened?"

Alice just shook her as tears started rolling down her cheeks. Jasper opened and closed his mouth several times.

"Jesus Christ," I yelled. "Someone tell me what the hell happened!"

"We tried to call you," Alice said quietly.

I frowned and realized that I'd left my phone in the studio this morning. Leaving the two of them sitting there, I ran through the house and yanked the studio door open. Jasper came in behind me but I ignored him as I looked through my missed calls and text messages. I had a few from the studio and like fifty from Alice and Jasper. There weren't any from Bella, Emmett or parents, which would mean that everyone was okay. Just to double check, I typed out a quick message to all four of them to make sure they were fine.

"Edward," Jasper's voice interrupted me. "Edward, it leaked."

I shook my head and looked up at him. "What did? The dishwasher?"

Alice was standing in the doorway looking skittish. Jasper took a deep breath and handed me a manila folder. I took it and quickly flipped it open. I saw a hand typed letter but ignored it, focusing instead on the pictures that were also included.

"Oh my God." I whispered.

My eyes stared at a set of pictures of a much younger version of myself. I was obviously drunk, had a half empty bottle of Jack Daniel in one hand, a blunt in the other and was standing next to table that had several rows of coke on it.

Vomit burned my throat as I flipped through the pictures. When I reached the last one I tossed them onto the floor and looked through the rest of it. There were documents of my various arrests in Seattle for drunken misconduct and even one for a DUI. Also included were medical documents from my trip to rehab a few years ago.

"Who has this?" I asked. My hands curled around the side of my keyboard. When no one answered I looked up at Jasper. "Who the fuck has this?" I screamed at him.

"Everyone," Alice answered. "It's running tonight on _E!_"

Without conscious effort I pushed the keyboard away from me. The sound of it hitting floor made me feel marginally better.

Jasper told Alice to leave but she just stood in the doorway. I ignored her and stalked around the room, letting the hatred and frustration radiate through my body.

How fucking stupid was I to believe that none of this would ever come out? How naïve of me to think that my past wouldn't ever come back to haunt me?

I grabbed the neck of one of my guitars and threw it against the far wall. Alice screamed and Jasper yelled for her to leave. I heard the studio door shut.

"Edward, calm the fuck down!"

"Perfect-fucking-time, J! You know what I promised Bella's dad not four days ago?" I laughed manically and threw a stool against the drum set. The noise was tremendous.

Jasper moved in front of the door but didn't say anything. I stopped and turned to look at him.

"Did you hear me? Do you want to fucking know?" I screamed again. He still didn't answer me. "I promised Charlie Swan that I would take care of Bella! That I would love her and protect her! I promised him that so he would give me his blessing to marry her, Jasper!"

My friend's eyes widened and he shook his head. "This isn't something you can control, Edward. This isn't who you are anymore."

"I SAID I WOULD FUCKING PROTECT HER, JASPER! HOW THE HELL CAN I DO THAT WHEN I CAN'T EVEN PROTECT MYSELF? WHEN I CAN'T PROTECT MY FAMILY!"

This was exactly what I had been scared of from the beginning. Bella didn't need to be associated with this. She didn't need to be tainted by the fucking wreck of a past that haunted me. Anger boiled in my stomach and ate away at the precarious hold I had on my sanity.

My hands picked up the small glass table that was sitting near the windows and smashed it against the two guitars that were sitting next to it. I wasn't angry for myself, I mean obviously I knew what the consequences of my actions could be, but I was so fucking furious for my family, for Bella. None of them deserved to be associated with this, with me. I was nothing but a disappointment and constant disgrace for my family and friends. I screamed and let my fist hit the closest thing to me which ended up being a wall.

"Fucking stop, Edward!"

I ignored Jasper and continued to destroy anything I could get my hands on. He moved in front of me and spoke some calming bullshit that I didn't listen to. I could only focus on the fact that I'd once again been a huge source of embarrassment for my family and Bella. How many more times would I put them through this?

"She would be better off without me." I looked up from the floor and stared at my friend.

Jasper's eyes flashed with anger and I couldn't blame him.

"If you fucking leave her and hurt her, I will kill you myself, Edward. Do you understand? Do you understand that you can't do that to her, again. You can't fucking hurt her like that."

I laughed bitterly and shook my head. "Don't you get it, Jasper? I'm too fucking selfish for that! I can't leave her! All I can do is sit here and wait for her to fucking leave me!"

He held his hands up, obviously trying to get me to calm down, but that only made it worse. I closed my eyes and saw what her life would be like without me. I saw Bella and Garrett- saw the two of them working side by side in that fucking store and living the middle class life that she would enjoy. No red carpets. No paparazzi. No humiliating secrets.

A guttural scream left my throat as my hand grabbed the closest thing it could reach. My arm swung backwards and threw whatever it was against the wall. The sound of it making contact didn't drown out the sound that made my entire body seize.

"No! Please, Edward, don't!"

Bella's voice was scared and shaken. My eyes watched as she tried to move around Jasper. Part of me wanted to tell him to let her go but another part of me wanted her to get as far away from me as she could.

"Edward." She shook her head and pushed on Jasper's arm. "Edward, what… are you okay? What…"

In the few seconds that it took for my brain to register what she was saying I realized that my entire world was wrapped up in the girl watching me. Bella was my everything. She was so fucking beautiful, so perfect.

I shook my head and fell to my knees. My body and mind ached but it was nothing compared to the pain that I felt in my heart. I felt her hand on my arm and it eased the hurt. Bella moved closer and, like the greedy asshole that I am, I wrapped my arms around her and let the pain dissipate.

Tears were running down my face and onto her legs, leaving wet spots on her jeans, but I didn't care. I just held on tighter and apologized for everything that I'd ever done to her.

_I'm sorry for making you feel like you were nothing. I'm sorry for not seeing how perfect you were from the beginning. I'm sorry for making you doubt yourself. I'm sorry that I'm not better for you. I'm sorry that I can't protect you. I'm so fucking sorry, for putting you through this. I'm sorry for everything, Bella._

"Please tell me what's going on. Whatever it is… please just tell me," Bella whispered.

"Its over, it's all over."

Her fingers threaded themselves into my hair. I held on tighter.

_Please don't leave me,_ I silently prayed. _Please, Bella. Please don't leave me._

**AN: Poor Edward. Seriously, I cry for him sometimes. Anywho… there will be some more EPOV's coming up. Thanks Mags, as always!**


	10. Reckless

**Still don't own Twilight.**

**This outtake goes with chapters 32, 33, 34, 35 & 36 of The Groupie. These are kind of short and more like a series of drabbles that just give a little insight into Edward's mind during certain scenes in the corresponding chapters. Enjoy!**

"**I'm walking on broken glass from the wreckage of my past. I'm locked up in a cage 'cause I'm a prisoner of my ways. I'm reckless, so reckless. God save me from this madness." Reckless, Papa Roach**

I really was a fucking idiot.

"Are you okay?"

The timid sound of Alice's voice made me look up from the floor. I shook my head to answer her question.

Jasper sighed before putting his hand on my shoulder. "She just didn't want to sit at the hospital all night, Edward. She didn't _leave_, leave."

No, Bella hadn't left Seattle, but she had every right to. I'd yelled at her, lied to her… I didn't deserve anything less than her leaving me. I knew how Bella felt about Jane, I knew how sensitive of a subject that was with her. Maybe that's why I felt like it was better to just not tell her what I was doing.

Aside from the obvious, that I didn't want Bella involved in anything to do with Aro, I also didn't want her to have to deal with Jane. For whatever reason, my ex-girlfriend was a constant source of resentment and worry for Bella. There wouldn't ever be anything between Jane and me, ever again. But like everything else in my past, it just wouldn't go away.

My eyes fell back to the floor. "I couldn't just… leave her there."

It was true that Jane had really fucked me up, that she had left me a broken mess on a shitty motel floor, but that didn't mean that I could just ignore the fact that she was in serious trouble. I'd been there and if I hadn't had Bella and the rest of my family, I would be a rotting corpse by now. Bella had saved me and now I was trying to save Jane because no one else would.

Alice reached forward to hold my hand. "I know that, and deep down, Bella does too. She's just… hurt."

"Go talk to her," Jasper squeezed my shoulder. "The longer you put this off, the worse it's going to be."

I took my friend's advice and pulled the keys to my father's car out of my pocket but looked up at Alice before I walked towards the hospital's exit. She gave me an encouraging smile that made me feel horrible from guilt.

"You were right," I said sadly. "At the bank you told me I was making a mistake, that this would kill Bella, and I ignored you. I'm sorry… I should have…"

She shook her head. "Just fix this, Edward.

I nodded and turned towards the doors leading towards the parking lot.

xXxXxXx

I'd done a lot of fucked up shit in my life but none of them ever compared to this. The level of guilt that I felt, sitting on the couch while listening to Bella crying in the bedroom, was maddening. My apologies and attempts to make her feel better made things worse, so all I could do was wait and hope that exhaustion would finally give her the comfort of sleep. All the while my mind kept replaying the day through my head, reminding me of all of the mistakes I'd made. Lying to Bella and telling her I was spending the day with my brother and father- mistake. Yelling at Alice when she warned me that this was going to be a disaster- mistake. Ignoring Bella's phone calls- mistake. The entire ordeal was a huge fucking mistake.

And now I had to sit here and listen to the woman that owned my heart and soul cry because I had broken hers. She'd trusted me with everything and I'd let her down. She'd loved me and I hurt her.

Eventually Bella's crying stopped and I watched thru the open curtain as the night sky turned into a hazy pink. My father called to update me on Jane's condition but I couldn't really focus on anything he told me. Once we hung up, I quietly wandered into the bedroom. I was foolish enough to believe that Bella might have been asleep, but she wasn't. Her eyes found mine for a second before she looked back at the ceiling.

"Did you sleep at all?" I asked quietly.

Bella shook her head once and then again when I asked if she wanted breakfast. She asked how Jane was, which surprised me, and I gave her a few of the details that my father had given me. I'd never thought that she would expect me to stay in Seattle while Jane recuperated and absolutely hated the way that she cried when I told her that. But finally, Bella let me comfort her. My arms held her as tears fell down her face and onto my shirt and I apologized again and again for hurting her.

It was after Bella fell asleep that I realized that there wasn't a way for me to fix this by myself. I needed her forgiveness and trust and that was something she had to give me. But I had promised her that I would spend every day of the rest of my life proving to her that I loved her and that I wouldn't hurt her again, and even if she didn't believe me, I had to keep telling her. I had to keep trying.

xXxXxXx

"So you went here?" Jane looked at the brochure in her hand.

I sat down in the chair next to her bed. "Yeah. As far as rehab goes it's probably the best in the country."

She sat the pamphlet on her lap and frowned. "Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because you need help," I tiredly explained. "You can't do this by yourself."

"What about Bella?"

I didn't particularly want to discuss anything regarding Bella with Jane but I also didn't want to hide things from her. If I was going to help her then Bella would inevitably come up in our conversations. So I sighed before picking up the glossy paper she'd discarded.

"Bella's… Well she isn't exactly thrilled that I'm doing this but she understands that you need help."

Jane nodded and the two of us sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few minutes. When she spoke again, it was a question that I'd never thought she would ask me.

"You've loved her for a while, haven't you?"

I refolded the brochure. "Yeah."

"Even when we were together."

It was more of a statement than a question but I answered her anyway. "I didn't always know that I loved Bella but yeah, she's… everything to me now."

"She was always good for you," Jane added with a nod. "That's probably why I was so damn jealous of her. I could see it, even back then. I saw how much she loved you, how close the two of you were and I knew that we wouldn't ever have that."

I couldn't tell her that it wasn't true because it was. What I felt with Bella wasn't anything I'd ever felt with anyone else, especially Jane. When I didn't say anything, Jane took the brochure back from me and sat it on the table beside the bed.

"I appreciate you helping me, Edward. But I don't deserve it."

Maybe she was right. Maybe Jane didn't deserve my help, just like I probably didn't deserve Bella's love or forgiveness, especially after everything I'd done to her in the past. But that was the beauty of second chances; you could try to earn what you didn't deserve.

My hand reached forward until her fingers here wrapped in mine. When I squeezed her hand, she finally looked up at me, her eyes bright with unshed tears. I gave her a reassuring smile before saying, "Everyone deserves the chance to change, Jane."

"I'm sorry, for everything."

"Don't be." I shook my head. "Everything happened for a reason. And if you and I hadn't… if you wouldn't have left the way you did, then who knows if Bella and I would have ever fallen in love. We wouldn't have left Seattle for the summer and I would have given up on music. You breaking my heart was probably the best gift you could have ever given me."

"I hope I can do that one day," Jane whispered as her eyes fell to her lap.

"Do what?" I squeezed her fingers again.

She sighed before looking back at me. "Be able to look back on all of my mistakes and understand why they had to happen. I hope that I'll be able to see the good that came from all of this."

"I hope so too."

xXxXxXx

"So what's the deal with Bella?"

I took another bite of food, ignoring Emmett's question. When he figured out that I wasn't going to answer him, I got a dinner roll thrown at my face.

"Emmett," our father scolded.

"Dude!" My brother pointed his fork at me. "You're leaving tomorrow and you haven't said shit about asking Bella to marry you!"

As annoyed as I was with his constant badgering, I had to at least be thankful for the fact that Emmett had waited until Bella was out of the house before asking. She'd gone to see Angela and therefore left my family with an ample amount of time to question me.

"A lot has happened since they got here." Rosalie elbowed Emmett. "He'll ask her when he is ready to ask her."

I opened my mouth to thank my sister-in-law but was interrupted by my mother.

"And I know Edward wouldn't do that without letting us know." She gave me a smile that was laced with guilt tripping innuendos. "Right?"

Originally I had planned on asking Bella while we were in Seattle and my entire family knew that. But, because life is just so fucking peachy, that idea was forgotten about. What with the rehab story breaking and then all of this shit with Jane, it just wouldn't have been right. I wanted Bella to know that I was asking her to marry me because I loved her, not because I was trying to keep her from leaving me. Asking her would have seemed like a last ditch effort and that isn't what I wanted.

I carefully sat my fork down before speaking. "I will ask Bella to marry me when the moment is right. It could be tomorrow on the airplane home or it could be six months from now." Several people at the table started to talk but I spoke over them. "_The point_ is that all of you," I gave a look to Emmett, "need to calm down. We will tell you when it happens, but until then, drop it."

My mother and Alice at least had the decency to look somewhat ashamed but Emmett just continued to glare at me. I smiled and my father quietly laughed when my brother speared another piece of steak and shoved it in his mouth. Surprisingly, it was Jasper that spoke next.

"I'm totally for you asking when and where it's right for both of you, but if you ask my oldest friend to marry you on a crowded airplane then I'm going to be pissed."

Alice sighed dramatically. "Exactly! Edward this is a once in a lifetime thing! Jasper's proposal was so romantic and-"

When my mother and Emmett's voices joined in, I let my head fall to the table. My dad's hand fell on my back and squeezed my shoulder.

"Ignore them and do what's best for you and Bella," he advised. I turned my head to look at him and he smiled. "Just be sure to call your mother as soon as she says yes, or I'll have to hurt you."

xXxXxXx

"Unlock the fucking door!" I threw my shoulder against the car door, trying to open it.

The sound of Bella fighting with Garrett filled the police car that I was sitting in. While other officers ran towards the apartment building, I once again, tried to unsuccessfully force the door open.

Charlie Swan's hand pulled at my shirt, hauling me around to face him. "You calm down or I'm going to leave you in here! Do you understand me?"

Had it been anyone else but Bella's father, I would have punched them. But I knew Charlie was just as worried as I was, just as mad. So I nodded my head and took a deep breath. He let go of my shirt and told the guy in the front seat to let me out.

The last thing that I heard before getting out of the car was Bella's voice telling Garrett to get off of her. I pushed the door open, knocking some police officer to the street, and took off running towards the stairs leading up to the door.

"Edward!" Charlie yelled behind me.

Before I could make it inside, two pairs of arms wrapped around me, holding me back from the apartment's front doors.

"If he hurt her I'll fucking kill him!" I yelled, pulling away from them. "Charlie, tell them to let me go!"

Bella's father shook his head. "Keep him out here."

I watched, furiously, as Charlie took off up the stairs that led to Garrett's apartment.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I yelled after him. I turned to look at one of the officer's holding my arm. "Bella's… That's my_ life _up there! Let me go!"

He shook his head. "They'll bring her down shortly."

"Are you telling me that if that was your girlfriend, your wife, that you would just stand down here waiting for them to bring her to you? Fuck that!"

I was finally able to break free of their grip but didn't take more than three steps inside before both of them caught up with me. They kept telling me to stop, trying to convince me that everything was fine, but I pulled against them. If I had to drag the two of them up the fucking stairs with me then I would.

"See, what did I tell you?"

I looked up at the sound of Charlie's voice and shoved one of the assholes holding me into the wall. I ran up the stairs, three at a time, until I was standing in front of Bella. Her face was red and swollen from crying, and her hand was carefully held against her chest.

"What the…" I gently touched her cheeks. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Bella threw herself against me and I held her tightly. I felt her tears against my neck and kissed the side of her head.

Charlie walked past us, patting my back as he did, and commented on the fact that Bella's hand was swelling pretty quickly. I tried to get Bella to move with me so that I could take her to the hospital but stopped when she started telling me how sorry she was.

Her shoulder's shook with controlled sobs while she shook her head. "You knew from the beginning that they weren't good people. You told me that fame and money changed people and I didn't… I didn't want to believe you."

I made sure that she was looking at me before I spoke.

"I've never wished that I'd been more wrong about something."

xXxXxXx

"Are you finished?"

I nodded at Charlie's question and rubbed the back of my neck. "Where's Bella?"

"She's asleep in Jenk's office." He offered me a cup of coffee. "Look Edward, they're about to release Garrett."

I stopped moving, leaving my hand halfway extended towards him. "Is he going home?"

Charlie sighed. "You can't go looking for him. You end up beating the ever loving shit out of this kid and he could file charges against you."

"I don't care. A night in jail would be worth it."

"_You_ may not care," he evened his gaze with mine. "But _Bella_ will care. Your _parents_will care. The _public_ will care. You can't go making this into a bigger mess than it already is. When all of this goes to trial you will both have to testify and that's going to be hard enough on everyone."

"So that's it?" I asked, throwing my hands up. "I just let him walk away? Knowing that he caused all of this? Knowing how much he hurt Bella and my family? Sam, Emily and Aro will go to jail and I'm fine with that. But Garrett will walk away from this and go back to his shitty existence without facing any consequences!"

Bella's father sighed. "I didn't tell you this, Edward, but Garrett is in interview room three and will be there, unaccompanied, for the next fifteen minutes. If you chose to go in there and do anything more than talk to him, then you're on your own. I can't pull any special favors to get you out of the shithole you'll be in."

I started to turn away and find the room that they were holding Garrett in but stopped when Charlie grabbed my arm and made me look at him.

"If you get arrested for assault it will make this entire thing worse for Bella. I really don't want to go wake my daughter up and tell her that you're being booked, so say what you have to say and get out of there, Edward. It's time to put this behind you."

He turned around and left me standing in the middle of the hallway. I watched his retreating back for a second before turning to go and find interview room three. When I opened the door, I found Garrett sitting at a table with his head in his hands.

"When the hell can I get out of-" He stopped talking when he looked up and saw me.

My gut reaction was to grab his head and slam it into the table repeatedly, but then I noticed the bruises that covered his face and remembered that Bella had been the one to put them there. Bella, who had suffered thru much more than anyone should ever have to, was sleeping on some random couch. She had to be in pain, with a broken hand and stitches still in her other arm, and was probably exhausted. Charlie was right, the last thing she needed was to deal with me being arrested. I took a deep breath before closing the door behind me and leaning back against it.

Garrett leaned back in his chair. "What are you doing here?"

"I came in here with the intent to beat the absolute shit out of you," I answered honestly. "But, I can see my girlfriend did it for me."

"Go fuck yourself, Cullen."

I ignored him. "This is what's going to happen, Garrett. You're never, _ever_, going to contact Bella again. You'll leave this station, go back to your shitty little apartment, and leave us alone."

He glared at me but didn't say anything.

"You'll also never play her music again and if I find out that you have, even if it's at some run down bar for an open mic night, you'll hear from my-"

"You don't deserve her." Garrett interrupted. "You never have. You'll break her heart, again, and then Bella will be back where she started. Here, with me."

I moved away from the door until I was leaning over the table, using the chair as a way to keep my hands occupied and away from his face. "You're right," I said slowly. "I don't deserve her but I love her. And I will spend every day of the rest of my life proving it."

"And I'll spend every day of the rest of my life waiting for the day that she realizes what a worthless piece of shit you are." His voice and smile were goading me on, making my ears buzz with adrenaline and anger. "I'll always be there, Edward, waiting."

My fists slammed against the table between us before Garrett stood up. His chair fell against the floor and the two of us stood there, staring at each other from across the table.

"Edward." I didn't have to turn around to know that Charlie was standing behind me. His hand on my shoulder made me straighten up and move away from the table. "Come on, son."

Garrett's arms crossed across his chest as he looked over my shoulder, smiling at Bella's father. "Tell Bella I hope she feels better, Chief Swan."

Charlie shook his head before laughing. "The cameras in this room are off, Edward. If you wanna beat the shit out of him, now would be the time to do it."

Garrett's face fell slightly but I shook my head.

"I can't play music with fucked up hands." I walked away from the table and opened the door. "Besides, he isn't worth it and I've already won. Bella is mine and always has been."

I let the door to the interview room close but smiled when I heard something that sounded a lot like Charlie shoving Garrett into the wall.

**A/N: I've missed these guys! I'm working on a special Groupie treat for the Fandom4Preemies. I'll let you guys know more about it as the time comes but I will tell you that it will be an OT from the future with a Bella and Edward POV. Also, I have a LOT of other outtakes planned for this story. Some will be EPOV some will be Bella's. Some are from the past; most are from their future together. Is there anything you guys would like? Let me know and I'll see what I can do! Katie, you once told me that this was totally Edward's song and I happen to agree! Thanks as always to everyone!**


	11. I'll Be Your Lover, Too

**Hey guess what. I still don't own Twilight, but man-oh-man would I love to be a fly on the wall during filming tonight.**

"**I'll be your man. I'll understand. I'll do my best to take good care of you. You'll be my queen; I'll be your king and I'll be your lover too." Your Lover, Too, Van Morrison**

"Bella?" I leaned against the bathroom door and listened for her response. When there was only more silence, I gently knocked against the wood. "Are you okay?"

The sound of rustling fabric at least told me that she was alive but it wasn't until I heard her sigh, that I relaxed.

"I'm… I'll be just a…" Another sigh and then the door opened a few inches, revealing her face. "I just need a second."

I nodded before giving her a reassuring smile. "Take your time."

After the bathroom door was closed again, I shoved my hands into my pockets and looked around the room. It seemed like a pretty standard honeymoon suite. Alice and Rosalie had outdone themselves, leaving rose petals and candles scattered across the room. Even on the bed, they had turned the blankets down and left the red petals in the shape of a heart. Unfortunately, the sight of said bed seemed to send Bella into a frenzy of nerves.

She'd been fine at the reception, hating all of the attention from our friends and family, but seemed as happy as any other bride would be. Even in the limousine back to our hotel, she hadn't been nervous or anxious. But we walked into the room and the second her eyes landed on the bed, she freaked.

I'd watched in amused confusion as she'd held on to her overnight bag like a life vest and retreated into the bathroom. I figured she was just changing clothes, although I had no idea how she could have gotten out of her wedding dress without someone's help, and would have been back in a few minutes. But that was over forty-five minutes ago, and it didn't seem like she would be emerging any time soon.

I gave the bathroom door another look before unbuttoning my shirt and taking a seat on the couch. At first I thought Bella's nervousness was funny, I mean it wasn't like we'd never been together sexually, but the longer she stayed in the bathroom, the more nervous _I_ got as well.

I'd know Bella for… well nearly forever. She was my best friend, my soul mate, and now my wife. So what reason did I have to be nervous? This wasn't a decision we had rushed in to, and I knew for a fact that I wouldn't ever regret making Bella my wife. But even if I knew all of that, the reality was that it wasn't just me anymore. We, Bella and I, were a family. And even if it was just the two of us right now, eventually there would be… more than just us.

My father had once told me that the best legacy he'd ever have had nothing to do with his practice or involvement at the hospital, but it was his family. With my mother, they had created something that would be ever lasting. Emmett had that same thing with Rosalie and Matt, and sooner or later I would have the same thing with Bella. We would have our own legacy and make something that would be uniquely beautiful and just ours. And protecting _our_ family, _our_ legacy, was _my_ job. _My_ responsibility.

Leaning forward, I rested my elbows on my knees and rubbed my hands across my face. I sighed and reminded myself that having a family wasn't something to be scared of or nervous about. I wasn't the same person I'd been ten years or even one year ago. I could handle this. I _wanted_ this.

"Edward?"

My head jerked around at the sound of Bella's quiet voice. She stood there, silhouetted in the light from the bathroom, holding on to the white silk fabric that draped over her body. I nearly tripped over the end table in an attempt to stand up, and smiled when she gave me a quiet laugh. "You look…"

"It's a bit ridiculous isn't it?" She interrupted me. "I told my mom that this was too much..."

I shook my head, trying to show her that she looked anything but ridiculous. I'd thought she'd never look more beautiful than how she'd looked in her wedding dress, walking down the aisle, but that was completely eclipsed to how she looked now. I'd never been a lingerie man. I mean, I wouldn't ever protest if Bella pulled something out to surprise me, but it just wasn't something I fantasized about. Seeing her now though, standing there and blushing while biting her bottom lip, wearing _that_; I just couldn't think straight.

The fabric formed a puddle at her feet but clung to the best assets that she had, making her hips and breasts seem more curvy and appealing. I took a slow step towards her and smiled when she looked up at me. "You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life." I sounded like a greeting card but it was the honest truth.

Always deflecting attention from herself, Bella reached out to hold on to the hem of my shirt before asking, "You looked upset when I came out. Are you okay?"

I nodded and pulled her hand up to my mouth. She smiled when I kissed her palm.

"What about you?" I quietly asked her. When she shrugged her shoulders, I slowly moved her hair off of her shoulder, leaving my hand on her neck. "Are you going to tell me? Or make me guess?"

Bella rolled her eyes before pulling my hand from her neck, leaving it on her chest, covering her heart. "I'm fine. Stop worrying."

I looked down at her, watching as her face and neck flushed with color and her heart pounded against my hand. Her eyes closed as I leaned forward, and Bella sighed when my lips gently touched hers.

"If you're fine," I whispered, "then why is your heart about to beat its way out of your chest?"

A few silent seconds past before Bella answered me.

"I don't…" She swallowed and started over. "I'm nervous because I have no idea how to be a wife."

My arms wrapped around her, pulling her against me, and I kissed the top of her head. "Its okay," I said slowly. "I have no idea how to be a husband."

Bella laughed against my chest before holding on to my waist. "So you're nervous too?"

"Nervous, excited, anxious…" I could probably try and list all of the emotions that were running through my system, but there were other things I wanted to accomplish tonight. I slowly let go of her shoulders and leaned down so that I could look into her eyes. "The important thing is that we will figure it out together."

She nodded her head in agreement before blurting out, "Will you promise to not ever make me kill insects that we find in the house? Because that really freaks me out. And… if there is ever a mouse then we can't use a trap that will kill it because it's so inhumane, Edward."

I smiled at her rambling. "I promise."

Bella took a deep breath before smiling. "You probably think I'm crazy, don't you? Freaking out because I'm worried about spiders and mice?"

Crazy? No. Absurdly adorable? Yes. I laughed before giving her another kiss and slowly pushed her back towards the bed with my hands on her hips. "I'm just glad that you weren't in there trying to think of a way out of this."

The back of her thighs hit the mattress, and with her lips now on mine, she got onto the bed. Sitting on her knees, Bella wrapped her arms around my neck. I smiled and ran my hands down her back, loving the way she shivered from the combination of the cold fabric and my hands.

"We're really married."

I nodded my head at her statement and pulled the straps of her gown off of her shoulders. Bella lowered her arms, allowing me to completely remove it from her upper body, and smiled as my hands pulled her hips closer to mine.

"Edward," she whispered. When my eyes focused on hers, she smiled. "I'll love you, forever."

Hearing her say that never ceased to amaze me. It made my skin spark and my heart race, when I tried to wrap my head around the fact that I could ever be loved by someone like her. How had I gotten lucky enough to have this, forever? To share my life and future with her?

I leaned forward and reverently kissed Bella's lips before smiling. "I'll be yours, forever."

**AN: Just a little something to go with all of the honeymoon fever flying around. In case you missed it, I contributed an outtake for The Groupie in the Fandom4Preemies compilation. For a minimum donation of five bucks you can get it emailed to you! Check out their blog if you're interested! As always, thanks for reading!**


	12. Wasted

**To help support everyone's lovey-dovey behavior I decided to try and post Groupie drabbles once a day (or until I run out of ideas or you guys tell me to shut the hell up) until BD either finishes filming or until the movie comes out. They will all be fluffy, no angst. Any ideas? Send them my way. Oh, and I still don't own Twilight.**

"**I don't know what I'll do. Every time you walk into the room, oh my head is spinning around, and I can't see clearly right now. I'm wasted. I'm so wasted on you. I don't know if I'll survive in this magic that I see behind you're eyes. I'm wasted. I'm so wasted on you." Wasted, Angus and Julia Stone**

There might have been steam coming from the huge pot of pasta that Edward was trying to teach me to cook, but that had nothing to do with the reason why my skin was flushed and my body was hot. All during this little teach-Bella-to-cook exercise, my husband had been finding any excuse he could to touch me. I wasn't complaining. I just didn't like how smug he looked when all of his touches turned into teasing and therefore drove me to the point of basically panting.

"They'll need about another minute."

I nodded my head as Edward's hot breath fanned across my neck. His chin was resting on my shoulder, watching as the water and pasta boiled together, while his hands were on my hips, holding me against him. The pose wasn't necessarily sexy but when his fingers kept slipping under my shirt, rubbing small circles against my stomach and sides, it was enough to make me want to throw him down and remove every single piece of clothing he had on, with my teeth. But, I seriously doubted his mother would appreciate coming home and finding me ravaging her youngest son on her kitchen floor.

When Edward released one of my hips to stir the noodles, I glanced at the clock and tried to calculate how much time we had before Esme would be home. I wondered if the pasta would ruin if we just happened to leave it sitting for a few minutes. I wouldn't need long… just enough time to-

"Okay, try to get a few pieces out to taste and see if they're ready." Edward shoved the spoon in my hand, interrupting my thoughts.

I shifted my weight to the other foot and tried to ladle a couple of pieces out of the boiling water. My nose wrinkled at the slimy and just… disgusting texture. "It tastes good but I hate how wet noodles feel."

"Oh yeah?" Edward moved from behind me and reached for one of the noodles that I'd managed to get out of the water. "So if I did this…."

I tried to jump away from him as he chunked the stringy pasta at me, but it hit my arm and just sort of slid off of my skin and onto the floor, making the a sickening slapping sound when it hit the tile. In an attempt to get away from him, I managed to step on it, which only made the whole thing worse.

"It's like stepping on a worm!" I whined in a loud voice. Bracing myself on the counter, I lifted my foot and tried to wipe it off on Edward's leg. He moved away from me and just laughed. "Edward!"

While I tried to hop on one foot to get a paper towel, Edward managed to get another spoonful of noodles that were thrown at me while I had my back turned to him. Lucky for me, I turned around, just as he chunked one particularly cold and slimy piece at me and it managed to land right on my face.

"EDWARD!" I yelled while peeling the mess off of my skin. He smiled and threw the last piece he had at me. When I grabbed for him, he took off running.

Now I knew I didn't have a chance in hell of catching him, but like the idiot I am, I went after him. We chased each other around the kitchen, me complaining and him throwing random pieces of food at me.

I had just managed to hit his back with a handful of sliced up cucumbers when he turned and headed for the stairs. I stopped as he ran up them, and put my hands on my hips, waiting for him to notice that I wasn't following him. Sure enough, a few seconds later he leaned over the banister, smiling down at me.

"See, this is where you follow me up here. I seduce you into bed, we come up with some lame excuse why dinner is ruined, and then take my parents out to eat while you spend the rest of the weekend blushing because they know we had sex instead of finishing cooking."

I slowly began walking up to meet him while shaking my head. "I can't chase you up the stairs."

"That's probably a good idea," he nodded. "I'd had to have to take you to the ER because you tripped_ up_ the stairs."

I stopped when I was halfway up and waited as he walked down to meet me. With my hands behind my back, I leaned against the wall and smiled as he sauntered down the last few steps. I hadn't really been planning on telling him this way, or even while we were visiting his parents, but it just seemed like the right time.

"There's another reason why… I can't run up the stairs." I said slowly.

Edward pulled a sticky piece of pasta away from my shirt and nodded his head. "Are you still feeling sick to your stomach? Maybe you should lie down before we go eat. I'll pick up the kitchen and… I dunno. We can go get sushi from-"

I smiled. "I can't eat sushi either."

"But you like sushi."

"Um," I bit my lip, trying to think of what to say. "Well, I… still like it but I can't _eat_ it. At least not for like another eight months."

I couldn't help but laugh when Edward's face wrinkled in confusion. "Was there some sort of recall or something? Bella, if you're going to be sick for eight months then…" His face became completely blank for a second before his eyes widened. He looked from my stomach to my face rapidly. "Are you…"

I nodded my head. "Six weeks."

He stared at me for a minute before shaking his head. "Have you lost your mind?" His finger pointed down the stairs and into the kitchen. "Hopping around and chasing after me down there? What if you had fallen?"

I smiled at his overly protective questions but thankfully he stopped talking when my hands held on to the sides of his face. "Edward," I said slowly. When he looked down at me and smiled, I leaned up on my toes and gently kissed his lips.

"So a baby, huh?" He asked quietly. I nodded my head leaned it against his chest when he pulled me against him.

We stood there holding on to each other while I quietly explained how long I'd known and what the doctor had said at my first appointment. When we heard the backdoor open, I smiled up at him.

"Should we tell them now?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "If you want. They're your parents."

Edward nodded his head before grabbing my hand and slowly leading me down the stairs. We hadn't even made it to the bottom when Esme's loud voice echoed around the house.

"Edward Anthony Cullen!" As we walked around the corner and into the kitchen, her hand slapped down onto the island and she shook her head. "What the hell did you do to my kitchen? You said you were making dinner not having a food fight!"

Her son just smiled and wrapped his arm around my neck. "You can't be mad at me mom because Bella's pregnant."

"Edward!" I elbowed his side.

Esme looked at her son for a second before smiling. "Oh my gosh!" She basically dropped her purse on the floor before running towards us. "I can't believe that I'm going to have _three_ grandbabies!"

Edward opened his arms to accept her hug but was pushed out of the way when Esme hugged me. "Hey!" He complained.

His mother stopped rubbing my stomach long enough to point to the mess that was behind her. "Clean that up, now."

**AN: Maggie this whole thing is for you! lol**


	13. Ice Cream

**Don't own Twilight and I can't have ice cream. My life is a tragedy. **

"**Your love is better than ice cream. Better than anything else that I've tried." Ice Cream, Sarah McLachlan**

I grabbed a stack of sheet music and started fanning my face in a desperate attempt to cool myself off. Thinking that it had to be at least ninety degrees in our house, I heaved myself off of the bed and made my way down the hall to the thermostat. I glared at the little piece of plastic because it had to be lying. There was no way it was sixty degrees in our house.

When I heard whistling, I turned around and saw Edward walking up the stairs towards me. His hands were full of CD cases but what really caught my attention was his apparel. It was June, and even if we were in Seattle, I couldn't understand how he could wear all of that clothing. Jeans, socks, a thermal shirt under a hoodie; all that was missing was a damn beanie and gloves.

"Are you not just… sweating?" I asked angrily. "It is so damn hot in here!"

Edward stopped and looked up at me. "Um… I'm… fine?"

I rolled my eyes at his hesitant answer and walked away.

"Do you want me to get a fan out of the garage?" He yelled after me. I ignored his question and sequestered myself in our bathroom.

It wasn't fair that, on top of getting freaking huge, I also had to be hormonal. If I wasn't laughing, I was crying. If I wasn't wide awake, then I was so sleepy I couldn't keep my eyes open. I had to pee constantly, couldn't control my farting tendencies, and now I was apparently going to sweat my ass off until this baby decided to make an appearance.

I was in the middle of pulling my shirt off when I started feeling guilty for being mean to Edward. He had been so great the past eight months, never getting aggravated with my moods or complaining about my cravings. A few months into the pregnancy, he'd made three trips to the grocery store in the middle of the night, each time to get a different flavor of ice cream. He'd never gotten annoyed or mad. And now, here I was being a complete bitch to him. With great difficulty, I reached behind my back and unhooked my bra, and decided that after I cooled down then I would find Edward and apologize. After all, it wasn't his fault that I was crazy.

While I filled the bathtub up with cold water, I stared at my stomach in our vanity mirror and couldn't help but shake my head. "This is what I get for making fun of people," I told my reflection. As I finished peeling off what little clothing I did have on, I tried not to think about how much karma sucked. I'd laughed with Alice when I'd seen pictures of the Octo-Mom's stomach, how it was all discolored and disgusting looking, and now I wasn't fairing much better than she had.

The second I got into the water and leaned back, I felt my body temperature_ finally _go down. I'm guessing that the baby wasn't too impressed with my decision though because a few minutes after I'd relaxed, she started kicking.

"Please," I quietly begged her. "Just give me ten minutes." My hands roamed over my stomach, following the feelings of her movements that eventually calmed down.

In the water, even if it wasn't much, my body felt a little weightless. I let my arms and legs sort of float on the surface and enjoyed the feeling, at least until the urge to pee hit me. I slowly sat up and looked around the bathroom, realizing that there was no way I would be able to get out of this tub on my own.

"Edward," I yelled, hoping he hadn't gone back down stairs. In less than a second, he was walking through the bathroom door. I looked up at him, noticing the towel he was holding, and shook my head. "Were you waiting outside the door?"

"Yup." He dropped the towel on the vanity and leaned down to help me up.

I carefully got of the water and gratefully took the towel that he handed me. It was still warm, I'm assuming because he'd put it in the dryer, and it made me feel even more guilty. I leaned back against the bathroom counter and shook my head, trying to keep the tears from running down my face. I stood there and watched as my husband, who I had just yelled at for having on too much clothing, drained the bathtub.

When I sniffled, Edward turned around to look at me. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

"I'm… sorry… for…" I tried to stop myself from crying but I couldn't. "I'm mean to you and I don't mean to be! I'm just _so_ uncomfortable and I know that… that I'm taking it out on you and…" When I became a blubbering mess, he just rubbed my back while I cried against his chest. After a minute I was able to somewhat control my sobbing and gave him a pathetic smile when he wiped off my cheeks. "I love you and I'm sorry for being crazy."

"You aren't crazy." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "And I love you too."

Sex wasn't exactly comfortable at this point, but after you got past the initial "let's try this position"-"No, that one hurts my back."-"Roll over."-"Harder."-"I don't want to hurt you."-"I said harder!" ordeal, it was actually enjoyable. And even if I was, once again, burning up after we'd finished, I was at least completely relaxed and able to fall asleep.

When I woke up, Edward was still lying beside me and smiled when I rolled onto my back to look at him. He was completely dressed again, still wearing enough clothing to keep someone warm enough in the dead of winter. I pulled on the drawstring of his hoodie and smiled. "How long was I asleep?"

"A few hours." He shrugged and gently rubbed my stomach. "You were talking in your sleep again."

I grumbled and pulled the sheets up higher on my body. "Bet you liked that."

"I'm going to miss it," he kidded. "Maybe that will remain a habit even after she gets here."

"You're only saying that because I keep having weird sex dreams that I can't control and you think it's funny."

Edward nodded his head. "And hot."

I playfully pushed his hand away from me. "That's pervy."

"We're married so that would make it kinky, not pervy. Besides, you're the one dreaming about it, I'm just the one reaping the benefits." I felt his hand slide under my back while he placed small kisses on my belly. "I got you ice cream while you were asleep. Do you want me to go get it?"

I shook my head. "I'm not really in the mood for ice cream."

Edward placed one more kiss on my stomach before he looked down at me. "What are you in the mood for?"

I reached up and pulled on the drawstrings of his sweatshirt. He came willingly and slowly caressed my stomach while I kissed him. When his hand moved lower, I nodded my head and gently bit his bottom lip. "I'm in the mood for you."

It wasn't at all sexy that I grunted when I tried to sit up, but to Edward's credit, he didn't say anything. Instead, he helped me up and willingly rolled onto his back. His hands patiently sat on my hips when I straddled his lap, but that only lasted a minute before he got annoyed. "These fucking clothes are in the way! Hold on."

I laughed when he half sat up and yanked his shirts over his head, getting his arms all tangled in the sleeves. While I was helping him out of them, I shook my head. "See, this much clothing is ridiculous. It's June."

He didn't say anything, but leaned up and kissed me while we both tried to get him out of his jeans. We had finally worked them past his hips when my stomach made the most god-awful growling sound. We stopped moving and a second later, it did it again.

Edward leaned back and looked up at me. "Are you okay?"

I moved off of him and sat back on my heels. "You shouldn't have mentioned ice cream."

"Are you kidding me?" When I shook my head, he fell back against the bed and sighed. "You're killing me, kid."

I smiled when his hand reached out to rub my belly and then laughed when she kicked his hand.

"Alright, alright!" He got up and pulled his jeans back up on his hips. "She's not even here yet and I'm already giving in to her every wish and demand."

Edward was in the middle of putting his shirt back on when I stopped him. "Leave it off."

He laughed, still turning the shirts right side out. "Why?"

I pulled them away from him and threw them over my shoulder and onto the floor. "Ice cream and then sex."

**AN: No, not all of these will be cockblocked. No, they will not all go in chronological order. And yay because most of you seem to be loving the mushy love blurbs! I LOVED some of your ideas! Send me some more!**


	14. Pretty Woman

**This takes place the summer that all of them drove around the country before Edward made it big. I find it extremely cheesy, but I love this song. Still don't own Twilight but Roy Orbison really is from Texas. He is from Wink, which is a little bitty town about an hour from Midland, where I was born and raised. Enjoy!**

"**You look lovely as can be. Are you lonely just like me? Pretty woman, stop a while. Pretty woman, talk a while. Pretty woman, give your smile to me." Pretty Woman, Roy Orbison**

"Roll the windows down!"

The way that Jasper and Bella were acting, you would think that we were on our way to fucking Disneyland or something, but all of their excitement and bouncing around in the car was because we were back in their home town.

Alice and I both watched as the two of them basically stuck their heads out of the window, taking huge gulps full of air. I shook my head at their behavior while Alice just smiled.

"Roll that shit up!" Emmett yelled from the very back of the car. "It smells like cow shit!"

"That's because it _is_ cow shit." Bella punched my arm, obviously not amused with my observation. I rubbed my shoulder. "Ow! It does."

"No it doesn't." Jasper shook his head.

Bella smiled, looking back out of the window. "It smells like home."

My brother leaned over the back seat; his upper body shoved between Bella and me, and looked around. "Not much to look at is there?"

Bella patted the top of his head. "Welcome to Texas!"

Emmett went back to lying in the back of the suburban and shoved his earphones back in his ears. "Howdy-fucking-do."

xXxXxXx

I handed Emmett my guitar case so he could pack it in the trailer before turning back to Bella's parent's house. She was standing at the front door, hugging her father, while her mom kept shoving handfuls of food into her backpack. I wiped my hands on my jeans as I walked towards them.

"Thanks so much for letting us stay with you." I held my hand out and shook her father's hand. "It was way better than staying in a hotel or sleeping in the car."

Mr. Swan narrowed his eyes at me before looking back at his daughter. "You've been sleeping in the car? I thought you told me that you'd worked it all out and were staying in _safe_ hotels, Isabella."

_Oh shit_. I gave Bella a nervous look before saving her from trying to give him some sort of pathetic lie. "Well, Alice and Bella will stay in the hotels, but if we can't afford more than one room then the guys will sleep in the car."

Everyone turned to look at Bella when she started nervously laughing.

"Oh Charlie, let them be." Her mother patted her husband's back. "Now I've made some snacks for your brother, Edward. I put them in Bella's backpack."

I nodded my head. "Thanks."

Bella gave her mom another hug before shoving me towards the car. "We've got to go. Alice and Jasper are waiting on us. I'll call you when we get there, dad."

"No speeding!" Charlie yelled at my brother. I rolled my eyes when he saluted him.

Once we were all packed in the car, and on our way to pick up Jasper and Alice from his parent's house, I turned to look at Bella in the back seat. "What the hell! I thought you'd told you parents about this."

She shrugged her shoulder and refused to look at me. "I did."

"You didn't tell them everything. Now your dad is going to think I'm making you sleep on the side of the road somewhere." I turned around and shook my head. "Just what I needed."

"Why does it matter?" Emmett asked. "Not like you need his approval or anything."

I ignored his question and put my seatbelt on. "Slow the fuck down, Emmett."

xXxXxXx

"Who picked this shithole?"

Alice dropped her suitcase on the bed. "Fuck off, Emmett. They're paying us five hundred bucks to play for an hour."

My brother looked around the less than stellar hotel room. "But-"

"But nothing." I interrupted him. "We play here and then head out for Albuquerque. Go help Jasper."

Wink, Texas wasn't exactly as nice as playing in Austin or Dallas, but it would give us a little extra money and we didn't have to pay for our hotel rooms. Emmett could suck it up for one night and play the damn drums for an hour.

When he left the room, cussing and complaining, I turned to Alice. "So how do you want to do the room arrangements?"

She opened her suitcase and smiled. "Well it would be nice to actually be _alone_ with Jasper for a few minutes."

"So what you're saying is that there was no loving in the house of Whitlock last night?"

Alice threw a shoe at me and shook her head. "Like I would actually bone my boyfriend in his parents' house, Edward. Give me a break."

There was a banging sound when Bella ran into the doorframe leading into the room. I laughed and went to help her with the two bags and guitar case she was trying to carry. She passed off the guitar but dropped the bags on the floor. "I don't need or want to hear about you and Jasper having sex, so just take this room and I'll sleep with Edward and Emmett."

"Fucking awesome!" I kidded. "Sounds fun but I'm not down with doing that shit with my brother." The blush that flooded Bella's cheeks made my day. While she stood there sputtering some excuse about not meaning it _that_ way, I picked up her bag and nodded my head. "Sure thing, Bella. I'm going to go take this to our room and go help Emmett and Jasper."

xXxXxXx

There weren't many people that lived in Wink, and I was willing to bet that more than half of them were at the _Pyote Hideaway_ tonight. The bar was crammed packed with people, all of which were watching us set up.

Jasper handed me the last of the cables for the amp and I plugged them in. "Nice sized crowd," he commented. "Alice said she'd already sold a few CDs."

I nodded my head. "Maybe it will be enough to cover Emmett's bar tab."

He smiled before slapping my back. "Five minutes till we're on."

After standing up, I dusted off my legs and looked around the crowded room. Even if this was a smaller town than what we normally played, it was still the same old thing. You had girls, who couldn't be much older than sixteen, wearing so much makeup that they looked to be in their mid-twenties. They would all line up near the front of the stage and bat their eyes at Jasper, Emmett and me while we played. Bella and Alice affectionately referred to them as the whore corps, but Emmett got a kick out of it, and had occasionally ended up going home with a couple of them until he'd met Rosalie Hale. Alice made damn sure that they all knew Jasper was taken, not that he would do so much as even look in their direction. I wasn't even remotely interested. The only females that I could stand to be around for than ten minutes were my mother, Alice and Bella. Thanks to Jane, I would probably be jaded for life.

As I walked off of the small stage, I nodded my head at the group of them, and made my way to the small merch table that Alice and Bella were manning. We didn't have much, just a couple of CDs that Jasper and I had made together, but what little money we did make off of it helped.

Bella handed me a bottle of water before going back to arranging stuff on the table. I took a drink and sat it down. "Thanks."

"Are you playing anything new tonight?"

I shook my head. "I figured I would keep it pretty simple and cover a few songs they know."

Bella set down a stack of CD cases and turned to look at me. "And how are people going to get to know _your_ music if you only play other people's songs? They didn't come here to see someone else; they came here to see you."

"Actually, I think came because there is nothing else to do in this town."

She rolled her eyes. "I still think you should at least play a few of-"

Bella was interrupted by two girls who had sauntered up to the table. I tried not to stare at how low cut their shirts and how short their skirts were, but it was nearly obscene. I might have made a vow to stay away from any and all women but I was_ still_ a man, and it was hard not to notice things like that.

"So you're Edward Cullen?"

I nodded my head as one of them picked up a CD and another twirled a strand of her hair around her finger. "That would be me."

They giggled and Bella sighed. "Edward, shouldn't you be getting ready?

"Uh." I rubbed the back of my neck and tried, _really fucking hard_, to look away from the cleavage that was basically being shoved in my face. When Bella elbowed my side I looked at her. "Huh?"

She gave me a blank look before shaking her head and walking away. I was about to ask her where she was going but Jasper pulled on my sleeve. "Time to go."

"Can I buy you a drink after the show?" One of the girls asked as Jasper pulled me towards the stage.

I nodded my head, noticing that Alice had a death glare that was aimed right at me.

We started off kind of slow, covering a few southern rock songs that nearly everyone knew. The majority of the crowd sang along, while a few people danced. I noticed, from the corner of my eye, that Alice and Bella had their heads together, talking. I tried to ignore the fact that they weren't really paying attention to the show but for some reason, it really annoyed the shit out of me.

After we'd finished another song, I turned my back to the audience and took a drink before nodding for Jasper to join me.

"What?" He asked, fishing another guitar pick out of his pocket. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "You guys take a break. I want to play something new."

Neither one of them argued with me, and as I switched to my acoustic guitar, Emmett got high fives from the majority of the girls standing near the front of the stage. After a quick tuning, I started playing an original song that I'd written a few weeks ago. The only person that had heard it before was Bella, and I smiled a little when I saw her head pop up in recognition.

For some reason, Bella's opinion of my music always meant more to me than anyone else's. If I had a new song, she was always the person that heard it first. She might not have any musical experience or knowledge, but I knew that no matter what, she would give me her honest opinion.

I played three more original songs before nodding for Jasper and Emmett to rejoin me. Once they were back on stage and ready to play, I situated the guitar around my shoulders and leaned into the microphone.

"We have time for one more song and I've been thinking about what to play all night." They had no idea that it was a lie. In fact, I'd decided before sound check that I was going to close with this song. "But you know, today while I was being shown around town, I was taken to the only museum that you guys have."

As expected, the room erupted with people clapping and cheering. Jasper started playing the opening notes and Emmett shortly followed on the drums. I smiled when the clapping got louder, matching the beat that my brother was making.

When I started singing, everyone in the room was out of their chairs and singing along. When I made the purring sound that the Roy Orbison had made famous, the group of girls at the front of the sound started screaming.

"Come with me, baby, be mine tonight," I sang slowly, encouraging their behavior by looking down at them.

I knew I shouldn't have, because I had absolutely no intention of playing along with whatever ideas they had concocted, but sometimes it was easier to just give the audience what they wanted.

When we'd finished playing, I thanked everyone before pulling off my guitar and slowly trying to make my way back to the merchandise table. I had to stop to take pictures with the girls from earlier and Emmett made a huge scene when one of them asked me to sign her shirt, especially since she asked that I sign it on her chest. By the time I actually reached the table, Alice was shelling out CDs at a dizzying pace, alone. Someone asked me to sign one and I quickly scribbled my name while looking around for Bella.

Alice basically shoved me out of the way before grabbing another stack of cases. "She went back to the hotel," she answered my unasked question.

For some reason, I was severely annoyed that she'd left. My best friend couldn't stay to watch the end of the show? That's was really fucking shitty in my opinion. "Why?" I asked angrily.

"I don't know Edward," Alice snapped. "Maybe _you_ should ask _her_!"

With that, she shoved a box at my stomach and turned around to walk off. Jasper asked me what I'd done to piss Alice off and I shrugged my shoulders. "I have no idea."

xXxXxXx

By the time we left the bar, Emmett was three sheets to the wind. He'd passed out in the car and none of us bothered to try and wake him. I told Alice and Jasper good-night, not getting a response from the female of the two, and double checked the locks on the equipment trailer.

I tried to be quiet when walking into the room I was sharing with Bella, incase she was asleep, but stopped when I walked in the door and found her wide awake. She didn't look up from the book she was reading and didn't say anything when I told her hi.

Annoyed and completely confused as to why Bella _and_ Alice where pissed off at me, I dropped my guitar case on the floor and let the door slam shut behind me. "Thanks for staying till the end of the show." I emptied my pockets, throwing guitar picks and cocktail napkins with phone numbers on them onto the dresser.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and kept reading. "I didn't want to get in your way."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Finally, she looked up at me. "I'm sorry if it bothers you that I don't want to sit around and watch you flirt with a group of _teenagers_ who only want to 'be' with you so they can say that they've fucked a musician!"

Okay now I was even more confused and pissed off. "What the fuck are you talking about? I wasn't… I wouldn't go home with any of them and you know that."

Bella snapped her book shut before getting off of the bed. When she stalked towards me, I took a step backwards, hitting the dresser. Her finger poked my chest and she shook her head when she reached me.

"Don't cheapen your music or yourself by acting that way, Edward. You think that this is all you'll ever be doing? Just playing in crappy bars the rest of your life?" I tried to answer her but she spoke over me. "Well you may not believe in yourself but_ I_ do! I _know_ someday you'll be more than just this and I don't want you to make stupid mistakes that will come back as rumors later on! You're more than that, Edward. Your music is more than that! So have some fucking dignity and act like a professional!"

She threw her book on the bed and stormed off to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. I stood there, feeling confused, severely pissed off, and oddly enough, guilty. I hadn't done anything wrong, I knew that, but for some reason Bella's words hurt.

Yelling at the closed door she was hiding behind, I let my frustration out. "Well thanks for fucking believing in me Bella, but I don't need your goddamn guilt trip right now!"

When she didn't answer me, I grabbed the keys to the suburban and left the hotel room, letting the door slam behind me.

xXxXxXx

For the entire seven hour drive to Albuquerque, Bella and I didn't say one word to each other. At breakfast, Jasper had asked how I'd slept, and Bella answered by saying that I'd probably slept pretty well, underneath someone, and then stormed out of the restaurant. Of course she was wrong, and my brother could back me up. I'd spent the night in the middle of no where, writing new music, and had to deal with a severely hung over Emmett when I'd woken him up. So, the five of us drove through New Mexico; Alice, Bella and Jasper were in the back seat, while I sat up front with my brother. It fucking sucked. When we got into town, we dropped the girls off at the hotel and the rest of us went to the club we were playing at that night. I was met with a huge fucking surprise.

When Alice had said that this was going to be a pretty big gig, she hadn't been lying. According to the manager, one of my songs had been getting some pretty good attention on one of the indie stations in the area and they had already sold over a thousand tickets to the show. When we got back to the hotel, Alice told me that she had been contacted by a few independent labels that were sending someone to see the show tonight _and_ the one I was doing next week in Las Vegas. The shows that I had done in Dallas and Austin had garnered some attention and the news traveled fast. I was scared to death.

xXxXxXx

"Are you okay?" I nodded my head at Jasper's question but didn't open my mouth incase I decided to vomit. "You've got about ten minutes before we go on."

I nodded again and let out the breath I'd been holding when he walked out of the dressing room and shut the door. I had always hoped that, musically, I would achieve everything I wanted. I'd dreamed about it, wished for it, prayed for it, but it wasn't until I was actually _here_, feeling the momentum gain, that it really hit me. I'd been doing this for years, playing in small clubs and coffee houses, but I never really thought that I would actually have a chance at making it. Now, it was happening and I realized that Bella had been right all along.

When I walked on to the stage, the lights seemed brighter and the crowd seemed louder than any show I'd played before. I tried to act calm and relaxed, playing the opening notes of the song while Emmett pounded away on the drums behind me, but I was pretty sure my hands weren't going to stop shaking. I stepped up to the microphone and started singing the original lyrics that I'd written, praying like hell that the audience would like it, and wondering where the label reps were sitting.

Thankfully, I was able to make it through the first song, and it was while I was taking a quick drink that I noticed a very familiar set of eyes looking up at me. Bella was standing off to the side of the stage, watching. I gave her a nervous smile, which she returned, and thankfully that seemed to help me relax.

I finished the set, watching from the corner of my eye as Bella sang along with songs that she knew. When we'd finished, I walked off of the stage and without even taking off my guitar, gave her the biggest hug I could.

"I'm sorry," we both said at the same time.

She laughed and slowly pulled away from me. "I shouldn't have yelled at you when you didn't do anything wrong. I was just… Edward, you _will_ make it and I-"

I shook my head, interrupting her. "I shouldn't have acted like such a dick and I need you to keep me in check sometimes, I know that. You're my best friend, Bella and I… I take that for granted. But I can't do this without you. You're the only thing that really… seems real sometimes."

She nodded her head. "I know."

"You do?"

Bella smiled before shrugging her shoulders. "I know that I have to keep you in check."

I laughed while pulling my guitar off. "You do. Everyone else, except Alice, will just let me get away with shit. I need someone to keep me on the straight and narrow."

"And not get a big head," she added. "And to make sure that you don't make dumbass decisions."

I laughed. "Like a conscience."

"Exactly."

"So you'll be like my Jiminy Cricket." I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and held her to my side. "In fact, that's what I'll start calling you."

She shook her head and pulled away from me. "I don't think so, Edward."

Emmett tapped the top of Bella's head with a drum stick and smiled when she snatched it away from him. "What are you going to start calling her?" Emmett asked.

"Nothin-"

"Cricket," I interrupted. "Because from here on out, Bella is my conscience. If I fuck something up, it's all her fault."

"Edward," she complained. "I don't-"

My brother used his one drumstick to act as a microphone while he sang obnoxiously. "Give a little whistle and always let your conscious be your guide."

Bella threw the other stick back and at him before shaking her head at me. "Look what you've started. Are you happy now?"

I smiled before whistling at her and tried to move before she could punch my shoulder. I wasn't quick enough.

**AN: This was more like a whole freaking chapter than a drabble but I hoped you liked it. Kind of angsty but I wanted to show how Edward felt something for Bella in the beginning, he just didn't realize what it was. Back to the fluff tomorrow!**


	15. Just a Little Girl

**I still don't own Twilight.**

"**She's always trying to be this independent girl that's never in need. But even after twenty years in this town, she still relies on me to find her way around. She's just a little girl - time isn't holding her down. She's just a little girl - she never needed a crown. She just wants somebody around who won't laugh when she laughs too loud. She just wants somebody to see she's just a little girl. In a world that moves too fast, she's afraid that she'll never last. But if she holds the faith of a child then I know she'll be alright." Just a Little Girl, Stephen Speaks**

**EPOV**

Being a father was hard. Being the father of a teenage daughter was even harder.

"Dad!"

I rubbed my forehead, ignoring Bella's smirking and our daughter's screeching from downstairs.

Bella kissed the top of my head. "Don't embarrass her, okay?"

My hands dropped to the desk and I looked up at her. "She's fifteen, Bella! That is way too young to be going to a party that will have _no_ adult supervision!I told Abbey she couldn't go and then she pouted for an hour and you gave in. So why am I the one who has to take her to this?"

"Number one, she will be sixteen in two weeks." She walked around my chair and carefully sat on my lap. "And number two; she's a good kid, Edward. If we smother her then she will just rebel against us when she's older."

I knew that our daughter wasn't a trouble maker but it wasn't really _her_ actions I was worried about. Not that long ago I had been a punk teenager and the only thing I thought about _and with_ was my dick. So why would I, as a father of a teenage girl, be excited about the fact that she would be venturing out into the night with a hoard of sex craved males?

"Tripp will be there," Bella said quietly, her fingers played with the back of my hair. "You know he wouldn't ever let something happen to her."

Tripp, Alice and Jasper's son, was a little over a year older than Abbey and had always been the "big brother" type to her. Alice and Bella had been forcing the two of them together since they were in diapers and it if there was _anyone_ that I trusted with my daughter's safety, it would be him.

I leaned my head back and looked at Bella. "You don't think we're being irresponsible parents letting her go out on a week night? To some random girl's house?"

"Edward, its June so school is out for the summer and it isn't some 'random girl'. Libby has been Abbey's friend since third grade."

"But-"

She interrupted me. "Do you think my parents were irresponsible for letting me move to Seattle? Or dropping out of classes to drive with you all over the country to see you play in bars and clubs?"

"You and I were obviously destined to be together, so your argument is invalid, _and_ you were eighteen, Bella." I shook my head at her exasperated smile. "Remember when she was an infant and you were so careful and overly protective? Why can't you be _that_ mom again?"

She leaned forward and kissed my lips. "Because our baby isn't a baby anymore, Edward, and because she's going to an innocent party with friends. Not sneaking out and working her way thru Seattle's bar scene."

"DAD!" Abbey yelled again, this time while stomping up the stairs. "The party starts in an hour and I promised I would be there early to help put the music together!"

We both watched as our one and only child sighed dramatically, something she'd picked up from Alice, and leaned against the door frame to my office. She looked at us for a second before shaking her head. "You two are totally grossing me out. Get a room or something."

And_ that_ she learned from my brother.

"Abbey, don't forget your phone." Bella got off of my lap and walked towards the door. "And do not even think about calling me at ten forty-five and asking if you can spend the night. Your curfew is eleven o'clock. Understand?"

"Yes, ma'am." Abbey gave her mother a quick hug.

I watched as my two girls had a mother-daughter moment and tried to ignore the part of the conversation where my wife reminded our teenage daughter that drinking, drugs and sexual relationships were not considered good choices.

"Mom!" Abbey shook her head. "It's not like I'm going to let some random guy shove his tongue in my mouth."

I groaned before picking my keys up. "Thank God for small favors."

"Edward," Bella warned.

Abbey sighed, again. "Dad."

I shook my head and stood up. "Let's go."

xXxXxXx

As I pulled into the driveway of house where the party was being held, Abbey threw her seatbelt off of her shoulder. She was acting like she was on the verge of jumping out of the car before it had even stopped. When she opened her door, I put the car in park and took my own seatbelt off. "I'll walk you to the front door."

By the look on her face, you'd think I had just given my daughter life shattering news. Abbey started shaking her head. "Dad that is totally humiliating! I'm not five!"

When she had been younger, my daughter had thought that I was coolest thing in the world. She'd loved spending time with Bella and I, considering us fun instead of embarrassing. It wasn't until the past year or so that it had changed. Once she had gotten into high school, Abbey had ditched us for her friends. Bella told me it was only natural, asking if I had wanted to hang out with my parents at that age. But, even though I knew she was right, I kind of missed being the cool dad that my daughter once thought I was.

I put my seatbelt back on. "Call me if Tripp can't bring you home."

Abbey nodded her head and grabbed her bag from the floorboard.

"I love you," I called as she got out of the car. The only response I got was the door slamming.

As I drove back home, I had to wonder how the hell my parents had been able to put up with Emmett and me at that age. It literally felt like over night, my daughter had turned into a completely different person. The cartoons and stuffed animals had been replaced with music that blared through speakers, shaking the pictures on the wall, and phone calls that were too "private" for us to hear any part of. I fucking hated it. Pretty soon she would start dating and then we would really have to start worrying about the possibility of her making adult decisions that she wasn't capable of making. I walked into our house, wondering how I was going to survive the next twenty years without having a heart attack.

Bella was in the living room watching TV and I threw myself down onto the couch next to her. "Our daughter hates me."

"No she doesn't. She's just being a teenager."

It was easy for her to say that. Abbey and Bella still did things together. They would go shopping or out to lunch all the time. But the only thing that I still had with my daughter was music, and even that had been put on the back burner recently. She hadn't picked up a guitar in over a month.

"Edward," Bella said softly. I turned my head to look at her when her fingers moved through the back of my hair. "Abbey is growing up. And I know that's hard for you, but even if she doesn't want to hang out with us that doesn't mean she hates us. No matter how old she gets, she will always be your little girl."

I nodded my head before leaning across the couch to kiss her. "You still think I'm cool, right?"

Bella smiled. "Yes, I still think you're cool." She pressed her lips against mine again. "And hot."

xXxXxXx

When the front door flew open at nine-fifteen, Bella and I both looked up from the TV and watched as Abbey ran through the living room and up the stairs. Her face was red and blotchy from crying.

"What happ-" We both asked at the same time.

"Just leave me alone!"

Bella got up from the couch and ran after her, telling me to give them a minute. It wasn't until the front door closed, that I realized Tripp had followed Abbey inside.

He walked towards me, with his hands shoved in his pockets, looking exactly like his father had in his younger years. I nodded when he told me hello and motioned for him to sit down. "Do I even want to know what happened?"

"Nope." Tripp shook his head. "Is there a game on?" He grabbed the remote and sank down onto the couch.

I stared at the stairs and tried not to run up them and barge into my daughter's bedroom, demanding to know what was going on. If someone had hurt her… I didn't even want to think about how I would handle that. A few minutes later, Bella came back downstairs. She didn't look like she wanted to kill someone so I took that as a good sign.

"Is she okay?"

Bella nodded her head. "Why don't you go talk to her?" I gave my wife a hesitant look before she laughed. "Just go talk to her, Edward."

Tripp wished me luck as I stood up from the couch. I smacked the back of his head as I walked past him.

At Abbey's bedroom door, I quietly knocked and waited for her to tell me that I could come in. When I opened the door, I found her sitting on the middle of her bed, wiping her face with the corner of her favorite blanket. She didn't say anything when I shut the door behind me, just sniffled and looked down at her lap.

"Are you okay?" I asked. Abbey nodded her head. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Without saying anything, she reached into her bag from earlier and pulled out a CD case. I frowned when she handed it to me.

"What is this?"

"A demo." Abbey took a deep breath before explaining. "Someone asked me if I would have you listen to it."

_Oh. _I nodded in understanding and turned the slim plastic case over in my hands.

It wasn't like this was the first time I'd had this happen. Matt, my nephew, had been bombarded with people trying to get things from him once they found out that I was his uncle. We all knew that it would only be a matter of time before it happened to Tripp or Abbey. I sat down on the edge of her bed and asked, "Is this person a friend of yours?"

My daughter shrugged her shoulders. "I thought he was." She gave me a guilty look before continuing. "He… acted like he wanted to be with me. But after I… after we…"

The thin plastic in my hands cracked from the force of my hands tightening around it.

"Josh kissed me at the end of school carnival and I thought that we were… together. Then he gave me the CD tonight and asked if I would have you listen to it, which I thought was really weird, but then I found him making out with Libby in the bathroom. So now I know he was just pretending to like me so I would give you his band's CD."

I tried to appear like I was calm and collected, not like I wanted to go find this kid and shove the CD he'd given my daughter up his ass.

Abbey moved closer to me, and wiped her face off before leaning her head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"You didn't do anything wrong, baby." I kissed the top of her head. "We've just got to…" I shook my head and started over. "People aren't always going to have the best of intentions, Abbey. And that's a hard lesson for anyone to learn, even me."

"Well, he won't mess with me again, and I doubt that anyone else will either after what happened tonight."

I leaned back and looked down at her. "What happened?"

Abbey shrugged her shoulders. "He was trying to tell me how sorry he was and I punched him."

A small laugh escaped my mouth before I turned my serious dad face back on. "Well, I'm glad that you stood up for yourself. Did you hurt your hand?"

She shook her head and held it out to show me. It wasn't even bruised. "Uncle Emmett taught me how to throw a good punch."

I smiled and kissed her knuckles. "Well at least he's good for something. Too bad I'm not younger, I would go find him and_ really_ make him regret it. Maybe I can talk Matt and Tripp into doing it for me."

"Dad." Abbey sarcastically rolled her eyes. "I'm pretty sure Tripp broke Josh's nose tonight anyway."

xXxXxXx

Later that night, Bella and I were lying in bed when a thought occurred to me. I muted the TV before rolling onto my side to look at her. Without looking up from her book she asked me what I wanted.

"It makes me mad that that kid did that to Abbey."

Bella nodded her head and smiled. "I can tell. In fact, I'm pretty sure that everyone within a mile radius heard you call the boy's parents and yell at them."

"No, I mean, it sucks that our daughter's first kiss is ruined because of this. For the rest of her life, the memory of it will be tainted because of that fucking kid."

"Edward," Bella said slowly. She closed her book before turning to look at me. "That was not your daughter's first kiss."

I leaned away from her, completely shocked. "What? Then when was it? And who was it with?"

She smiled before sitting up. "If I tell you then you can't freak out."

"Tell me."

Bella held on to my hand and spoke slowly. "Your daughter's first kiss was last summer when we were in Italy, Edward."

"With who?" I practically yelled. "She was fourteen!"

"She was fourteen and Tripp was fifteen."

"So who was it?" I asked again. When she started laughing, I shook my head. "Why is this funny? Our daughter just kissed some random guy in Italy?"

"He wasn't a random guy, Edward."

"Then who-" Everything clicked into place and I shook my head. "No."

Bella smiled and nodded hers. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. They've been friends since birth."

"Tripp kissed Abbey?" I asked slowly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you to freak out."

I huffed at her excuse. "Well if you knew I was going to freak out then why tell me now?"

Bella reopened her book and smiled. "Because he is taking her out on a date tomorrow night. I figured it would be better for me to tell you now than for you to find them making out on the front porch."

I threw the blankets off of myself and grabbed my cell phone from the nightstand.

"Who are you calling?" Bella asked me.

"Jasper," I answered. "He owes me a hundred bucks."

I heard Bella's book hit the floor and smiled when she crawled across the bed to pull the phone out of my hand.

"You two placed a bet on your children dating?" When I nodded my head, she hit my shoulder. "When?"

I grabbed my phone back from her and hit redial. "When Abbey was six."

**AN: Oh Dad-ward, how much I love you. I've already written the outtakes for tomorrow and Sunday. I am debating on posting them early. Hope everyone has a super weekend!**


	16. Manhattan

**Still not mine. *passes the tissues* You'll need them.**

"**We're gonna show this town to kiss the stars." Manhattan, Kings of Leon**

Throwing my arms out, I turned in a circle, staring up at the snowflakes that were falling around us. I laughed when they fell onto my lips. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"I've seen better." Edward wrapped his arms around my waist to keep me from spinning. "And if you aren't careful, you'll slip on the ice."

I leaned up to kiss his lips. "Stop worrying."

He pulled my hat down further on my head, making sure that my ears were covered. "I don't want you to get sick, Bella."

"I'm already sick, Edward." I shrugged my shoulders as he tightened the scarf around my neck. "So why not let me enjoy this?"

I was met with the same stony expression that had covered my husband's face for the past six months. He always told me that I shouldn't be so flippant about being sick, because it wasn't a laughing matter, but at this point what else could I do? I either let it ruin what time I did have left or I made the best of it.

My gloved hands carefully held on to the sides of his face. "Please don't be sad. Not tonight. It's Christmas and it's snowing!"

My enthusiasm finally broke through his attitude and I was graced with a very small smile.

"What is about snow that always makes you so excited?"

I shrugged my shoulders and leaned my head back again, staring up at the pitch black sky. "We didn't get a lot of snow when I was a kid. So… I dunno. It always seems so magical to me. Like everything it touches is made new and fresh." I took a deep breath before looking back at him and smiled when his fingers carefully brushed the cold flakes off of my cheeks.

"How am I…" Edward started to ask me. His eyes closed and his head fell forward, resting against mine. "I can't do this. I know that I'm supposed to be the strong one, that I'm supposed to be holding you up, but I can't, Bella. I'm… what will we do? What will any of us do without you?"

"Hey," I whispered. With all of the layers of clothing I had on, I couldn't really maneuver my arms all the way around his neck, so I settled for holding on to his shoulders. "Doctors don't know everything. I could still beat this."

He nodded his head. "I know."

"Mom, Dad," Abbey called from the back door. "Matt and Beth are here. We'll be ready to eat when Uncle Emmett and Aunt Rosalie get here."

"We'll be right there," I yelled back. Even after the door shut, neither one of us moved.

Edward cleared his throat before shaking his head. "Where did the past forty years go?"

I smiled before kissing him again. "They didn't go anywhere." I let go of one of his shoulders and pressed my hand against his chest. "They're still right here, where they will always be."

Our hair might have turned a little grayer and our faces might have had a few more wrinkles, but when Edward kissed me, I still felt like the twenty-eight year old girl he'd fallen in love with. My stomach would flutter from butterflies and my heart would absolutely pound in my chest. I hoped that wouldn't ever change.

"Grammy, Mommy said to tell you the food is ready!"

The door shut, leaving Edward and I alone in our backyard. He sighed before wiping his cheeks. "We should go inside before she sends everyone else out here to get us."

He started to turn away when I grabbed his hand. "Wait," I quietly begged. Edward turned around and looked down at me. He came willingly when I pulled him closer to me and smiled when touched his face. "One more kiss in the snow, please?"

His head dipped down to reach mine and when our lips met, I could have sworn that everything in life made sense again. There was no worrying, no fear. For this one second, it was just us. And it was perfect.

xXxXxXx

**Abbey POV**

"Abbey, do you want me to go outside and get them?"

I shook my head at my husband's question. From the window I could see my parents standing out in the snow, trying to hang on to a moment that was going to end entirely too soon. I quickly blinked back the tears that were trying to escape my eyes, and smiled when our youngest daughter crawled onto the couch to see out of the window.

She looked out at her grandparents and then back up at me. "Why are Grammy and Poppy standing in the snow?"

I leaned down and kissed her cheek before Tripp managed to wrangle her into the only highchair left at the table. A small arm wrapped around my waist and I looked over to see a sad sort of smile on my mother-in-law's face.

"How long have they been out there?" Alice asked me.

"About an hour," I answered. "I hate to interrupt them."

She nodded her head before giving me a squeeze. "Let them be. We can save them a plate."

Rosalie and Alice thankfully took over the part of getting all of the kids to the table, letting me watch one of the most loving moments I had ever seen between my parents. I don't even know how long I stood there, but I was shaken out of the daze when an entirely different set of arms wrapped around my sides.

"Are you okay?" I nodded my head at my husband's question. His chin rested on my shoulder while we both watched my parents, still holding on to each other in the snow. "What do you think they're saying?"

I wiped a tear off of my cheek and smiled. "They're saying good-bye."

AN: Please don't hate me for writing this. You have to admit there is a strange sort of beauty, being at the end and looking back, remembering how amazing all of it was. I really think that Bella and Edward's love impacted more than just themselves. Their daughter and grandchildren had such an epic love story to look up to… I just find that so beautiful. Anyways, thanks for reading!


	17. A Little More of You

**Nope, nothing changed. I still don't own Twilight.**

"**Spent enough time in your arms to know just where I want to be. I've heard your voice enough to know just what I need to hear. Baby, I'm right beside you, all I need is a little more of you. Laughed with you enough to know just how I want to feel. I've been with you enough to know just why I need you. All I need is a little more of you to go on." A Little More of You, Ashley Chambliss**

**EPOV**

"You never listen to me!"

"Jesus Christ!" I yelled back. "What the fuck do you want me to do, Bella? I can't change anything! I said I was sorry and-"

"And that's supposed to just fix it, Edward?" She shoved her coat on. "I've been reminding you about this for months!"

"And I've been busy, Bella!" I threw myself down onto the bed and shook my head. "I'll just cancel and then we can-"

"No," she said interrupting me. "I'll just go by myself. Obviously this isn't something important to you, so forget it."

"Bella." I reached out to hold on to her arm but she pulled away from me.

"Have a good night, Edward."

I watched as the door shut behind her and shook my head. To vent my frustration, I threw a pillow from the bed and accidently hit a crystal vase full of flowers. "Oh for fuck's sake!" I yelled at the empty room.

Leaving the mess to be dealt with later, I grabbed my phone and called Alice's phone number. When she answered I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. "We're going to have to cancel tonight."

xXxXxXx

**BPOV**

I should have known that he wouldn't remember. Forget the fact that I'd been talking about doing this since we found out that we were going to be in Paris, or that I had put up with flying all over the damn globe to support his tour. The only thing I had asked was that we have this _one_ night to ourselves, just one fucking night to be a normal married couple. Well, obviously that was way too much to ask because he had made plans to meet with some Parisian music guru.

After a lonely dinner, I got in the taxi, and in the worst French known to man kind, tried to tell the driver where I wanted to go. He nodded and I hoped like hell that I wasn't going to end up in some random location because of the damn language barrier. Thankfully, he understood me.

After getting out of the car, I looked up at the enormous structure in front of me and smiled. I'd seen the Eiffel tower before, but never like this. Pulling my coat tighter around me, I walked across the courtyard and the short distance to the gallery. The streets were full of people, making the atmosphere around me charged with excitement. After giving my name at the entrance, I was let inside.

"Ah, Mrs. Cullen." I nodded and felt thankful for someone who spoke English. "We have your table ready."

I followed behind her and watched through the huge picture windows as the view of the tower got better and better. "Will I be able to see it from our table?"

The girl nodded. "You'll have a spectacular view, Madame."

When she led me to a stairwell, I thought of questioning where we were going, but kept following. It wasn't until she led me out onto the rooftop that I shook my head. "Um…"

"Is there a problem?" She asked.

I couldn't answer her because I was too busy gawking at the view that this location offered me. It was absolutely breathtaking. "I thought that…" I shook my head and tried to focus. "When I made the reservations I thought that it would be inside."

The young woman nodded her head. "Your original reservations were. But I believe your husband called-"

"And pulled a few strings." I turned around at the sound of Edward's voice. He gave me a quick smile before nodding to the hostess that had been helping me. "Thank you for your help."

She politely excused herself and left the two of us alone.

"I thought you had plans tonight." I asked him.

Edward handed me a blanket that he'd been holding before answering. "I fucked up and I know that. You've been looking forward to this for a while and I… completely forgot about it. I'm sorry."

I hugged the blanket to my chest and nodded my head. "I just wanted one night, Edward. One night without Alice and Jasper, without people following us around; I just wanted one night with _you_."

"You deserve more than just one night." He took the blanket from me and unfolded it before throwing it over my shoulders. "And I'll try to be better about making sure that you get it."

He tentatively held his arms out and smiled when I leaned against his chest. "I'm sorry."

"What is it with you pulling these huge grand gestures when you've pissed me off? It makes it impossible for me to stay mad at you."

Edward kissed the top of my head. "That's the point."

We shared cup of the most delicious hot chocolate I'd ever had, and with my back pressed against Edward's chest, we watched as the Eiffel Tower was lit for the Christmas season. The blue lights flooded the space around us, making everything seem otherworldly.

"Merry Christmas," Edward whispered against my ear.

I smiled and pulled his arms tighter around me. "Merry Christmas."

**AN: And here is a little happy to make up for the previous one. Who is ready for Christmas? I already have all six of my trees up and decorated!**


	18. Welcome to This World

**To make up for all of the heartache I caused on Friday, here is an abundance of fluff and awwwww inducing Dadward. Still don't own Twilight. If you know someone who is having a baby, or if you have a small child, Renee and Jeremy's CD, **_**It's a Big World**_**, is fantastic. Check it out.**

"**Before you know it you'll be singing right back to me." Welcome to This World, Renee & Jeremy**

**BPOV**

I shook my husband's shoulder to try and wake him up. "Edward."

"Mmm." He turned his head away from me.

I tried again, this time shaking harder. "Edward, it's time."

He rolled over onto his back before rubbing his eyes and yawning. "Chocolate or vanilla?"

I smiled at his question, wondering what flavor of ice cream I wanted, and shook my head. "No, I don't want ice cream. My water broke."

"Oh." Edward nodded his head before rolling back onto his stomach. "It's ok. We can get you a new one."

I sat back and waited for the realization of what was happening to kick in. A few seconds later, he sat up straight in bed and looked around the room. "Wait. What?" He finally turned to look at me. "What did you say?"

"We need to go to the hospital," I slowly answered. "I've already call-"

Before I could even finish my sentence, Edward had jumped out of bed and was practically throwing things into the suitcase that I'd already packed. I tried to stop him, taking out the TV remote and box of Kleenex that he had tossed into the bag, but he wouldn't even let me talk. "Edward, I-"

"Just stay calm," he said as he kissed the top of my head. "Everything will be fine."

I nodded my head even though I clearly was not the one freaking out. He helped me down the stairs and into the car, but it wasn't until I was buckled in and he had started the ignition that he finally let me speak.

"Edward?"

He put the car in reverse and started backing out of the garage. "Yeah?"

"I get that we're in a bit of a hurry, but don't you think you should at least put on some pants?"

I watched as he ran back inside, wearing only his boxers, and then I calmly dialed his parents' phone number.

"Hello?" Carlisle's sleepy voice asked.

I took a deep breath and smiled. "Thundercats are go."

xXxXxXx

**EPOV**

There were no words to describe how the past five hours had felt.

I'd stood there and held Bella's hand while she gave me the most beautiful and perfect gift imaginable, hating that she was in so much pain and in awe of the fact that she never gave up.

When the doctor handed me our daughter, it felt like everything in my life had come to an absolute standstill. I stared down at her tiny face, that was nearly an exact imitation of mine, and with no understanding of why, felt like that was exactly what I had been waiting for, for my whole life.

I leaned over the bed that Bella was lying on, and carefully handed her our daughter. With one arm wrapped around the delicate pink bundle, Bella reached up with her other hand and gently wiped away the tears that had settled on my cheeks.

"She looks exactly like you, Edward," she whispered. "Except the chin…"

I gently sat down on the edge of the bed and nodded my head. "She has your dad's chin."

Bella's head leaned against my chest, and for one quiet moment, the two of us admired the most precious thing that God had ever made. Our daughter.

xXxXxXx

**BPOV**

A soft crying noise woke me up but the sound of Edward's movement told me I could go back to sleep. My heavy eyes basically refused to open, but the second I heard his voice, I forced them.

"Shh, baby girl," Edward whispered. I watched through sleepy eyes as he cradled her against his chest and kissed the top of her head. "See, you're okay. I've got you."

Her whimpering and crying had stopped, leaving the only noises in the room to be the beeping of the medical equipment that was still attached to my arm, and the sound of my husband's quiet voice as he slowly sang to our new daughter.

I was grateful for the shadows that hid my face from Edward, letting me watch as he rocked back and forth with Abbey, and not have to worry about him seeing me cry.

"Do you know how long I've waited for you?" He quietly asked her.

I smiled when he leaned forward and left his lips gently pressed against the top of her head, as if trying to make sure that that kiss would permanently be there. Such a sweet and simple gesture that he only shared with two people; me, and now, our daughter.

He started singing again and I tried to listen for as long as I could. But the sound of his voice and the exhaustion that I felt lulled me to sleep. I drifted off, smiling at the image of the two of them.

xXxXxXx

**EPOV**

"Don't drop her!" I whispered frantically. My hands instinctively reached out to catch her, just in case.

My brother rolled his eyes and carefully moved Abbey higher in his arms. "Not like I haven't don't this before, asshole."

"Mommy!" Matt ran from the couch and into the kitchen. Emmett shook his head when we heard him yell, "Daddy said a bad word!"

"Emmett!" Rosalie and our mother yelled at the same time.

"She really is a pretty baby," Emmett whispered, ignoring the women in the other room. He smiled before kissing her cheek. "Finally a girl, huh?"

I nodded my head and carefully took off the ridiculous bow that my mother had strapped to the poor child's head. "I have a feeling I'm already in trouble here. She just looks at me and I'm willing to give her whatever she wants. What am I going to do when she's like sixteen?"

My brother shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. But when you figure it out let me know so I'll know what to expect in seventeen years if this one's a girl." He had that smile on his face, the one that usually meant that he was hiding something, and shook his head when I opened my mouth. "We haven't told anyone yet."

I was kept from saying anything by Rosalie walking into the room, looking like she was ready to kill her husband. I reached for Abbey, but Emmett shook his head and tightened his arms around her.

"Do you know what your son just called Tripp?" My sister-in-law hissed. "He called him an asshole, Emmett! Your child called a one year old an asshole!"

"Shh." My brother shook his head. "The baby is asleep."

I shouldn't have laughed at the fact that he was using my daughter as an excuse to get out of trouble, but the look on Rosalie's face was priceless.

After everyone had left, Bella and I were sitting in bed with Abbey lying between us. I smiled as her eyes fluttered from dreams she was having before whispering, "Did you ever think we would actually end up like this?"

Bella nodded her head and smoothed the reddish curls against Abbey's head. "From the very beginning."

**AN: A lot of you comment on the kids' names. You learn more about them in the Fandom4Preemies outtake. Tripp is called Tripp because his full name is Jasper Michael Whitlock, the third, so they call him Tripp for short. Abbey was named after the Beatles album, Abbey Road. I'm not saying why because that ruins part of the F4P outtake.**

**Anyway, I hope this makes up for the heartfail. I never in a million years thought you guys would be so upset. I'm sorry.**


	19. Your Touch

**Don't own Twilight. Heather, this is for you.**

"**Well, I'll be good like I should. Waiting is such misery. I need your touch. Oh Lordy, Lordy, I got excited now. Please rush. I need your touch." Your Touch, The Black Keys**

**BPOV**

"Do you want to play?"

I smiled when Edward's face broke into a wide grin. "Re-really?"

Mrs. Barber, the recording manager for the studio, laughed. "Of course." She walked around the piano and lifted the lid that was covering the black and white keys. "I trust that you know how to care for an instrument?"

"Oh, yes ma'am."

She smiled and nodded for him to sit down. "Take all the time you want."

"Thank you," Edward said quietly. Once she had left us alone and the door had shut, he eagerly sat down at the piano and smiled up at me. "Can you believe this?"

"Well you are a _pretty_ well known musician."

Without playing, his fingers moved over the keys of the piano. "Do you know how many artists have sat here and created some of the most influential songs of all time?"

What had started as an innocent trip to see one of the most popular tourist spots in London had ended up with the two of us getting a private tour of _the _Abbey Road Recording Studios. Edward hadn't wanted to be a bother to anyone, but the second that Colette Barber saw Edward outside, she had insisted that we come in and take a personally guided tour.

Although we had considered several different places for a honeymoon, I was happy that we had decided on London. It wasn't pretentious or outlandish, but still far enough away that it felt like we had really gotten away from everything. Admittedly, we had spent the first few days locked inside of our hotel room, but since we had started venturing out, things hadn't been that bad. Edward was occasionally noticed and asked for pictures, but for the most part, the two of us wandered around London like every other tourist visiting.

"Something in her smile, she knows, that I don't need no other lover," Edward quietly sang. He nodded for me to sit down next to him, without missing a note.

I smiled and carefully sat down, watching as his fingers slid over the keys. He kept playing, sometimes singing and sometimes just silently moving his lips along with the lyrics, and all I could do was notice how different his hands looked now that there was a ring on his left ring finger.

Edward hadn't wanted anything "blingy" for his wedding ring, and had actually picked something pretty plain. I'd seen it dozens of times before the wedding, and had even played with it while it sat on his finger the last few days. But for some reason, watching the light reflect off of the band while his fingers played the piano, was… incredibly hot.

It was funny that I'd been with Edward for over a year, and I hadn't ever really doubted that he wasn't _mine_, but now there was tangible proof for everyone else to see. Was that why it suddenly seemed so attractive?

Maybe it wasn't even just the fact that he was wearing a wedding ring. His fingers just seemed so much longer, more slender, and just generally more talented. I bit my bottom lip and continued to watch as he played his way through a catalog of songs, and even if it was a once in a lifetime thing, I couldn't wait to get the hell out of there.

xXxXxXx

"Bella, what-"

I cut Edward's question off with my lips and nosily shut the door to our room behind us. Unfortunately, I was way too preoccupied with ripping his jacket off, that I hadn't noticed that there was a chair behind him.

The two of us fell to the floor, Edward laughing and me _still_ trying to get him out of his clothes.

He lifted his arms to help me and asked, "What's the hurry?"

I shook my head and threw his shirt across the room. "I just… yeah," I panted. "I um… I need you to be naked, now."

Edward watched as I moved to sit on his thighs and started undoing his belt. He smiled when I looked down at him and then laughed when I felt my face blush.

"See, how can you initiate sex and then blush like that when I look at you?" He shook his head. "I don't understand how you can be mauling me one second and then be shy and adorable the next."

I blew a piece of hair off my face and shrugged. "It's a very special talent."

Edward laughed again before sitting up, leaving me sitting on his lap. "As much I admire that _talent_, I would love to know what's going on in here." He gently tapped my forehead. "I didn't realize that looking at old churches and buildings would be such a turn on for you."

I shook my head. "It wasn't that." He kept looking at me, obviously wanting more of an explanation. So I sighed and held his left hand up to his face. "It's this."

"What?" He looked at his hand and then back to me. "My hand?"

I nodded. "More specifically, your ring finger."

He gave me a weird look before nodding his head, giving the impression that he was just agreeing so that I wouldn't feel like an idiot.

"It was just…" I licked my lips and started over. "I know were married and that you've been wearing your wedding ring for like four days now, but for some reason… When I saw you playing today and… I don't know, Edward. It was like finger porn or something!"

He laughed again before kissing my forehead. "Finger porn? Can you elaborate, please?"

"Don't make fun of me."

I got another kiss, this time on my lips, while Edward shook his head. "I'm not making fun of you, Bella. I find it incredibly hot that even the smallest parts of my body can turn you on."

"Your hands aren't small," I argued. "They are like ten times bigger than mine."

"Well, you know what they say. Big hands…"

I hit his shoulder, trying not to laugh. "Edward."

He smiled before sitting up straighter and adjusting my legs, moving them tighter around his hips. "In all seriousness, I think that it is fucking adorable that you got so worked up because of my hands."

"You don't think it's weird?" I asked him.

Edward shook his head before he playfully pushed me back against the floor. "If you think my hands are that amazing, wait till you see what I can do with my other… appendages."

I laughed and threw my head back when he attacked my neck with wet and sloppy kisses.

**AN: Am I the only one who finds the new pics of Rob wearing a wedding band just incredibly sexy? I felt that way when I saw the Bel Ami pics too… Gah. This is going to be a LONG year of filming.**

**On an entirely different note, do you guys have songs that remind you of The Groupie? Send them my way and I will see if I can work an outtake for it.**

**Hope you guys liked it! JFI**


	20. Wouldn't It Be Nice

**Here is a little something different. Still don't own anything.**

"**Wouldn't it be nice if we were older? Then we wouldn't have to wait so long. And wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong? You know it's gonna make it that much better when we can say goodnight and stay together." Wouldn't it Be Nice, The Beach Boys**

**Abbey POV**

I was in the middle of finishing a stupid book report when someone flipped my book closed and threw themselves down into the chair next to me. The librarian shushed us and a small giggle escaped my mouth when Tripp winked at her.

"Good morning," he whispered. I smiled when he leaned over to kiss my cheek. "I have a surprise for you."

The two of us had been dating for over two years, and every morning he would walk into school and announce that he had some sort of surprise for me. Sometimes it would be nothing more than a foil covered Hershey's kiss, other times he would tell me to check my email and I would see that he had bought songs on iTunes for me.

"Part one." He slid an envelope under the table and sat it on my lap.

Inside I found two tickets to go see Atomic Applesauce and nearly fell out of my chair from excitement. "Oh my God!" I whispered loudly. I got shushed again, but ignored it and practically threw my arms around Tripp's neck. "How did you get these?"

He laughed and kissed the side of my neck. "Travis and I snuck out last night and spent the night outside the club to get them." After a throat clearing from the damn librarian, he let me go and slid another envelope onto my lap. "Part two. Don't ask where I got this because I can't tell you."

I doubted that anything could top the concert tickets, but I opened it anyway. When I saw what was inside, I quickly shut it and shoved it into my backpack. "Tripp!" I scolded him in a whisper. "Are you crazy?"

He smiled and leaned back in his chair. "You want to see them don't you?"

"Well, yeah but-"

"And you don't turn eighteen until this summer. So if you want to go, then you have to have a fake ID to get in." I must have looked scared to death because he sat up and wrapped an arm around the back of my chair. "Don't worry, Abbey. The guy I got it from does this all the time."

I nodded my head, trying to feign confidence.

"Come on." Tripp stood up and grabbed my backpack. "We've got to get to History."

Holding his hand, I followed him out of the library and through the halls of our school, all the while hoping like hell that my dad wouldn't ever find out about this.

xXxXxXx

It wasn't fun being the only one of our group of friends under eighteen, but that's what I got for graduating early. Several times, Tripp and I had backed out of plans when we found out that I wouldn't be able to get in. Normally it never bothered us, we would end up just spending time together, but now that I was only a few months away from being legal, it was really starting to become annoying.

"I heard that when they did a show in Vancouver that the drummer played completely naked."

While everyone laughed and continued speculating about what would happen at the show, I pressed my face against Tripp's arm and tried not to look like I was about to throw up from nerves. He squeezed my hand as we slowly moved forward in line, and when we got a few people away from the door, kissed me.

"Just act natural," Tripp whispered.

I nodded my head and pulled my fake drivers license out of my back pocket.

"ID."

My boyfriend showed his ID to the cop that was carding people and stepped aside to wait for me. When the same was asked of me, I gave it to him and smiled.

He looked at the rectangular piece of plastic and then back at me. "How old are you?"

I swallowed and tried to speak calmly. "Eighteen."

"Are you sure this is your actual ID?" He held it up for me to look at.

"Um…"

Panic had to be written all over my face because he just nodded his head. "Ma'am, are you aware that even attempting to use a fake drivers license is against the law? And that you trying to pass this off to an official police officer is also against the law?"

"Wait," Tripp stepped in and tried to give some sort of explanation, but the police officer held his arm out.

"Sir, unless you want to accompany her to the station I suggest you back up."

I shook my head while another police officer was pulling me off to a police cruiser that was waiting by the curb. "Don't Tripp, just… I'll call my mom."

The only way that this could have been worse was if they had actually handcuffed me. I waited while the car door was opened for me and as I got inside, heard my boyfriend say the dumbest thing imaginable.

"I'm the one that got her the fake ID."

Once he was in the backseat next to me I whispered, "Are you crazy? Tripp you'll get in more trouble than I will."

He reached across the seat to hold on my hand. "I wasn't going to let you go on your own, Abbey. Just… don't say anything."

I looked back out of the window and shook my head. "My dad is going to kill me."

Tripp squeezed my hand. "He loves you too much to do that. He'll kill me instead."

xXxXxXx

"Name?"

In a shaky voice, I answered the police officer that was taking down my information. "Abbey Elizabeth Cullen."

He looked up from his keyboard and raised an eye at me. "Cullen? As in Edward Cullen's daughter?"

There were several times when I felt like being recognized as my father's daughter was something to be proud of. This was not one of them. I swallowed and nodded my head. "Yes, sir."

"I see." He leaned back in his chair and nodded through the glass window towards Tripp, who was still sitting in the holding area. "And who is he?"

I looked over my shoulder then turned back to the man in front of me. "My boyfriend. Tripp Whitlo… I mean… Jasper Whitlock. I'm sure you already know who his parents are too."

"Kind of hard not to." The officer smiled and shook his head. "Well Miss Cullen, you have two options here." He sat up and leaned his elbows against the desk before narrowing his gaze with mine. "Do you want to call your parents? Or should I?"

xXxXxXx

Tripp and I were allowed to sit in the booking office while we waited for our parents to arrive. Like a chicken, I had opted to have Officer Marshall call my dad and could hear him yelling through the phone from across the room. It made the waiting for him to show up that much harder.

I shook my head and wiped away the tears that were tickling my face. "We're never going to be allowed to see each other again."

"Abbey." Tripp whispered my name before moving my hair behind my ear. "Your dad is going to be pissed but… come on. He won't forbid us to ever talk again. It will be okay."

Before I could respond, the office door flew open and we both looked up to see my dad and Jasper glaring at us. Officer Marshall, motioned for them to sit down, and as soon as they moved into the room I went back to staring at the floor.

"Given the fact that neither one of your children have criminal records, and the special circumstances that uh… pertain to your families, the DA has agreed to meet with each you privately on Monday. We haven't booked either one of them and depending on what she decides; we won't process anything until after your meetings."

We were given a stern lecture about "obeying laws that were meant for our protection" before we were allowed to leave. No one said anything while we walked out of the police station but my father held open the car door and nodded for me to get into the front seat. His silence was scaring the shit out of me.

"Where's our car?" Tripp asked his dad.

Jasper shook his head and motioned for him to get in the back seat. "The police might have agreed to let you two go without any major consequences, but we're not that understanding. Get in the car."

It was at least fifteen minutes into the drive before anyone said anything. Even then, I stared out of the window and listened while my boyfriend tried to talk our way out of all of this.

"It isn't like we were trying to buy liquor or anything," Tripp explained. "We've wanted to see that band for months."

"So that gives you the right to buy a fake ID for a _minor_?" Jasper asked. His voice got louder as he kept talking. "Do you have any idea how serious this could get? You're eighteen Tripp. They could charge you as an adult. Not to mention that if this gets put on Abbey's record; it could ruin her acceptance to Julliard. If it wasn't for the fact that you've already gotten accepted to the University of-"

"She didn't do anything!" Tripp yelled at his father. "It was my idea and-"

"I suggest you lower your voice," my father warned.

The car became quiet and the next forty-eight minutes of the drive to Tripp's house felt more like hours.

When we walked inside, I saw my mother and Alice sitting on the couch looking worried and extremely disappointed. My mother slowly walked towards me and my heart broke with guilt when she hugged me. "Are you okay?"

I nodded my head and whispered an apology. "I just… wanted to see their show."

She kissed my forehead and led me to the couch, holding my hands in hers.

When Tripp tried to sit next to me, my father stopped him. "Don't even think about it."

"Dad," I tried to stand up but my mother stopped me.

"The two of you," my father motioned between the two of us, "are over for a while. No more going out and no more phone calls. Abbey, you're grounded for at least the next three months."

"But," I pulled away from my mom and stood up. "You can't tell me who I can and can't date. I'm nearly eighteen and-"

Jasper interrupted me. "Until you show us that you're both ready to make responsible choices, then you'll continue to live by our rules. You will go to school, go to practice, and come home. End of story."

"Well then I'll fucking move out." Tripp crossed his arms across his chest. "I'm eighteen and legally an adult."

While my boyfriend continued to argue with his father, Alice tried to get the two of them to stop. When I took a step towards them, my father grabbed my arm.

"This isn't fair!" I yelled at him. "We've never done anything wrong before!"

"Abbey," my mother said as she stood up. "We love you and we're-"

"Bullshit," Tripp shook his head. "I know for a fact that the four of you," he motioned to all of the adults in the room, "have done _way_ worse than this. Abbey and I don't… We wanted to hear a fucking band!"

After that, everything escalated. My dad yelled at Tripp for yelling at my mom, Alice yelled at my dad for speaking to her son like that, and eventually I was just one huge sobbing mess.

With the understanding that Tripp and I wouldn't be allowed to see each other until our parents felt that we were responsible enough to make adult decisions, I was taken home and practically marched into my bedroom.

"Cell phone." My dad held his hand out and waited while I dug my phone out of my purse. "And your laptop, Abbey."

I practically ripped the AC plug out of the wall and pushed it at him. He looked around the room, obviously checking for anything else that I could use to communicate with the outside world, before sighing. "I'm just trying to protect you."

Shaking my head, I threw my jacket into the closet. "No, you're punishing me."

"When you're older, you'll see why…" My father sat down on my bed and shook his head in frustration. "The earlier you realize that your actions come with consequences, the better off you'll be. I had to learn the hard way and I really don't want you to have to go through that."

The bitter teenage part of me wanted to remind my father that sneaking into a club to see a band was not nearly as bad as going to rehab for a drug habit, but I just ignored his statement all together and pulled my pajamas out of my drawer. "Excuse me."

Leaving him sitting on the bed, I retreated into my bathroom and quietly cried while I changed clothes. When I came back out, my room was thankfully empty. After turning off the light, I crawled into bed and grabbed my iPod.

As expected, Tripp had sent me several messages, and I thanked God that my parents wouldn't ever think about taking music away from me as a form of punishment. I scrolled through the G-Talk messages, crying harder with each one I read.

_I don't care what our parents say; I'm not letting you go._

_You know this will blow over once they've all clamed down. If not then I'll do what I said. I'll move out and when you turn eighteen, we can both move to NY together._

_I know you're freaking out but don't. If nothing else, we can still see each other at school._

The messages continued with the same content, reminding me that my dad had a tendency to overreact and that in a few weeks things would calm down. I fell asleep with my iPod resting on the pillow next to me, and woke a few hours later when it beeped again. With clumsy fingers, I opened the message and stared at the screen.

_Open your window._

__"What the…" I crawled out of bed and quietly pushed my windows open. When I looked outside, Tripp was crawling up the side of our house, smiling like an idiot. Once he made his way into my room, I whispered, "What are you doing here? If my dad finds out-"

My worries were cut off when he held on to the side of my face and pressed his lips against mine. Covering his hands with mine, I relaxed into his kiss and smiled when pulled away from me.

"I have to ask you something," Tripp whispered. "And I know you're going to freak out when I do."

I shook my head. "Then why ask me?"

He smiled instead of answering and pulled me over to the bed. Once we were sitting down, he turned to face me. "Will you marry me?"

My mouth opened, and if wasn't for his hand immediately flying over my mouth, I would have woken everyone in the house up. After a second, he moved his hand and smile. "So? What do you think?"

"You've lost your mind, Tripp!" I whispered frantically. "I'm not even eighteen!"

He shrugged his shoulders. "You'll be eighteen in three months, Abbey. We wait and then… just do it. No one can say anything about us being together if we're married."

I shook my head. "But… you're going to Texas in August and I'm going to-"

"Forget Texas." He leaned forward and kissed me again. "I can stay out for a semester if I need to and just apply to NYU in the spring. I'm serious here. I've known since we were kids that I loved you and that isn't going to change." Tripp smiled before gently kissing my bottom lip. "Marry me, Abbey."

Looking up into his blue eyes, I realized that he was right. I smiled before nodding my head.

"Really?" He asked excitedly. "You mean it?"

I nodded again and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Yes, I mean it."

**AN: Before I say anything else I have to thank Maggie for being able to edit these outtakes every day. I love ya, girl! Now, how many of you were ever dumb kids that were sooooo in love that you actually considered following through with something like this? *raises hand* The best part is that I can look back and still understand why I thought it would be a good idea to get married at 18, even though I am not with the same guy now.**

**EPOV for this is coming up. Thanks for reading!**


	21. I Will Show You Love

**Still not mine.**

"**Trust in me, my child. ****I have heard you cry, and it breaks my heart for I love you so, but I would never lie, this is not the end." I Will Show You Love, Kendall Payne**

**EPOV**

"This is Officer Marshall with the Seattle Police Department."

My heart stopped beating, my lungs stopped working, and I prayed to God that he wasn't calling to tell me that something had happened to Abbey.

"Y-yes?" I cautiously asked.

Bella stopped what she was doing and turned around at the sound of my voice.

"I'm calling you tonight because I have your daughter sitting in my office."

My eyes closed and I prepared myself for the worst. "Is she okay?"

The spoon that Bella had been holding dropped with clinking sound onto the floor and she walked towards me. "What happened?" She whispered.

I shook my head and tried to listen to what the police officer was telling me.

"Yes sir, she's fine but I'll need you to come pick her up. She was caught trying to use a fake driver's license to get into a club tonight."

"She what?" I yelled into the phone.

xXxXxXx

After finding out exactly what had happened, I'd called Jasper and we decided to drive to the station together. I wasn't sure if it was so neither one of us ended up killing our kid or to simply try and be an intimidating front. Either way, it at least gave us a chance to plan a strategy for punishment.

By the time we got to the Police Department, we had decided that, aside from grounding both of them, some time apart would probably be a wise choice. I understood that they were young and thought that they were in love, but at seventeen and eighteen, I wasn't sure they even knew what that really meant.

As expected, the punishment part of our discussion hadn't gone over well. With threats of Tripp moving out and Abbey crying hysterically, I wasn't really sure that we would make it back home without _someone_ ending up in the hospital.

Thankfully we had been able to leave without incident but none of us spoke on the way back to the house. In the front seat, Bella tried to act like she wasn't crying, while Abbey was basically hyperventilating in the back seat. I kept my hands on the steering wheel and tried to remind myself that this was part of being a parent. I wanted my daughter to be happy, but she also had to learn that you couldn't just break the law without suffering the consequences.

"Things will seem better in the morning."

Ignoring her mother's encouragement, our daughter pushed her bedroom door open. I took a deep breath and followed her inside. "I'll need your cell phone and laptop, Abbey."

She stormed around the room, yanking cords out of the wall, and wiping tears off of her face. When she basically threw her computer at me, I sighed and tried again to make her understand. "I'm just trying to protect you."

"No, you're punishing me."

I could understand where she was coming from. When I was seventeen, I never thought about the next ten years of my life, let alone the next four. But unlike me, Abbey had the potential to become more than I could ever dream about being. Musically, she was more talented than anyone I'd ever played with and had her whole future ahead of her. By making one stupid mistake, she could have potentially ruined all of it. I didn't want her to be my age, looking back on several years' worth of mistakes that could have been avoided. I didn't want her to be at the prime of her musical career, only to have this brought up and cause her humiliation and regret. I'd been there, done that, and I would do whatever I had to, to keep my daughter from experiencing the same thing.

"When you're older, you'll see why…" I sat down on her bed and sadly shook my head. "The sooner you realize that your actions come with consequences, the better off you'll be. I had to learn the hard way and I really don't want you to have to go through that."

Abbey stopped pacing around the room and looked at me. For a second, I thought that she might actually say something, but instead she just pulled out her pajamas and retreated into her bathroom.

Even through the door, I could hear her crying. It broke my heart and made me want to take back everything that I'd said tonight. But if I loved my daughter, then I had to do what was best for her, not what was easiest for me to deal with.

I stood up and was about to leave her room, when I heard a soft tinkling beep. Looking around, I saw her iPod shoved under one of the pillow on her bed. After glancing at the bathroom door, I reached over and pulled it out.

For a second I considered taking it with me and sticking to the original plan that Jasper and I had made, but then I shook my head in defeat and put it back where I'd found it. I knew that she would be able to contact Tripp through it, but I also knew that aside from being her boyfriend, he was also her best friend. And even if I knew she needed to learn a lesson from all of this, I couldn't do that to her. Or him.

In our bedroom, I found Bella sitting on the bed waiting for me. She watched as I sat Abbey's computer and cell phone on the chair and then moved over so I could sit down next to her.

"She won't be mad forever."

I nodded my head before looking at her. "They won't ever forget this, you know that don't you?"

Bella sighed and leaned her head against my shoulder. "I just hope neither one of them do something stupid. Tripp is so similar to Alice, acting on impulse. It makes me nervous."

"At least Abbey is like you." I kissed the top of her head. "She wouldn't do anything without thinking it through."

Bella was quiet for a minute before sitting up. "Maybe I should go check on her."

I kissed her again before she crawled off of the bed and then called her name before she reached the door.

"Yeah?"

I gave her a guilty smile. "If she's on her iPod don't take it away from her."

"Edward Cullen." Bella mockingly shook her head. "You let her keep it?"

I shrugged my shoulders and lay back against the bed. "Don't judge me."

**AN: No, Bella didn't walk in and hear Tripp and Abbey. She went down the hall and Abbey was already asleep. So, there you have it! **

**I'm not sure if I will be posting any more outtake this week. Tomorrow is my birthday and the HP midnight showing… I just can't concentrate on anything but Ron Weasley. But, if I get bored at work tomorrow I will try to come up with a little something.**

**Some of you have asked about the other stories I'm writing. They are all still happening, I just have formed mental blocks where some characters are concerned and need to work it out. I haven't given up on any of them.  
**

**Thanks as always for reading!**


	22. How to Save a Life

**It's not mine.**

"**As he begins to raise his voice, you lower yours and grant him one last choice; drive until you lose the road or break with the ones you've followed. He will do one of two things; he will admit to everything or he'll say he's just not the same, and you'll begin to wonder why you came." How to Save a Life, The Fray**

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

Feigning surprise, I threw my hands over my mouth and tried my best to make it look authentic. Everyone that had been crammed into Alice's tiny apartment began to laugh and I started accepting the hugs of people around me.

When Jasper reached me, I hugged him tighter than everyone else, pulling him closer so that we wouldn't be overheard. "Thanks for not letting this be an _actual _surprise," I whispered.

He nodded his head while laughing. "I didn't figure you would like it but Alice… well, she's Alice."

That was really the only explanation I needed. Although Alice had become a pretty good friend since I'd moved to Seattle, she still didn't know me nearly as well as Jasper did. I absolutely hated surprises, especially when it involved making me the center of attention.

Before Jasper and I had a chance to finish our hushed conversation, Alice had wiggled her way between us and thrown her arms around me. "Happy birthday, Bella!"

"Thanks." I hugged her back. "You really shouldn't have done all of-"

Before I could finish, she hugged me tighter and whispered against my ear. "Edward's here and he brought _her_. I don't want you to freak out!"

On instinct, I felt my back straighten and I was pretty sure that if I'd had hackles, they would be standing on end. I nodded my head at her warning and tried to keep a smile on my face while looking around the room.

Edward could have been considered my best friend; lately however, we had become something more similar to acquaintances. Ever since he had started dating Jane… things had changed. He had changed. His girlfriend, if you could even call her that, hated me. I wasn't really sure why, she didn't even know me, but from the moment we'd met, it was clear that I was _not_ someone she wanted around. Before, Edward and I had seen each other nearly every day. We would meet for coffee or lunch, doing things that friends normally did. Now, I could count on one hand how many times I had actually seen him in the past six months.

It didn't take long for me to find the two of them. They were standing near the back of the room, and while Jane looked completely bored, Edward was staring straight at me. When our eyes met, he sort of smiled.

I tried to keep the look of indifference on my face, but I knew from the look on his that I didn't manage it. "What…" I whispered to Jasper. "Oh my… God."

"Come on." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and excused the two of us outside. Once the door was shut, blocking out the noise from the party, he tried to come up with some sort of excuse for the way Edward looked.

"What happened to him? I mean… God, Jasper! He looks… like a corpse!"

I'd known about some of the drugs, but listening as Jasper explained what all had been going on, I couldn't help but wonder what the hell had happened to my best friend. Sure, we had all experimented with weed, but I never would have thought that Edward would get into coke, acid, and God only knew what else.

"How long has this been going on?" I asked him.

Jasper shrugged his shoulders. "We really started noticing the past few months but I'm sure it's been longer. Tonight's the first time I've seen Edward in a few weeks."

I sank down onto the concrete stairs that led out into the parking lot and shook my head. "It's her, Jasper. It has to be. Edward wouldn't do this on his own… he never…"

My oldest friend sat down next to me. "I know."

"Do Esme and Carlisle know?"

Jasper nodded his head but was stopped from saying something by the door opening.

We both turned around to find Edward standing there, looking like he was caught between amusement and embarrassment. He nervously laughed before joining us outside. "I'd wondered where you two went."

Without saying anything, I gave Jasper a quick glance and then stared back out at the parking lot. They made small talk for a while, but it wasn't long before an uncomfortable silence fell between the three of us.

"So…"

I looked over my shoulder to see Edward rubbing the back of his neck, a sure sign that he was in fact nervous, and waited for whatever was coming.

"Bella, do you think… I could talk to you for a second?"

Jasper left the two of us alone on the stairs and I counted to two hundred and sixty-five before Edward finally spoke again.

"Happy birthday."

I nodded my head in appreciation as he sat down next to me and smiled when he nudged my shoulder with his. "Thanks for coming," I mumbled.

Another moment of awkward silence.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for not… you know… being around lately."

"You're busy." I shrugged my shoulders and finally looked at him. "And… I get it. If Jane makes you happy then I'm happy for you Edward. I just… I never really thought that you and I would… stop being friends because of her."

For a second I thought that he might have looked a little guilty, but then he just turned back towards the parking lot. "We're still friends, Bella."

"Are we?" I asked. "Because this is the first time I've seen you in months. Communicating through text messages and emails isn't really a friendship."

"It isn't just me, you know." He stood up and shook his head. "You could at least try to get along with her. I mean… I don't really like Mike-fucking Newton, but I at least tolerate his ass, for you."

Following his lead, I stood up. "I've never been anything _but _nice to Jane, Edward. She's the one who basically called me 'fat ass bitch' to a room full of people, which included your mother by the way. So if you want to point fingers then maybe it should be in her direction. Or your own."

His spun around to look at me. "What the fuck have I done?"

"Oh gee, I don't know." I sarcastically shrugged my shoulders. "You know that she doesn't like me and that she disrespects me, yet you bring her to my birthday party. You let the fact that she doesn't like me dictate our friendship."

"I came here tonight to try and fix… whatever it is that's wrong between us, Bella."

I nodded my head. "And you're high."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Why would that even make a difference?"

"Because this," I said, waving my hand in his direction, "isn't you, Edward. When was the last time you showered? Or ate? Hell, when was the last time you slept?"

"Forget it." He shook his head and started walking back inside. "I can't believe that I actually thought that I could fix this by coming here."

"If you really want to fix this, then get your act together. Stop wasting yourself on shit that doesn't matter and people that don't care about you. Are you even still playing music? Or is that gone now too?"

"You're being a bitch, Bella."

I nodded my head before walking past him. "Bye, Edward."

"So that's it?" He asked me. When I didn't answer him, he grabbed my arm and pulled me around to look at him. "It's either, do things the way _you _want them done or we can't be friends anymore?"

I yanked my arm away from him and probably would have told him that the only way I would ever be able to be his friend again would be if he broke up with Jane. But instead, we both looked down the stairs as Mike's heavy footsteps echoed off the concrete.

"Hey!" He said excitedly. Mike gave me a quick kiss before rushing into an explanation of why he hadn't warned me about the surprise party. It was a few seconds before he even acknowledged that Edward was standing there. "Oh. Hi, Edward. Glad you could make it."

When Mike held his hand out to shake, Edward simply looked down at it then back up at me. "Happy fucking birthday, Bella."

He walked past the two of us and back into the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

"What the hell is his problem?" Mike asked.

I shook my head, watching as Edward and Jane exited the party and silently walked past us. Once they were both inside of his car, I turned back to my boyfriend. "He's changed, that's all."

**AN: I still hate Jane. She'd based off someone I really know, and really did want to stab with a fork. I think she might be in jail now so… I guess life has a way of taking care of things like that. Anyway, some of your reviews for the last chapter made me lol in real life.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	23. Strange Times

**Still here, still kicking. Don't own anything.**

"**Strange times are here." Strange Times, The Black Keys**

**EPOV**

"Dad, please just… don't ask me any more questions."

I looked up from the computer screen and narrowed my eyes at Abbey. "You just want me to give you an undetermined amount of money and let you walk to the grocery store alone?"

She sighed, imitating her mother, and crossed her arms across her chest. "Yes."

Normally, I wouldn't have any problems trusting my daughter, but since Bella had left for the weekend, Abbey was acting like a completely different person. She had basically holed herself up in her bedroom, refusing to do anything but lie in bed and watch TV. Not that I thought she would take my credit card and buy a ridiculous amount of groceries, but I was concerned about her behavior.

"Well," I stood up and stretched my arms above my head. "How about I go with you?"

"Is this the only way I'm going to be able to go?" Abbey practically yelled at me. "Fine! Just… can we go please?"

I followed her down the stairs and out into the garage, wondering what the hell was going on with my daughter.

xXxXxX

Abbey grabbed my arm when I started to get out of the car. "You are not going inside with me."

I looked around the parking lot and nodded my head. "Yeah, I am. I need to get coffee and some other-"

"Ugh!"

Completely baffled, I watched as my thirteen year old daughter threw some sort of tantrum in the passenger seat of my car. When she started crying I gave up on guessing and just asked what the hell was going on.

She wiped the tears off of her cheeks. "You're humiliating me, dad!"

I rubbed my forehead, trying to understand how going to the grocery store with me was embarrassing. "Abbey, I'm… I don't have any idea why you are freaking out about this. What the hell do you need that is so-"

"I need tampons, dad!"

"Oh."

Abbey covered her face with her hands. "I really didn't want to ask you but with mom and every other female relative that we have out of town… I didn't have any other option!"

Without speaking another word I got my credit card out and handed it to her. "I'll wait here."

As soon as the car door shut and Abbey was inside the store, I sent Bella a text message asking when she would be home.

xXxXxXx

**Four Years Later**

**BPOV**

"YOU WHAT!"

I tried not to laugh at Edward's reaction and leaned back against the desk in front of him. "She's nearly seventeen and-"

"And better not be thinking of sex!" He interrupted me again. "Are you crazy?"

I took both of his hands in mine and smiled. "We need to be proactive, Edward. If she and Tripp are having sex then-"

He started shaking his head, as if trying to remove some sort of mental image that had popped into his head. "Bella…."

"I'm not saying they are or aren't!" I squeezed his hands until he looked at me. "But she had to go to the doctor anyway and he said that the pills could actually help with her cycle. It isn't just to protect from pregnancy, Edward."

He leaned forward, resting his forehead against my leg and groaned. "Why couldn't we have boys? Boys I can handle… I can't… I don't know how to react to this."

I shouldn't have even told him, and wouldn't have if it wasn't for the fact that _if_ he found her birth control pills, then he would have automatically jumped to the wrong conclusion. Edward didn't handle change well, especially when it dealt with his only daughter becoming an adult. I ran my fingers through the back of his hair and tried to reassure him. "If it makes you feel any better, I don't think they're having sex."

He groaned again.

"Wouldn't you rather know that she's safe?" I asked him. "I mean, if they are, I'd want them… taking precautions. At least now we know that Abbey is."

Very slowly, Edward sat up and looked at me. I gave him a reassuring smile.

"Have you had '_the talk'_ with Abbey?"

I nodded my head. "Yes."

He leaned back in his desk chair and looked up at me. "Did you, you know, cover _all _of the details?"

Not really sure what he meant, I shook my head. "I covered everything that I felt like needed to be-"

"Does she know how to… you know… do… _things_."

I shook my head at his weirdness. "What?"

"Well I just… you didn't go into great detail did you? Because if you… taught her _things_ and then… she tried _them_ out… it might lead to… _more things_. And then-"

"Okay." I held my hands up, interrupting him. "Believe it or not, I'm an adult and I've actually seen your penis. You and I are _way_ past the shy-awkward stage, so whatever this whole coded conversation is about, just tell me, because so far I'm completely confused and getting annoyed."

Edward sat up straight and sighed. "You are very… good at certain _things_, Bella. If you… taught Abbey those… _things_ and then she turned around and tried them out with Tripp then… it might lead to more… _things_."

"Are you asking if I taught our daughter how to give blow jobs?"

Edward's face cringed and he shook his head. "Please don't say it like that."

I wanted to laugh, because out of the two of us, Edward was never the shy one. But he looked so completely miserable that I kind of felt sorry for him. He gave me an annoyed look when I sat on his lap but smirked when I kissed his bottom lip.

"I didn't give her pointers, Edward. I gave her the basic information and told her that if she had any questions that she could always come to me."

He seemed to find relief in that so I got off of his lap and went back folding the rest of the laundry. It wasn't ten minutes later that Edward walked into our bedroom and sat on the corner of the bed.

"Bella, I have a serious question I need to ask you."

I put down the towel I was folding and nodded my head. "Okay."

"Do you think that… maybe I should talk to Abbey? Give her a male's perspective on the whole sex thing?"

I shook my head and threw a rolled up pair of socks at him. "Do you want your daughter to be emotionally scarred the rest of her life?"

He picked up the socks and nodded his head. "Maybe you're right."

**AN: Dude, the sex talk is always awkward and never fun. Mine took place at an Olive Garden with my mom… breadsticks were involved. Anyway, yes I am still doing the outtakes but my boss basically kicked me out of my office and moved me into the hallway. A hallway at a hospital is never private, so my writing time has been sort of taken over. I will write them as I can though.**

**Hope you all have a marvelous Thanksgiving! Aside from my family and friends I am thankful for you guys! You read and review my rambling stories and it makes me smile. So… thanks! What are you thankful for?**


	24. Part One

**Some of you will hate this because you want E/B outtakes only, but I got an idea and couldn't stop thinking about it. This will be in three or four parts. Maybe with some E/B POVs tied along with it. Enjoy! Oh, and I still don't own anything.**

**xXxXxXx**

"**So many adventures couldn't happen today. So many songs that we forgot to play. So many dreams swinging out of the blue, we let them come true. Forever young, I want to be forever young." Forever Young, the Youth Group**

**Abbey POV**

It's a strange feeling, knowing that you're growing up, knowing that your life is changing, but not really feeling any older. I stared at my reflection in the full length mirror and tried to figure out if I looked older. Did I look like an adult? Like someone who was about to leave home and move to entirely different state? Did I look like someone who, in a few weeks, would be eighteen? Like someone who would be… married?

Like it always did, my stomach bubbled at the thought of marriage. Not in a bad way, not in a good way, but in an indecisive way. I loved Tripp, I knew that, but were we really ready for… this? For forever?

For all of our parents' anger over the whole fake ID thing, they had been pretty lenient about our punishment. It didn't hurt that, even if Alice wasn't really my dad's sister, for all intents and purposes, she was. Nana Cullen and Papa C were just as much Tripp's grandparents as they were mine, and when they insisted on weekly family dinners, Tripp and I were thrown together. Nana would frequently find reasons for the two of us to make quick trips to the grocery store, giving us a few minutes alone, but I was pretty sure that my father and Jasper knew that we didn't need that much ice or lemons, or whatever else it was that she'd send us to the store for. They just never said anything about it, instead just pretending they hadn't seen us holding hands or kissing in the drive way.

Tripp seemed like he always did, completely sure of the choice we had made. In his mind this was the logical next step. We loved each other, we wanted to be together, so why not get married? To him, it all made sense. To me, it was just confusing.

What would we tell our parents? Not that they could really do anything since we would both be adults, but I didn't want to disappoint them or anyone else. My parents had kept telling me how proud they were, not only because I was graduating a year early, but that I had gotten accepted to Julliard. I didn't want to accept their pride and trust, only to shove it all back in their faces when Tripp and I secretly got married. I wanted to be with Tripp but I didn't want to hurt my parents.

A knocking sound on my bedroom door nearly made me jump out of my skin and I gave a guilty smile to my mother when she stuck her head inside my room.

"Nearly ready?"

I nodded and turned back to face the mirror. The navy blue polyester robe made me look like I was some sort of rotting blueberry, but since I would just be one of hundreds wearing this, it didn't really matter. I carefully pulled the stupid hat onto my head and pushed the swinging tassel away from my face.

My mother's face appeared in the mirror behind me and I watched as she smoothed down the back of my hair. "I can't believe you're graduating high school. It seems like you should still be our little girl."

"I don't feel like I should be… graduating. Or close to being eighteen." I sighed and turned around to look at her. "Shouldn't I feel excited?"

She smiled and shook her head. "It felt weird when I graduated too. It wasn't until I was in Seattle that it really hit me."

"That you were on your own?" I asked her.

"No," she answered quietly. "That I was really starting to live."

The look on my face must have told her that I didn't understand what she was talking about. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked around my bedroom before elaborating.

"Jasper was really the only friend I had in high school," My mother explained. "When he moved out here, I was left by myself for my senior year and I just didn't… really feel like I belonged there. My parents weren't happy with the fact that I applied to every college within a thirty mile radius of Seattle, but they knew that if I would have stayed in Texas, I wouldn't have ever been happy."

"Your dad and Alice, even Emmett, became the first _real _friends that I'd ever had besides Jasper. And… even though I wish I could have changed some things that happened, I didn't really start growing up until I moved out here." She looked up at me and smiled. "You'll make mistakes, Abbey. Everyone does. But college is a time when you will learn who you _really _are. You'll meet people that will always be a part of your life, people that will… change you. Just don't be scared to live your life, to take chances."

I looked down at my fingers that were playing with the zipper on my graduation gown and leaned against my mother when she stood up and hugged me.

"We're very proud of you," she said quietly. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

She let me go after kissing my forehead and then started to leave my room. With her hand on the doorknob, she turned back to look at me. "Just remember that in the middle of all of that chance taking that you do have to go to classes. I'm all for you finding yourself, as long as you actually graduate."

I smiled and nodded my head. "Yes ma'am."

xXxXxXx

It was a tradition that all the seniors, and a select few underclassmen, had a party on the beach the night of graduation. So while everyone sat around, sharing stories and laughing at antics that had been pulled in the years we'd gone to school together, I held my knees against my chest and tried to look like I wasn't mentally debating with myself.

Since I'd talked with my mom this morning, I'd been asking myself the same question. Was marrying Tripp the best decision for the both of us?

On one hand, I could see how it would be. We loved each other and knew that, even if the whole world thought we were crazy, it was right. But when I asked myself why it would make sense to put off the inevitable, my mother's words would ring in my ears.

_College is a time when you will learn who you really are._

For as long as I could remember, Tripp had always wanted to go to the University of Texas. His great grandfather and grandfather had gone there, and even if Jasper hadn't, Tripp wanted to continue that part of his family's tradition. When he had gotten his acceptance letter, he had been beyond excited about moving to Austin. It wasn't until we were both forbidden to date each other that he had even considered not going. And now, with my birthday and the day that we would both leave for school looming on the horizon, I couldn't help but think that this wasn't what we were supposed to do.

I wanted Tripp with me. I wanted to be able to see him every day and kiss him whenever I wanted. But I also wanted both of us to experience life away from Seattle, away from our parents, and even if it broke my heart, away from each other.

I'd known Tripp my whole life. For as long as I could remember, he had been there. I could remember sitting backstage with him, coloring and playing while my dad performed some show. When I started elementary school, he was only a few doors down from my classroom. When I'd turned sixteen and accidently ran my father's car into the side of a parked car, Tripp had been the one to call my parents and tell them what happened. The truth was that the majority of the memories that I had involved him in one way or another, and even if I loved that about us, it also worried me.

I closed my eyes and tuned out all of the laughter and talking that surrounded me, except for one…his. Tripp's laugh was so utterly distinctive, something that could make you smile even if you were in tears, and it literally made my heart race every time I heard it. When I felt someone sit beside me, I leaned against them, knowing without looking that it was Tripp.

"Are you okay?"

My head nodded at his question but I kept my eyes closed. "I'm just… remembering."

"Remembering what?" He whispered against my ear.

I turned my head and finally opened my eyes to look up into the brilliant blue that I'd always been able to lose myself in. "Everything."

"**There's a lesson in the rain that change will always come. Let us ride this wave and then greet the sun, and though the ground may shake and we'll think we've had enough, we must raise our flags for the ones we love. So keep us and keep us, keep us from the storm." Keep Us, Peter Bradley Adams**

"We don't have to do this, Abbey." I nodded my head to let him know that I'd heard him, but with trembling fingers, I kept unbuttoning his shirt. Tripp's left hand wrapped around mine, while his right slid under my chin and tilted my head backwards. "You're shaking."

I shrugged my shoulders and tried to look much more confidant than I felt. "I'm just cold."

That wasn't really a lie, since we had been caught in a sudden downpour; our clothes were practically plastered to our bodies. But Tripp wasn't stupid and he knew that my shaking had nothing to do with wet clothes.

He brushed a few stray raindrops off of my nose and smiled. "We've waited this long, what's the hurry?"

"Because…" I stopped myself from finishing the sentence but my mind continued. _Because in three weeks I'm leaving for New York and you won't be coming with me. Because even though I turn eighteen in two days, I can't marry you. Because I want my first time to be with you. Because I'm scared that when I tell you that I'm not going through with our plans, you'll leave and never want to talk to me again._ I took a deep breath before looking back up at him. "Because I love you and I want this. I want you."

With slow movements, he let go of my hand and pushed my wet hair off of my shoulder. "You're sure?"

I nodded my head and let my fingers go back to his chest and keep unbuttoning his shirt. This time he didn't stop me.

My mind had been changing about if I could or couldn't go through with any of this since graduation. I knew that I couldn't marry him, not now, but that I didn't want to just let him go. I didn't want him to let _me_ go.

I hadn't planned on trying to seduce him or talking him into sex today, but Alice and Jasper were gone, we were alone, and I was running out of time. I wasn't sure how Tripp would react when I told him that our rushed engagement was off, but if he got mad and left for Austin hating me, then I wanted to share this with him. He'd been my first… everything. I wanted him to my first with this, too.

Tripp's skin felt oddly hot against my cold hands, but I smiled when I pushed his wet shirt off of his shoulders. His hands slipped under my shirt, grabbing the hem, and I held my arms up while he pulled the wet fabric over my head.

A bra basically covered the same thing as any one of my bathing suits, which he had seen me in several times, but for some reason I felt completely exposed when he leaned back and looked at me.

"I love that blush."

I'm sure I blushed even more at his compliment, but when he reached for me, I went willingly. His lips gently kissed my jaw, then my ear, and finally my neck. I held on to his shoulders, trying to remember every detail of what was happening.

"Tripp," I whispered.

His lips hummed against my neck. "Hmm?"

I held on tighter, pressing my entire body against his, and let my fingers weave themselves through the back of his hair. "I love you."

"I love you more." His mouth curved into a smile against my skin and I tried to relax when he picked me up and laid me back against his bed.

xXxXxXx

"You're breaking up with me?"

I shook my head at his question and tried to reassure him that my feelings hadn't changed; only my mind had. "Tripp, I just… we can't do this. I can't do this to my parents, to you-"

"To _me_?" He asked harshly.

"Yes, to you." I answered. "Tripp, we're _eighteen_! I want you to go to college and experience life there! I want you to be away from here, away from our parents… away from everything and live the life you've always wanted!"

He quickly got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. I watched for a few seconds as he paced around in front of me, and then opened my own door. He didn't stop once I got out, and only gave me a brief look when I leaned against the hood.

When Tripp finally spoke, it was quickly. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

I shrugged my shoulders and stared down at the pavement. "I… decided a few days after graduation."

He stopped pacing and moved so that he was standing in front of me. "So… when we… you knew that this… that you would leave?"

Guilty tears slid down my cheeks when I looked back up at him. "I wanted… that with you. There isn't anyone else I wanted to give that to, Tripp. I love you and… it's because I love you that I can't marry you. Not right now and not like this."

He didn't speak, or move. I don't think he was even breathing properly. The only reaction that Tripp had to what I'd told him was to look at me. I watched as his eyes moved around my face and hoped that whatever he was thinking, would lead to some sort of understanding of why I did this.

After a minute, though, he took a step away from me and shook his head.

"Tripp." I slid off the hood of the car and tried to reach for him.

He held his hands up and I stopped instantly. "Don't Abbey. Not… not now." He reached into his pockets and tossed his keys towards me. "Take my car home. I'll... I need to… walk."

"I can go with you," I quietly offered.

Tripp shook his head before walking away from me. "I want to be alone."

xXxXxXx

When I walked in our house, my father looked up from the book he was reading before dropping it on the floor. My mother was walking down the stairs but stopped halfway when she saw me.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded my head at his question and ignored my mother's. I didn't… couldn't… tell them what had happened. I dropped my purse on the floor and stopped to stare at my reflection in the mirror by the door. It was no wonder they were both concerned. I looked like hell.

My parents let me escape upstairs without too much persuasion, but I was sure my mother would be in my room by the time I finished showering. So I took my time, sitting on the floor of my bathtub and letting the scalding hot water from the showerhead beat down on me. I watched as the water swirled around the drain and tried to remind myself why I ever thought this would be the right thing to do.

Once my skin was shriveling and the water had turned icy cold, I got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around myself. My reflection in the steamed up mirror was distorted, but I could still make out the features of my face.

"Abbey?" My mother's voice accompanied a soft knocking on the bathroom door.

I opened the door but kept staring at the mirror until I felt my mother's hands in my hair and on my face. Then my eyes slipped closed and the tears came back.

"Baby," she quietly whispered. "Please tell me what happened."

I shook my head before looking at her. "Tripp… I broke up with him."

For over an hour my mother sat with me on the floor in my bathroom and listened as I explained everything that had happened. From the impromptu engagement, the decision I'd made, my first time having sex and then what had happened tonight. She didn't yell or tell me that I'd made irresponsible choices; instead she let me lean against her shoulder and cry about breaking the heart of the only boy I'd ever loved.

I was in bed, still crying and still hoping for a phone call from Tripp, when my father came into my bedroom. He carefully sat on the edge of my bed and wiped away a stray tear that had fallen down the side of my face.

I looked up at him, and in a broken whisper I said, "This hurts, Daddy."

He nodded his head and sat back against my headboard. "I know."

I leaned against his chest and closed my eyes, counting the number of times that his fingers ran through the back of my hair. It could have been minutes or hours, but at some point I fell asleep. The last thing I remembered was my father's lips pressed against the top of my head. Then he whispered, "Happy birthday, baby."

"**Car is parked, bags are packed, but what kind of heart doesn't look back at the comfortable glow from the porch, the one I will still call yours? All those words came undone and now I'm not the only one facing the ghosts that decide if the fire inside still burns. All I have, all I need, he's the air I would kill to breathe. Holds my love in his hands, still I'm searching for something. Out of breath, I am left hoping someday I'll breathe again." Breathe Again, Sara Bareilles**

I stared at the luggage that was leaned against the hallway wall and waited for Tripp to open his bedroom door. When he did, I tried to give him the best fake smile that I could. "Hi."

He nodded his head and moved away from the door. "Hey."

Even though we had both agreed to try and maintain some sort of friendship, despite what had happened, things were still so… horribly awkward between us. I kept reminding myself that it would get better, it had to, because even if Tripp and I weren't together anymore, we were still going to see each other at every family function we had. We had to find a way to make this work.

"When are you leaving?" Tripp asked as he retreated to his desk.

I shut the door behind me and leaned back against it before answering him. "Tomorrow morning. You?"

"Same."

I nodded my head and watched as he pulled pictures off of the cork board that covered the wall above his desk. "Do you want some help?"

Tripp shrugged his shoulders. "If you want to."

The two of us stood side by side, pulling pictures down and placing them into "leave" and "take" piles. I tried not to get offended when he kept tossing pictures of the two of us together into the leave stack.

When we had been working for a while without talking, I took a deep breath and turned to face him. "Tripp, we can't… leave things like this."

The only response I got was him throwing a handful of pictures onto the desk and him turning away from me. I watched as he walked to the window that looked out into their backyard and silently counted each breath he took.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Abbey."

I sat down in his desk chair and sighed. "I just… I want you to be happy. I want you to go to Austin and be happy. I want you to… be able to try new things and meet new people."

When he turned around and looked at me, I saw nothing but heartache and pain written across his face.

"You want me to be happy?" He asked me. "You want me to just… leave and act like none of this happened? Act like you aren't taking my heart with you to New York? I'm sorry, Abbey, I really am. But I can't pretend like I'm fine with the fact that I've lost you."

I stood up and crossed the short distance between us. "Tripp, you haven't lost me." He started to turn away from me but I held on to his arm. "Why can't you believe me? I just… don't want you to look back, twenty years from now, and regret making the wrong decision. If we are really meant to be together, which I think we are, then we can wait until we both finish school. Can't we?"

Tripp shook his head and went back to looking out the window.

"Please," I said quietly. "Please don't… Tripp I don't want to fight with you, especially today. We're leaving and I just… I can't…"

I hadn't meant to start crying but when he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me against his chest, I didn't care.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't… please stop crying."

My hands held on to the back of his shirt. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. I didn't want to hurt you. I was just trying to do the right thing and I know that you hate me-"

Tripp leaned away from me and shook his head. "You think I hate you?"

I shrugged my shoulders and wiped away the tears on my face. "I know you do. I hate myself."

"Abbey." With my hands held in his, he sat on the bed and pulled me with him. Once I was standing between his legs, he looked up at me. "I love you. That's why this is so hard, why it hurts so much, because I… won't get to see you every day. Because I'm scared that you're going to move up there and completely forget about me."

"How could I ever forget about you?"

He laughed at my honest question and leaned his head against my stomach. His hands let go of mine, only so he could hold on to my hips. I gently ran my hands through his hair, making him sigh and pull me closer to him.

"Will you call me?" I quietly asked him.

"Everyday." Tripp nodded his head before looking up at me. "Will you think about me?"

With my hands wrapped around the back of his neck and his hands on my waist, I slowly put one knee on either side of him, moving so that I was sitting on his lap. "I'll think about you every day."

When my forehead leaned against his, Tripp's eyes closed and I watched as two slow tears slid down the side of his face.

"I don't want to say good-bye to you," I whispered while wiping the tears off of his face.

He gave me a small smile before opening his eyes. "Then don't."

I wish it was that easy. I wish that there was some way that the two of us could have worked something out or come to some arrangement that wouldn't have hurt either one of us, but life wasn't easy and it sure wasn't fair. Marriage at eighteen wasn't the answer and a long distance relationship wouldn't be fair to either one of us. We just had to make it through the next four years, hanging on to whatever time we had together.

"Thanksgiving in Texas?" I asked him.

Tripp nodded his head and leaned forward to place a gentle kiss against my lips. "Christmas in Seattle."

With my eyes closed, I whispered against his lips. "Three months and counting."

**AN: Yeah, I know I promised no angst but come on… lol I just can't help myself. Did everyone have a good Thanksgiving (if you celebrate it)? And… opinions on the new Harry Potter movie? I have to say that my Ginger stole the whole damn movie.**


	25. Part Two

**Still own nothing. These kids are mine.**

"**It's a big girl world now, full of big girl things." Scratch, Kendall Payne**

**September**

"I hate my roommate."

I smiled and picked at the threading in the blanket on my bed. "Me too."

"Abbey, seriously, the kid snores louder than Matt. Louder than Matt_ and _Emmett _together_! It is absolutely ridiculous. I don't think I've had a full nights sleep since I freaking moved down here."

I couldn't help but laugh at how frustrated he sounded. Granted it wasn't funny, and I knew better than anyone how grumpy Tripp could get if he didn't get enough sleep, but I kind of felt sorry for his roommate. An annoyed Tripp was not fun to deal with.

"You think it's funny," he muttered, "but I'm leaving this weekend to go visit my grandparents just so I can get some freaking sleep."

"I'm sorry." My voice didn't sound very convincing but I could tell from _his_ voice that he wasn't really angry.

"Yeah, yeah. So what's the deal with your roommate? Does she snore? Or leave food all over your room? Steal your clothes?"

I sighed and lay back against my bed. "No, she just keeps talking about how cute my dad is. It's creepy, Tripp. I'm like… I dunno. When they dropped me off, she was asking for pictures with him and… it's gross."

"Well…" I could tell he was trying not to laugh. "Your dad is pretty hot, Abbey."

I rolled my eyes. "Shut up."

He started laughing, which then lead to me laughing along with him, and pretty soon the two of us were trying to catch our breath.

When we both became quiet, I sighed into phone. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

I closed my eyes and just listened to the sound of him breathing into the phone, imagining him lying beside me and now thousands of miles away. Since I'd been in New York, I'd constantly been reminding myself that I'd made the right decision. We were too young to be married, too young to give up the chance to experience what life had in store for us. As much as this hurt, as much as I hated being away from him, I'd done the right thing.

"Do you have anywhere to be?" He slowly asked me.

I shook my head while answering. "No."

He sighed and I could hear the bed moving underneath him. "Just keep… You don't have to talk just… don't hang up."

I smiled. "Are you falling asleep?"

His breathing was getting slower and I heard him mumble something that sounded like a yes. So I pulled the blanket up over my legs and situated my head against the pillow. "Tripp?"

"Hmm?"

"Love you."

He sighed into the phone before telling me that he loved me too.

xXxXxXx

**October**

"Again."

I tried to keep my sighing and smart ass comments to myself and took a second to flex my fingers. I was given an annoyed look from my professor, Mrs. McCrane, before replaying the _same_ portion of the _same_ song that I'd been trying to get right for the past hour.

I'd been playing the piano since before I could even walk. Although I had no concept of what music was at that point, my father would sit me on his lap and let me bang my hands against the keys. As I grew up, he taught me how to actually play. Music had always been something I'd excelled at, something I'd prided myself on, and it wasn't until I'd shown up in New York and started attending classes, that I was made to feel like I had no clue what I was doing.

When I'd applied to Juilliard, I was told that my performance had been inspiring and phenomenal. But apparently my professors, especially this one, felt like I was nothing more than ordinary at best.

"Miss Cullen, have you even practiced this song outside of our lessons?"

I nodded my head and kept playing; trying to figure out what the hell it was that she wanted from me. My pace might have been a little slow in some areas, but for the most part, I felt like I'd been doing better than okay.

She walked around the piano, looking like some sort of overgrown vulture, and critiqued everything from my posture to the way I lingered on one note for a second too long. By the time my lesson was over, I had a splitting headache and never wanted to touch a piano again.

I walked into my dorm room, hoping for some peace and quiet, only to find my roommate practicing some sort of ballet movements.

"Hey." She leaned over, and smiled at me through the space between her legs. "I'm just stretching before I leave for class."

I nodded my head and dropped my backpack on my bed. "Your flexibility makes me somewhat nauseous."

"Really?" Leslie straightened back up and gave me a sarcastic grin. "The boys love it."

"I bet they do."

She went back to twisting her body into shapes that made my head spin and I dug my musical theory book out of my bag. Leaving Leslie to her bending and stretching, I left our room, bypassed everyone sitting in the lounge, and headed straight for the soundproof practice rooms.

After flipping the sign to occupied, I dropped my books and cell phone on the table and gave a quick glare to the piano that was sitting in the corner. Technically, we weren't supposed to use these rooms for anything other than practicing, but I was tired of sharing a space with two hundred other students. Besides, I knew people who used these rooms for _way_ more than just practicing their instruments, Leslie being one of them. She'd assured me that the rooms were definitely soundproof and that the desk was rather sturdy.

I dropped my jacket onto the floor, and after situating myself on top of it, started making the two phone calls I'd been looking forward to all day. I called my parents first; telling them that everything here was just fine. I was pretty sure my mother knew I was lying, but my dad just asked me questions about upcoming performances and promised that they wouldn't miss one of them. It should have made me feel better, but it didn't. If Mrs. McCrane didn't start appreciating my efforts, I wouldn't be performing in anything.

After hanging up with them, I dialed Tripp's number and leaned back against the wall while it rang in my ear. As soon as I heard his voice answer, I started smiling.

"I was just thinking about you."

"Oh yeah?" I asked him. "And what were you thinking?"

I could hear other voices in the background and knew that this was going to end up being a short phone call.

"That's a conversation for another time and place," he answered. "What's going on? How was class today?"

I pulled at my shoelace and shrugged my shoulders. "It was… okay."

"Mm hmm." Tripp started telling people to get out, even his roommate who tried to put up a fight, but a few seconds later all of the background noise was gone. He sighed into the phone before asking me what was wrong.

"Nothing," I lied. "Just one of those days."

He knew I wasn't telling the truth and it didn't take very much persuasion for me to start explaining exactly what had made my day, the past month, so horrible.

"I just feel like music used to be fun," I quietly admitted. "And with this _lady_ nit-picking everything I do… I just… I hate it. I hate not feeling like this is something I want to do anymore."

"Forget that old bag!" Tripp yelled into the phone. "Play because you want to play, not because you have to."

I laughed at his outburst and tried to explain that, even if I wanted to, I couldn't play whatever I chose. The department had a set list of songs we had to study and we couldn't deviate from them until we had to write and perform our own compositions, and that wasn't until next semester.

"Well that's stupid," he responded. "Play something for me, just for fun."

"Tripp…"

I could tell he was smiling when he said, "Please."

"You have no idea how much I really _don't_ want to touch a piano again today."

"Well I can't force you," he muttered under his breath. "But I know that you'll feel better playing something that _isn't_ required or critiqued."

He wouldn't drop this, and I knew it. So I got up off of the floor and sat down behind the piano. I could hear Tripp chuckling while I put him on speaker phone and smiled when he full out laughed at my lazy attempt to play Chopsticks.

"Well, that's just lovely."

"Smart ass," I muttered. He laughed again but stopped when the music turned more serious.

I really had no idea what I was playing, just moving my fingers to the sounds that I heard in my mind, but I liked that it wasn't exactly a sad song. There was something about the melody that held some sort of longing to it and probably would have sounded better with the accompaniment from a guitar. Maybe even a mandolin.

As I played the last note, I let it linger, playing longer than Mrs. McCrane would have approved of. But regardless of what she thought, some songs didn't have to have the perfect ending. They needed to linger, to be hesitant and unsure, maybe even a little flawed. That's what made them perfect.

"Did you write that?" Tripp's voice interrupted my pouting.

I slipped the lid to the piano closed and picked up my phone. "It wasn't written. I just made it up."

He was quiet for a moment before sighing. "Abbey?"

"Yeah?"

"Play whatever the hell you want and ignore what anyone else has to say about it. You're fucking brilliant."

xXxXxXx

"**The heart knows where it belongs. Mine's only home when it's safe inside your arms. It's your love that makes me feel high. This I know, yes I know, and nobody can say otherwise. It's your smile that helps me get by. This I know, every time I wanna cry." This I know, Sam and Ruby**

**November**

Patience was not something I was good at. And even though I had been raised to respect the elderly, I was three seconds away from shoving the old lady in front of me out of the way. I took a deep breath and waited while she slowly made her way off of the airplane, but practically ran past her once we were off of the ramp.

I tried to politely weave my way through the people filling the Austin airport, but after a while I gave up and just pushed my way to the escalator. My heart felt like it was trying to crawl its way out of my throat and I absolutely could not stop smiling. When I saw him, leaning against the rental car desk, it took everything I had not to shove people out of my way and run to meet him.

Tripp smiled up and me, and once I got closer to the bottom, pushed away from the desk and walked towards the escalator.

I dropped my bag on the floor at our feet and practically threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck and hiding my face against his shoulder. He laughed before picking me up and tightly hugging me against him.

"Hi," I whispered.

Tripp kissed my shoulder and then my ear. "Hi."

xXxXxXx

Holidays in our family were always crazy, but when you combine two sets of parents and three sets of grandparents, not to mention aunts, uncles, and cousins, who hadn't seen us in nearly three months, things got way out of control. And extremely loud.

My dad hadn't let me get more than three feet away from him, and while I loved the affection, his arm being thrown around my neck was becoming annoying. Alice wasn't acting much better with Tripp, she kept making a fuss about the fact that he'd grown his hair out and had decided to change his major. Surprisingly Emmett and Rosalie, who had already been through the empty nest ordeal two years earlier with Matt, weren't helping the situation.

To escaped the constant questions and hugging, I snuck out to my grandparent's backyard. I was sitting on the porch swing when Grandpa Swan found me and I was thankful that he wasn't the type to be overly talkative. He sat down next to me, and after a quick kiss to the top of my head, we continued swinging back and forth.

"I'm glad you're here, kid."

Smiling, I leaned against his shoulder and nodded my head. "Me too."

xXxXxXx

I was in the middle of finishing the last of the dishes when I felt someone move behind me. When I turned my head, I found Tripp's face right next to mine.

He smiled before lifting his arm to show me my coat. "I've got a surprise for you."

I tried to remember the last time I'd heard him say that, and then sadly realized that it had been the morning of our graduation. Nodding my head, Tripp helped me finish the last few plates and led me out the back door. Nana Cullen gave me a small smile before distracting my dad with a piece of pie, while my mother pretended to not notice us walking past her.

Once we were outside, Tripp and I walked side by side, down the back stairs and out to the gate that lead out of the back yard. Once we were past it, the only thing that was left was the huge pasture that sat behind my grandparents' house. I watched as the sparse mesquite trees blew with the wind, and smiled when Tripp motioned to the sun that was just starting to set.

He leaned back against the closed gate and looked at me. "Bet they don't have anything like that in New York."

"They don't have a lot of things in New York that they have in Texas." I shoved my hands in my pockets.

"I didn't mean it… like that."

"I know." I nodded my head before looking at him. "But it's the truth."

Tripp looked at me for a second before turning back to the sunset in front of us. "They don't have Abbeys' in Texas." He smiled when he heard me laugh and then corrected his statement. "At least not any Abbeys' that I would be interested in."

I leaned against him, watching as the sun continued fading, and smiled when he pulled me closer to him. "This was a good surprise. Thank you."

He laughed for a second before letting me go. "Glad you liked it, but this wasn't the surprise."

"Oh." I looked down at his hands, wondering what he could be hiding in his coat pockets. "Then what is?"

Tripp took a deep breath before answering me. "I'm not sure you want it."

"Why wouldn't I want it?"

"Because you… might have moved on to other surprises." Tripp looked down at the ground beneath us and kicked the toe of his shoe against the hard dirt.

Completely confused, I shook my head. "What are you…" He looked up, giving me a nervous look that I hadn't seen in a _long_ time. It was enough to tell me exactly what he meant. "You think that I've moved on?"

"I hope you haven't." He shrugged before looking back at the ground.

I slowly took another step closer, placing me directly in front of him, and gently pulled at the front of his coat. "I haven't and I don't want to." When he finally looked at me, I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. "I _do_ want my surprise though."

"You sure about that?"

I nodded my head and leaned into him. "I'm positive."

Tripp carefully held my face in his cold hands and leaned his forehead against mine. "I know I said I would try Abbey, and I…" He sighed and started over. "I've tried to understand and be patient, but we're both miserable and I… Why can't we just see if we can make this work?"

My hands covered his and I tried to remember all of the reasons why I had broken up with him this past summer. "Tripp…"

"I'm not asking you to marry me again, Abbey," he whispered. "But I don't want to be with anyone else but you. Even if you're a thousand miles away, and even if I can't hold you and kiss you everyday… I want to be with _you._ I want to make this work. Please…"

I nodded my head before squeezing his hands. "Okay."

"Really?" He leaned away from me and smiled. "I thought I'd have to really work at persuading-"

"Tripp." He stopped talking and looked down at me. "Will you please shut up and kiss me?"

**AN: I just have to say that I find it interesting that you guys compare Abbey's decisions to Edward and Bella's. I guess I could kind of see the similarities… but honestly, while I write Abbey to share some personality traits with her parents, I really thought that her decision making process was way better than Edward and Bella's had been. She broke up with him, not because she thought he could do better than her, but because she knew they both weren't ready for that type of commitment. I do think the whole sneaky sex thing was completely a Bella move though, so I'll give you that. Anyways, I'm not sure why I'm rambling but that tends to happen. I hope you guys enjoyed it!**


	26. Part Three

**Not mine, yo. Please give each one of these songs a chance. Some are pretty unknown, at least where I live, and ROCK.  
**

"**I've been trying to reach out every chance I get. Living this relationship over the phone, I've been feeling strung out down this lonely road. Find me an airplane or a midnight train and take me home. Traveling through the night to bring you love; nothings gonna keep me gone. I'm gonna try, try to make up the time for all of these lonely nights that I wasn't by your side. I'm gonna try. Baby, it's all about you and I'm going to make love to you, won't stop till you forget what we've went through." Try, Josh Hoge**

Whoever said "absence makes the heart grow fonder" was absolutely full of shit. After being in a long distance relationship for over a year, I could pretty much guarantee you that the only thing absence did was make you relatively phenomenal at three things: having phone sex, finding places to have phone sex without getting caught, and packing for a weekend trip in a hurry.

I shouldn't complain because we at least had the holidays and summer months together. And our parents had been pretty lenient about paying for plane tickets back and forth, as long as our grades didn't suffer. But even if I knew that Tripp and I were way more fortunate than other couples in long distance relationships, I still found it hard not to wake up feeling sorry for myself. Especially on mornings like this, when I would walk into the kitchen and find my two roommates completely wrapped around their boyfriends who had spent the night. I gave them all a polite smile while fixing my coffee and then retreated back to my bedroom. I definitely needed to consider getting my own place.

As usual, while I got ready for classes, I couldn't help but wonder what Tripp was doing. Knowing him, he was probably still asleep and missing his first classes. I briefly considered calling and waking him up, but decided to just go to school. Short phone calls weren't exactly our specialty, and since he'd already convinced me to miss a class yesterday, skipping today absolutely wasn't an option.

In an effort to try and distract myself from the loneliness that seemed to just loom around me, I had signed up to play the piano for a charity Christmas concert that the school hosted. There were musicians participating that were much better than me but, even if I felt completely inadequate, it was a nice escape.

We had mandatory rehearsals twice a week day, which was an incredible feat since we had to work around twenty different schedules, so we were broken up into "teams". My team met at seven thirty in the morning and nine o'clock at night, we had obviously drawn the short straw. There were seven other musicians that I practiced with; three guitarists, three choir members, and Tyler, who could pretty much play anything. He was our "team leader" and a student in the Master's program at Juilliard, which really meant that he had the right to boss us around. He always brought coffee though, so I really couldn't complain that much.

Morning practice had been hectic, classes had been boring, and Mrs. McCrane was still as bitchy as ever. I'd heard a rumor that she was retiring at the end of the year, which would mean a new advisor for my rehearsal periods. I prayed, daily, that the rumor was true. By the time our evening practice came around, I was tired, grumpy, and hungry. But I sat behind the piano that had been assigned to me and played the same five songs that we'd been practicing for two weeks.

"Rejoice, rejoice, Emmanuel."

I silently sang along while they sang the familiar voices and ignored the stares from the few people that were sitting in the audience. Stage fright was not something I suffered from, but I didn't particularly like people watching me practice. When I heard the door at the back of the auditorium open again, I closed my eyes and just kept playing.

We worked our way through several other carols and after everyone had left, I decided to stay late to work on the original piano piece that Tyler had written for the show. It wasn't a difficult song to learn but since I knew that the majority of the teaching staff would be at the concert, I wanted to get it as perfect as possible. I was into my fifth time through it when a voice called out to me from the chairs in, what I thought was an empty, auditorium.

"As much as I love seeing you play, do you think we could get the hell out of here?"

Completely surprised, I nearly fell off of the piano bench. I managed to catch myself and keep the bench from toppling over. Straightening up, I watched as Tripp calmly walked towards me. I was still standing by the piano, frozen in shock, when he leaned his elbows on the wooden stage and looked up at me.

"So," he said slowly. "I have a surprise for you."

xXxXxX

After a quick text message to my roommates, telling them that they would need to stay at their boyfriends tonight, Tripp and I made a beeline for my apartment. We had hardly made it through the front door before I attacked his mouth with mine. After kicking the door shut behind us, Tripp pushed me up against the wall while yanking off my scarf.

We shared sloppy kisses that probably should have been embarrassing, but the only thing I could think about was how delicious he tasted. His hands curved around my body, teasing and pulling off articles of clothing. When he'd managed to get my shirt off, I pushed him back against the opposite wall and made quick work of his coat, belt, and jeans.

With his pants puddled around feet, stuck there by his boots, he picked me up and tried to walk towards the living room. We hadn't made it very far when he got caught up by his clothes and we both fell to the floor.

"Fuck," he muttered against my chest. I laughed while he tried to get his shoes off and eventually had to help him out of those too. "That could have been smoother."

I shrugged my shoulders and pulled him back towards me. "I don't care."

Tripp tried to speak around my kisses, leaning away each time I tried to get his lips, and looked down at me and shook his head. "Your bedroom is like… nine feet away, Abbey. We don't have to do this on the floor."

My legs wrapped around his hips and my hands slid down his back. "I don't care about the fucking bed, Tripp. Just… I can't wait another second."

"Mmm." He kissed me once before smiling. "I love it when you talk dirty."

xXxXxXx

Wearing Tripp's shirt, which practically looked like a dress on me, I sat on kitchen floor eating cold Chinese take out.

He stole a noodle from my little take out box and smiled. "So, good surprise?"

I nodded my head and swallowed the obscene amount of food that I'd been chewing. "Best one yet."

"It's not finished." He waited for me to ask what else he had planned, but I just raised an eyebrow and shoved another forkful of noodles in my mouth. Tripp smiled before taking the utensil away from me to get a bite for himself. "I'm staying in New York."

"For how long?"

He swallowed and shrugged his shoulders. "For… however long you're in New York?"

"What?" I slowly asked him.

Tripp took the paper box out of my hands and sighed. "I figured you would react like this."

It wasn't that I didn't want him here with me, I did, but if he was moving to New York, then that meant that he'd left UT and Austin for good. "What about school?"

"I dropped out."

His answer was so plain and simple, like it was just the most obvious answer there could be. My hands fell into my lap and I shook my head. "You… what?" Surely I'd misunderstood him.

He sighed again before looking at me. "Austin wasn't a good fit for me. I hated my classes and couldn't decide on a major, so I dropped all of my classes. I'll enroll at NYU for the spring semester or something."

"Did you…do your parents know?"

He shook his head and took another bite of food. "Nope. I guess I'll tell them when we go home for Christmas."

"Tripp," I groaned and rubbed my forehead. "What… where are you going to stay?"

He laughed once before motioning around the kitchen. "Kinsey's and Leslie's boyfriends stay here all the time. You're telling me that you won't let me stay with you?"

"You want to move in together?" My voice was a little louder than I meant for it to be, so I started again, this time in a calmer voice. "I mean, you know you're welcome to stay here, but four people in this apartment are a lot. What are we-"

"So then you and I can move out and get our own place. Its not like our parents can say anything about it, they did the same thing." He stood up and tossed the fork we'd been sharing into the sink. I winced as it banged against the porcelain. "I'd thought you be a little more excited, Abbey."

I looked up at him from the floor and tried to figure out exactly how I felt about this. Obviously I was excited and happy that he would be closer, but were we ready to move in together? And dropping out of school wasn't really something I agreed with. Even if he couldn't decide on a major then he should at least finish his basic prerequisites.

"It's just a lot to take in," I said slowly. "But… of course I'm happy you're here and that you'll be staying." He helped me off of the floor and smiled when I kissed his hands. "I'm just… worried about what your parents will say." _What my parents will say_, I silently added.

xXxXxXx

**Six Months Later**

"**I hope my smile can distract you. I hope my fists can fight for two. So it never has to show and you'll never know. One may think we're alright but we need pills to sleep at night. We need lies to make it through the day, we're not okay. One may think we're doing fine, but if I had to lay it on the line, we're losing ground with every passing day. We're not okay." Pills, the Perishers**

As I walked up the stairs to the apartment I shared with Tripp, I flipped through the few pieces of mail that we'd gotten. I sighed at the bills and ignored the junk mail, but stopped when I saw an envelope with familiar hand writing on it. I stared at the return address, written in Alice's curling script, and swallowed around the nervousness that clogged my throat.

Since Tripp had confessed to his parents that he'd dropped out of school and moved to New York, their relationship could be described as strained at best. He still talked to his mother, occasionally, but any thing involving Jasper normally meant a huge fight.

Tripp didn't understand why his dad wouldn't just let him do what he wanted, especially since he was an adult now. Jasper didn't understand why his son would throw away the opportunities he'd been given. I tried to stay out of it by keeping my opinions to myself, especially since I'd had my own issues about all of this with my parents, but if I had to pick sides… I sided with Jasper.

Although Tripp had said he would apply to NYU, he hadn't. He hadn't applied anywhere. He wasn't working, unless you counted the occasional odd jobs that he did for the lady next door, and spent the majority of his day holed up in our apartment. He kept telling me that he was just figuring out what he wanted in life. I kept trying to understand what had happened to make him completely change his priorities in life.

"Hey."

I shut the door behind me before answering his greeting. "Hi."

While I was putting my keys and purse up, Tripp wandered down the small hallway and smiled at me. I tried to look over the fact that he obviously hadn't showered today, let alone shaved in the past two weeks.

"How was your day?"

I shrugged my shoulders and put the mail on the small table by the coat closet. "You got something in the mail." When I held up his mother's letter, he looked at it for a second and then back at me. "You open it."

"It isn't addressed to me, Tripp. Your mother-"

He sighed before tearing the envelope out of my hand and opening it. His eyes scanned a few lines before he crammed it all back into the envelope and shoved it in my purse. "Mail it back to her."

"What? What is it?"

"Just send it back!" He growled at me. "I don't want or need their fucking money!"

Tripp walked away from me, and after the bedroom door had been slammed shut, I carefully pulled the letter out of my purse and read what his mother had written.

_We both love you and only want you to be happy. Take this money and use it to get something -anything- that will help you get back on track. It doesn't have to be music, or art, or anything else that you think we expect from you. I miss you. We both miss you._

She'd enclosed a check for a thousand dollars.

xXxXxXx

"I'll be late tonight."

Tripp sighed into the phone and I could hear, what sounded like a pan of some sort, being thrown into the sink. "Well thanks for the short notice, Abbey. I've already fixed dinner."

"They called a late practice session," I explained with controlled anger. "The summer show is in a week, Tripp. I just found out about it."

"Whatever. Tell Tyler he needs to be a little more fucking courteous of other people's time."

My head fell forward when he hung up and I tried to remind myself that all of this just had to be some sort of phase that he was going through.

"You okay?"

I nodded at Tyler's question and picked up my music book. "I'm fine."

xXxXxXx

**Two months later**

"**We are alone, lying with each other. We are alone but sharing the same room. We are alone on this sea of frustration. Nothing reminds me of home because we are alone. Existing in metaphors, slamming doors and colder floors… Keep coming back to the obvious places, keep hope alive for the subtle traces of what we had. The feelings we felt keep holding out for something better and we keep close the doubt that we'll ever get there. Cause if we don't then we should let go." We Are Alone, Josh Preston**

How long had it been since we'd touched each other? How long had it been since we'd said that we loved each other? I couldn't remember what his lips felt like against mine. I could hardly remember what his smile looked like… if it wasn't for pictures then I probably would have forgotten completely.

I heard the front door slam shut and instinctively closed my eyes. I hated that my body would tense up, that my heart would pound out of worry instead of excitement. I hated that I silently prayed that today would be a good day, not a bad one. But then I heard Tripp throwing things around in the kitchen and knew that my prayers hadn't been answered.

As his heavy footsteps moved through the apartment, towards our bedroom, I took a deep breath. When he walked through the bedroom door, I smiled at him before going back to my book. "How did it go?"

He sighed and went into the bathroom. "I didn't get in."

Tripp had applied to be a part of a summer art program that NYU was hosting. His drawings had been praised, but his past academic history had caused a hold up. He'd met with the director of the program to see if there was something they could work out. I guess the meeting hadn't been favorable.

"Well," I shut my book and got off the bed. "Maybe next semester…"

I tried to wrap my arms around his sides to give him a hug, but Tripp just stepped around me and shook his head. "I won't be here next semester."

From the bathroom, I watched while he pulled his duffle bag from the closet and started throwing articles of clothing into it. Completely terrified and shocked, I yanked the bag away from him and shook my head. "What are you doing?"

Tripp closed his eyes before taking a deep breath. "I'm… I can't stay here, Abbey. Not anymore."

"But…why? You can apply next semester! Or find a community college and work to get your GPA back up!"

He took the bag back from me and shook his head. "I'm not… school isn't for me and you know that. You were always the smart one, the _talented_ one." When I tried to grab his arm he pulled away from me again. "I've already gotten a job… I have to go."

Tears were blurring my vision and my legs wouldn't move. "Go where? Tripp… what…"

He zipped the bag closed and left a small kiss on my forehead. "Don't worry about me, okay? I'll… call you."

"No!" I yelled after him. Making my legs move, I practically chased him out the front door, to the stairs. "Tripp! You can't do this to me! You… What the hell are you doing? Where… What about your parents?"

He ignored me, even once we were out on the street, and I watched as his back slowly disappeared, blending in with everyone else that walked past me.

xXxXxXx

**Six Months Later**

"**You can break her down with your highs and lows, but she's familiar with the sound, the sound you make every time you go. Always, always she waits for you. You've been away too long, but she will choose to believe. And her heart is so strong. It's strong enough, if only it could see. Always, always she waits for you. Everyday she waits and instead you walk away." Always, Peter Bradley Adams**

Faking was something I'd become very good at. I faked my way through the past six months, pretending to be okay. I pretended to have my life together, pretended to not care that I hadn't seen or heard from my best friend, my… ex-boyfriend, since he'd walked out of my life. I could convince my parents, grandparents, even Tripp's parents that I was fine. I might have been able to lie to everyone else but I couldn't lie to myself.

I'd sat downstairs and faked my way through our Christmas traditions, playing Monopoly with my dad, Emmett and Matt, and helping my grandmother bake cookies. But after an afternoon of pretending to be okay, I had to get away.

While my grandmothers, aunts and mother started getting dinner ready, I made my way upstairs and sat behind the piano that had always been an outlet for me. For a few minutes I just stared at the black and white keys, thinking about everything that had happened in the past year. When the memories got too much to deal with, I shut myself off and started playing.

As my fingers moved over the familiar grooves of the piano keys, I let my eyes close and just tried to get lost in the music. I counted the beats and measures, listened for the imperfections and…

"Shouldn't you sit up straight?"

My hands stopped playing but I kept my eyes closed. It couldn't be… it wasn't him. Someone would have told me he was coming. The sound of his footsteps pounded in my ears, matching my heartbeat, and I counted how many he took from the door to the space behind me.

"Abbey?"

I kept my eyes closed, because this really couldn't be happening, and shook my head. "You're… not really here." It wouldn't be the first time I'd thought I heard his voice. Probably wouldn't be the last either.

When his hand touched my shoulder, I slipped out of his grip and stood up. Finally opening my eyes, I stared at the man that I'd fallen in love with. The only thing I recognized was his eyes… the same familiar blue stared back at me. Everything else was… drastically different. I could hardly make out his face behind the long hair and beard that he'd grown out.

Tripp gave me an awkward smile before shoving his hands in his pockets. "Merry Christmas."

Merry… _REALLY?_ After six months of nothing, he corrects my posture and tells me Merry Christmas? I took another step backwards and shook my head. "Why are you here?"

He sighed before shrugging his shoulders. "I wanted to see everyone… I wanted to see you, Abbey."

I wrapped my arms around my chest and tried not to let my emotions get away from me. "Where…" I swallowed and tried again. "Where have you been?"

"Here and there," he muttered. "I got a job doing some lumber work in Canada. Then went to Alaska for a while… just… living. I… meant to call-"

"Don't." I shook my head. "Don't… give me an excuse, please. I just… I'm glad you're okay. And I know your parents and Nana and Papa C will be glad you're here."

I tried to walk past him when he grabbed my hand. "What about you? Are you glad I'm here?"

Staring up at him, I tried to figure out if I was or not. The logical side of me… who was I kidding. Nothing about my life had been logical since he'd walked out of our apartment, out of my life. Part of me was glad he had come back but another part of me just wished he had stayed away. I took a deep breath, deciding to just say the polite thing and go find another room to hide in, but stopped when a small female figured appeared in the door behind Tripp.

"Hey babe, Your…" She smiled at me and gave me a jerky hand wave. "You're Abbey?"

I looked at her for a second before glaring at Tripp. He started to say something but I cut him off. Sticking my hand out, I tried to be as nice as possible. My efforts didn't change the ice that filled my voice. "I'm Abbey Cullen, nice to meet you."

"I'm Elsie!" She smiled and held her hands up. "I would shake your hand but I'm covered in Turkey goop. That's actually why I came up here. Tripp, your grandmother needs you to run to the store and get more-"

I didn't stick around to find out what Tripp was supposed to be getting. Instead I walked past the new girl and tried not to yell at her for helping _my_ grandmother make the turkey for _our_ Christmas dinner. I wanted to ask her who in the hell she thought she was, coming into _my_ house and trying to take _my_ place in everyone's life. Instead, I ran down the stairs, grabbed my coat from the hook by the door, and walked out the front door.

"Abbey?"

I ignored my grandfather's voice and shut the door behind me. I hadn't even managed to make it past the driveway when another voice called my name. I ignored him too because what I did have to say definitely wasn't going to be polite.

"Abbey, God-damnit!" I was pulled to a stop when Tripp grabbed my arm. "Will you please just… fucking stop and let me explain?"

"Explain?" I turned around and yelled at him. "Explain what, Tripp? Why you… completely changed in New York? Why you left me? Why you've been gone for six months? Why I haven't…" Traitorous tears rolled down my cheeks but I wiped them away. "Why you showed up here, after all this time, with someone else? Without even… warning me?"

He sighed. "Elsie isn't… someone else."

"What?" I shook my head. "You just bring random girls home now?"

"She's… a friend, Abbey. She didn't have anywhere to go and-"

"How fucking courteous. I wasn't aware that your _friends _called you 'babe'." I tried to walk away again but was stopped by his hand grabbing mine. I spun around and pulled my hand away from him. "What?" I yelled. "What do you want?"

Tripp looked at me for a second before taking a step backwards. "I just… I wanted to tell you I'm sorry and…" He sighed and shook his head. "Elsie is a lesbian, Abbey. So… you should know that there isn't… anyone else."

I looked down at the snow covered concrete and tried to understand why... I shook my head to stop myself. There probably wouldn't ever be an understanding to this, to what had happened, and even if Tripp did have an excuse, I wasn't sure I was ready to hear it.

Looking back up at him, I took a deep breath. "Are you… back for good?"

"No." He slowly shook his head. "We're going back tomorrow."

His answer said everything I needed to know. I tried to swallow around the sob that was sitting in my throat and blinked my eyes to keep from crying. After I'd successfully managed to fight the emotions back, I looked back up at him. "Merry Christmas, Tripp."

With that, I turned and walked away from him. This time, he didn't come after me.

**AN: Next part (the last part of this little story) will be in his POV. Enjoy my darlings!**


	27. Part Four

**Still not mine. This ended up being WAYYYY longer than I originally intended. Sorry.**

"**I never learned to count my blessings. I choose instead to dwell in my disasters… will I always feel this way? So empty? So estranged?" Empty, Ray LaMontange**

I'd left Abbey standing on that New York side walk, knowing that I was making a huge mistake. I should have turned around and gone back. I should have tried to fix whatever the hell was wrong between us. But how could I fix us, when I didn't even know how to fix me?

Looking back, I know it was pure selfishness and stupidity that turned me into such a fucking asshole. I'd moved to New York, expecting life to just fall into place and work out perfectly. But there is and never was such a thing as perfect. I had no clue who I was or what I wanted, only that I was insanely jealous of the fact that my girlfriend, my best friend, was the exact opposite of me. Abbey had always been the good one. Out of Matt and me, she'd been the one to get the good grades and never really cause that much trouble. Abbey excelled in everything she even _attempted_ to do. It didn't matter if it was music, sports, art… she'd come by all of it naturally. When we'd been younger, I had always been proud of that for her. But as I watched, day after day, while she continued with a life that she'd carefully mapped out, I got jealous.

Growing up in our family… certain things had been expected of you. Or at least I'd thought they had been. Those who knew who our parents thought all of us should have been some sort of musical prodigies. Matt had escaped the madness somewhat, but Abbey and I didn't have the same luck. I couldn't read music, much less play it. My parents and Abbey's parents had tried to teach me, repeatedly, but it just wasn't something I could do. Music, while I enjoyed listening to it, was not something I ever wanted to pursue. I always assumed that that was a huge disappointment to my parents, especially my father.

So I'd left New York, not knowing where I fit in this madness they called life, and feeling like I was nothing more than a failure and disappointment to those closest to me. I'd let my jealousy ruin the one good thing that I had in my life and been too prideful to go back and try to make it right. At the time, I thought I didn't have any other options so I did what I felt was right. I ran.

I took what money I had in my bank account, pawned the watch my father had given me for graduation, and caught the first bus out of that place. I had no idea what I was going to do, or even what I _wanted_ to do. So I worked my way across Canada, learning what _hard _work really was and hiding my true identity from people who asked about it. I didn't want to be known as Edward Cullen's "nephew", or Jasper and Alice Whitlock's son. I wanted to figure out who the hell I was without their names being attached to anything I did. For two months, the only correspondence I had with anyone in my family was an occasional phone call with my mother. She begged me to come home every time I talked to her, but seemed to understand why I couldn't. Not yet.

By the time I got to Alaska, I had over three hundred postcards that I'd gotten for Abbey. I wrote on all of them, telling her on each one how sorry I was. But every time that I went to the post office to mail one, I backed out. My two word apology seemed severely undeserving, so I kept all of them in my back pack, tied together with a ribbon I'd stolen from her years before. I kept telling myself that someday I would figure out how to really apologize to her. When I did, then I would give her the post cards.

In Alaska, I got a job working on a fishing boat and met the only friend I'd had since leaving New York. Elsie's dad ran the boat that I worked on, and even though she was a little rough around the edges, she was a nice person. Elsie was also the only one that I'd talked to about Abbey and my parents. It had been her suggestion to go back to Seattle for the holidays. When her dad died three weeks before Christmas Eve, I knew that she was right. It was time for me to go home, at least for a visit, and to settle some of the discord with my family. The entire way back to the Seattle, the only thing I could think about was seeing my father and Abbey.

No one had known we were coming, and when Emmett opened the front door, I had really thought he was going to have a heart attack. My mom and grandmother made a huge ordeal about it, asking a million different questions while smothering me in hugs and kisses, but my dad, Bella, Edward, Matt and Rosalie all stood there staring at me. Thankfully, Elsie had been able to break the tension and started helping with the food preparations.

"Is Abbey here?" I asked Bella.

She nodded her head while continuing to stir but it was Edward that verbally answered me. "She's upstairs," he said quietly. When I turned to walk away and head for the stairs, he grabbed my arm and made me look at him. I figured he would be mad, maybe even try to hit me, but instead he just gave me a quick hug. "We're glad you're safe, Tripp."

I wasn't sure what to expect from Abbey, and maybe I was a stupid for believing that it would have been any better than what it was, but when I saw her walking away from me… I just knew that I couldn't deal with all of this right now. Elsie and I went back to my parents' house and waited for my family to finish their Christmas dinner.

xXxXxXx

**Three Months Later**

"**Well, I looked my demons in the eyes, lay bear my chest, and said do your best to destroy me. I've been to hell and back so many times, I must admit you kind of bore me."**

"You're back? For good?"

I nodded at my father's question and carefully sat my bag on the floor at my feet. When I looked up at him, I expected to see some sort of disappointment or anger, but was surprised to see him crying. I'd never, not once, seen my dad cry.

"Dad…"

He dropped the newspaper he'd been holding and covered the distance between us in three steps. His arms pulled me against his chest, and even if it felt a little awkward, I rested my head on his shoulder and hugged him back.

"I love you," he said in a broken voice. "We both love you, Tripp."

I hugged him tighter. "I know and I… love you too."

xXxXxXx

After eating way more than I should have, I leaned back in my chair and smiled at my mother. "That was really good, Mom. Thank you."

"There's more," she said excitedly. I had to take the spoon away from her so she would stop shoveling food onto my plate. "Are you sure? Really, you look so thin and-"

"Alice," Dad laughed at her. "He's going to end up getting sick. Leave the poor boy alone."

My mother huffed before going back to her own plate of food. "So," she said after swallowing. "What are your plans now? Obviously you're welcome to stay here, but if you want to look for an apartment or something we could help."

I shrugged and looked down at the table. "I really don't know. I…was thinking about going to New York in a couple of weeks." Cautiously looking up, I saw my parents giving each other a nervous glance before looking back at me. I sighed and sat up. "You don't think it's a good idea."

"Tripp… Abbey isn't… She has a lot going on right now. It might not be a good time for you to just show up in New York." My mother gave me a small smile before continuing. "She's coming home for a few weeks this summer; maybe you should wait until then."

I frowned at her explanation and looked back at my dad. "What's going on?"

"Abbey's auditioning for the New York Philharmonic at the end of the school year," he slowly explained. "The school is doing a showcase for the graduating musicians next month and the music director for the philharmonic will be there."

"She's been rehearsing constantly," my mother added.

I leaned back in my chair and shook my head in disbelief. "She's really doing it? She's graduating early and going to play for one of the most world renowned orchestras?" It wasn't that I ever doubted her, I didn't, but it just amazed me that she could still be so confident in her abilities and ambitions. Smiling, I asked if my parents were going to the concert.

"We cant," my dad answered. "We both have to be in LA."

I stood up and grabbed my plate to take to the kitchen, knowing that even if my parents advised against it, I was going to be in New York for that show. I'd missed so much of the past year; I wasn't going to miss this too.

xXxXxXx

"**You could be happy, I hope you are. You made me happier than I'd been by far. Do the things that you always wanted to. Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do. More than anything, I want to see you, girl, take a glorious bite out of the whole world." You Could be Happy, Snow Patrol**

My worries about running into Abbey's parents were completely ridiculous. There were so many people in this auditorium that I seriously doubted they would see me, so I relaxed in my chair and flipped through the program that I'd been given at the door. I balanced the flowers I bought for Abbey on my knee, and bypassed everyone else's biography to find hers.

I smiled at her picture, wishing that it had been in color instead of black and white. It had been so long since I'd seen the green in her eyes or the red in her hair, and even though the picture was a headshot, you couldn't really make out the freckles that were spattered across her nose and cheeks. I fucking loved those freckles.

"Do you know someone performing?" I looked up to find an elderly woman smiling at me, and nodded my head while she said down. "That's nice. I'm sure they'll appreciate the flowers."

We made small talk until the lights dimmed and the stage curtains opened. As soon as the music started, I leaned forward in my seat, trying to catch a glimpse of Abbey performing.

"Which one is your friend?" the woman next to me whispered.

I nodded towards the left side of the stage. "The pianist with red hair."

Her smile widened before turned in her chair to look at me. "Abbey Cullen is your friend?"

"Uh… yes?" I hesitantly answered. "Do you know her?"

"I was one of her teachers before I retired," she whispered back to me. "I'm Mrs. McCrane. You know she has such a talent. I knew that she would be a great performer but she just needed that little extra… push."

If it wasn't for the fact that I was trying to blend in and not make a scene, I would have told the old bag to go fuck herself. She'd done nothing but make Abbey's life a living hell.

"She'd hated me as a teacher of course," she continued. "But I kept in touch after I'd retired. She really is one of the best students I've ever had. Wait until you hear her original composition… absolutely breathtaking."

I nodded, letting the conversation fall silent, and focused on the performance until she elbowed my arm and motioned towards the stage. "She's next!" She said in a hushed excitement.

I clapped along with everyone else when she was introduced and smiled at the familiar blush traveled up her neck and onto her cheeks. When she started playing, the room fell to a hushed silence, leaving the music that she'd created to fill the cavernous space. I watched, in absolute amazement, while she performed her own song. One that she'd started writing years ago while she'd been on the phone with me, complaining about the teacher that was sitting next to me. Her eyes closed as she finished the song, and my chest was so full of pride and longing, that I could hardly breathe.

xXxXxXx

Leaning against the wall, farthest away from the main entrance, I watched from a shadow while our family waited for Abbey. Her parents were both smiling ear to ear, talking to our grandparents, and Emmett and Rosalie. It wasn't that I didn't want to see them, or talk to them, I just wasn't really sure that I wanted them to be the first ones to know I had come. So I would wait until they had their happy reunion, fussed over Abbey's performance, and then I would… play it by ear. If there was just some way that I could get her by herself…

When the doors from the backstage opened, I held my breath and watched as all of the musicians from the show filled the auditorium. It was nothing but a sea of women in black dresses and men in tuxedos, but Abbey's red hair was an automatic give away.

I smiled when she hugged her parents and quietly laughed when Emmett picked her up off of the floor. I had nearly decided to just walk over there and join them, but the appearance of someone behind Abbey made me stop. I knew who he was and hadn't ever really considered the possibility that she would ever… maybe they were just friends. As if he had been able to read my thoughts, Tyler wrapped an arm around Abbey's waist and kissed the side of her head. He shook Edward's hand, then Emmett's and finally our grandfathers. My hand that had been holding the bouquet of flowers limply fell at my side and my heart dropped to the sole of my feet while I watched them.

How could I have been so stupid? Did I really think that she wouldn't ever move on? That no other man would find her attractive and ask her out? She hadn't heard from me since Christmas… why would she have kept waiting? Deciding that I just needed to get the hell out of there, I ducked my head and walked towards the nearest exit.

I said quiet apologies when I bumped into people but stopped when a familiar voice said my name.

"Tripp?" Looking up, I saw Matt giving me a weird look, his eyes darting between our family across the room and me. "What… How long have you… Does Abbey know you're here?"

"No." I tried to walk past him but he grabbed my arm. "Matt, please…"

"You're just going to leave?" He asked me. "Just like that? Without even-"

I shoved the flowers at his chest and pulled my arm away from him. "She doesn't need me to ruin another second of her life. Just… give her those and tell her I said…" Shaking my head, I tried to figure out what I could ever say to her. "Tell her I said the song was beautiful."

"Tripp." Matt grabbed me by the front of my jacket and in a low voice whispered, "Don't do this to her again. Just walk over there and-"

"Tell everyone I said hello." I pried his fingers off of me and quickly made my way outside, hailing the first cab that I could.

xXxXxXx

**Two Months Later**

"**Seems like I've been waiting for days, and I have, just to catch a glimpse of your face. Is that sad? I keep looking out the window, checking my phone, waiting, watching, and hoping for you to show. Wondering if I should go and search for you. Racing through your words for clues. Did you give up on me since the last time we spoke? All my senses say its crazy but still I know, in my mind, there's this hope that you wouldn't walk out on me like I did to you long ago. There's still something I must confess, when it comes to you baby, I'm a mess. Will you show? I don't know. I hope so." Watching Waiting, Todd Carey**

"Tripp."

With a spoon hanging out of my mouth and a cereal bowl in my hand, I stared at the man in front of me.

He sighed before motioning for me to let him inside. "Are you going to make me stand out here all day?"

I took a step backwards, letting Edward walk into my shit hole of an apartment. After another nervous glance at him, I shut the door and waited for… whatever was going to happen.

"Your dad gave me your address." He looked down at the rickety table that was currently covered in drawings, pencils, and sketch pads. "I didn't interrupt you did I?"

I shook my head and sat the bowl down on the kitchen counter. "Um… no."

Edward nodded his head before looking back up at me. "How have you been?"

"Okay, I guess." I straightened my shirt and shrugged my shoulders. "Did… something happen?" He gave me a funny look so I elaborated. "I … I haven't talked to you since Christmas and… I just expect the worst."

He laughed before sitting down on one of the two chairs I owned. "No, nothing happened. I just thought that… well I thought that it was about time I talked to you about whatever happened between you and Abbey."

I hadn't been looking to get my ass beat by an old man today, but if that's what he was here to talk to me about… I sighed before holding my arms out. "Alright, just don't hit my face because I have to work tomorrow and if I come in with a bunch of bruises-"

"I'm not going to hit you." Edward shook his head in amusement. "Unless you want me to..."

I sat down and declined his offer. "If you're not here to kick my ass for hurting Abbey then what did you want?"

He reached into his pocket and pulled a small white envelope. When he opened it, I recognized the card that I'd put with her flowers at the concert and instantly wanted to find my cousin and beat his ass into the ground. That had been meant for Abbey, not anyone else, and certainly not her father.

"Matt gave her the flowers, saying they were from him," Edward explained. "And then he gave me the card because he didn't want to upset her."

I shifted in my seat and waited for the verbal reprimand that was sure to come next.

"Tripp," he held the card up and shook his head, "you love my daughter. You've been in love with her from the minute she shoved you into that mud puddle when she was six. I saw it, your dad saw it, and we all knew that the two of you… it wasn't some high school romance that was going to die down after you graduated."

Edward tossed the card onto the table. "I've made some _really_ stupid mistakes in my life, some that I will never forgive myself for, but if making those mistakes taught me anything, it's that it's never too late to ask for a second chance."

"Abbey doesn't need me."

"How do you know that?" He asked me. "Have you asked her? Or even talked to her? If there is anything I know about my daughter, it's that she is just like her mother. I tried to make choices for Bella, deciding what she did and didn't need from me, and the only thing that got me was three years of misery… and a couple of Grammys."

I smiled at his humor.

"Abbey does need you, Tripp. I don't know if it's… just as a friend or something more but I do know that my daughter has been miserable for way too long. And _you're_ the only one who can do anything about it."

"What about her… boyfriend?" I hated the way that sounded coming out of my mouth.

"They broke up, last month." Edward leaned back in his chair and looked at me. "Any other excuses you want to try and use?" When I shook my head, he grabbed a pencil and wrote a phone number on the back of the card from Abbey's flowers. "This is her new number. Don't tell her you got it from me. Blame my mom… or your mom… or Emmett."

He handed me the card before picking up a couple of the sketches I'd been working on. When he smiled and turned one around to face me, I shrugged my shoulders. "When that's all you can think about…"

Edward nodded and looked back at the other sketches of his daughter. "Some of the best work I've ever done was when I was heartbroken over Bella." He sat them back down before sighing. "Never underestimate the creative power of misery."

xXxXxXx

She was going to stand me up. I knew it, I just _knew_ it.

My leg bounced up and down while I looked around the coffee shop that she'd picked for us to meet at, and I tried to remain calm. It wasn't particularly full of people, but there were enough to make me a nervous wreck and keep me from getting a table with a view of the door. Every time I heard it open, I would jerk my head around to see if it was Abbey. After the seventh time of doing that, I was pretty sure I'd injured myself.

_Just relax,_ I told myself. _She knows you; she knows what a fucking dumb ass you can be… Well, obviously she does because I was stupid enough to leave her_. I shook my head at the pep talk that was quickly taking a turn for the worse and drummed my fingers against the paper cup that was sitting on the table. After another second, I took a drink just to have something to do, and determinedly did _not _look at the door when I heard the little bell jingle.

"Tripp?"

Her voice scared me and the mouth full of hot coffee that I'd been trying to swallow decided to come up through my nose. Abbey grabbed a handful of napkins and handed them to me while trying to ask if I was okay.

I sputtered an answer, while trying not to die of embarrassment and asphyxiation, and motioned for her to sit down.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked again. "I can get you another coffee or… water?"

I shook my head and tried to clear my throat. "I'm fine," I croaked. "Just… please sit down."

Abbey handed me a few more napkins before sitting in the chair across from me. She was nervous, I could tell from her blush that the way she kept chewing on her bottom lip, and looked around the room at the other patrons.

"I got you a plain coffee," I moved her cup towards her. "Three sugars, right?"

She picked it up and smiled. "You remembered."

"Well I have known you your whole life," I said quietly. When I looked up at her, she gave me a weird look and then a tentative drink from her cup. I rubbed my forehead before moving my chair closer to hers. "I just… have to say this."

Her eyes widened but she nodded her head. "Ok-okay."

"I'm sorry, really, I am. I'm sorry for… everything." I reached into my jacket pocket and got the massive amount of postcards that I'd kept for her. She carefully took them from me and waited for me to finish talking. "Every single second, of every single day that I was gone, I thought about you. I didn't know how to tell you that I was wrong, or that I didn't know how to handle anything that was happening so I-"

"So you just didn't ever call? Or write?" She finished for me. "You made me think that you'd forgotten about me."

"I… couldn't ever forget about you, Abbey. You… you're… in nearly every memory I have."

She carefully untied the postcards and, strangely enough, gave the ribbon back to me. I stuck it back in my pocket and watched as she read through them.

"They all say the same thing."

I nodded my head. "I didn't know what else to say."

Abbey's slender fingers traced over the words that I written; the same I'm sorry, followed by the same I love you, on each and every one of them. When she'd finished she put them into her purse and wiped away the small tears that had gathered in the corner of her eyes.

I handed her one of the extra napkins and wanted nothing more than to just pull her to me and tell her exactly how stupid I'd been, how selfish I'd been, and how absolutely head over heels in love with her I still was.

"That's three hundred and seven apologies," I quietly told her.

She nodded before looking at me. "And three hundred and seven 'I love you'-s."

"And I meant every single one of them."

Four hours later, the two of us were still sitting at the same table, talking about everything that had happened since I'd left her in New York. Some of the stories were funny, some of them sad, but all of them cleared the air between us.

I had no idea if Abbey was ever going to really forgive me for what I'd done, or if she would ever trust me with her heart again. But as I watched her laughing at some ridiculous story I was telling her, I realized that I could wait the rest of my life to find out if I had to.

xXxXxXx

**One Year Later**

"**Took my breath away, knocked me flat on my back. I knew right then and there, in that first, second stare, it would be a while. Everything falls out of focus when you walk through the door. And the one thing that's clear to me is that I'm helplessly hopeless and I'm all right with that. In a room full of people everything else disappears. I thought that I'd known you forever. I felt like I'd finally come home. After all of these lifetimes, you still take my breath away." Everything Else Disappears, Sister Hazel**

I sat in the balcony seats, surrounded by the rest of our family, and nervously waited for the show to start. Tonight was Abbey's first performance with the New York Philharmonic and I was beyond feeling excitement, it had turned into something like an anxious panic now.

"Relax." My father put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and I nodded my head, even if I didn't feel any better. He smiled and gave me a squeeze before going back to looking around the concert hall.

"Doesn't she look beautiful?" My grandmother held up Abbey's picture from the program and shook her head. "She looks exactly her father. It says here, 'Abbey Elizabeth Cullen is the youngest pianist to join the New York Philharmonic'. Why didn't anyone tell me that before tonight?"

Bella smiled before looping her arm through Edward's. I pretended not to hear ser say something about the two of them making beautiful babies, and went back to bouncing my knee up and down and counting backwards from a thousand.

"Tripp," my mother whispered from behind me. I turned around to look at her and she smiled. "Just breathe, okay? You've practiced this a thousand times and I know she'll say yes."

I turned back around and nervously touched the black velvet box in my jacket pocket.

xXxXxXx

Abbey had done an amazing job, not that any of us ever doubted that, but her nervousness had made me nervous and combined with everything else happening tonight… I was on the verge of having a heart attack.

She held onto my arm while accepting people's praise for her performance and introduced her fellow musicians to our family. I tried to smile and act like I was nothing more than a proud boyfriend, but the longer the night went on, the worse I was getting.

"Are you sick?" Abbey whispered.

I shook my head and took a long drink from the champagne glass in my hand.

"You're sweating bullets."

I asked for a refill and, once again, reassured her that I was fine.

The family was not helping my nerves at all. My parents and grandparents kept giving me reassuring smiles, while Bella would just look at us and start tearing up. Edward hugged Abbey and didn't let her go for nearly five minutes, and I got worried that all of their weird behavior was going to ruin the surprise I'd planned. When Emmett hugged Abbey and started crying, I decided to take action and led her away from them while Rosalie made up some excuse for his sudden emotional depth.

Once we were out on the patio, secluded in a corner, Abbey shook her head and grabbed two champagne glasses from a passing waiter. "I get that this is a big deal but why is everyone acting so weird?"

"Our family is always weird," I muttered under my breath. Telling all of them that I was planning on asking her tonight had been a colossal mistake but there wasn't anything I could do about that now. I smiled before leaning forward and gently kissed her before giving a better excuse. "They're just proud of you._ I'm_ proud of you."

She smiled and handed me my glass. "Here's to you and me, baby."

"To you and me." I carefully hit my glass with hers and tried not to down the entire glass in one drink this time.

xXxXxXx

"Tripp…" I held on to both of her hands and helped lead her farther out onto to the stage. Abbey leaned her head back, trying to peek out from underneath the blindfold, but stopped when I scolded her. "Well, I can't see anything!"

I laughed and the sound echoed around the empty room. "That's the point."

She sighed and continued to follow me until I stopped. "Can I open them now?"

Moving behind her, I kissed the side of her neck. "Yes."

Abbey wasted no time in yanking the scarf off of her eyes, and then looked around the familiar space that she'd played in just hours ago. "We're… why are we here?"

I laughed and whispered, "Because I have a surprise for you."

She turned around to look at me. "You do?" I nodded and pointed to the piano behind her. Abbey looked at it and then back at me. "It's a piano."

"Really?" I sarcastically asked her. She laughed when I grabbed her hand and led her over to it, and then the two of us looked down at the closed lid that covered the keys. "You don't want to open it?"

She ran her fingers over the glossy wood and smiled. "What is it?"

I laughed and shrugged my shoulders. "A puppy."

Abbey grinned and carefully lifted the wood, only to frown when there was nothing unusual there. "I… don't understand."

I sat down on the bench and patted the space next to me. "You're not supposed to yet."

She sat down and watched while I slowly, and horrifically, tried to play the song that Edward had spent months working with me on. When I finally got the notes right, she giggled excitedly. "It's my song!"

I nodded my head and kept playing, trying really,_ really_, fucking hard to not just blurt out my question.

"Aren't you going to sing it?" When I told her no, Abbey threw her head back and belted out the words to the familiar lyrics to a song that had been labeled hers since before she'd been born. "Little darlin' I feel the ice is slowly melting. Little darlin' it feels like years since it's been clear. Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say, it's all right."

I lamely finished, joining her on the last verse, but smiled when she hugged my arm.

"How long have you been practicing that?"

"A while," I answered. After I'd carefully closed the lid on the keys, I turned on the bench to face her. "Your dad taught me… on Skype."

She nodded and looked up at me. "I had no idea that he even knew what Skype was." She laughed and looked up at me. "It was a very nice surprise, thank you."

With my heart hammering in my chest, I tried to tell her that the song was only part of it. It came out in a jumble of words that didn't even make sense and I knew that I either had to hurry up and ask her or I was never going to get it out.

"So…" I cleared my throat and tried to get a grip on myself. "I um… really wanted to be way smoother about this but… I'm… I just have to do it."

"Okay?" Abbey gave me a hesitant look before smiling. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Reaching into my jacket pocket, I ignored her question and told her to shut her eyes. When she did, I placed the black box on her palm and took a deep breath before telling her she could look.

Her eyes went from my face, to her palm, and then back up to me. "Tripp…"

I smiled. "Open it."

Her hands shook while she slowly opened the small box and her breath came out in a gasp when she realized what she was holding. With much more confidence than I'd felt all night, I carefully took the ring out and tossed the box behind me.

She gave me a nervous, squeaking, laugh before going silent when I took her hand and slid the ring over her finger.

"Abbey, I could spend… all night trying to come up with the right romantic words to say to you. But… all you need to know is that I love you, I'll always love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with-"

"Yes!" She practically screamed before I could even finish what I was going to say.

I laughed when her arms wrapped around my neck. "I didn't even finish asking you."

Abbey tightened her grip around me and shook her head. "I know and I'm sorry. But I've known you were going to ask me since last month and I… I've been waiting and waiting…"

"What?" I asked, letting her go. "How did you know?"

She bit her lip before answering. "I found the box… in your sock drawer."

Part of me wanted to be annoyed with her snooping but honestly I didn't care. It didn't matter how or where we got engaged, and my sappy romantic gestures weren't going to change if she agreed to or not. I smiled, feeling lighter than I had in over three months, and gently kissed her bottom lip. "Abbey Elizabeth Cullen, will you marry me?"

She nodded her head, actually letting me finish the question this time, and kissed me back. "Yes."

**AN: One big Aw? AWWWWW! Who knew that we would all become so attached to these kids? It was really, REALLY, hard to fit like three years of events in four chapters. I hope I didn't miss anything… If you have any questions, let me know and I'll try to answer them. Also, I'll go back to the regular outtakes next week. Who all is going to get the Eclipse DVD at midnight? I'm going to be lame and just go to Target in the morning to get it… I know… bad Twihard! BAD, BAD TWIHARD!**

**Anyways, y'all have a good weekend!**


	28. Here Without You

**This was the outtake I wrote for Fandom4Preemies. If you donated, thank you! I own nothing.**

"**When it's all said and done, it gets hard, but it won't take away my love. I'm here without you, baby. But you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you, baby. And I dream about you all the time." Here Without You, Three Doors Down**

**EPOV**

The day that I married Bella I knew our family would always be the most important thing to me. I was ready to shoulder the responsibility of taking care of her, taking care of any future children that we might have, and doing what was always best for my family. What I didn't realize then was that what was best for them wouldn't always be easy for me to provide.

"We'll need to leave the hotel by seven tomorrow morning to get to the airport in time."

I nodded my head to show Phil that I had heard him before collapsing onto the couch. He kept rambling on and on about shit that I had to do tomorrow. I just kept nodding my head. It wasn't that I didn't like Phil-I did. As a manager, he was probably one of the best in the business but he wasn't Alice, and that just served as another reminder that the whole "rock and roll" lifestyle just wasn't me anymore.

For a while, when the kids were younger, we had all toured together. Alice, even though I suggested early on that she needed a replacement, had successfully managed two albums and tours with their son on her hip. Jasper and Bella worked on their music, I did my thing, Alice did hers, and it all made sense. Even when Bella got pregnant and had Abbey, nothing changed. We did what we always did and it really seemed like things would always work like that. They didn't.

Tripp and Abbey grew up. They needed homes, not hotel rooms, and that required our families to be planted in one place for the majority of the year. So we moved to a real house in Seattle and tried to have a normal life. For the majority of the year I was able to be at home with my family and had been lucky enough to experience things that most busy parents didn't. I got to see Abbey go to her first day of school and perform in her first grade play. But when it was time to start touring again, I would leave behind my family and live my life out of a suitcase.

"Just two more shows and then were done." Phil tossed me a bottle of water before heading towards the dressing room door. "And then…"

His voice trailed off, leaving me an opening to fill in the blank. Did I say 'and then we take a few months off before starting work on the new album' or did I say 'and then I pretty much retire until its time for a greatest hits tour'? That seemed to be the million dollar question these days, literally.

I stood up before answering. "And then… who knows."

Phil gave me a quick nod before leaving and I didn't waste any time before finding my cell phone and immediately calling home. I sat back down as it rang and smiled when a familiar voice answered.

"So how was the show tonight?" Bella's voice made the weight of misery lift from my shoulders.

"It was good." I could hear a soft childlike laughter in the background and was suddenly very grateful of the fact that Abbey was still awake. I silently thanked God for the three hour time difference. "What are you guys doing?"

"Waiting on you to call." I heard Bella's smile in her voice. "I told Abbey she could stay up an hour later so she could talk to you. Hold on."

She told our daughter that I was on the phone and smiled when there was a loud squealing laughter.

"Daddy!"

I listened with an honest interest as she explained what all had happened during the day. Bella had let her have strawberry milk with breakfast; she'd learned about worms in school and had successfully managed to lock the dog in the garage when it stole one of her apple slices. Who knew that a seven year olds life could be so exciting?

"When are you coming home?"

My heart fell to the pit of my stomach. "I'll be home in three days, baby."

Her small voice asked, "Will you have to leave again? Or can you stay?"

It was moments exactly like this that made me realize how hard this situation was, not just for me, but for all of us. I didn't resent the fact that Bella and Abbey lived in Seattle and had stopped touring with me. Our daughter needed a normal, stable, home and I would give it to her. But I was starting to realize that maybe I needed one, too.

Abbey and I talked while Bella forced her into pajamas and then into bed. She giggled when I agreed to sing to her over the phone and then sighed contently as sleep took over her small body. I could see it in my mind, her little head resting on the pink and white pillow with her red hair framing her face. Her lips puckered in her sleep, just like Bella's, and she would hold that ratty stuffed pig against her chest. I closed my eyes and listened to Abbey's steady breathing as her mother tucked the blankets around her.

There was a soft creaking of the floorboards and a squeak as the bedroom door shut and then Bella sighed. I smiled when her voice, all breathy and longing, whispered into the phone. "Hi."

My body relaxed as I lay back against the couch. "Hi." We were both quiet as she crawled into bed. I could hear the bed creaking and the blankets moving. Once she stopped moving I spoke again. "I miss you."

"Only three more days." Brave Bella. She tried to keep her voice optimistic but I knew that she was just as miserable as I was, trying to hide it so I wouldn't feel worse. I smiled against the phone and waited. Not two seconds later she gave me another sigh. "You have no idea how much I miss you, how much we miss you."

"I think I have a pretty good idea."

Bella laughed, a sound that made me feel whole again, and we spent a few minutes talking about trivial bullshit that didn't really matter but that made both of us feel normal. Hearing about the dog's trip to the vet and the need to replace the kitchen faucet because it was starting to leak made our lives feel ordinary.

"And we should really get the tires replaced before the weather starts changing. I'll be pissed if I get caught in a storm with a freaking blow out… again."

I laughed at the reminder of the time Bella had gotten stuck on the side of the road in a monsoon. She hadn't lived in Seattle very long and it had taken Jasper and me three hours to get to her.

"Still not funny, Edward." She tried to sound offended.

"Still kind of funny that you tried to pee in a Coke bottle."

Bella finally gave in and laughed. "Call me when you get to the hotel. I need to go finish the dishes from dinner."

"Alright." I laughed at her quick dismissal and obvious knowledge that I really needed to take a shower. "I love you."

"Love you more."

I hung up the phone feeling lighter with a smile across my face.

**BPOV**

After I hung up with Edward my eyes fell to his side of our bed. It had been empty, except for the occasional visit from our daughter, for over two weeks. I'd flown to LA last week for his show there and had gotten to spend some alone time with him, but our house felt empty. My heart felt empty.

I would never, ever, tell Edward just how hard it was without him. He would ask how I was and I would tell him I missed him. I wouldn't tell him that I spent an hour in his closet, clinging to his old sweatshirts and crying at his smell that lingered there. Edward would ask how Abbey was handling his absence and I would tell him that she cried after he left. I wouldn't tell him that our daughter just wasn't the same when he wasn't there. She didn't dance and laugh as much and wouldn't let me sing her to sleep. If it wasn't Edward's voice singing to her, she didn't want it. He was the center of our world and it stopped moving when he wasn't there.

Before I got out of bed, I closed my eyes and reminded myself that three days wasn't really that long and then gently smoothed out the fabric of Edward's pillow case. As I walked down the hallway and the stairs I smiled at the pictures that filled the walls. So many memories and experiences that had been captured with someone's camera and each one of them made me smile, especially the pictures of Edward and Abbey.

I knew that the two of them would have a special bond, even before I'd had her. From the second that I'd told Edward I was pregnant she'd had him wrapped around her finger and the best part was that he had no problem admitting it. He would spend hours talking to my stomach, singing to it, and I would happily sit there and watch as he created a unique and unbreakable bond with our child.

Everything about that little girl screamed the fact that she was her father's child. The red in her hair, the curve of her lips, even her name had all come from Edward. When she was in my belly, he would carefully select music and let her listen to it by placing headphones on top of my stomach. She always enjoyed it, moving around to the sound of the music and her father's voice, but when he had played one particular album, she practically kicked her way out of my stomach.

"Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces," Edward's smooth voice blended with the song that had been playing. He had moved his hand over my stomach and instinctively her little feet and hands found him. "Here comes the sun, do-do-do-do. Here comes the sun and I say it's all right."

We played the Beatle's Abbey Road album for hours on end and Edward had decided that she needed to be named after it. Three days after his decision, Abbey Elizabeth was born and the two of them were practically inseparable.

I blinked back the memories of that day as my fingers gently traced over the picture of Edward holding her only minutes after she was born. Her face was completely relaxed, as if she knew that her daddy's steady hands would never falter, and he looked… in love.

The cell phone in my hand started ringing and I absently held it up to my ear. I had to clear the tears that were in my throat when I answered. "Hello?"

"So," Edward's voice whispered. "What are you wearing?"

I laughed before giving one more look to the picture and kept walking towards the kitchen. "Did you miss me so much that you couldn't wait the thirty minutes it would take to go back to the hotel?"

"Uh, I hung up with you over an hour ago," he slowly answered. "Are you okay?"

In confusion, I looked around at the clock on the stove and realized that I'd been staring at their picture for much longer than I realized. "Oh."

"Bella, are you okay?" His voice sounded worried and I hated that.

"I'm fine." I reassured him. "I was just… thinking about the day that Abbey was born and got distracted."

I could hear the smile in his voice. "She was so little."

We reminisced about that day while I put everything away from dinner. By the time I had made it back upstairs and crawled into bed, Edward was trying to convince me that we needed to try and have another baby. I smiled at his persuasive promises of "working on it" and pulled his pillow to my chest.

"Maybe once we figure out what your schedule will be for the next few years then we can think about it." I wasn't against the idea of having more children; I just knew that it wasn't something I could do without him being here. If another tour was in the works for the near future then I wanted to wait.

"I'll take the 'what is Edward Cullen going to do' for five hundred, Alex."

I laughed quietly. "What?"

"Everyone seems to want to know what I'm going to do after this tour ends and I'm tired of not having an answer."

I slowly sat up. "What do you mean? The only person who has to know anything about your future is you."

"And you," he corrected me. "People keep asking if I'm doing another album, which will involve another tour, and if I am then when I want to start on it. We would have to start looking at songs if I didn't want to write all of them, and then figure out how long I would need to record-"

Edward kept rambling about things that other people wanted him to figure out and I sighed before interrupting him. "And what do you want?"

He was quiet for a few seconds before he asked, "Honestly?"

I pulled his pillow into my lap. "Always."

"I want to come home. I want to kiss you every morning when I wake up and watch Abbey fall asleep." My face smiled at the sentiment but my heart ached at the loneliness in his voice. "I don't work without you, Bella. You know that. I can't sleep, I hardly eat… I just… I want you. I want to come home."

A fat tear escaped from the corner of my eye and slid down my face, making my nose itch. My fingers quickly wiped it away and I finally let my guard down, allowing Edward to hear just how desperate I was for him. "I want you to come home, too."

**EPOV**

The last notes of the song of the encore finished and I stepped away from the microphone, holding both of my hands up and waving at the massive sea of faces in front of me. "You've been a great crowd! Good night!"

Their screaming applause followed me off stage, making the guitar tech who took the instrument from my hands smile. "Awesome tour."

I nodded and slapped his back in appreciation before pulling my ear plugs out and accepting the bottle of water that Phil was handing me. He followed behind me into my dressing room and tossed me a towel before shutting the door.

"I have something for you." He held out a manila envelope and shrugged his shoulders when I raised an eyebrow. "Bella gave it to me in LA and told me to give it to you after your last show."

Like a teenage kid holding a love letter, I carefully opened it, pulling out the piece of paper inside.

To returning where you belong. I love you.

I smiled at the familiar handwriting and reached back into the envelope and found an old MP3 player that we never used. Phil handed me my earphones and reminded me that my flight back to Seattle left at ten the next morning. I thanked him before the he closed the door and plugged the miniature speakers in.

"Abbey," Bella's voice said through the speakers. "Come sing for Daddy."

"What do I sing?"

I laughed at her voice and kept listening while Bella told her to sing whatever she wanted. Abbey apparently took after both Bella and me because she made up a song on the spot; something about a tea party, pink clouds, bubble gum and lipstick.

When the song was finished, Bella clapped. "Is there anything you wanna tell your daddy?"

"I love you, Daddy!"

I swallowed around the knot that had formed in the back of my throat and smiled as my two girls kept talking.

"We love you, Edward." Bella finally said. "And can't wait for you to come home."

I quickly wiped the tears off of my face and grabbed everything I needed out of the dressing room. My body was exhausted but the adrenaline from the show and excitement from hearing Abbey and Bella made me move.

Phil laughed for a second when he saw me running towards him and then pulled his phone out of his pocket. "What do you need?"

I smiled and shoved my arms in my jacket. "I need a plane to take me to Seattle tonight."

He nodded his head and started dialing. "The driver outside can take you to the hotel. I'll arrange to have everything shipped back."

Before he had even finished talking, I was running towards the exit.

xXxXxXx

"You owe me," Jasper said with a yawn. "Again."

I could have gotten a taxi or even rented a car to drive back home, but the second that Alice got wind of the fact that I was flying back a day early, she had volunteered her husband to come pick me up and promised that she wouldn't tell Bella I was back. I reached for the small bag between my feet and smiled. "Add it to my tab."

"Yeah, okay. Your tab is getting bigger than the National Debt."

I smiled before getting out of the car. "Thanks, J."

He nodded his head. "You're welcome."

As quietly as I could, I opened the front door, expecting the alarm to go off. When it didn't, I got a little aggravated at the fact that Bella hadn't set it and then quickly punched in the code after I shut and locked the door.

The house was just as it was the last time I'd been home, only a few new pieces of Abbey's artwork had been added to the refrigerator. I made a mental note to have her show them to me tomorrow, dropped my bag in the chair, and started up the stairs.

When I got to our bedroom, I leaned against the door frame and smiled at the sight of the two halves of my heart. Abbey was sleeping on my side of the bed, cuddled against her mother, while Bella had her body curled around Abbey's. I stood there, just watching them, and allowed my heart, body and soul to rejoice in the fact that they were home. I was home.

After toeing off my shoes, I pulled my jacket off and carefully crawled into the bed behind Abbey. I smiled when Bella's eyes fluttered and reached across our daughter to smooth the hair off of her surprised face while she stared at me.

Bella's voice was full of sleep when she whispered, "What…"

"Hi," I whispered back. "I came back early."

She smiled, really smiled, and looked down from my eyes to the little girl sleeping between us. As if she had known I was there, Abbey rolled over and was now curled up against my chest. Her tiny hands held on to my shirt, making me feel grounded to a world that finally made sense.

Bella's fingers gently moved a stray curl from Abbey's face. "Do you want me to take her to bed?"

I shook my head and settled into the bed. "Come here."

She moved behind Abbey, kissing the top of her head before leaning across her and gently placing her lips against mine. "You're home."

I nodded and kissed her again. "I'm home."

**AN: I know, I have been fail at updating in general. Life is super crazy right now and work sucks. I promise I will try to get better… Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates and Happy… whatever to those who don't! Happy New Year in case you don't hear from me before then… Cheers!**


	29. For You

**I still don't own anything. This takes place before Jane, before the hardcore drugs, and way before either one of these kids realized they loved each other. **

"**If your wandering ever leads you to a place where you don't know which road to choose. Leave your worries behind, take the road that leads to mine and I'll be waiting there for you. If your dreaming ever wakes you and you find your dreaming wasn't true. Wipe the sleep from your eyes, leave the nightmares behind and I'll dream a better dream for you." For You, Peter Bradley Adams**

**BPOV**

Standing at the foot of the Cullen's driveway I decided three things. One, I shouldn't have worn heels because there was no way I could stand in these for more than fifteen minutes. Two, this dress was a bad idea considering how windy it was; I didn't want to flash everyone who was attending this funeral. And last, I should have brought something other than just cookies for Edward and Emmett. There were cars lining both sides of the street and people walked past me, carrying armfuls of food to share with everyone.

"Ready?"

I nodded at Jasper's question and carefully followed him up the steep driveway. Tucking the two tins of cookies against my chest, I decided that I wasn't here to feed the Cullen's guests. I was here to comfort my friend and his family. Inside, the house was completely filled with people neither one of us knew. They were holding small plates of food and talking quietly while we weaved our way through them. It only took a few seconds before we found Alice sitting with Esme and they both gave us a small smile when we approached them.

"Bella," Esme said quietly before hugging me. "Thank you for coming."

"Of course." I nodded my head and motioned to the boxes I was holding. "I made these for Emmett and Edward."

Cooking wasn't really my specialty, in fact, I was horrible at it. But the one and only thing I _could _make was my great grandmother's triple chocolate chip cookies. They made everything better, or so my Nana always said.

Esme smiled and took the larger tin that had Emmett's name on it. "He's at the funeral home with Carlisle but they should be back in a few minutes. Edward's in his room if you want to go on up." She sighed and glanced at the stairs and then back to me. "Maybe you can convince him to eat something and come downstairs before the service."

I knew that their entire family was taking the death of Carlisle's father hard, anyone would, but Edward was having an especially difficult time. I'd only met his grandfather a handful of times but it was always obvious that Edward had a uniquely close relationship with him.

Nodding my head at Esme's suggestion, I gave Alice a quick hug and then made my way upstairs. After knocking on the second door on the right, I heard Edward's familiar sigh and then his footsteps on the carpet. "What?" He growled while pulling the door open. When Edward saw me standing there, he opened the door wider and quietly apologized. "Oh. Sorry… I thought it was Alice again."

"It's okay. Can I come in, though? I have something for you."

Edward shrugged and let me in his room, only to shut the door as soon as I crossed the threshold. I handed him the tin of cookies and smiled. He looked down at it and then back at me. "What's this?"

"Cookies," I answered. While he pried open the lid, I started picking up the random pieces of clothing that had been thrown around his room. "My Nana always said that they made everything better and-"

"Oh my God."

I turned around at Edward's moaning and laughed when I saw him shoving another piece of cookie in his mouth.

Thankfully, he swallowed before talking. "These are so fucking good."

Smiling, I dropped his clothes in the laundry hamper. "I know."

Edward took another two out of the box and then shut the lid. He gave me a one armed hug and then looked around his room. His eye landed on the bookshelf and he hurried over to it.

"What are you doing?"

He slid the box of cookies onto the top shelf while answering, "hiding these from Emmett."

"Don't worry about it. I made an entirely different batch for him." I walked to his closet and getting the one and only suit that he had. When I came back out with his clothes in my hand, Edward frowned and sat on the edge of his bed.

"My grandfather hated suits," he mumbled. "He always complained when my grandmother made him wear them to church at Christmas and Easter."

I carefully draped the clothes over the back of his desk chair before sitting down next to him. "I know that you don't want to go to this service, but it means a lot to you dad."

"Granddad would have hated all of this." Edward stood and picked his clothes up before walking toward his bathroom. When he stopped and turned to look at me, I smiled. "Even if I… I might not act like it, it means a lot that you're here, Bella."

"I wouldn't be anywhere else."

He gave me another smile before disappearing into the bathroom and shutting the door.

xXxXxXx

I could tell Edward was getting seriously annoyed with the multitude of people coming to offer their condolences, especially when half of them didn't even know his grandfather, but I had no way to try and distract him.

"You know they're only here to suck up to my dad, right?"

I looped my arm through his and whispered, "Or they could be genuinely sad for your family's loss."

Edward pulled at the tie around his neck and grumbled something under his breath. A few minutes later, Esme was trying to get all of the family to get into the limousine that was waiting outside to take them to the church.

"Here." Jasper handed me his keys. "Alice wants me to sit with her and the family. You know how to get there, right?"

I nodded and was about to tell Edward that I'd see him after the service, but was stopped when he took the keys from my hand and tosses them back to Jasper. "What are you doing?"

"You're going with us."

"Edward, I'm not-"

"Dad has Mom," he grabbed my hand. "Emmett has Rosalie and Alice has Jasper. You're my best friend and I…I don't want to sit there by myself during this thing. You're practically family anyway."

I couldn't tell him no, especially not when he was holding on to my hand like a lifeline to his sanity, so I followed him outside and got into the black limousine after Alice.

At the church, I waited and watched while the rest of Edward's family made their way inside, leaving just the two of us remaining in the vehicle.

"Will you do me a favor, Bella?"

"Of course," I answered without hesitation.

He slowly turned his head to look at me and then squeezed my hand that he still hadn't let go of. "Don't leave me alone today, okay?"

xXxXxXx

Through the entire church service and graveside, I'd been waiting for Edward to start crying. Emmett cried when they played Amazing Grace, and Carlisle had cried when they offered the final prayer. But Edward sat there, staring at absolutely nothing and showing no sign of outward emotion.

Holding my shoes in my hand, I stood with Jasper and Alice, waiting for Edward to get in the car. But ten minutes later, he was still standing by his grandfather's grave.

"Maybe one of us should go get him."

I shook my head at Alice's suggestion. "Why don't you guys go ahead and go… I'll stay with Edward and we'll call you when we're ready to go back to the house."

Alice looked uncertain but Jasper nodded. "Take your time."

While his family drove away from the graveside, I joined Edward and silently stood by his side. The wind whipped around the two of us, making the flowers that people had sent sway and my dress to flutter around my knees, but that was the only sound between us. While Edward continued to stare at nothing, I looked up at sky and was suddenly thankful that today was one of the rare sunny summer days in Seattle. The rain would have increased everyone's sadness.

When Edward finally spoke, it was a random observation. "You aren't wearing any shoes."

I looked down at the black heels that were in my hands and then wiggled my toes in the soft green grass. "They pinch my toes. I know its disrespectful but-"

"No… I get it." He smiled and nodded before taking his jacket off and then his tie. "These make me feel like I'm in a straightjacket. And he would have thought it was funny for you to show up barefoot at his funeral."

Edward nodded towards the coffin in front of us and we went back to the silence. It didn't last as long this time.

He laid his discarded jacket out onto the grass, and after sitting down, patted the spot next to him for me to join him. I did what he asked and while I was pulling the fabric from the dress to cover my knees, Edward gently grabbed my wrist and turned it so he could see the underside of my arm.

"What did you do?"

I shook my head at the ugly red line, which would surely become a scar, that went across my forearm. "I burned myself when I was making your cookies." When his finger gently traced over the puffy flesh, I heard him make a sort of sniffling noise, and looked up to find him crying. "Edward-"

He let go of my arm and leaned forward while great gasping sobs escaped his mouth.

I hadn't ever seen Edward cry before, and to be honest, I wasn't expecting it to be like this. With his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands, I watched while my best friend cried for the first time since his grandfather died.

I didn't know what to say to try and make it better, so I gently leaned against him and wrapped my arm around his back. While he cried, I hugged him closer to me, and rested my chin on his shoulder.

xXxXxXx

"Thanks for letting me stay tonight. I'm sure Angela doesn't…" His voice drifted off but he took the mug of coffee I was holding out to him and leaned back against my headboard. "I just… didn't want to sleep alone tonight."

"You can stay here whenever you want, Edward."

He nodded before looking down into dark liquid he was holding. "I didn't mean to… scare you earlier. I just didn't… I've never cried like that before."

"You didn't scare me," I told him. "I just didn't know what to say to make it better."

Edward sat the mug on the table beside the bed and sighed. "Maybe sometimes you don't have to say anything… just being there is enough."

Leaning against his arm, I reached under the blanket and held on to his hand. "You never have to worry about me not being there."

He nodded his head and squeezed my hand. "I know."

AN: Slowly but surely I am finding ways to be sneaky at work and continue writing. It doesn't help that my laptop crashed so I can't even write at home unless I use my husband's computer. Here's hoping I don't get busted at work because I have a whole lot of ideas for Groupie outtakes running through my mind! Not to mention my other three stories that I seriously need to update! Hope everyone had a good Christmas, Kwanza, Hanukkah or whatever else you might celebrate! Happy New Year!


	30. She Will Be Loved

**Not mine, never will be. This will kind of be like what I did for Tripp and Abbey, a few chapters to cover their portion of the story. Enjoy!**

"**Look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she wants to stay awhile and she will be loved." She Will Be Loved, Maroon Five**

**Jasper**

The first time I met Alice Brandon, she had black and purple paint smudged on her left cheek and covering both of her hands. Edward, who I only met a few months previous, had invited me to his parent's house for Easter dinner. Since I wasn't keen on spending the holiday alone with a cup of ramen, I took him up on his offer.

I'd known that Edward had a brother named Emmett, who had shown up to hear us play a few times, but neither one of them had ever mentioned a sister. So it came as complete surprise when their mother called Alice from the dining room, and kissed the top of her head once she reluctantly joined us at the table.

While Edward heavily favored his mother and Emmett their father, Alice didn't look like any of them. Their green eyes, red hair, brown curls, and dimples didn't match her wide grey eyes, sloping nose or petite stature. I noticed that, although she clearly felt comfortable around her family, Alice was mostly withdrawn from their conversation and story telling of holidays past. She sat there, eating what had been placed on her plate, and then picking at the dry paint that covered her fingernails. Through the entire meal, I couldn't help but wonder what could possibly make this girl so incredibly sad. On the way back to my apartment, I found out.

"She's not our sister," Edward told me. "Not really anyway."

"Did your parents adopt her?"

From the driver's seat, Emmett answered. "No. They were her foster parents until she turned eighteen. Technically she could move out if she wanted, but she's really close to our mom and… I don't think my dad would let her just walk out. She's pretty much their third child."

Edward added, "And favorite."

The two brothers laughed for a minute before Edward turned around in the passenger seat to look at me. "Alice had a pretty rough start."

"She was Edward's biology partner or some shit, and came over to the house to work on a project they were doing," Emmett interrupted. "That's when Mom noticed the bruises that were covering her back."

I'd closed my eyes at the mental image they were providing.

Edward picked up where his brother had left off. "She'd been in the foster care system for a while and her foster brother was using her for a punching bag. Mom and dad became her foster parents and she's practically been a member of our family ever since."

We were all quiet for a minute before I asked, "Where are her parents? Her real parents?"

Emmett and Edward shared a look before Emmett answered me. "They abandoned her when she was ten because they couldn't provide for her. Dad tried to find them, at least to let them know where she was, but he couldn't ever locate them."

"Alice still thinks that maybe one day, they might show back up and… I don't know, decide to be a family again," Edward said quietly. "She's never given up hope."

Staring out of the backseat window, I wondered how someone could keep hope alive for that long.

xXxXxXx

When I'd suggested that Alice come out and listen to regulars that always showed up to play for open mic night, I hadn't ever thought that I would end up having feelings for her. In my mind, I was just trying to be a nice guy to someone who clearly needed a friend. But the more time I spent with Alice, the more I realized that there was just something about her that made me feel… different. Different about myself, about life, and about whatever it was that I'd thought I wanted in my future. Somewhere along the way I had stopped seeing Alice as Edward's "sister" and started seeing her as the beautiful, artistic, and complicated person she was. She was like a puzzle that I desperately wanted to solve.

In the beginning, I wasn't really sure that Alice had felt comfortable around me. She always stuck close to Emmett and Edward, while only occasionally acknowledging that I was even in the same room. But as time went on, she finally started opening up to me. I learned that aside from painting, which frequently covered her hands, she also wrote. Alice moved between short stories and poetry but wouldn't ever, _ever_, let anyone read any of her work. Just like she never let people see what she painted. All of works, which I assumed to be pretty small, were all hidden in the back of the guest room closet and everyone in the Cullen house knew better than to try and sneak in to look at them.

So I knew that somewhere along the way, Alice and I had become friends. She would laugh and sing along with us, make jokes with Emmett and seem to be happier. But anytime that it was just the two of us, she would slightly close herself off from me. It seemed like she would build a wall and her eyes would stare off at something that no one else would ever be able to see. She retreated into herself, living a world that no one else could understand, would ever understand. I figured Alice just didn't feel comfortable around me, which was understandable. She hardly knew me. Although, that all changed one night when we were left alone in my apartment.

Edward had left to go rent some random movie that he wanted to watch, and while I was in my miniscule kitchen trying to make tacos, Alice looked at the mess of pictures I had on the front of my refrigerator.

"So, why did you leave Texas?"

Surprised by her question, I looked over my shoulder to see her holding a picture of Bella and me. Going back to the ground beef in front of me, I shrugged. "Texas will always be home but… I needed something else."

In truth, I'd picked Seattle by blindly throwing a dart at a map on my bedroom wall. I didn't know where I was going or what I would do. All I knew was that I didn't want to go to the University of Texas like everyone else in my family had. So after the dart landed on Seattle, I applied to the University of Washington, gotten accepted, and chose to major in Music Management. Although I missed my family, I was glad to be somewhere on my own, making a life that was exactly that; my own.

"She must miss you a lot." Alice stuck the picture back on the fridge.

I shrugged again before answering. "I hurt a lot of people by leaving but… if anyone understood why I had to leave it was Bella. She… just got it." From the corner of my eye, I saw Alice cross her arms across her chest and turn away from the pictures. I couldn't help but smile when I asked, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She shook her head."I just didn't realize you had a girlfriend back home."

I laughed, loudly. "Bella isn't my girlfriend."

"Ex-girlfriend… whatever."

Sitting down the spatula I was using, I turned to look at her. "Bella isn't my ex-girlfriend either. She's… well we're like brother and sister. Kind of like you and Edward except we've known each other since we were in diapers."

"Oh."

The blush that covered Alice's face made me smile and take a slow step towards her. Without moving, she slowly lifted her head and it felt like she was finally looking at me. Really looking at me and not hiding behind the wall that she normally kept around herself.

"Alice?" I quietly asked.

Her normally dull eyes became brighter, seeming to light up her whole face. I didn't need to ask if she was jealous of a picture of me with another female or even why. All I needed to know was if she would say yes to the one question I did ask.

With careful fingers, I moved a small piece of her inky hair off of her ear. "Will you go on a date with me?"

She didn't verbally answer me, just reached up to touch my hand that was still lingering by her face and nodded her head.

I knew it wouldn't be easy. I would have to work to get her to trust me, to make her realize that not everyone who she let in her wall would end up hurting her. But even if it took me years to convince her, even if all I got in return was a smile like what she had now, it would all be completely worth it.

**AN: Am I the only one who thinks it is incredibly cool that their entire story started by Jasper throwing a dart at the wall? Had he not moved to Seattle, he never would have met Edward. And Edward never would have met Bella. Chance is such a fickle thing.**

**Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed it. I'm planning one for Rosalie and Emmett too… and more E/B as always.**


	31. Runaway Train

**Not mine. **

"**Can you help me remember how to smile? Make it somehow all seem worthwhile? Bought a ticket for a runaway train. Like a madman laughing at the rain, a little out of touch, a little insane. It's just easier than dealing with the pain. Runaway train, never going back. Wrong way on a one-way track. Seems like I should be getting somewhere, somehow I'm neither here nor there." Runaway Train, Soul Asylum**

I wanted Jasper Whitlock to kiss me. I wanted him to touch my face and lift my chin while he leaned down to reach my mouth. I knew his lips would feel like a velvety pillow against mine. He would taste like the chap stick that he always kept in his right pocket, but I bet he tasted uniquely Jasper-like as well. Like a mix between hazelnut and coffee, maybe with a little sugar and cinnamon added. And-

"Alice?"

I stopped walking at the sound of Carlisle's voice and then took two steps backwards, placing me directly in front of the door to his study. He smiled when I looked at him.

"You're wearing out the carpet in the hallway by walking back and forth. Are you alright?"

Trust didn't come easily for me, especially when it came to men, but I knew that I could trust Carlisle, just like I could trust Emmett and Edward. I'd been living with them for years, had become a part of their family, and all they had ever done was be completely supportive. But the idea of telling Carlisle about my feelings for Jasper made me extremely anxious.

He must have sensed my hesitation because he did that overly casual doctor thing that was meant to put his patients at ease. Carlisle leaned back in his chair, steepled his fingers together, and gave me a look that clearly meant- _take all the time you want to decide if you can trust me enough to tell me what is running through your head._ It took me a minute to make up my mind, but once I stepped foot into his study, he sat back up and motioned for me to sit across from him.

"I'm scared."

Carlisle nodded his head. "Did something happen? Or is it the same fear?"

I didn't know how to answer him. Something had happened. I'd met someone who made me _feel_. Being around Jasper made me experience emotions that I'd never dealt with before. He made me nervous and excited, all the while being completely scared to death of what _might_ happened between us. I wanted to tell Jasper all of the random thoughts that ran through my mind; because I was sure he would understand their pattern and see that I wasn't completely insane. If there was ever going to be someone that understood me, I thought it would be, could be him. But at the same time I was so scared to open up to Jasper, which was the same fear I'd always had. I couldn't trust people. What if they left? What if they hurt me? What if _he_ left me? What if-

"Alice." Carlisle's soft voice made me look at him again and brought me back to the conversation we'd almost started.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "I was just…"

"It's okay."

He always said that, so did Esme. Emmett and Edward were just as nice, although they normally nudged me to remind me to come back from the fog of thoughts and memories that clouded my mind. I didn't mean to be rude and completely drop out of conversations, but sometimes my brain would just lock in place and keep me trapped inside of it. It would make focusing on things like homework, driving and even simple conversations completely impossible. The only time it didn't bother me was when I painted or wrote. My thoughts would get lost on the canvas or paper that I was using, leading me to stand at an easel or desk for hours at a time without realizing that—

Carlisle shifted in his seat and politely cleared his throat, another signal that I had just drifted off. "Are you sure you're alright, Alice?"

I sighed and then decided to answer him. "Someone asked me on a date and I said yes. But I don't know if it is really a good idea I mean… what if… I don't know."

"Ah." He smiled that proud fatherly smile, that always made me a little sad and a little happy, and then settled back in his chair. "Do we know him?"

"Jasper," I whispered.

I had an idea that Carlisle knew before I even spoke his name who had asked me out. It wasn't like I had an abundance of friends. People my age seemed to think I was a freak rather than someone that would be worth hanging out with. I can't say I blamed them. I wouldn't want to spend time with someone that couldn't focus on a simple conversation without falling out of place and having to be reminded to speak.

"He seems like a very nice young man," Carlisle said, making me focus on him. "And you seem to be enjoying going out with him and the boys when they play at the coffee house."

That was true; Jasper was the first person besides Emmett and Edward who had ever even considered inviting me to go places with them. I chalked Emmett and Edward's charity up to being my family, but Jasper genuinely seemed interested in getting to know me. "He is very nice," I admitted.

"So then why be scared? Jasper doesn't seem the type that would ever hurt you, Alice. Not intentionally."

I picked at the blue paint that covered my palm while answering. "He left Texas though."

Carlisle nodded. "He moved out here for school."

"Yeah but he also left his family. He just picked up and moved to Seattle because he wanted to leave. He wanted something new and different, so he left."

I was still looking down but I heard Carlisle stand up and walk around his desk. When he sat down in the chair next to mine, I reluctantly stopped picking at the paint on my hands.

"Alice," he whispered. "Not everyone that comes into your life will leave you."

"But if he's done it before…"

"Someday you will meet someone who would be willing to follow you anywhere you go, just to avoid having to say good-bye to you. But you will never meet that person until you give fate a chance." Carlisle slid his finger under my chin and lifted my face so that I was looking at him. "Don't be scared."

xXxXxXx

It had taken me an hour and a half to scrub all of the dried paint off of my hands and arms, which left my skin irritated and red. While I slathered Esme's overpriced lotion over my arms, I listened while she gave me advice for my first date with Jasper.

"Just be yourself, honey."

I nodded and kept rubbing.

"Jasper knows you well enough to understand that sometimes you…"

"Zone out," I finished for her.

She smiled and kissed the top of my head. "He likes you for who you are, Alice. Don't worry about pretending to be something you're not."

Esme helped me get ready, which consisted of putting on the few articles of clothing I had that weren't covered in paint splotches, and then drying my hair into something that resembled a bramble bush with pieces sticking out at odd angels. While I was putting on my shoes, the doorbell rang and then Jasper's voice floated up to my bedroom.

"Relax." That was Esme's response to the panicked look that I gave her. Then she squeezed my hand and smiled. "There is nothing wrong with being _you_."

Being me… came with a lot of baggage. I guess that outwardly I was okay looking. I wasn't drop dead gorgeous and I didn't resemble any of the girls that Emmett or Edward dated, but I didn't consider myself appalling either. I was short, didn't have much in the way of cleavage, and had extremely boring features… except for my eyes. I had my mother's eyes and that was something I was proud of. But aside from that, I didn't have much else to offer. When you added the crazy emotional baggage...

"Ready?" A gentle hand moved a piece of hair off of my forehead. I looked up at Esme and tried to return the smile she was giving me.

She gave me another second to take a deep breath, but then Esme pulled me off of the bed and followed me down the stairs. I wanted to throw my shoe at Edward, who was leaning against the back of the living room couch, giving me some sort of sarcastic smirk that always meant he was just holding back a smart ass comment. I immediately looked down at my hands, missing the distraction that the paint provided.

"Hey." The sound of Jasper's voice made me stop on the next to last stair and then turn to look at him. "Ignore whatever sort of remark Edward might come up with. You look really nice, tonight."

I smiled and while Carlisle and Esme laughed.

Edward rolled his eyes. "For your information, I _was_ going to say that you looked nice, Alice."

Taking the last step down, I grabbed my jacket. "You're a horrible liar, Edward."

My pseudo-brother shrugged his shoulders and then turned to Jasper. "You'll take care of her, right? Because Emmett and I-"

Jasper left Edward midsentence and quickly made his way towards me and then helped me with my jacket. Esme smiled while Carlisle just had an immense look of approval on his face. Edward kept his mouth shut and then shook Jasper's hand as we walked to the door.

Once inside Jasper's truck, I tried to remind myself to focus on the conversation that would start between us. I had to remember what Carlisle had taught me, about not letting my eyes wander away from Jasper and to watch his mouth while he spoke. Those techniques were supposed to help—

"Hey, Alice?"

I turned my head in the direction of Jasper's voice. "Sorry, I…was thinking about… nothing."

He smiled even though my explanation was severely lacking. "I'm glad you decided to give me a chance tonight."

The way his lips curled to one side when he smiled was one of the cutest things I'd ever seen. His personality was so contagious, like you couldn't be around him without his excitement and happiness rubbing off on you. And although I liked looking at his mouth, and his eyes, I didn't like how he looked back at me. It made that nervous and excited feeling in my stomach worse.

So I smiled and dropped my head, looking down at my hands and wishing, again, that there was paint for me to pick at. He started the truck and pulled away from the house without saying another word. It wasn't until we were at a stoplight that I dared to look up and see if I had offended him by not talking. But instead of a frown, I saw one of the widest smile's I'd ever seen.

"Jasper," I said quietly.

Without looking at me, he nodded his head. "Yeah?"

"I'm glad you took a chance on me too."

His smile got bigger… and so did mine.

**AN: Kind of short, sorry. Work is making me its bitch.**


	32. Songbird

**I don't own anything.**

"**For you, there'll be no more crying. For you, the sun will be shining. And I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright, I know its right. And the songbirds are singing, like they know the score. And I love you, I love you, I love you like never before." Songbird, Fleetwood Mac**

**Jasper**

"…. And I don't know, sometimes I just see things that I can't explain. It's like my brain can picture it but my mouth can't describe it. I'd been living here for about a month when Esme suggested that I started painting or… drawing. Sometimes I write because I hear words that I can't stop thinking about… Like this morning I couldn't stop thinking about the word _limerence_, and I didn't even know what it meant but then Carlisle said that-"

I smiled at Alice's rambling. "It's the involuntary state of romantic attraction."

She stopped talking and turned around to look at me. "Exactly! And it's almost compulsive and obsessive!" Abandoning her painting, Alice wiped her hands on the front of her shirt and then jumped onto the bed next to me. "How did you know that?"

It was so hard to believe that just a few months ago, Alice had hardly been able to talk to me, let alone be in the same room with me. Watching as she slowly started opening up, not only to me, but to the world around her was really just… incredible.

She still had moments where she would seem to fall away, drifting to a place that none of us could follow, but it happened less and less. Instead of closing herself off, she would start talking; giving way to the random thoughts that would capture her mind. Sometimes it was easy to follow her train of thought and sometimes it wasn't, but I didn't mind if it meant that she felt more comfortable around me.

"I like unusual words," I answered her. "Like the word_ adoxography_, which means excellent writing on a minor subject."

Alice folded her legs underneath her and smiled. "Tell me another one."

"Um…" I tried to thing of another good one. "Kakistocracy, which is something like the exact opposite of aristocracy. That's another one I like."

"And why do you like unusual words, Jasper Whitlock?"

I shrugged one of my shoulders before slowly taking one of her hands in mine. "I like words in general. I like how some of them sound when certain people say them. I like how my handwriting looks when I write different words. They can be a small but contain such a deep meaning, yet still be over looked." I laughed before looking back up at her. "That probably doesn't even make sense."

Alice slowly shook her head. "It makes perfect sense to me."

She looked at me for a second, holding my gaze, but then dropped her eyes to the hand that was still in mine. A pink blush came across her face, accenting the shadows that her long eyelashes created. And just like that, we went from having a completely relaxed conversation, to the small distance between us becoming so charged with nervous energy that I could hardly stand it. It made me want to reach out and touch her, pull her small body closer to mine, but I knew I couldn't do that.

While Alice had jumped leaps and bounds in other areas, she was still taking small steps in the direction of intimate contact. And I was honestly fine with that; she needed to do this at her own pace and I was good at being patient. She was fine with me holding her hand, or even hugging her, but since we'd started dating I'd only kissed her twice. Both of which had been damn near perfect, like my mouth had been specifically designed to fit against hers.

"Jasper."

Her soft whisper made my heart fly into my ribcage because I knew what that voice meant; I knew that it was more of a plea, a question, than just my name. I sat up, making my movements slow and careful, and then gently lifted her chin so that she was looking at me. Like it had when I'd first asked her out, the smile on her face told me everything I needed to know.

"You know," I spoke quietly. "You don't always have to ask for kisses, Alice. You can have them whenever you want."

Her blush got bigger, but so did her smile. "Well, I don't want to seem rude… taking what isn't mine."

I laughed, and so did she, then I leaned forward to gently press my lips against hers. "They're all yours."

xXxXxXx

**A week later**

I knew, just from the look on Alice's face, that something was really wrong with her. She was completely agitated and practically bouncing from the pent up emotions that were trapped in her tiny body.

"Alice, what…"

She shook her head at my question but still didn't speak.

Helplessly, I looked around her bedroom and tried to figure out what I was supposed to do. If she was having some sort of panic attack, I couldn't just sit there and watch as she melted into a hyperventilating puddle. "Maybe I should go get Edward, or Carlisle."

Alice reached out and grabbed my hand before rapidly shaking her head again. "I… just…can't."

I slowly sat down on the edge of her bed and guided her closer to me. When she was standing between my legs; I carefully held the side of her face. "You can't talk?" I quietly asked. Alice nodded her head and then covered my hand with hers. "Are you okay?"

She nodded again, and then took a deep breath. "I… couldn't… I've never…"

My thumbs ran across her cheek bones and I tried to seem reassuring. "You don't have to talk, Alice. Just… we can just sit here and-"

"No," she complained. "No, I… I need… I want to…"

"Okay," I tried again to calm her down. "Just take your time."

Alice sighed before leaning into my body. I wrapped my arms around her and held her against my chest, relaxing when her rapid breathing slowed, and then eventually matched mine. I didn't know how long we sat like that, but when Alice slowly pulled away from me, she looked just as nervous but not as agitated.

"I've never… told anyone this."

"Okay." I nodded. "You can tell me."

I prepared myself to hear something horrible from her past, but when her small hands cupped the side of my face, I realized that this wasn't something horrible… it was… indescribable. Her wide eyes bore down into mine as her fingers ran across the slight stubble that covered my cheeks.

"Jasper," she slowly whispered. I smiled when her voice didn't resemble any of the panic or nervousness from before. "I… love you."

Reaching up, I pulled her hands away from my face, only so I could kiss each one of her dried paint covered knuckles. When I was finished, I looked back up and her and told her the one thing I'd wanted to say for the past three months. "I love you too."

Without asking, and without hesitation, Alice wrapped her arms around my neck and took every kiss that she wanted.

xXxXxXx

**May**

How could I be so completely stupid? I shook my head when Edward's question mirrored my own and tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do. "Alice has come a long way… maybe she won't…"

"Freak out?" Edward finished for me. "You're leaving, and haven't told her, I doubt she is going to handle this well at all."

"I am not!" I yelled at him. "Going home to see my best friend graduate high school and then staying a few weeks after does not constitute me leaving!"

"To me, it doesn't, or to you or anyone else…_but_ Alice, it does. You know she hears the words 'leaving' or 'going' and then everything in her mind just shuts down! And then you add the fact that you didn't even tell her, although you're leaving in a week, will just make it worse."

I slumped down in the chair and rubbed my forehead. "Alice knows I wouldn't do that to her. She'll understand."

Edward shook his head, and even in my mind, I knew I was wrong. I should have been more careful about this, about not springing it on her. But, I never wanted to think of Alice as "different" than anyone else, although in reality, she was. Her emotions, her thought process, were nothing like mine or anyone else I knew. She would hear me say, "I'm going back home," and automatically believe that I wasn't ever coming back.

"What are you going to do?"

I looked up at Edward and knew that I didn't have a choice. "I'm going to tell her I'm going home to see my family and hope like hell that she believes that I'm coming back."


	33. Love is a Battlefield

**I've been having major creativity issues. Hoping this kind of kick starts it. Not mine.**

**BPOV**

"Welcome to Xtreme Fitness!"

At the sight of the perky little attendant, with her super bright white teeth and perfect blonde ponytail, I wanted to turn around walk out. But with Rosalie and Alice right on my tail, I didn't have a choice but to continue my way up to the front counter.

"I'm Kimber! How can I help you today?

Rosalie slid her sunglasses on top of her head before answering. "We were wanting to join your dancing aerobics class."

"The nine forty-five?" Kimber asked. When Rosalie nodded, she shoved three clipboards towards us. "Awesome, guys! You'll love that class! Nahuel is absolutely amazing!"

Her enthusiasm was a little bit of an overkill, but I took the pen she was offering and started filling out the form in front of me. Name, phone number, date of birth… those were all questions I didn't mind answering. When I got to the section that asked about my "physical appearance and desires" I had an urge to write "none of your damn business" and be done with it.

"Any other classes you guys are looking for? We have some weight lifting classes you might be interested in. Yoga, Pilates, even a really great spinning class."

"Sign me up for whatever will help me get rid of this baby weight the fastest," Rosalie complained. "I've got six months to be back to my pre-baby weight."

"Awesome goal!" Kimber nodded enthusiastically before looking to Alice. "And you?"

Always willing to force me into spotlight, Alice linked her arm through mine and smiled. "Bella's getting married in six months. We all want to drop a few pounds before the wedding."

"Awesome!" Kimber practically squealed. "Can I see your ring?"

While trying to ignore the fact that she had used the word awesome at least five times since we walked in the door, I shrugged my shoulders. "Sorry, I didn't wear it."

"You're not wearing your ring?" Rosalie asked, looking shocked.

"Who wears jewelry to the gym?" I asked instead of answering. In response, Alice, Rosalie and Kimber held up their left hands. I forced a smile on my face and scribbled my signature to the bottom of the form.

xXxXxXx

There were several times in my life that I'd felt out of place, but never had I found it so amusing. I mean sure, I was a tad bit jealous of all the cute exercise outfits that every other woman in the room was wearing. Even if I was envious of the spandex friendly bodies, the way they fawned over our instructor was hilarious. A woman in the front kept pulling her tank top lower, showing more of her cleavage, while another kept asking for help with moves that she just couldn't master. I stood in the back row with Rosalie and Alice, wearing men's basketball shorts and a t-shirt, enjoying the entertainment.

"Did you see his stomach?" Alice whispered while thrusting her hips along with the music. "I wonder if he gives private lessons."

"Alice!" I laughed. "You're married!"

She nodded her head and did some sort of kick-step motion that I wouldn't even attempt. "And after getting all hot and sweaty with Nahuel, Jasper can reap the benefits!"

The three of us continued to thrust and pivot; well, Alice and Rosalie did. I just sort of moved around in a circle while trying to keep up with the beat of the music, until Nahuel told us that it was time for a cool down. Sighing, I planted my hands on my hips and tried to catch my breath. When a strangely familiar song came on, I looked over at Rosalie and shook my head.

She smiled and leaned forward, placing her hands flat on the concrete floor while Edward's music and voice filtered in from the overhead speakers.

"I love this song," a woman a few rows up quietly told her friend.

The other woman nodded and mockingly fanned her face. "Edward Cullen. His voice is pure sex."

Alice snorted, loudly, and I just continued my "relaxed breathing".

xXxXxXx

Even if I thought that aerobics was not something I would enjoy, I had to admit that it gave me a sort of second wind. I had figured that after working out, I would come home and pass out from exhaustion, instead I'd come home completely energized.

With Edward gone, I put my girlie-rock playlist on and started cleaning the living room and kitchen. With Pat Benatar singing about broken hearts and love being a battlefield, I twirled around the island in the middle of our kitchen, whipping my cleaning rag back and forth.

"Searching our hearts for so long," I wailed. "Both of us knowing, love is a battlefield!"

Being a child of the eighties I could perfectly remember the music video that had accompanied the song, and once the chorus started, I started swaying my hips and rocking my shoulders back and forth. All I really needed was some fishnet tights and then I could- -The sound of someone clapping made me scream from surprise. Spinning around I saw Edward leaning against the kitchen entryway, smiling.

"Oh please," He laughed. "Don't let me stop you. I was enjoying the show."

I threw the cleaning rag at him before shaking my head. "You could have at least told me you were home!" I yelled over the music.

"And missed this performance?" Edward asked. "What was that little dance move you did there?"

When he started imitating the shoulder movements I had been doing, I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous he looked. "We are strong!" He started singing before grabbing my hand and pulling me towards him.

Dancing through the chorus again, I grabbed his hips and sang back. "But if we get much closer I could lose control," I sang slowly. "And if your heart surrenders, you'll need me to hold."

Edward's lips turned up into a sly smiled before he leaned forward and kissed me. Still holding onto his hips, I kissed him back, pulling at the denim that was in my way. It was a sweet moment, one that could have possibly been perfect. That was until a loud voice started screaming from the speakers.

"Oh my," Edward let go of me and shook his head. "I'm not sure I can marry someone who has the Spice Girls on their playlist. Seriously, I'm beginning to doubt your musical taste."

"This coming from the man that has Michael Bolton's greatest hits on repeat."

Edward's face flushed and the tips of his ears turned a pretty pink color. I smiled and picked up my cleaning rag. "I'm going to finish cleaning."

He nodded and cleared his throat. "I'm going to go find my balls… that I've misplaced somewhere."

I laughed before turning my music up even louder.

**AN: What is a song you always dance around to?**


	34. Draw Your Swords

**Not mine.**

**"Cause you are the only one. You are mine and I am yours, let's not fuck around." Draw Your Swords, Angus & Julia Stone**

Sitting in the back of the ordinary town car that had picked me up from the airport, I couldn't get a handle on the bubbling excitement and anticipation that was making me jittery. I kept clasping my hands together, playing with my wedding ring, and checking my phone for new messages. Nothing worked as a distraction.

"There seems to be a little traffic, Mrs. Cullen."

I sighed before nodding my head. "It's fine." According to the clock above the radio, we still had four hours before Edward's show. That would give us plenty of time… or at least I hoped it would. It had to because the chances of me spontaneously combusting if I didn't get to feel every single inch of my naked husband pressed up against my body were running pretty high.

I leaned my forehead against the window of the car and watched as we inched forward. It had been a long, _long_, three weeks. Taking a five year old on a European tour wasn't feasible but neither was going that length of time without touching, seeing or being with your soul mate. So while Edward had traveled across the globe, I had stayed behind in Seattle and counted down the days until he got back. When they decided to add a show in Vancouver to make up for one that he'd had to miss, I decided to ask the grandparents to babysit and booked the first flight out of Seattle. Of course my plans didn't go as I had hoped and my flight was delayed nearly three hours, thanks to a storm that had settled over the North-West coast. But it didn't matter; none of it did. Because I was now less than twenty miles away from my husband and one way or another, before he went on stage tonight, I was going to get that man naked.

xXxXxXx

Before I had had a chance to even open my mouth and tell Edward hello he was pushing me towards the bed and had his fingers tangled in the back of my hair. My hands clawed at the front of his shirt, trying desperately to remove the fabric that stood in the way of me _really_ touching him, and ended up tearing a hole in neck. It was kind of a shame really, considering how fucking hot it looked on him, but naked was always a better choice.

When the back of my thighs hit the mattress, I fell backwards and Edward came down with me. As I wrapped my legs around his hips, pulling him towards me, I also yanked the now ruined t-shirt over his shoulders.

Once the fabric was over his head and thrown onto the floor, Edward leaned his forehead against mine and took a deep breath. "Bella…" His eyes opened, nearly stunning me with a feral look of intensity. Without looking away, his hand traveled down my side, over my hip, and onto my leg. Edward stopped when his hand was wrapped around the back of my thigh, and pulled my leg up higher on his hip.

Even though we both were wearing jeans, the heavy denim fabric hid little from the imagination. There was no point in trying to muffle the moan of want and desire that ripped through my chest, and they continued getting louder each time Edward rolled his hips against mine. But as good as it felt to have him like this, to be this close to him, I wanted more than fifteen minutes of dry humping.

"Edward," I panted against his neck. He didn't stop, only pulled my leg higher up, so I leaned my head back and slid my hands between us. My fingers trailed down his chest and stomach, and once they reached the waist of his jeans, made quick work of the button fly. That made him stop, and through lust laden eyes, Edward looked down at me.

I smiled when he sat up on his knees and began to unbutton my own jeans. I helped by lifting my hips and willingly watched as he pulled the fabric away from my legs. With his fingers hooked in the waistband of my panties, I lifted my legs and pushed his jeans and boxers further down on his hips using my toes and feet.

"You and your freakishly long toes," Edward muttered.

With me naked from the waist down, and Edward nearly completely naked, he leaned back into me. The weight of him settled against my pelvis was one of the best things I'd felt in a while… like three weeks.

"I've missed you so much," I whispered while welcoming his lips back to mine. "Three weeks was way too long."

He nodded in agreement while sucking my bottom lip into his mouth and pushing the rest of his clothes off of his legs. They were nearly completely off of his ass when my cell phone started ringing. We both froze, knowing that the beeping was the ringtone assigned to his parents.

"It could be nothing," I said quietly. "I talked to your mom in the car and she said Abbey was taking a nap."

"Yeah." Edward nodded but I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. "But if you just talked to her then why is she calling again?"

Our parental instincts overruled our hormones and Edward moved off of me so I could get my phone out of my jean pocket. Leaning over the bed, I answered it. "Hello?"

"Mommy?"

I closed my eyes at Abbey's sad little whimper and sat back up. "Hi, baby."

In two point three seconds, all I could hear on the other end of the phone was my daughter crying and telling me how much she wanted us to come home. We knew it wasn't going to be easy, leaving Abbey with Esme and Carlisle, but I had at least thought she would make it through the first night.

My consoling and promising that we would be back in two days did very little to help calm her down, and I ended up giving the phone to Edward. For the next forty-five minutes, I sat and watched as my husband convinced our five year old daughter that this wasn't the end of the world. After a promise of an ice cream treat when we did get back to Seattle, Edward hung up the phone and gave me a sad smile.

"It's five-thirty," he said quietly.

I nodded and kissed the side of his shoulder. "We have to be ready to go in fifteen minutes."

We sat there, looking at each other and wishing that we could have just another ten minutes to ourselves, all the while knowing that we didn't really have an option. With my flight delay and the two hours it took to get through traffic, we had been left with a very small window. After helping Abbey deal with her homesickness, we had fifteen minutes left.

"It will never be three weeks," Edward whispered as he kissed my bottom lip, "ever, ever again."

I gently held the sides of his face and smiled. "Seven day maximum."

He gave me another kiss before getting off of the bed and fixing his jeans, and I sadly watched his naked back disappear into the bathroom. Maybe our time here had been cut short because of things we couldn't control, but backstage would be a whole lot of hurry up and wait. And it wasn't like Edward and I hadn't ever snuck off before a show and worked off a few preshow jitters. I smiled, feeling more hopeful, and went to go brush the tangles out of my hair that Edward had created.

xXxXxXx

It never failed to make me weak in the knees when I watched Edward perform. I figured that eventually I might become immune to the pure sex that seemed to drip from every word he sang or chord he played, but even after all these years he still got to me. Although, the fact that we still hadn't had any sort of sexual release since I'd flown in probably magnified the whole thing.

Standing on the edge of the stage, I swayed my hips along with the slow beat of the music, and watched him play. My stomach tightened in a feeling that mixed arousal, anticipation, and possessiveness while I took in every inch of him with my eyes.

I watched, knowing that any of the women in the audience would give whatever it took to be with Edward, and loving the fact that he was mine. Other women would fantasize about hearing his voice whisper sensual words and lyrics into their ears. They would imagine what it would be like to have his very talented hands move over their bodies, playing them like an instrument that he was so very capable of drawing music out of. Other women would fantasize and imagine, but I didn't have to. I knew what it felt like to have him wake me up in the middle of the night just because he needed to tell me he loved me. I had seen him smile as he watched me coming down from an orgasm that made me feel like my entire body was singing just for him. Edward Cullen might have been the sexual fantasy of millions of women around the world, maybe even some men, but I had more than a fantasy. I had him.

It was those thoughts that kept me sane the rest of the night. I smiled and shook hands with the countless number of people I didn't really give a damn about meeting, all the while holding on to Edward's arm and knowing that as soon as we were able to make an escape, he would be all mine. We would have all night, all day tomorrow, and every other day from here on out.

Edward must have been thinking something similar because every time he touched me, or looked at me, I could practically feel the possessiveness radiating off of him. His eyes watched me, his hands never let go of me, and we both couldn't wait to get back to the hotel.

While I stood there listening to some woman from one of the radio stations blather on and on about something, I tried not to scream from the built up sexual tension that was soaking into my skin and making me burn. When Edward, oh so casually, let his fingers run over the back of my shoulder and then my elbow, and onto my lower back, I nearly screamed. When his fingers curled around the side of my hip and pulled me towards him, I couldn't handle it anymore.

Leaning into him, I turned my head to kiss his neck and whispered, "You have got to get me out of here."

I felt him smile against my forehead and less than fifteen minutes later, we were in the back of a SUV, headed towards the hotel.

xXxXxXx

"Give me your phone."

Without asking why, I gave Edward my cell phone and watched as he turned it off. Along with his, he tossed them onto the couch and then locked the door. I smiled when he went around the suite unplugging all of the phones and didn't hesitate when he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him.

"No distractions," he said through the small kisses he was leaving on my neck. "Just you" _kiss _"and me" _kiss_ "no clothes" _another kiss_ "no interruptions." He stopped kissing and looked up at me. With careful fingers, Edward unbuttoned my shirt. I smiled when he pushed it off of my shoulders and down my arms. He leaned forward and gave me another slow kiss before whispering, "And no stopping."

We both tried to take our time, wanting to make this something sweet and sultry instead of hurried and scandalous, but it was too much of a frenzy to do anything but go with what felt right. We'd moved from the sitting area into the bedroom, only to end up on the floor. I didn't care where we were or how hurried it all was. All I cared about was Edward being as physically close to me as possible.

My fingers held onto his shoulders while his lips kissed across my neck and shoulders. When his mouth moved down, kissing as he went, they moved to his hair. His hands held my hips in place, keeping me from squirming away from the ecstasy that he brought me to, and then helped me off of the floor when I was sure that I would be able to function again.

I sat on the bed and moved backwards while Edward crawled over me. When my back hit the pillows, I let my hands slide over his ribs and sides, until they rested on his hips. The force of his kiss pushed my head back against the pillow and his pelvis against mine anchored me to the bed.

"You're the only thing I want." His sweet words fell against my mouth in a delicate whisper. "Forever, Bella. You're all I'll ever want."

Pulling his hips against mine, I leaned up and kissed him as our bodies finally intertwined in every way possible. My legs wrapped around his hips, moving with the motion that he was setting, and keeping him from pulling too far away from me. It was romantic and slow at first, both of us reconnecting with each other, until we couldn't help but need more.

He leaned his head away from me, hissing with the pain that came from nails digging into his back, but not wanting me to stop. With my chest heaving and my hips straining to create more friction, Edward pushed his upper body off of me and reached forward to balance himself on the headboard.

I ran my hands up and down his chest, letting my nails slowly scratch over his taunt skin and muscles. When they ran over his naked chest and nipples, his hips wildly thrust into mine, making both of us moan so loud that it drowned the other one out.

After unwrapping my legs from around his, I pulled them higher and wider, using my thighs to hold on to his hips. His head fell forward and I tried to memorize every inch of his face that was strained with pleasure and pain.

"Jesus Christ, Bella."

Leaning up on my elbows, I gently kissed his chin and then his lips. "Don't hold back," I whispered. "Please."

To my surprise, he didn't. Edward leaned forward, pressing his lips harder against mine. With one hand still firmly planted on the headboard, he used the other to grab the back of my thigh. Holding me in place, his hips rolled out a steady rhythm of forceful thrusts. Each one seemed to hit me harder, deeper. My head fell backwards as I lost myself in the feelings taking over my body but my hands stayed on Edward's arms, holding on to the only man that had ever truly owned my heart.

On the verge of completely coming undone, I bit my lip and turned my head into the pillows, trying to hold on to the feeling as long as I could. Every muscle in my body tightened. Every nerve ending started fraying. But it was Edward's voice that got my attention.

"Look at me," he commanded.

I did what he asked as I fell over the edge into the bright white ecstasy that took over every part of my body, except my eyes that stayed focused on the man above me. Leaning his forehead against mine, he never broke the connection between us. His breath fell against mine, hard and heavy, while his grip tightened around the back of my thigh.

All I could do was hold on tighter to him, to this moment, and hope that I wouldn't ever forget what it felt like to be this completely consumed by him.

**AN: I thought we could all use a little smut tonight.**


	35. You Were Always the One

**I don't own anything but these characters are mine.**

"**Now mistakes, it's true, I've made more than a few and I'm going to make many others. And it's hard to see why we go through this sometimes, all the things that we do to each other. And I don't understand why I played these games and I traded the truth for lies because you were always the one I was looking for babe, it just took time to realize." You Were Always the One, Patrick Park**

_The first time he saw her._

**EPOV**

"Don't be a dick, Edward. I'm just saying that it would be nice if you at least talked to her."

Taking a drink, I ignored Alice's insult. Technically, I hadn't done anything to be labeled a dick, at least not yet, but with her insistent comments about me meeting Betty, Beth… whatever Jasper's friend's name was, I was starting to get really annoyed. Our weekly lunches had become more of a lets-set-Edward-up-with-whoever-is-available meeting. And to make matters worse, Alice had also enlisted Emmett in the whole thing. The two of them were relentless.

Since Alice and Jasper had become all head-over-heels in love, my pseudo-sister had done nothing but try to attach me to any female that she deemed acceptable. Some of them had been okay but the majority were not my type. Alice didn't seem to understand that I liked being unattached and I saw past her whole "there is nothing wrong with having more friends" line. Friends, at least those sorts of friends, made my life more complicated regardless of what my mother and Alice thought. I didn't need a girlfriend or girls that were friends. It was as simple as that.

"You know she's like Jasper's sister," she continued. "Bella just moved to Seattle and we should _all_ try to include her in things."

"She's a cool chick," Emmett muttered around the food in his mouth. Alice gave him a disgusted look and he swallowed what was left in his mouth. Before taking another bite, he pointed his fork at me. "Don't be an asshole tonight."

I leaned back in my chair after dropping my napkin on top of the table. "What have I done to make either of you think I would be a dick?" I looked from Alice to Emmett. "Or an asshole? All I have said was that I didn't want to be set up with… whatever her name is."

"Bella." They both corrected me.

While my brother and Alice continued to list off reasons of why I should give this Bella girl a chance, I tuned them out and looked around the restaurant's Halloween decorations. I definitely wasn't interested.

xXxXxXx

"Edward!"

Turning around at the sound of Alice's voice, I expected to see her and Jasper coming towards me. What I was not expecting was someone that I didn't know, colliding with my chest and nearly knocking me backwards.

While I tried to straighten myself, and keep the girl who had ran into me from falling over, all I could see was a pair of hideous wings that were covered in glitter and sequins. She started mumbling an apology and then shoved her gigantic fairy wand in my face. With another apology, she swung her hand away from me and ended up hitting the guy standing next to her. With that, she turned around and her wings practically slapped me in the face. When she turned back around, I was on the verge of laughing at the ridiculousness of her costume and ripping the damn wings off of her back.

"Oh, God!" She drawled, making God sound like _GAWD_. "I am so sorry!"

Straightening my hat, I realized who she was. "You must be Bella."

She turned a hilarious shade of red before asking, "How'd you know?"

"The accent," I picked her now ruined fairy wand up off the floor. "Jasper is the only other country bumpkin drawing out his vowels around here. The two of you have to be from the same place."

Bella tried to take her wand back, but I held it away from her, holding it high over her head. "I'm not sure I should give this back to you. In just a few seconds you nearly gouged my eye out and gave that guy a black eye. Kind of dangerous, don't you think?"

Her eyes narrowed before her hands landed on her hips. "You're Edward Cullen?" When I nodded, Bella jumped in an attempt to reach her wand. Feeling pity, I lowered my arm and let her yank the piece of plastic out of my hand. She blew a piece of hair off of her forehead before saying, "You're brother was right. You _are_ an asshole."

xXxXxXx

_Sixteen years later_

"Are you nervous?"

I shook my head at Emmett's question, not really knowing if what I felt in my stomach was nervousness or excitement. It was probably a mixture of both.

Emmett went back to getting my nephew dressed, and my father gently laid a hand on my shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "You'll do fine, Edward. You and Bella, you're both going to be very happy."

Moving my eyes off the reflection in the mirror, I looked at my dad. "You think?"

"No, I don't think." He moved his arm so that it was around both of my shoulders, holding me against his side. "I know."

The door to our room opened and Alice stuck her head inside, smiling from ear to ear. "She's ready, Edward. It's time."

Being traditional, Bella had insisted on me not seeing her until the actual ceremony. I thought it was a little old fashioned but my opinions on the matter hadn't done anything to change her mind. It wasn't until our photographer had given her the idea of him "privately" taking pictures of the two us beforehand that she'd relented and given in. As I walked down the long hallway into the sanctuary, I was immensely grateful that she had. The idea of having to wait another two hours to see her, to touch her, seemed impossible.

Doing as I was told, I quietly walked into the flower filled sanctuary and made my way to stand directly between the two rows of pews. After a quick check to make sure that my tie was straight I took a deep breath, turned to face the altar, closed my eyes, and waited.

What seemed like hours later, I heard the doors behind me open and then heard Bella's hesitant footsteps move towards me. I smiled, waiting until she told me to turn around.

A moment later we were thrown into an excitement charged silence when Bella gently laid a hand against my back.

"Turn around."

Keeping my eyes closed, I turned around. She left her hand touching me, allowing it to run over my shoulder and then settle against my chest once I faced her.

She laughed quietly, pushing against me. "Open your eyes, Edward."

I did what she asked and slowly focused on the woman standing in front of me. In the back of my mind, I saw so many different versions of Bella. I could see her dressed in that stupid fairy costume, and could see her singing along with me from her seat out in the small audience at the first big gig I'd ever played. Vividly, I could remember how calming it was to see her walk through that hotel room door after Jane had left and how her presence had reassured me that everything would be okay. The way she had looked, the night she'd shown up in Florida when I'd realize how much I'd loved her, played like a movie reel in my mind. It was only overshadowed by the image I remember of Bella standing in Alice and Jasper's hotel room the night she had come back to me, the night of the Grammys. But today, seeing her like this, made all of those other memories dim in comparison.

As she stood there, timidly smiling up at me, I carefully touched the side of her face. Bella leaned into my hand, closing her eyes once my skin touched hers. I leaned in, and once my lips met hers, it was hard to believe that there was ever a time in my life when this, us, didn't make sense. How had I ever looked at Bella and not realized that she was meant to be mine? How had I ever been able to lie and tell her that she meant nothing to me? When, for as long as I could remember, she was actually everything. I'd loved Bella since Alice had shoved her in my direction and hadn't ever stopped.

With my forehead against hers, I opened my eyes to see Bella's still shut. I smiled and watched as her chest rose and fell, too quickly for what was normal, and then I realized that she was just as nervous as I was. We'd been building up to this moment for sixteen years, and now, finally, we were here, exactly where we were always meant to be. Together.

"Hey," I whispered. Bella's eyes slowly opened and looked up at me and I leaned back into her, kissing her again before whispering, "I love you."

She smiled against my lips and responded with the three words that had completely changed my life for the better.

"I love you."

**AN: Hope you liked it!**


	36. 21

**I don't own Twilight. **

**You all know Adele is my Bella, right? Well, thanks to a very good friend, I was able to hear her new CD about a month before it came out. The first time I heard it, I was literally thinking **_**oh my gosh! This is a Groupie soundtrack!**_** So ever since that night I heard it, I have been planning this chapter. Adele, is my Bella personified. Her looks, her voice… pretty much everything but the fact that Bella isn't British. So here you go, a chapter based off Adele's album 21.**

**EPOV:**

"Bella left this for you." Turning to look at Jasper, I saw him taking a plain CD case away from Tripp's drooling mouth. The baby was settled against his father's chest, held there by some baby backpack looking thing. He immediately started whining when the case was taken away from him. Jasper wiped the slobber off on his jeans, sat the case on Bella's desk, and then gave his son a set of plastic car keys as a way to pacify him. "Sorry, he's teething."

I laughed before looking back at the computer. "What did she leave?"

"Something she recorded this morning, I think."

Bella and Jasper had spent the last six months working on several new songs, all of which were being written for some up and coming artist. Bella was being a perfectionist because each and every song was one she'd written by herself. Jasper had helped compose some of the music and the two of them had spent the last two days recording a demo of the songs to send to the artist, hoping she'd want at least half of them on her next album. They'd been holed into the studio attached to our office, making each and every aspect of their songs as perfect as they could be. Hell, Bella would probably still be in there if it wasn't for the fact that Rosalie had threatened actual violence if she didn't help her get everything ready for Emmett's birthday party.

"I still wish I could have talked her into recording it herself."

I turned back around at Jasper's comment. Before continuing, he tapped his fingers against the plastic casing that covered the CD.

"This is probably the best thing she's ever written and… the fact that it's her singing…" He sighed and then looked at me. "These songs won't be near as good with someone else's voice singing her words."

I hadn't heard, or read, any of the lyrics Bella had written because she'd been keeping all of this very close to the vest. Now, with what Jasper was telling me, I was even more curious about what was on that CD.

He gave me another smile before pushing the CD case further back on the desk. "Doesn't matter though, right? We both know there is no chance of getting her to do an album."

I nodded, sadly. "She won't do it."

No matter what any of us told her, Bella was not interested in becoming anything but the songwriter that she was. Now that she'd found out that we were going to have a baby… it wasn't ever going to happen. Bella was happy with the decisions she'd made, and even if I knew that she could have an outstanding career as a musician, I whole heartedly supported her decision.

"Well," Jasper gently mussed the top of Tripp's head. "We've got to get going. I promised Alice I would get him down for a nap and I'm already an hour off schedule."

They left and I immediately went to get the CD Bella had left for me. There were two cases sitting on top of a folder, I took the one closest to the edge, and carefully slid it into the player. As the music started playing, I sank down onto the leather couch and listened as Bella's voice sang through the speakers.

xXxXxXx

"**I heard his voice today; I didn't know a single word he said. Not one resemblance to the man I met, just a vague and broken boy instead, But I won't go. I can't do it on my own. If this ain't love, then what is? I'm willing to take the risk,"- He Won't Go**

Hearing her voice, singing about that night, I could close my eyes and remember it like it had happened yesterday. I couldn't recall what had happened, leading up to Jane leaving, but I just remembered how devastating it was to realize that past two years had meant nothing to her. But more than that, I was completely disgusted with the fact that I'd wasted… so much. I'd abandoned my family, my friends, my life…

When Bella had opened that door, I remembered looking up and seeing how absolutely beautiful she was. Despite the fear that made her eyes wide and scared, she looked… perfect. She'd leaned down in front of me, taking the damn gun that I'd thought might be able to fix everything, and carrying it into the bathroom. Then she joined me on the floor and sat in silence until I was ready to tell her what had happened.

It was humiliating, telling her everything that had happened, everything I'd done, but at the same time it was a huge relief to look at her and know that she didn't hate me because of it. The compassion and worry that settled into the deep wrinkle between her eyebrows never left. Bella, who I had pretty much turned my back on, ignored, and been horridly rude to, sat in that shitty ass motel and reassured me that everything would be okay, that I would be okay. The funny thing was that a small part of me believed her.

When I'd fallen asleep at her apartment, holding on to her hand, I had thought that hardest part was over. I never expected her to call Jasper, who in turn told Alice. Alice called my parents, they called Emmett, and when I woke up later that afternoon, all of them were sitting in Bella's living room. Waiting.

It hurt to see how much I had hurt each and every one of them. My father, who had always supported me in every aspect of my life, bought me my first guitar and given me my first lesson, told me how hard it was to see me on such a self-destructive path. He'd wanted so much for me, for my life. He knew that I had the potential to achieve everything I'd ever dreamed of and I'd nearly wasted all of it on what? Nights of drug induced haze? A relationship that turned me into an absolute monster? But those were my questions, not his. All that my father said was that he loved me, he wanted me to be okay. He wanted me to be happy again.

And then there was my mother, who sat between my brother and dad, crying. She didn't say anything but the tears that slid down her face said everything she couldn't. Her eyes bore into mine, silently asking me how I could do this to myself. How could I make the same mistakes? Follow the same path? How could I not learn from what she'd told me? But behind those questions, I also saw her undying and unconditional love. She understood. She knew. No one else in the room knew how easy it was to get lost, to stay lost. Just like no one else knew how hard it was to admit that it was time to change. To admit that you had a problem. An addiction.

Emmett, my big brother, begged me to change. Alice told me I couldn't leave her. Jasper promised to help in whatever way he could. All of their love, their support, slowly put my broken soul back together. But it was the person sitting by herself and not saying anything that made me realize I didn't have a choice. I had to change. Not just for me, and not for my family, but for her.

When everyone else had stopped talking, Bella looked up and me and in a hoarse whisper said the one thing that I needed to hear.

"I believe in you Edward, and I know that you deserve better than this."

xXxXxXx

"**I wish I could lie down beside you when the day is done and wake up to your face against the morning sun. But like everything I've ever known you'll disappear one day. So I'll spend my whole life hiding my heart away."- Hiding My Heart Away**

I should have known from the look on Bella's face that something had changed. She had changed. Sitting on that crappy lawn chair by the motel pool, staring at me, she'd fallen in love. She'd looked past the mistakes, past the regrets, and had handed over her heart.

Obviously, it is easy to look back and see that she'd gone from loving me as a friend to being _in_ love with me. That night, after our talk beside the swimming pool and after everyone else had gone to bed, I'd watched as Bella tossed and turned on the only bed that she'd shared with Alice. From my spot on the floor I couldn't see her face but the sighs that broke through the sound of the air conditioner had told me that she was frustrated.

I'd been on the verge of asking what was wrong but then Bella had flipped over onto her side, facing me, and our eyes had met. Even in the dark, it had been easy to see the blush that covered her cheeks. I smiled, hoping that it would help, but it didn't. Bella had just looked at me for another second and then turned over onto her other side, leaving her back facing me.

I remember it had bugged me all night. I didn't understand why she'd just turned away without even returning my smile and it had annoyed me to the point that I didn't sleep, at all. The next morning I had gently grabbed Bella's arm while everyone else was heading across the street to eat breakfast. She'd stopped and then taken a deep breath before looking back at me.

I'd asked her if she was all right and after a second of hesitation she'd nodded her head.

"You're sure?" I had asked again, hoping that she was telling me the truth.

Bella had given me a reassuring smile and then another nod before saying, "It's nothing you need to worry about. I'll be fine."

At the time, I had no idea that her comment had meant anything more than the simple fact that she was fine. Looking back, I knew that she'd meant so much more. She'd been telling me that while her heart was in love me; her brain wouldn't let her be okay with it. And on that day Bella had made the decision to put her heart's needs to the side and focus on being the friend that I'd needed. I was too blind and oblivious to realize that what I'd really needed, wanted, was her.

xXxXxXx

"**I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before. Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all. You'll never know if you never try to forgive your past and simply be mine. I dare you to let me be your one and only. I promise I'm worth it, to hold in your arms, so come on and give me a chance to prove I am the one who can walk that mile until the end starts." – One and Only**

Wilmington Beach, North Carolina. That's where I was the first time I ever thought about kissing Bella. We'd been sitting on a lonely stretch of beach, watching the boats on the water in front of us, and the way their lights flickered across the dark water. It was one of the few nights that Bella and I had actually been alone during that summer we'd toured around the country in my mom's suburban. Normally Jasper, Alice and my brother had surrounded us. But for whatever reason, the two of us had wandered off on our own that night.

It was while we were sitting there that Bella broached the topic of me dating someone, eventually. I'd laughed, knowing damn well that I was nowhere near ready for that, but Bella had just given me a quick glance before continuing on.

"You don't think you'll miss it?" She'd asked me. When I asked her what she meant, Bella had continued. "Miss… everything. The small things, like holding hands and calling each other at night to find out how your day was."

I remembered thinking that sounded a lot like our friendship, but then she went on.

"And even the big things like first dates and falling asleep together." Bella had then turned and looked at me. "First kisses… first… everything."

It was then, in that exact moment, that I remembered wondering what her lips would feel like against mine. I wondered what Bella would do if I held the side of her face while kissing her. But then she had looked back at the water in front of us and shook her head.

"I freaking _hate_ her. You know that, don't you?" She'd asked me. I didn't answer, didn't have to. Bella just continued as if I had. "She's… It's like she tried to ruin you for anyone else and you're just…letting her win!" Bella had taken the rock she'd playing with and chunked it out into the water. "You think that because of what happened, because of what you did, that you're not good enough for anyone. That you'll never be good enough… and it is completely… infuriating!"

I'd watched as she pushed herself off of the sand and started marching back towards the hotel. As quickly as I could, I'd grabbed our shoes and gone after her. Once I'd closed the space between us, I said the only thing that I could.

"You're right, okay?" When Bella stopped and turned around to face me, I tried to explain. "I want to be happy again. I want to make someone else happy. But I can't, not yet."

"Why?" She asked me. "Why can't you?"

Not really knowing what to say, I'd shrugged my shoulders. "I just can't let go."

"Of her?"

I'd shaken my head at Bella's question. "Of my past."

I wished that there was a better way for me to help her see what I'd meant, but at the time I didn't really understand it myself. But, Bella always knew. She always understood.

So she'd stood there and watched as I tried to tell her, to make her see what I was trying to say, and then she covered my mouth with her hand and told me to stop talking. I did. I wasn't ready to give an explanation and Bella wasn't ready to hear one. So we both had agreed to let it go.

On our way back to the hotel, I'd stopped at one of the claw machines on the boardwalk and tried to win a rabbit's foot keychain. Instead, I ended up with a green plastic egg. When I cracked it open and saw the ring inside, I immediately gave it to Bella. She'd taken it and slid it on her finger, smiling like I had just given her one of the greatest gifts known to mankind.

"Someday I'll replace it with a real one," I'd dropped another quarter in the slot and aimed for the key chain again. "You know, when I'm all famous and shit."

I'd kept good on my promise, hadn't I? Here we were, all these years later, and even if Bella still had the plastic ring from that night, she also had one a little more meaningful. It sparkled and shined and looked absolutely perfect sitting on her left hand ring finger. It told the world that she was mine and reminded me that Bella had been right. My past meant nothing compared to the prospect of what our future together held.

xXxXxXx

"**I set fire to the rain****, w****atched it pour as I touch your face****. ****Well, it burned while I cried****'cause I heard it screaming out your name. I set fire to the rain****and I threw us into the flames****. ****When we fell, something died****  
****'cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time" ****– Set Fire to the Rain**

Never, in my entire life, had words hurt as much as they did while listening to Bella sing about that night. Our first time, which was not at all something I was proud of, was… so complicated. Sure. Bella had made the first move by kissing me, but I had been the one to suggest being friends with benefits.

I could have tried to blame my stupidity on the alcohol that had severely damaged our inhibitions, but in all honesty, it wasn't that. It was like the second that Bella had leaned across the bed and her lips touched mine… something changed. We changed. The dynamics of our friendship were forever altered and it scared the shit out of me. But at the point in time I had no idea how to deal with any of it, other than throwing myself head first into the only thing that felt… right. Bella felt right. It felt right to kiss her, to hold her, and for so long nothing had felt that way.

After Jane, I'd never let myself feel anything for anyone. I'd had random one night stands, had tried dating a couple of times, but for the most part… I just couldn't do it. Not only had I been completely busy with my music, but I just couldn't do it. I didn't want a relationship and I thought I didn't need one. It wasn't until Bella kissed me that I realized I did. I wanted all of it, just without the chance of getting hurt again. So I'd made a complete ass of myself and treated our first time like it was just another night with just another girl. But Bella wasn't ever _just_ another girl and as much as I'd tried to ignore the feelings that had started flickering in back of my mind, I couldn't. And that was not something I knew how to deal with or that I _wanted_ to deal with. Ignoring my feelings, ignoring my mind telling me that I shouldn't, _couldn't, _treat Bella like that, I'd turned into the selfish asshole I was and took advantage of one of the most important people in my life.

I'd focused on what physically felt good and tuned out the emotional complications because I could since it was Bella. And I shouldn't have because… it _was_ Bella. But I knew that she wouldn't ever hurt me like Jane had. She wouldn't let me lose myself, wouldn't let me throw my life away. And that feeling of security made it all too easy to ignore the warnings and get lost in the euphoric feelings that being with her provided.

Hearing her words, her voice, telling that story today, made it all so real again. We'd moved past what had happened, at least I thought we had, until I listened to the song she'd written about it. But the lyrics that she had written didn't paint a picture of love and understanding. It told a story of emotional bankruptcy and hurt. It made regret flood my body. But if anyone knew the importance of having a creative outlet for pent up emotions, it was me. So I couldn't judge her for writing a song about how stupid we were. I couldn't ask her to not sell the rights to it.

So I settled into the couch, closing my eyes as the song came to a quiet finish, loving and hating the fact that my wife had been able to create something like this. She had a real talent, and like Jasper had said, anyone else singing her lyrics wouldn't ever do the song justice. But hearing her sing about so much hurt threw everything into focus and brought it all back to life.

xXxXxXx

"**Don't underestimate the things that I will do. There's a fire starting in my heart, reaching a fever pitch and it's bringing me out of the dark. The scars of your love remind me of us. They keep me thinking that we almost had it all. The scars of your love, they leave me breathless. I can't help feeling we could have had it all."- Rolling in the Deep**

I'd never know Bella to be vindictive, ever. But I had literally broken her heart, and that was more than enough to explain how she'd behaved in New York. But, that didn't mean I'd had to like it. Or accept it. In fact, even now, all these years later, it absolutely infuriated me.

The fact that Bella had even stayed in New York should have been a huge warning. Her coping mechanism had always been to run, which is what I'd expected her to do. But when she'd stayed, even gotten a room at the same hotel, I knew that she was purposefully making my life a living hell. And she'd had every right to.

It had killed me to sit at the same table, surrounded by our friends, and watch as she'd thrown herself over any one that paid her the least bit of attention. Of course James hadn't helped by filling my mind with venomous lies, none of which had turned out to be true. How fucking stupid I'd been, believing that Bella had ever felt anything for Embry. Deep down I'd known she loved me, I'd known that she wouldn't have been sharing my bed while having an interest in someone else. But his lies made the fact that I'd have to hurt her even easier.

_"You know she'll never leave you, Edward."-"She's just pitty fucking you."-"Look at how she looks at him, Edward."-"Let her go, man. Just let her go."-"You don't need her."- "She'd be better off with someone else, someone that could take care of her." _

All of his fucking lies had corrupted my senses. Of course James had wanted me away from Bella. She'd seen right thru him and known that he was only using me. So he'd taken advantage of the fact that I'd told him how I felt about her, expressed my concerns about the fact that she was my best friend, and he'd been all too eager to plant the seeds of doubt so deep into my mind that I couldn't tell what was right or wrong. Not until it was too late.

James had told me that Embry had feelings for Bella, real feelings. He'd told me that if it weren't for the fact that Bella knew I would spiral out of control again, she'd have accepted Embry's feelings. James made me believe that Bella was only with me to protect me, to save me. And I knew that I couldn't let her do that. What did I have to offer her? I couldn't take care of myself, let alone anyone else. So after walking around New York City all night, I'd gone back upstairs to the room I'd been sharing with Bella, and broken her heart because that was the only way that I knew how to save her.

After, I'd thought I'd done the right thing. But seeing Bella pinned up against the wall at that party, basically being molested by some drunken asshole, had gotten my blood boiling. It was seeing Embry however, the man who Bella had supposedly reciprocated Bella's romantic feelings, enjoying the company of another woman that had made me realize how wrong I'd been. James had been wrong. Bella wasn't staying with me only to keep me from getting lost again. She might have had feelings for Embry but he certainly didn't share them. And all I'd known was that I couldn't let her make the mistake of letting someone she didn't even know take advantage of her.

She'd fought every step of the way, pushing and pulling away from me, and I'd been willing to take all of it. But when she'd accused me of using again it had been the _one_ thing that made me walk away. I'd stood there, staring at the woman I'd thought was my best friend, and known that there was never going to be a way for us to fix what had broken between the two of us.

I'd told Bella to leave, and she had. When I'd heard the door shut behind her, I closed my eyes and fallen onto the floor in a crumpled mess. James, as always, was right there to pick me up afterwards. He'd provided the drugs and they made me forget everything.

xXxXxXx

"**Maybe you got too used to having me around. Still, how can you walk away from all my tears? It's gonna be an empty road without me right here. But go on and take it, take it all with you. Don't look back at this crumbling fool. Just take it all with my love."- Take it All**

At Emmett and Rosalie's Christmas party, I'd once again been left a broken and empty mess. Only that time, I'd had no one to blame but myself. I'd thought I'd pushed Bella to the point that there never would have been a chance at us returning to anything… not even acquaintances. I'd said the five words that will forever be one of the biggest mistakes of my life: _I don't need you anymore_. And all of it had been a lie.

The truth was that I did. I always had. Bella was the only thing that my life tolerable and I'd let her walk away without knowing the truth. I'd driven her to the point that she had no other way of dealing with what happened but to run as far away as she possibly could.

As the song kept playing, I leaned forward. Resting my elbows on my knees, I buried my hands in my hair and wished that I could go back and change how absolutely horrible I'd been. Not just to Bella, but to everyone. Taking this trip down memory lane had left me wondering why any of them, my parents, Jasper and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett and especially Bella had even stayed. Why did they keep giving me second and third chances? I didn't ever deserve them and certainly never had any right to ask for them.

In the middle of all my questioning, the CD had finished playing and there was nothing but silence that greeted Bella when she walked into the studio and found me. I wearily looked up and shook my head when she asked me what was wrong.

"Liar."

She came to stand in front of me and I gently kissed the small bump that was starting to show underneath her shirt. Bella's hands ran through the top of my hair and I couldn't help but lean into her touch.

"Tell me what's wrong."

Swallowing back the regret that was stuck in my throat, I handed her the empty CD case. When she just gave me a curious head shake, I explained. "Jasper told me you wanted to listen to it."

"I don't understand why you're upset. I thought you would like it."

"I did." I sat back but left my hands on her hips. "What you wrote was… beautiful. It was perfect and I know that whoever buys those songs will never do them justice."

"Wait," Bella carefully pulled away from me. With a hand resting on her lower belly, she walked over to her desk and picked up the other plastic case. "What did you listen to?"

I went to the CD player and pulled out the disc that held all of the songs that they'd recorded. When I handed it to her, Bella just shook her head and gave me a small laugh. "This isn't what I wanted you to listen to. Jasper must have gotten the cases mixed up."

"What?"

Bella handed me the other CD case that had been sitting on her desk. On the front of the disk she'd drawn a small heart. "I recorded this one for you. The other one that Jasper and I worked on… I didn't want you to listen to it without me. I wanted…" She sighed and leaned back against the desk. "I knew you would get upset."

"I'm not upset." We both knew it was a lie the second the words left my mouth and I smiled at Bella's exasperated eye roll. "Okay, I just… it isn't easy remembering how much I hurt you. I know that we say we've moved past it but… Bella you obviously still have thoughts about our past. I know that-"

"Okay stop," Bella interrupted me. "I wrote the majority of those songs when I was still in Austin. Before, _way_ before, you and I were really even talking again."

"Wait, what?"

She handed me leather bound journal from her desk and smiled, but it didn't make sense. I'd read every single one of the notebooks she'd given me and I definitely would have remembered reading those words. "But I read-"

"You haven't read everything, Edward." Bella flipped the notebook to a certain page and then smiled. "I wrote this one… after my birthday. After the concert I didn't go to."

I frowned and looked at the words, the song that was written about our first time together.

"After you sent me that text message, telling me that you hoped that I would eventually really forgive you… It hurt me to know that I'd hurt you that bad by not showing up. And… even if we both made mistakes, I'm the one that kissed you first. I'm the one that threw us headfirst into-"

I silenced her by holding onto the sides of her face and pressing my lips against hers. Bella swayed for a second before holding onto my forearms and smiling.

"It doesn't matter," I whispered against her mouth.

She nodded before pulling my hands away from her face and settling them on her stomach. "You're right. It doesn't matter anymore."

It was stupid of me to get so emotional. Her songs had made me remember feelings from years before but isn't that what music is supposed to do? To take you back to a certain time? A certain feeling? Bella had hit the nail on the head, and I knew that whoever ended up with these songs, they were guaranteed to win some major awards. Instead of selfishly wallowing in my regret, I should have focused on the pride I had for my wife being able to create these songs.

"The songs are perfect, Bella. Really."

She gave me another kiss before leaning back against her desk. "Thank you."

She handed me the case that I was originally supposed to listen to and I asked, "So, if I listened to the wrong CD then what's on this one?"

"You'll just have to find out." Bella slipped out of my arms and smiled while walking back towards the door. "And after you do… come _find_ me."

Giving me a smile that was entirely too sneaky, she laughed and then shut the studio door behind her. I went to the CD player, slipped in the correct disk, and then the slow sound of a guitar being strummed filled the room. When Bella's voice started singing, I didn't even wait until the chorus before I smiled and ran out of the studio to find where she'd run off too. When I saw a trail of her clothes leading me, I pulled my shirt over my head and made my way up the stairs and into our bedroom. The CD playing in the studio was on repeat all night, providing the most beautiful soundtrack for one of the best nights I'd ever had.

"**Whenever I'm alone with you****, ****you make me feel like I am home again****. ****Whenever I'm alone with you****, ****you make me feel like I am whole again****. ****Whenever I'm alone with you****, y****ou make me feel like I am young again****. ****Whenever I'm alone with you, you make me feel like I am fun again****. ****However far away, I will always love you****. ****However long I stay, I will always love you****. ****Whatever words I say, I will always love you****. ****I will always love you****."- Love Song**


	37. Nicest Thing

"**Basically, I wished that you loved me." Nicest Thing, Kate Nash**

How had everything become so confusing? So mixed up? Edward was my friend, my best friend, and I shouldn't-couldn't-think about him… like this. He didn't love me. He didn't stay awake at night thinking about what it would be like to be with me. To him I was Bella, just Bella, and I had to find a way to convince myself that that's all it was ever going to be. That's all we were ever going to be.

xXxXxXx

"So, Alice thinks that she found a pretty cheap apartment in San Diego. It's three bedrooms so I guess you'll be the lucky one and get a room all to yourself and I'll share a room with Emmett after Rosalie leaves. Until then, looks like I'm destined to sleep on the couch."

I watched from my spot on Edward's bedroom floor as he threw clothes into a suitcase. They would be leaving tomorrow morning for another adventure and the reality of the fact that I wasn't going, was settling in. Edward refused to believe that I would be staying in Seattle and I had been putting off telling him the truth. Sunday morning, Edward would get into a car with his brother, Rosalie, Alice and Jasper and leave for California. I would be here, still in Seattle, wishing I'd been brave enough to tell him that I loved him.

"You're packed, right?" Edward asked. When I didn't answer, he stopped and looked down at me on the floor. "Bella?"

Taking a deep breath, I knew that I had to tell him. "Edward, you know I'm not going."

He laughed quietly. "Seriously, why do you keep saying that? You know you're going. You have to."

I shook my head. "No, I don't. I'm only a semester away from graduating. I want to finish and to be honest I'm not up for another road trip right now. We…" I dropped my gaze to the floor. "I have to grow up at some point, Edward."

"Grow up?" He asked me. "So what? You think that this is all just a pipe dream? That I'm wasting everyone's time and money following a stupid childish desire?"

My head snapped back up to look at him. "You know I don't think that!"

"I don't know what you think," he muttered, turning away from me.

Getting up off the floor, I moved closer to him. "That's a lie, Edward Cullen. You know that I believe in you! You know how talented I think you are! I have always told you that-"

"Yeah," he said as he spun around to look at me. "And now, you're leaving!"

"You're being petulant.

"No, I'm being honest," he countered. "You have spent the last year telling me that you would always be here and now… now you're just… not!"

I frowned, looking up at him. "Just because I'm not there doesn't mean that I don't support you, Edward. Why can't you just understand that I… need to do this for myself? I can't constantly play the groupie for you!"

He opened his mouth to say something but was cut off by his door being thrown open. We both turned to look at his brother smiling at us.

"Hi!" Emmett moved into the room. "Are we ready to go? One last night before taking this freak show on the road again?"

Without looking at me, Edward grabbed his jacket off the end of the bed. "Bella's not going with us."

"Tonight?" Emmett asked as his brother left the room. With a confused look, he turned back to look at me. "You're not going tonight?"

I shook my head and picked up my own coat. "I'm not going to California."

xXxXxXx

"So he took it well?" Alice asked, leaning into me so that I could hear her over the sound of the music. I shook my head at her sarcasm. "You made the choice that was right for you, Bella. Not anyone else. Edward knows that."

I nodded while I watched as Edward made his way around the small bar that had become something like a second home for all us. He laughed, taking pictures and talking with old friends that he probably wouldn't see for a while. But behind his laughter and smile, I saw the underlying doubt that sat in the corner of his eyes.

- Hide quoted text -

"I ruined his good luck party," I told Alice, keeping an eye on Edward.

She shook her head before giving me a one armed hug. "He'll be fine, Bella. I promise."

She gave me one last smile before leaving me to go find Jasper. I took another drink from the bottle in my hand before slowly, and cautiously, making my way to Edward's side. He didn't say anything when I moved to stand next to him but didn't move away either. I offered him another drink but he shook his head.

"You can't leave here mad at me."

"I'm not mad," he leaned down to my ear so that I could hear him. "I'm just… disappointed."

"Edward-"

Rosalie and Emmett came stumbling towards us, obviously a little tipsy, and grabbed our hands to pull us out onto the dance floor. I groaned but followed them, shaking my head while Edward's arm wrapped around my back and his free hand held on to mine. As we slowly moved along with the beat of the music, I leaned my head against his shoulder.

We danced together for a moment without talking, until I'd had enough of the awkward silence. "You have to understand where I'm coming from, Edward. I can't…keep following you around the country, selling your CDs and helping Alice manage the money you're making. I have to have my own life and-"

"And that life won't include me."

I stopped moving, ignoring the couple that bumped into my back. "You're my best friend."

"I know."

"Then how can you say that? You'll always be a part of my life, Edward."

He shrugged before shaking his head. "I'm just… I'm being a selfish jackass."

"Yeah," I agreed. "You are."

Edward grabbed my hand before pulling me off of the dance floor, through a group of people that tried to stop us, and out the back door. Once outside, he took a deep breath and then turned to look at me. "I'm scared, okay?"

I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself. "Okay."

"And I… what if I fuck this up, Bella? What if this is my one chance and I… blow it?"

"You won't." I answered with sincere certainty. "You're an amazing musician, Edward. Just believe in yourself and-"

"I can't do this without you."

My gaze dropped to the pavement beneath me and I shook my head to keep myself from crying, again. I couldn't do this. I couldn't let myself give in and start playing the part of his… I wouldn't even let myself think it. Taking a deep breath, I looked back up at him, steeling my resolve. "You can, Edward. You have to."

"Why?" He quietly asked me.

Because I love you, but you don't love me back.

Because I can't keep lying to myself and thinking that someday you'll feel the same way I do.

I reached forward and held onto his hands before giving him a smile. "Because I know you can."

**AN: I am donating a Groupie outtake for fandom4Texas. The proceeds will benefit those who have been affected by the wildfires that we've had here. If you have any certain ideas that you would like to see in an outtake, please send them my way! Thanks, as always!**


	38. A Thousand Years

**I don't normally condone the use of soundtrack songs in Twific… but this was too perfect to pass up. October is breast cancer awareness month. Please, please, please take the time to have yourself checked out. If you know someone who is fighting cancer, breast cancer or another kind, keep your head up and remember that you have people praying for you. – JFI**

**Fight like a girl, ladies! Get your boobies checked!**

"**Time stands still. Beauty in all she is. I will be brave; I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me. Every breath, every hour has come to this. One step closer. I have died everyday waiting for you. Darling don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years and I love you for a thousand more." A Thousand Years, Christina Perri**

**Grab a tissue. You've been warned.**

**Bella**

Everyone kept telling me that routine was important. It was a way to remind myself that life kept going, that I had to keep going. So, like every other night before going to bed, I sat at my vanity and studied the reflection staring back at me. Same brown eyes… those hadn't changed. My lips, still a little uneven, looked the same as they always had. But the brown hair that had always hung around my shoulders, was now cut short and so thin that you could see the skin of my scalp. My skin, which had always been pale, looked paper thin… and worn. I sighed before looking away and instead concentrated on carefully rubbing lotion over my hands, ignoring the bruises that covered the backs of them.

I heard Edward's footsteps coming down the hall and closed my eyes, silently praying that I would be able to hide the fear for just one more day. I just wanted another night, another normal day, before we got the results tomorrow. Then… once I knew… then I would… I would tell them how scared I really was.

"Abbey called," Edward said quietly, moving to stand behind me. I looked up and our eyes met in the mirror. "She's meeting us at the hospital in the morning. Tripp is taking the girls to the aquarium with Alice and Jasper."

Nodding, I finished my nightly routine; counting out pills from the rows of orange bottles that were lined up on my vanity counter. Something to help with the pain, another to help my immune system, anti-depressants, vitamins, blood pressure medication… I put one in my mouth at a time before swallowing them down with the water that Edward had brought me. When I was finished, I sat the glass down with a shaking and unsteady hand.

"Bella?"

The caution in Edward's voice made me sick to my stomach. So I took a deep breath, steeled my resolve, and then turned in my chair to smile up at him. My hand reached out to hold his hand, and like always, my fingertips traced over his to feel the calluses that had become permanent after so many years of guitar playing.

"I'm ready for bed."

He nodded, helping me out of the chair, and then watched as I fumbled with the tie on my bathrobe. I pulled at the ties, trying desperately to just make my hands work, but stopped when Edward took over the task. With gentle movements, he untied the belt, letting the fabric of the robe fall away from my body. When his hand carefully touched the skin of my stomach, and then my chest, I closed my eyes.

"Do you remember," he said, hardly in a whisper. "That night in Austin? The first night?"

I nodded.

"You were so… scared that I would look at your body and see nothing but imperfections."

"Edward," I touched his arm. We couldn't do this, especially not tonight. A sad and depressing trip down memory lane was not what either one of us needed.

With feather light touches, his fingers traced over the two scar long scars that covered my chest. I closed my eyes, trying to fight off the memory of how it had felt to realize that I'd been diagnosed with cancer. How scared I'd been, still was, for my family. Who was going to help Abbey with her girls? Who was going to calm all of her fears of being a parent? Who would make sure that Edward wasn't eating too much salt? Who would make sure that his car keys ended up on the hook by the back door? If something happened to me, who would take care of my family?

"I love you."

With those three words, I made myself shake off the negative feelings that left me feeling like a ticking time bomb. Instead, I focused on… the meaning behind those words. Eight letters that could mend a broken heart, help you see a light at the end of a dark tunnel… Those three words were… everything now.

I had every right to be scared. Who wouldn't be in my situation? But I also had so much to be thankful for. I had an amazing marriage to a man that loved me, unconditionally. He was my best friend. My lover. My soul mate. Edward was my everything. And together we'd lived one hell of a life. We'd seen too many sunsets and sunrises to count, but yet each one was memorable. We'd made love all night, sleeping for a few hours, and then waking up because we just couldn't get enough of each other. And then, there was Abbey. How blessed was I to know what a magical thing being a mother was? To see my daughter, who was the spitting image of her father, grow up to be the incredible woman that she was? I'd watched her take her first steps on shaking legs, walking towards her father. Saw her grow and learn from mistakes and heart ache that ultimately led her to the place in life that she was now. I'd watched as her father walked her down the aisle on the day that _she_ married _her_ best friend, and held her hand as she delivered two of the most beautiful little girls I'd ever seen.

So looking back, at my life, why did I need to feel scared? I'd lived. I'd lived really, really, well. I looked back without regrets and loved without fear. My life hadn't been perfect, but it was mine. And I'd shared it with the most amazing man that God had ever made. So now, standing in my bedroom, I refused to let fear tarnish any part of that.

"Edward," I whispered before kissing him. "I need you to do me a favor."

He nodded, not even asking what I wanted.

"Tomorrow, when we go…" I took a deep breath. "I don't want you to be in there when I talk to the doctor."

As expected, he started protesting, but stopped when I gently laid a finger over his lips.

"I don't want Abbey in there and I don't want her by herself. She needs one of us with her, Edward. And… it has to be you."

I hated the look of hurt that made his eyes seem heavy and unfamiliar. I knew he wouldn't like my decision but I also knew that if the results came back with bad news thet I wouldn't be able to hold myself together in front of him.

"You don't have to do this alone, Bella. I'm… we're strong enough to do this together."

I smiled because he was absolutely right. We were strong enough together. And if, when, it came time for me leave them… they would make it. They would cry. They would mourn. But I knew, without a doubt, that my family would be able to look back on the life I'd lived, that I'd shared with them, and know that together… we we're strong enough to overcome anything.

xXxXxXx

When I'd left Edward and Abbey in the waiting room, I knew that it was going to be a moment that I wouldn't ever forget. Which seemed kind of odd. Most people remembered weddings, first kisses, birthdays… but I would always remember the way my husband and daughter had looked in the waiting room of my oncologist's office.

Abbey, trying so hard not to seem like the little girl that was worried she was going to lose her mother. Edward, my poor Edward, fighting back his own tears so neither one of us would see him cry. He'd squeezed my hand as I stood up, and without saying anything, reminded me how much he loved me. So simple. So small. And something I wouldn't ever forget.

While I waited for the doctor, I couldn't help but smile at the memories that played through my mind. Images of Jasper and I when we were in high school; the first time I'd met Alice and how ridiculous I'd looked when she'd talked me into dressing up as a fairy for Halloween.

I covered my mouth with my hand to stifle my laughter as I remembered the time we'd accidently left Emmett at a gas station in Tennessee. He'd been so mad. And then there were all of the late night conversations that were held in the back of the suburban. Sleeping in crappy hotels… God, I'd loved that summer.

As my memories moved into later years with Edward, I closed my eyes and felt my heart beat quicken. I never would have thought that I could look back on what had happened between us have absolutely no regrets. But now, all these years later, I could. It was easy when the bad were replaced by the magnificent. The fights, the hurt, covered by memories of sitting at the Grammy awards and hearing a declaration of love, a wedding proposal on a porch swing, the look on Edward's face when I'd told him we were going to have a baby. And then, seeing him so many years later, holding our granddaughters. No… there was nothing to regret. There were only things to cherish.

"Bella?"

I opened my eyes, wiped away the few tears that had made their way down my cheeks, and then took a deep breath. "Doctor Adams."

"Are you alright?" He carefully sat down behind his desk, laying my chart down.

"I'm…"I cleared my throat and then tried again. "I'm ready to know the results. I don't want any fancy medical terms or explanations. Just tell me if the treatments worked or if I… if I need to go out to the lobby and lie to my family."

"Bella, Edward wouldn't-"

"This isn't Edward's call, Dr. Adams. If you open that chart and tell me that it didn't work, that I went through chemo and let you chop off my boobs for no reason then… I don't want him, or Abbey, to know. I want to walk out of here and spend what time I do have left enjoying my life. And that wouldn't include watching my husband and daughter mourn me before I'm even dead. So just… tell me. I'm ready and I want to know. Did I beat this?"

It seemed like an eternity before he opened my chart, but when he did, I could have sworn that time itself had stopped.

"Bella, this is one of the rare situations when I am actually pleased by the fact that I was wrong. You beat it. You're in remission."

Without warning, my eyes closed, and a horrible gasping sound filled his office. It wasn't until the doctor had me by the shoulders that I even realized the noise was coming from my mouth.

"Are you alright? What…" he shook his head. "Is there something I can do?" All I could do was cry and hold on to front of his white jacket. "Do you need water? Anything?"

I shook my head and finally managed to say something. "I just… I need… I want my family."

The doctor carefully sat me back in my chair, said something about being right back, and left me in his office.

After he was gone, I closed my eyes and held my hands against my chest, covering my heart. "Thank you," I whispered. "Thank you for not making me say good-bye yet."

**AN: If I made you cry I am sorry. But the reality is that millions of families go through this situation every day. Not all of them end with happy results. Take a minute today to say a prayer for those fighting cancer, taking care of a family member with cancer, or struggling with the grief of losing someone they love due to this horrible disease. **


	39. Better Together

**Not mine.**

"You were right."

Without looking at him, I knew that Edward was giving me a look of mock surprise. "Excuse me? Can you repeat that? I don't think I heard you."

I smiled before turning to look at him. "You were right about taking the pictures before the ceremony."

For the past two months everything had been such a rush. Full of details, color swatches, music selections, locations, photographers, dresses… I hadn't really had a chance to breathe, or think. But now, with the actual ceremony only an hour away, I was finally able to just stop and enjoy the fact that this was my wedding day. _Our_ wedding day.

After another sarcastic comment, Edward gently took my hand and led me to the front pew of the church. He helped me sit down, arranging the ridiculous amount of fabric from my dress, and then joined me. It was silent, relaxing, in the sanctuary. The only sound was our breathing and the gentle hum of the air conditioner. I knew this would probably be the only quiet moment I would have today, so I closed my eyes and carefully leaned my head against his shoulder.

After a few minutes, Edward said, "It isn't too late you know. Emmett could drive your get away car if you're having second thoughts."

He sounded like he was kidding, but I knew that there was a real nervousness behind the sarcasm. So I took his hand, lacing my fingers between his, and tried to reassure him that I wasn't going to leave him at the altar.

"I've been dreaming about this day for a long time," I said quietly. "Since I was a little girl, I'd imagine what my wedding would be like but I couldn't ever picture who I would be married to." I sat up and smiled, making sure that he was looking at me. "But then I fell in love with my best friend."

Edward carefully touched my cheek, grinning, while his fingers traced over my skin. "I promise, with my whole heart, that I will do whatever I can to make you happy, Bella. You know that, right?"

I slowly nodded, leaning in to press my lips against his. "I do."

**AN: You guys unanimously told me that what you wanted was a Groupie wedding outtake, so here it is! Well... part of it. Want the rest? Please head over to the Fandom4Texas website and donate $5! All proceeds will benefit those affected by the Texas Wildfires! Thanks- JFI**


	40. Better Together, for real

A Groupie wedding! This was one of the donations I made for Fandom4Texas and I want to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart that donated! We raised over $9000.00! As always, I own nothing.

"There is no combination of words I could put on the postcard, no song that I could sing, but I can try because this is your heart. And this is our dreams and they are made out of real things, like a shoebox of photographs with sepia-toned loving. Love is the answer at least for most of the questions in my heart, like 'Why are we here? And where do we go? And how come it's so hard?' It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving but I'll tell you one thing, it's so much better when we're together." Better Together, Jack Johnson

**Bella**

"You were right."

Without looking at him, I knew that Edward was giving me a look of mock surprise. "Excuse me? Can you repeat that? I don't think I heard you."

I smiled before turning to look at him. "You were right about taking the pictures before the ceremony.

For the past two months everything had been such a rush. Full of details, color swatches, music selections, locations, photographers, dresses… I hadn't really had a chance to breathe, or think. But now, with the actual ceremony only an hour away, I was finally able to just stop and enjoy the fact that this was my wedding day. Our wedding day.

After another sarcastic comment, Edward gently took my hand and led me to the front pew of the church. He helped me sit down, arranging the ridiculous amount of fabric from my dress, and then joined me. It was silent, relaxing, in the sanctuary. The only sound was our breathing and the gentle hum of the air conditioner. I knew this would probably be the only quiet moment I would have today, so I closed my eyes and carefully leaned my head against his shoulder.

After a few minutes, Edward said, "It isn't too late you know. Emmett could drive your get away car if you're having second thoughts."

He sounded like he was kidding, but I knew that there was a real nervousness behind the sarcasm. So I took his hand, lacing my fingers between his, and tried to reassure him that I wasn't going to leave him at the altar.

"I've been dreaming about this day for a long time," I said quietly. "Since I was a little girl, I'd imagine what my wedding would be like but I couldn't ever picture who I would be married to." I sat up and smiled, making sure that he was looking at me. "But then I fell in love with my best friend."

Edward carefully touched my cheek, grinning, while his fingers traced over my skin. "I promise, with my whole heart, that I will do whatever I can to make you happy, Bella. You know that, right?"

I slowly nodded, leaning in to press my lips against his. "I do."

xXxXxXx

**Edward**

The second that the sanctuary doors opened and I saw Bella walking down the aisle toward me, I knew that this was a moment in my life that I wouldn't ever, ever, forget. It was bigger than winning a Grammy, better than signing a record contract, and felt more amazing than playing a sold out show for the first time.

All of those other things paled in comparison to the fact that my future, my life, would be share by a woman who owned me heart and soul. There was no hesitation in Bella's eyes. No doubt written on her face. There was just unwavering love and unfaltering hope radiating through her smile, and it was all for me. It had always been for me.

It was hard to believe that before I'd ever even known who Isabella Swan was, God had been preparing me for this moment. Preparing me for her. Even when we'd just been friends, when we'd made such a mess of things, he'd had a plan for both of us. He'd known that there was no other woman that could stand beside me and make me want to be a better man. God had known that the only person strong enough to forgive me, to believe in me, was Bella. And now, even after all of my mistakes, I was trusted enough to make her mine. I had been given a second chance with Bella. To show her, prove to her, that I could be everything that she needed. There was no more hiding, no more lies. For the first time since I'd realized I loved Bella, I really knew how to love her. It wasn't about my past haunting us or our mistakes overshadowing our future. It was about this, us. Heading towards our future, heads held high, hand in hand, together. No fear, no misunderstanding. There was just the two of us and it was perfect.

After a touching moment between Charlie and Bella, I was given her hand. Carefully, I helped her up the few stairs that led to the altar and then took a deep breath as we faced the minister in front of us.

"Ready?" He quietly asked.

I nodded, smiling at Bella while she did the same, and squeezed her hand. I don't think either one of us had ever been more ready for anything in our entire lives.

We stood, side by side, listening while the minister went through the whole "we are gathered here" speech. Bella kept shifting her weight from foot to foot, and even though I was sure she was fine, I leaned forward trying to see her face around the veil. She must have caught me looking from the corner of her eye because she turned to face me. Only it wasn't the expected tears I saw when she did. It was Bella's front teeth clamped down on her bottom lip in an effort to keep her from laughing.

"What…"

And before I could even finish my question, a loud and hysterical giggle left Bella's mouth.

"I'm sorry," she gasped, holding on to my arm while doubling over. "I am so… so sorry!"

The majority of the people in attendance of our wedding just sat there. Stunned. But when Emmett started laughing along with Bella it was like a chain reaction had been set off. Alice giggled, covering her face with the bouquet in her hand, and behind us I could hear my mother softly laughing.

"This happens a lot actually," the minister said, chuckling himself.

I just shook my head, watching while my future wife laughed and snorted beside me.

"Are you okay?" I finally managed to ask, grinning while Bella started fanning her face.

She nodded, taking a deep breath and then snorting again in attempt to not laugh. "I'm fine… I just… can we start again?"

The minister gave it another shot, and this time, the giggling was kept to a minimum. When we got to the part of us actually reciting our vows, I was worried that Bella would crack up again. And I was right. She turned to face me, and once again, her bottom lip was trapped between her teeth.

"Why are you laughing?" I quietly asked her.

Bella subtly shook her head but I squeezed her hands, silently telling her that I wanted to know why.

She took a deep breath, controlling her laughter, and then whispered, "I just keep thinking about the priest in The Princess Bride. Mawwage. Mawwage is what brings us together today."

And just like that, it was my turn to let out an inappropriately loud laugh. And before I knew it, both of us were doubled over and holding on to each other for support while everyone around us laughed along.

xXxXxXx

**Bella**

Not my best moment, which was kind of sad because it was my wedding day, but as I stood there watching Edward laughing, I couldn't help but think of how us this moment was. I smiled and squeezed his hands, loving how perfectly imperfect we both were together.

"Shall we try again?"

Edward nodded towards the minister and I copied him. Eventually we would have to get through this.

"Alright," he laughed before speaking loud enough for the congregation to hear him. "The bride and groom will now share the vows that they've written. Edward, will you go first?"

He took a deep breath and squeezed my hands. "Words… have always come easy to me. But when I sat down to write my vows, there was nothing I could think of that could ever describe how much I love you. You're… my best friend, Bella. My soul mate. You're someone that sees the good, instead of focusing on bad. You love, with your whole heart. And if there was ever anything that I could promise… vow… it would be to love you, just as you've loved me. I will laugh with you, hold you, cherish you… forever. I will love you, forever."

When he'd finished, Edward's fingers carefully wiped away the tears that were falling down my cheeks.

"And, I'll always be here to wipe these away," he added, smiling.

I laughed, weakly, and turned to ask Alice for a tissue. Once she'd handed it to me, and I'd had a chance to dry off my face, I tried to compose myself enough to recite my own vows.

"Bella?" The minister quietly asked. "Are you ready?"

Nodding, I looked up at Edward. "I've been in love with you for over thirteen years." The congregation laughed, along with Edward. I squeezed his hands before continuing. "And in those thirteen years, I've learned a lot about you. I know what kind of toothpaste you use. I know how you like your coffee. And I know that you, above all people, never underestimate the power of words. You'd rather they mean something than be composed into aesthetically pleasing phrases. So, here are my vows. Honest and true."

I took a shaky deep breath before starting.

"I won't walk behind you, or in front of you, but I will always walk beside you. I will remember where we came from and what it took for us to stand here today. I will remember that forgiving is always easier than holding on to anger, and that everything happens for a reason. I will trust you with my heart, forever. I will laugh with you and cry with you. I promise to always be your best friend, and to kiss you goodnight. And above everything else, I promise that I will fall in love with you, over and over again, each and every day for the rest of my life. Because I know that you're my… everything.  
When I reached up to Edward's face to wipe away the tears like he'd done for me, Edward held my hand in his and kept my palm pressed against his cheek. His eyes closed, and more tears fell down his face, and because I just couldn't wait, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and hid my face against his neck.

"Forever, right?" He whispered, holding me against him.

I nodded before squeezing his shoulders. "Forever. I promise."

**I am always opposed to writing wedding scenes because I think they always end up being overly romantic and sappy, but this is what the majoroty of you asked for. I hope you enjoyed it!**


	41. Hey you!

Quick note! I am donating a Groupie outtake for F4LL and really want to write something YOU guys want! So, if you have time, message me and let me know what you would want to read! It can be anything, during any time period!

Love to you all!


	42. Teaser for Fandom4TwiFanG compilation

**A little teaser of the outtake I wrote for the Fandom4TwiFanG compilation! ****If you haven't, there is still a chance to donate! Check out the link on my twitter! If you have already donated, thank you! Mad4Hugh was a beloved reader, reviewer, and all around sweet person! I will dearly miss her reviews and cheeky tweets! – JFI**

It felt like things were slipping away, farther and farther out of my reach. It wasn't that long ago that my relationship with Edward had been perfect. We'd decided, together, that we were worth fighting for… worth working for… but now it was like both of us had gotten lost in our own personal turmoil and forgotten about the fact that we were each struggling… together and separately. And I had to find a way to fix it.

We were supposed to be blissfully planning a wedding. If there was arguing, it should be over color samples and dinner options. It shouldn't have been over things from years past. We should have fallen asleep every night, wrapped around each other. Not with each of us on our own side of the bed, not touching, and not talking. We should have been making passionate, all consuming, love… instead of just having sex that was nearly passionless. This was not who we were as a couple. And I refused to continue down this road.

In a hurry, I grabbed my keys, my cellphone, and broke several traffic laws while making my way to Zilker Park. I left my car in a no parking zone, telling the little attendant that they could tow it if they wanted to, and ran through the crowd to find the backstage entrance.

Inside, I nodded to people who recognized me, smiled when they said it was good to see me, and followed their directions as to where Edward was. Once there, I found Alice and Jasper, watching as Edward played the beginning of his set.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, smiling. "Edward said you were staying home."

"Yeah," I said, trying to catch my breath. "I changed my mind. Did he just start?"

Jasper nodded, letting me take his spot so I could get a better view. And I watched as he performed the familiar song. It was the same lyrics, same music, but the energy that surrounded him was completely different. It was all music… with no heart. His soul wasn't into the performance and seeing him like that only steeled my resolve.

"I need you to fit me for a mic."

"What?" Alice asked, yelling over the music.

"A mic, I need a mic."

She shook her head. "Bella, you can't just walk out on the stage and-"

"I know the songs! Just give me a fucking microphone!"


	43. Broken

**This was an outtake I did for Fandom4TwiFanG… Thank you, to those who donated!**

**I own nothing, as usual. **

"**The worst is over now and we can breathe again." Broken, Seether**

**Bella**

"Why do you even bother looking at the trash?"

I shrugged at my mother's question before throwing the tabloid back onto the bar. "Because I'm idiotically curious about what people are saying about us."

She sat down, stirring her coffee, and shaking her head. "What matters is what you and Edward think. Not anyone else."

My mother was right, I knew that. But it was becoming more and more difficult to ignore the onslaught of magazines that we graced the cover of. It was hard not to read the tabloids, watch the news specials, and follow the blogs. I wanted to know what lies were being told so I could set them straight. I didn't want people speculating about what had happened with Jane, Aro, Sam, Emily and Garrett. The trail had been going on for close to a month, and for two weeks straight, during our testimonies, Edward and I were paraded through a mass of reporters, photographers and some not very nice "fans". I couldn't do anything about what they took pictures of, but I could damn well do something about the rumors they started.

Looking down at the gossip rag I'd discarded, my mother asked, "So what does this one say? The usual about Edward being a drug dealer before seeing the error of his ways?"

I didn't feel the need to tell her that wasn't exactly fiction, so I just answered her question. "Supposedly an 'inside source' has told them that the stress of Edward's past, as well as his fame, is pulling the two of us apart. Apparently I've postponed the wedding several times."

She smiled and flipped through the pages, looking at the pictures they'd included. "Little do they know that we're going to start looking for wedding dresses soon."

"Yeah," I said as I took the magazine from her and tossed it into the trash. "Little do they know."

Truth be told, the trial was having a huge impact on my relationship with Edward. And after everything we'd been through… how could it not? It was drudging up his past, my past, lying all of it on the line for everyone in that court room to hear and judge. The prosecutors had tried to paint him as an abusive drug addict for five straight days. And supposedly, I'd had a sexual relationship with Garrett which then compromised my character. How were we supposed to walk away from that, and not bring pieces of the resentment and anger back home with us?

"Well," My mother patted my hand. "You know the truth, Bella. And so does Edward."

"I know…" Looking down at stack of tabloids I'd yet to read, I sighed.

xXxXxXx

"So, you don't want me to go?"

Edward covered his face for a second before dropping his hands, forced a smile, and then shook his head. "Bella, for the hundredth time, I don't care. If you want to go, then go. If you don't want to go, then I understand."

I wanted to throw something at him, but instead, I sank further down into the chair I was sitting in. "I don't want you to be upset if I don't go. I just… with everything that's been going on, I think it would be too much."

We'd been having this discussion for days, about if I would or wouldn't go to some charity concert that he was playing. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him play, or that I didn't want to support him, I just… I didn't know if I could handle the press being forced down my throat.

"Then stay here." He shut the lid on his guitar case, quickly. "Either way, I'm late. If I see you there, then I see you there. If not, then I'll see you when I get home."

He leaned down to kiss my forehead and was about to pull away, but I held on to his arm to stop him. Looking up at his face, I waited a few seconds before asking, "We're… okay. Right?"

I didn't get the automatic reassuring response I was hoping for. Instead, I got a sullen nod of the head and another kiss. "Can we talk about this later? I've got to go."

Letting go, I watched him walk away. As soon as I heard the front door shut behind him, I used several cusswords before throwing the remote across the room. But I stayed where I was, in a living room filled with a ton of pictures that showed a happy life between the two of us. But the longer I sat there, looking at our smiling faces, the more I wondered how we'd let this happen.

It felt like things were slipping away, farther and farther out of my reach. It wasn't that long ago that my relationship with Edward had been perfect. We'd decided, together, that we were worth fighting for… worth working for… but now it was like both of us had gotten lost in our own personal turmoil and forgotten about the fact that we were each struggling… together and separately. And I had to find a way to fix it.

We were supposed to be blissfully planning a wedding. If there was arguing, it should be over color samples and dinner options. It shouldn't have been over things from years past. We should have fallen asleep every night, wrapped around each other. Not with each of us on our own side of the bed, not touching, and not talking. We should have been making passionate, all consuming, love… instead of just having sex that was nearly passionless. This was not who we were as a couple. And I refused to continue down this road.

In a hurry, I grabbed my keys, my cellphone, and broke several traffic laws while making my way to Zilker Park. I left my car in a no parking zone, telling the little attendant that they could tow it if they wanted to, and ran through the a crowd to find the backstage entrance.

Inside, I nodded to people who recognized me, smiled when they said it was good to see me, and followed their directions as to where Edward was. Once there, I found Alice and Jasper, watching as Edward played the beginning of his set.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, smiling. "Edward said you were staying home."

"Yeah," I said, trying to catch my breath. "I changed my mind. Did he just start?"

Jasper nodded, letting me take his spot so I could get a better view. And I watched as he performed the familiar song. It was the same lyrics, same music, but the energy that surrounded him was completely different. It was all music… with no heart. His soul wasn't into the performance and seeing him like that only steeled my resolve.

"I need you to fit me for a mic."

"What?" Alice asked, yelling over the music.

"A mic, I need a mic."

She shook her head. "Bella, you can't just walk out on the stage and-"

"I know the songs! Just give me a fucking microphone!"

She looked completely startled by what I was telling her, but motioned for one of the sound techs to give me what I wanted. They worked, pulling wires and slipping packs into my back pockets, while I held my arms out.

"What are you doing?" Jasper asked. "Bella, he is in the middle of a performance!"

"Yeah," I nodded, fitting the earpiece into my ear. "And he shouldn't be doing it alone."

Both of them were still trying to convince me that I was crazy while I walked up the steps that lead to the stage, but while Edward started playing the beginning of his next song, one that was originally supposed to be a duet, I took a deep breath.

I could do this. I could. I knew the lyrics, I knew the music. And I wouldn't be singing alone. I'd have Edward right there with me. Another breath, another quick check that everything was plugged in, and I knew I couldn't turn back.

Waiting until it was time, I carefully took a step out onto the stage. Then another, and another, until I was standing next to the bassist, singing the lyrics that Edward had written. As a testament to his performance, Edward's playing never stopped as he watched me walking towards him, but the look of absolute surprise couldn't be ignored. Everyone watching knew this was not a planned performance.

"_Walk away, they said_," I sang, looking up at him. "_Let him go, they said. But they don't know me like you do. They don't love me like you do_."

Smiling, slightly, he followed. "_Turn away, they said. Let her go, they said. But they'll never understand me like you do. They'll never fight for this like you do_."

"_So, let them wonder, we said. Let them judge, we said. Because baby, they're not us_."

We finished the song just like we'd started it, staring at each other and completely unaware of the people that surrounded us. And I didn't care that our pictures would be all over the internet and on magazine covers, because for once, it would be the truth.

It wouldn't be information from an inside source, or pictures taken while we were trying to hide from the cameras. This story, these pictures, they were the two of us proving that we were more than the celebrity gossip. We were in love and because of that, we could get thought anything as long as one of us was willing to stand up and fight for our relationship.

"You're crazy," Edward said against my ear, hugging me as the music came to a slow finish. "And I love you."

Smiling, I held on to his sides. "You needed me."

He slowly let go of me before leaning into the microphone in front of him. "Ladies and gentlemen," he motioned towards me, still holding on to my hand. "Miss Bella Swan!"

I blushed at the applause that followed his introduction, but didn't hesitate to grab the front of his shirt and pull him down to my mouth. He smiled against my lips before kissing me back, but within a few seconds the two of us were completely oblivious to anything but each other.

Nothing short of a miracle would have gotten me back on stage, or so I'd thought. But it was seeing people dissecting my relationship with Edward, turning into something cheap and phony, that forced me to prove that we were above all of that. We were above the rumors, above the gossip. We were each other's forever after, and now, everyone else knew it too.


End file.
